WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
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1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him
if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she
asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered
the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
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2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later...."Da-ad...." "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask
again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......
Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
======================================
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep
slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come
in or stay out!'"
======================================
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have
to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice: "The big sissy."
======================================
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl
was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
======================================
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's
growing in your butt?"
======================================
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch
is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And
this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
next day," What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right
now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher
stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM
OF WHICH, is four."
======================================
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused
then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little
girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh--! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
**********************************************
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him
if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she
asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered
the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
--------------------------------------------------------------
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later...."Da-ad...." "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask
again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......
Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
======================================
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep
slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come
in or stay out!'"
======================================
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have
to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice: "The big sissy."
======================================
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl
was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
======================================
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's
growing in your butt?"
======================================
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch
is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And
this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
next day," What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right
now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher
stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM
OF WHICH, is four."
======================================
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused
then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little
girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh--! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
good stuff