KillerAbz
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- May 10, 2004
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- 173
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- 42
I hope you don't mind I write this here... I am keeping a little journal here as well over in the journal section, but I thought a lot of people since this is obviously on many minds now would be curious to read it if they miss it over there, so for that I hope it's alright...
For me also, I'd be curious as to what people think... or not... in truth I am at a loss for words, yet, here I am writing something down...
It started like this...
I can't be the only one who is feeling the sickness and blackness of what's happened to this world. Again, what's being broadcast is always (and I hate to say it like this) the tip of the iceberg in the sense that whatever can evoke the most emotion, controversy, confusion, or uproar, goes straight to the eyes and ears and sadly in my case, hearts of those who are on the other end.
This is not simply an observer account. I have had people emailing me letters from Iraq who are over there "fighting" for months now, ever since I tuned in months back and saw those bright neon green lights showcasing the explosions. My heart stopped, and again, I got angry at myself because it's not enough to just sit there and turn your head, shut off the television, and go about your life. Millions do, but I can't, I never could.
We have gotten to a point where everything is so sad, so dark, so scary, that the only way that we (and when I say we I mean HUMAN BEINGS) know how to dig ourselves out of confusion, is through violence and redeption... Sadly, I don't think there will ever be a time where no matter what the difference, what the objection, what the argument, all resolutions will be agreed upon through talks, chats, peace, games, etc. it's just not going to happen, and it hurts me to say that. BUT, that doesn't mean I won't try my hardest to make sure at least some of this darkness sees patches of light as long as it still CAN SEE...
You know, as I was sitting in the store the other day and just reading, flipping through books, I always go for the glossy pages for the pictures first, I know lots of people are like this, I again picked up another book that Princess Diana's former "rock" wrote after she had died. There was a lot in that book that made me think, that made me realize just how fleeting time is and how once something bad happens, seemingly all people have to hang onto are what you left behind during the time you were hear. In her case, it was a lot of letters, A LOT OF LETTERS, a lot of personal little nik naks, and a lot symbols of times or things or people whom had touched her. I am very much like that in the sense that no matter how badly I may be hurting inside right now in my heart, and fighting so hard to finally know freedom, I am clinging onto photographs of people whom even if they are gone now and moved on with their life, at one point offered me some compassion, understanding, or love... because it means the world to me. The smallest things do, and I don't need an epic tragedy or event to realize that. Again, I am certain this will all come across as pure idealistic fantasy, some naive little 22 year old in New Jersey now finding comfort and understanding from a woman who has since taken her trip to her next life which sadly had to end so harshly... but, it's the truth. When you have never known the true concept of family, your instincts gravitate and force you to approach and treasure everything you come across and step into as something you choose to hold dear and value like a nothing else. It's also I think why helping animals, and dreaming of building the worlds biggest sanctuary where I can just invite all the dogs and aniamls in the streets to come and live is something that never seems anything short of a perfectly attainable reality... Noah's Ark for me is something that I find sanctuary in, seeing kinds in hospitals and bringing little Mickey Mouses' for them to smile and play, seeing dogs in those rusted cages with red dots signaling they are to be killed by noon and DOING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I can to never allow that to happen no matter how silly or out of it I seem, is what I know I am meant to do.
I am about to put up some photographs at my website -> http://www.jamieleigh.net showing the pictures of my chest after the surgeries. No big deal at all for me... in fact, I forget they are even there. They should go up tonight, I must work hard to make sure I do it... I will take a bit of a break now.
If you love someone, call them and tell that TODAY... don't wait, write them a letter EVEN IF YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THEY WILL NEVER WRITE YOU BACK nor acknowledge they got your letter or words, do it anyhow.... it may not be a catharsis and you may not hear some angel humming above your head when you do something so out of the ordinary like that, but I think for me, those small things are the things that we are lacking right now, now then things are so scary... I think it would be nice and they will smile... just please, don't expect anything in return. I have always believed that silence is one of the best blessings you can get when someone has gotten your words because it means they tooks them straight to heart and not to mouth where words simply would get in the way....
I'll be back...
xo
jamie leigh
http://www.jamieleigh.net
Email: jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com
AIM: xanAmericanGrrlx
For me also, I'd be curious as to what people think... or not... in truth I am at a loss for words, yet, here I am writing something down...
It started like this...
I can't be the only one who is feeling the sickness and blackness of what's happened to this world. Again, what's being broadcast is always (and I hate to say it like this) the tip of the iceberg in the sense that whatever can evoke the most emotion, controversy, confusion, or uproar, goes straight to the eyes and ears and sadly in my case, hearts of those who are on the other end.
This is not simply an observer account. I have had people emailing me letters from Iraq who are over there "fighting" for months now, ever since I tuned in months back and saw those bright neon green lights showcasing the explosions. My heart stopped, and again, I got angry at myself because it's not enough to just sit there and turn your head, shut off the television, and go about your life. Millions do, but I can't, I never could.
We have gotten to a point where everything is so sad, so dark, so scary, that the only way that we (and when I say we I mean HUMAN BEINGS) know how to dig ourselves out of confusion, is through violence and redeption... Sadly, I don't think there will ever be a time where no matter what the difference, what the objection, what the argument, all resolutions will be agreed upon through talks, chats, peace, games, etc. it's just not going to happen, and it hurts me to say that. BUT, that doesn't mean I won't try my hardest to make sure at least some of this darkness sees patches of light as long as it still CAN SEE...
You know, as I was sitting in the store the other day and just reading, flipping through books, I always go for the glossy pages for the pictures first, I know lots of people are like this, I again picked up another book that Princess Diana's former "rock" wrote after she had died. There was a lot in that book that made me think, that made me realize just how fleeting time is and how once something bad happens, seemingly all people have to hang onto are what you left behind during the time you were hear. In her case, it was a lot of letters, A LOT OF LETTERS, a lot of personal little nik naks, and a lot symbols of times or things or people whom had touched her. I am very much like that in the sense that no matter how badly I may be hurting inside right now in my heart, and fighting so hard to finally know freedom, I am clinging onto photographs of people whom even if they are gone now and moved on with their life, at one point offered me some compassion, understanding, or love... because it means the world to me. The smallest things do, and I don't need an epic tragedy or event to realize that. Again, I am certain this will all come across as pure idealistic fantasy, some naive little 22 year old in New Jersey now finding comfort and understanding from a woman who has since taken her trip to her next life which sadly had to end so harshly... but, it's the truth. When you have never known the true concept of family, your instincts gravitate and force you to approach and treasure everything you come across and step into as something you choose to hold dear and value like a nothing else. It's also I think why helping animals, and dreaming of building the worlds biggest sanctuary where I can just invite all the dogs and aniamls in the streets to come and live is something that never seems anything short of a perfectly attainable reality... Noah's Ark for me is something that I find sanctuary in, seeing kinds in hospitals and bringing little Mickey Mouses' for them to smile and play, seeing dogs in those rusted cages with red dots signaling they are to be killed by noon and DOING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I can to never allow that to happen no matter how silly or out of it I seem, is what I know I am meant to do.
I am about to put up some photographs at my website -> http://www.jamieleigh.net showing the pictures of my chest after the surgeries. No big deal at all for me... in fact, I forget they are even there. They should go up tonight, I must work hard to make sure I do it... I will take a bit of a break now.
If you love someone, call them and tell that TODAY... don't wait, write them a letter EVEN IF YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THEY WILL NEVER WRITE YOU BACK nor acknowledge they got your letter or words, do it anyhow.... it may not be a catharsis and you may not hear some angel humming above your head when you do something so out of the ordinary like that, but I think for me, those small things are the things that we are lacking right now, now then things are so scary... I think it would be nice and they will smile... just please, don't expect anything in return. I have always believed that silence is one of the best blessings you can get when someone has gotten your words because it means they tooks them straight to heart and not to mouth where words simply would get in the way....
I'll be back...
xo
jamie leigh
http://www.jamieleigh.net
Email: jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com
AIM: xanAmericanGrrlx
