KillerAbz
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- May 10, 2004
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- 173
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- Age
- 42
Outside it couldn't be more dark or more muggy, thank god I flew straight inside and into a building before any real damage occured. Tanya told me that it is supposed to storm later on today, which I of course believe considering the outside view. The moment I bring back new flowers or plants it seemingly rains straight away. I wish I were in London, if the rain is anything like here in New Jersey I would have little troubles switching over. The wax museum over there is where many people are, tourists, so it would perhaps prove a bit difficult to go in peace. Maybe in time I can convince them to open it up late at night once everyone has fallen to sleep so I can walk around myself. I remember the last time I was there something haunting happened to me, never anything that is far from my path. I had seemed to step off at the wrong opening and wound up on a floor before it had opened, it was very strange. The entire room that witheld government officials, great spirits from the past, and of course with it being in England, images of the Royal Family. I was in there by myself. I remember the carpet being a deep rose color with little gold dots which I loved because gold is my favorite color of them all. I remember there being no sounds at all aside from the fan churning above making it almost eerily cold. It is quite a big room and all of the wax statues are lined up shoulder to shoulder one after the other around the circumfrence. Some of the statues, and I hate using that word, but some of the statues looked far from their actuality, many were almost uncanny. What they all have in common is the looks in their eyes - lost. Horrible dictators of wars, spiritual leaders of peace, world leaders, past presidents, Mother Teresa... such different areas of humanity and yet such similar looks or rather gazes within their eyes. It's difficult explain, it truly is.
I remember once hearing the phrase that "the best way to dismantle a personality is to isolate it". I think that is very accurate.
Last night I stayed up as late as I could before taking my sleeping pills and updated my new campaigns and projects and added them within LABYRINTH. One is called, "The Life And Death Of Compassion". Like everything I do, it is a project relating to humanity, and the extremes to which the element of compassion can go to before almost seemingly ending in certain tragedy. Of course it is only my opinion, but from what I have learned thus far in my life as well as seeing and witnessing it first hand through others, any who take a life of humanity and being a humanitarian are destined to live a life with a tragic ending. Why? Because any loss of a spirit whose ony purpose is to give and heal is like a knife to the stomach because they represent a hope that so few are able to present, especially when times are so troubled. I think most human beings suppose that those who offer such unique gifts in certain magnitudes will live forever. When they being to frail, break down, become ill, they are no longer viewed as a hope because the limits of time or "reality" begin to take their toll. It's amazing to me. People want so much to find that hero or that heroine to offer them some hope and never go away, yet once they begin to become brittle or cracked they continue to watch as if experiencing a car crash first hand. No matter what the cost, they want to consume and consume until their is nothing left to be taken, thus the forced belief in immortality.
I believe in reincarnation, I do. I think that with certain people their true lives actually start once they leave this world. I think that because as I've said many many times, human nature has shown over the years that it's ability for good and bad are so critical, and yet they continue to favor the bad for it's what comes easiest. Not all of course, there are many who have proven and broken through the barriers of judgement to do good, but not enough. This was not my intent to write about this now, this morning, by god we need a little laughter yes?
I was cleaning out this little green bag I have that I have been carrying around with me. I have I believe two Lady Diana books in it, my red walet, some candy canes (sugar tooth at all times, you know me...) my keys for the car on a long red white and blue holder, a letter I got in the postal from a publishing company saying they want to include one of my photographs in a book coming out later this year, obviously a knock off and joke as you can tell the company is only looking for a quick few bucks.
I hope I can find my place, sooner than later. I even sent a letter to an incredibly well known, wealthy man who has his own history of wonderful charities and organizations. I sent it out of desperation. I feel anyone who has any understanding of the "field" as long as I continue to send out my letters, one after the other, eventually someone will get this, see this, what I am trying to do and bite. That's the hope at least. So, I sent it off to him, them, who knows, most likely another void. Maybe he can help show me the ropes and open some doors, why not?
Now the hands are tired, very. This morning I almost didn't make it here. Marley was still nice and smooshy next to my bed, all cozy, but I had to leave to drive out and make it to this place by 8:00 am. Be a ghost. I had a salad the other day with grilled chicken, and I've grown to adore it and wait for it. I will get it today but I need to get some money to pay for it. Other than that, from here, I get finished around 12:45 I go back to the automobile, drive back to the house, maybe stop in quick into the bookstore to just see if there is anything new and then get Marley and rest. I have ab out 3 days lefts now and then the prison is back and the freedom is gone so I will try to soak it up as bad as possible. Then I believe another month or so until I get the free time again. I long for the day when I don't have to live in patches of freedom, counting down the days until the next gap when I can breathe. But now, I have until Thursday evening, so I should soak it up yes? I'll try. The leg isn't hurting now, I pray that lasts, no doctors were around on the weekend, so I toughed it, I still most likely will, it's alright.
xo
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