why I want to run

Here I am, about 13 years old, with my Sugar Momma. When she was younger she was the fastest runner in 3 counties. Man could she run!

I can remember being really small & she would be out in a field & I would see her running, hair blowing in the wind, face red & sweaty, and the biggest smile on her face. When she came back she could barely breathe!

in 2003 she was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrigs Disease) bulbar onset. They said it was brutal. Brutal does not even begin to describe the terrible disease, nor does it even begin to describe how hard it was on my Sugar Momma, who was aways use to going. It was terrible!

it a period of 2 years she went from having dark hair with little gray to having 100% gray. She lost down to weight so small that I could pick her up. (and my Sugar Momma was always a good size woman!).

she is the reason that I like to be the funny one. I was raised in a time period that we watched very little TV, and we would have 'Grand ol' Opry nights', where cousins would even come in to 'compete'. My family was very musical. I was always hearing some sort of instrument, and could play piano myself by the time I was 6.

but, I wasn't my brother. My Tater (his real name is Tim) could sing & boy is he good looking. My family would scoot in closer to hear him sing & would pay little attention when I'd play piano.

Up until the day I got up there & started telling jokes about the family. I put in names, and told about things that had happened. Then I saw my Sugar Momma, sitting there center row, front with the biggest smile on her face, just like the one she use to have when she ran, and she raised up her fleshy arms & waved them about laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. I had found it!!! I had figured out what I could do!!!!!!! I started doing that all the time, until we no longer had those 'GON's and even now when we have family reunions I have to do a little 'stand up'.

My Sugar Momma earned her wings in 2005. I have been completely lost without her. If you haven't lost your Mother, you can't understand to lose that person that has known you the longest. It hurts more than my simple words can say. SHE CAN'T BE GONE!! I'd keep waking up telling myself.....I haven't done anything to make her proud of me, I haven't done anything to make anyone proud of me yet!! But, all the thoughts in the world wouldn't bring her back, nor would I want them to.

It has been said that 'if tears were a bridge, I've cried enough to reach to Heaven'....and that is true. I have cried so much over what she went thru. It's a nightmare, and I don't know how she had that grace, but God gives us grace that surpasseth all understanding. She was one great lady.

I have recently started trying to run. I love the feel of gravel beneath my shoes, and how the air feels as it comes in & goes out of my lungs. The 'almost' burn is cleansing. I feel the wind going thru my hair and the sunshine upon my face, and before I know it, I am smiling.

it was during that smile that I realized.......this is as close to Sugar Momma as I can be right now.....I pushed myself on.....willing the tears to stop streaming down my face. I was so tired, my body so sore, but I couldn't stop....I wanted more. I kept running, and running, and crying out her name. And I looked up in the sky, and the blueness of it all, and realized how wonderful her new home is & how selfish I am to be crying over her.....I ran some more, and I saw something flying close above, and it was a bird. Not a fancy bird, just a brown bird, keeping my slow pace, as if running with me. For a short period of time I felt like she was there with me...and it willed me to run on.

I am a slow runner. And I can only do *maybe* a 15 minute mile. Laughable to many but my groom says that we all have to start somewhere.

why I want to run.....because my Sugar Momma can't.

and she went so long before her death that she couldn't.

I can.

and I will.

It may not be this year, or even the next...but you keep checking back on my blog, I will run a 5 k the whole way. You will know which one is me...I'm the one with the crazy curly frizzy hair. I'm the one with the biggest smile on her face. I'm the one with Sugar Momma in her heart. All because she loved to run.

that is why I want to run.