Thread: How to keep her motivated

just keep it consistant, both of you and tell her shes looking real good. make sure your diets are ok, and just have her do more cardio. have her take a little bit of clen 2 wks on 2 wks off and see how she does. good luck and keep telling her good things . imho

What are her goals? Is she looking for more size? Eat more! Is she looking to drop fat? If so, how is she doing on that - is she dropping any weight?

She is looking to drop fat, realistically she has a 40-50%bf. And I'm seeing the changes in her face and she see's the changes in the clothes she's wearing. But it's the outside opinions that I see really eat at her.

I don't know how to explain to her that because I've been down to 12%bf before and done the whole diet thing before my body reacts differently than hers. Plus girls and guys are really hard to compare as the bf comes off area's based on genetics and sex's differently.

Originally Posted by unclem

just keep it consistant, both of you and tell her shes looking real good. make sure your diets are ok, and just have her do more cardio. have her take a little bit of clen 2 wks on 2 wks off and see how she does. good luck and keep telling her good things . imho

She hasn't been doing this long enough to bring clen into the mix. I'll keep it in mind for the future though.

Is she dropping weight? How fast? What calorie level is she running? (PS tell her I've been 40% bodyfat, I've been there)

Originally Posted by unclem

just keep it consistant, both of you and tell her shes looking real good. make sure your diets are ok, and just have her do more cardio. have her take a little bit of clen 2 wks on 2 wks off and see how she does. good luck and keep telling her good things . imho

My personal opinion is that this situation doesn't need to bring in controlled substances for "progress" right now. I just went back & read more of the thread - LIFESTYLE will be the best supplement she can find. Looking to drugs, even for a
"kickstart" IMO put the reliance and expectation on the wrong thing, while adding additional stress - clen can really make your day miserable.

Its a lifestyle. It sometimes takes longer for women to "see results" becaues of the estrogen factor, but its one of those things like where best results come from a whole program - diet & training. Not just "I've been going to the gym for a week and I don't see results". Ir people don't buy into the whole "healthy lifestyle" thing all the way, they are going to get slower "results" - i.e. you can sabotage your progress by random snacking because you think "I go to the gym, I can cheat all I want" or "Just one little this or that won't hurt". Not once / week - but randomly over the course of the week it will.

Esp when you get started its more of a "Give yourself 3 honest weeks of committed diet & training or cardio" and don't look in the mirror every day for results. Its a "Have faith & trust me" thing. It takes a little to let your mind open up and just let your body do what it does best. For most people the hardest part is a change in what they "like" to do and then sitting there w/ expectations of immediate results.

What I would do is ask about the other things that aren't as apparent - e.g. is she sleeping better? More energy? Better sense of well-being? Digesting better? Not hungry? A little muscle soreness from the gym? (This is how I know I'm still alive - nothing feels better!)

And like you mention above - the clothes fitting better is the most easiest and most telling source of progress. Worrying about what other people say is self-sabotage. Stay focused on yourself and don't give away your control for progress and feeling good just because you anticipate someone else saying something. Fuck em. YOU are the important one. Its a journey and you have to pass thru to get where you want to go - just keep looking forward and leave what you pass by in the dust.

Then take a look at how you are eating - its great you're getting into the gym, but is there anything in her diet that is sabotaging progress? Random cheats etc? I'd schedule one cheat meal / week where you make it a big deal & go out to eat and enjoy it, while also looking forward to it and holding off on random cheating.

Also write out what you/she are eating. That's one thing you can do is post up a typical meal plan here and we can give some suggestions - usually some minor tweaks can get you out of a rut w/o making it feel like a OMG I HAVE TO STARVE MYSELF OR EAT THIS "SPECIAL DIET FOOD" thing.

If she's into cooking, I think there are some great ways to experiment w/ food prep to make it more interesting and less "dieting".

And a last thought I had just to cover bases is to see if she's already been to the doctor to ensure no thyroid issues or anything, medically speaking, that might be inhibiting progress. A good basic physical can answer that and take it off the list so you aren't in a position of trying to battle a physical issue that won't play nice w/ all your efforts.

Originally Posted by unclem

just keep it consistant, both of you and tell her shes looking real good. make sure your diets are ok, and just have her do more cardio. have her take a little bit of clen 2 wks on 2 wks off and see how she does. good luck and keep telling her good things . imho

Clen is just horrible advice.

The word consistency has become the "c" word to my girlfriend, which always makes me smile considering she'd rather hear the word cunt than the term gym consistency.

I think with people who lack motivation on their own, you just need to sell them on the health benefits/the psychological benefits of exercise and eating right.

Going back to the girlfriend, it's also a lot easier for her to stay consistent if she has a goal in mind. When her goal is to "look good in a bikini come June" she tends to slack, but if it's a mini-marathon or a 5k, she becomes more enthusiastic about training.

Don't hound her, but let her know how proud of her you are when she does start going with consistency and don't let it seem like you're let down if she does end up hitting a bump in the road.

If she doesn't workout and she knows she should have, she's already let down herself. No need to rag on her anymore. Just help her right the ship ("It's okay, babe, lets make a healthy dinner and make up for today in the morning") and get back on track...

Once they start seeing results, or they start to feel better about themselves, it's a lot easier to motivate them to go. Think about that.

Consistancy is key! Thats a given, but also have small goals for her to work towards. Of course losing all the weight is a big goal, but think smaller, weekly or daily goals that she wants. Getting in x# of cardio and lifting this week, or eating well 80% of the time this week. She should write it down and go back to it when she needs to remember why she's not eating "crap food" or thinking about skipping her wokouts.

Also she should have some personal goals besides the looks aspect of it, healthier longer life, energy, etc

Its tought to ignore other peoples perceptions but she really has to want to do it for herself and not someone else or it won't happen. Only she can do it. You can just be as supportive as you can and be there for her if she needs some support or guidence.

I'll take the heat for this advice if anyone disagrees.

Have one day a week where you don't go to the gym and you eat stuff that you just eat the stuff that's bad for you. You'll burn it off quickly and it will feed the cravings that inevitibly develop. Do good all week and either friday or saturday is the craving day. Plus it's a good time to do something together other than go to the gym.

Originally Posted by lttlone

Its tought to ignore other peoples perceptions but she really has to want to do it for herself and not someone else or it won't happen. Only she can do it. You can just be as supportive as you can and be there for her if she needs some support or guidence.

I keep reminding her of this, and she has really begun to dig in and is doing great. I make sure to tell her that all the time, well that and we haven't seen family in a while to have them say anything again.

In time I think she'll be hooked enough to start logging in detail, we go over what we eat on a consistent basis so she thinks about it and that's at least a start.

I have to say I'm very proud of her, this is the most dedicated to getting healthy I'd seen her in the 12 yrs I've known her.

Originally Posted by Zaphod

I'll take the heat for this advice if anyone disagrees.

Have one day a week where you don't go to the gym and you eat stuff that you just eat the stuff that's bad for you. You'll burn it off quickly and it will feed the cravings that inevitibly develop. Do good all week and either friday or saturday is the craving day. Plus it's a good time to do something together other than go to the gym.

This is usually our saturday and a moderately bad day on sunday. She admits it keeps her on track during the week because she knows she'll get a good "real" meal on the weekend.

Originally Posted by omerta2010

I have to say I'm very proud of her, this is the most dedicated to getting healthy I'd seen her in the 12 yrs I've known her.

Awesome, And Im sure that she can tell that your proud which makes a huge difference. Lots of "other halves" aren't because of this insecurity or that which really hinders the process. Keep doing what your doing if it seems to be working!

Because of the negative she is feeling from the outside sources, there may be more you can do on the personal base. Keep complimenting her, point out details you are seeing, if something is becoming more defined (such as her face) or toned, tell her. She may lack the self-confidence she needs currently, but that doesn't mean that you can't supplement it for her. Make her feel sexy and she will likely become more motivated.

Just wondering how are both of you doing...?

There's a great book out there called The New Rules of Lifting for Women by Lou Schuler (Alwyn Cosgrove did the workouts-a great writer). It's a great book for women. Essentially, it explains that women need to train more like men. Compounds and the like, and forget about bullshit isolation work. Get it for her and have her read it.

Originally Posted by omerta2010

She is looking to drop fat, realistically she has a 40-50%bf. And I'm seeing the changes in her face and she see's the changes in the clothes she's wearing. But it's the outside opinions that I see really eat at her.

I don't know how to explain to her that because I've been down to 12%bf before and done the whole diet thing before my body reacts differently than hers. Plus girls and guys are really hard to compare as the bf comes off area's based on genetics and sex's differently.

How are you both measuring the fat %?? Are you using a Tanita scale??? My fiance and I both workout at home and I have had to convince her many times not to focus on the fat % with the Tanita scale. The fat reading is so strange on those scales.

Have your wife concentrate on the weight not the fat %. It will make a huge difference in her self esteem. My fiance is 5' 4" 113lbs and can fit into a size 4. Yet the Tanita scale still sais she is 20% fat which seems impossible. So now that she doesnt concentrate on the fat % she is much happier just focusing on the weight loss.

Originally Posted by ectomorph141

How are you both measuring the fat %?? Are you using a Tanita scale??? My fiance and I both workout at home and I have had to convince her many times not to focus on the fat % with the Tanita scale. The fat reading is so strange on those scales.

Oh my word yes, it is.

Originally Posted by ectomorph141

Have your wife concentrate on the weight not the fat %.

EXCELLENT advice.

Originally Posted by ectomorph141

It will make a huge difference in her self esteem. My fiance is 5' 4" 113lbs and can fit into a size 4. Yet the Tanita scale still sais she is 20% fat which seems impossible. So now that she doesnt concentrate on the fat % she is much happier just focusing on the weight loss.

Why does 20% fat seem impossible? I'm usually 20% fat. 20% fat is LEAN on a woman. At 16% I have bicep veins. I'm 14% in my avatar pic and I had veins around my navel. I'm 5'7" and weighted 130 lbs in that shot - carrying about 111 lbs lean mass. Most people thought I looked really muscular, and I had already packed on about 10-15 lbs of lean mass since starting lifting about 4 years earlier. When I started, I carried about 100 lbs lean mass.

Ectomorph, if your wife carries 20% bodyfat, she's got about 91 lbs of lean mass, which is not unreasonable at 5'4" for a slim woman who weighs 113 lbs. She likely has a smooth, "toned" looking physique with no obvious definition, but no obvious bulges either. This is the look most women (outside of those in physical culture) desire as their "after". She'd probably be quite vascular at about 106 lbs.

Built,
I didnt mean 20% in a bad way. When I say "20% seemed impossible" it was just strange because as she lost the weight and got down into the 113lb range, the fat % went up according to the Tanita scale. One day she would be 20% then lose a couple pounds and be 22%. Even though she was clearly losing fat. She even has visible veins in her arms and yes as you described the perfect look. She even tried on a size 4 wedding dress and was so excited. She was clearly not gaining fat but the Tanita fat % reading sure told otherwise. Thats why I always just told her to focus on the weight. She has been more than happy with the results and still works out with me almost every week and getting stronger. I have used quite a bit of the advice you have posted and you are always very helpful.

Originally Posted by ectomorph141

Built,
I didnt mean 20% in a bad way. When I say "20% seemed impossible" it was just strange because as she lost the weight and got down into the 113lb range, the fat % went up according to the Tanita scale. One day she would be 20% then lose a couple pounds and be 22%. Even though she was clearly losing fat. She even has visible veins in her arms and yes as you described the perfect look. She even tried on a size 4 wedding dress and was so excited. She was clearly not gaining fat but the Tanita fat % reading sure told otherwise. Thats why I always just told her to focus on the weight. She has been more than happy with the results and still works out with me almost every week and getting stronger. I have used quite a bit of the advice you have posted and you are always very helpful.

Ah, thanks for the clarification.

When she drops weight, she drops glycogen as well. This means she drops water. Tanita interprets total body water as a proxy for muscle mass. So you dry out, Tanita thinks you lost muscle.

That's why she may appear leaner to Tanita when she's bloated with PMS, and fatter when she drops the water-weight a week later!

I'm so happy for her that she's got her weight and her look under her own control! That's a wonderful feeling.

Originally Posted by juggernaut

There's a great book out there called The New Rules of Lifting for Women by Lou Schuler (Alwyn Cosgrove did the workouts-a great writer). It's a great book for women. Essentially, it explains that women need to train more like men. Compounds and the like, and forget about bullshit isolation work. Get it for her and have her read it.

Thanks Juggs I'll have to look into this.

Just an update, she's just doing cardio at home now as her work schedule doesn't make it possible to go when I get home anymore. But she's still dealing with the same insecurities. However our families have gotten smart about it and stopped comparing so that at least makes it easier.

Ecto, it was never about weight or fat %. It's the fact that people always seem to say something about my weight loss first even though she busts ass and is making progress but they never seem to notice.

I have another idea. You say that people havent noticed her weight loss and they are not noticing the progress. Has she been wearing the exact same clothes? Since she has lost weight, maybe its time to purchase a few clothing items and see how everyone responds. I know for a fact clothing can make a massive difference. I can wear one shirt and not hardly get any comments but put on a different shirt and all of a sudden people notice the difference. Same with my fiance. One shirt and pants she gets compliments and it truly shows off her body. Anothe set she might not hear much of anything. Clothing really makes a big difference.

And dont always buy the same SIZE clothing. Because the size is different from store to store. Small in one store will fit much different than small in another store. Hollister is a perfect example. The clothing in that store is much smaller than any other store.

Hollister...I went there with my wife once. She saw a tshirt she wanted me to try on...I tore of an xl and ripped it like the hulk. It was hilarious.

Originally Posted by juggernaut

Hollister...I went there with my wife once. She saw a tshirt she wanted me to try on...I tore of an xl and ripped it like the hulk. It was hilarious.

I was out camping with my fiance and her family. Her dad approaches and said he had a couple flannel shirts that were too big for him that I could have. I dont wear flannel shirts but it was a little cold so I said sure I will try one on. I put on the shirt and went to pull my arms through the sleeves and ripped both sleeves off at the exact same time right at the sholders. It was like something from Larry The Cable Guy. You would think the sleeves were velcro or something as fast as they came off. I did feel a little bad but overall it was hilarious.

caaablllllle guuuuuuuy

iam sorry to tell i ll stop training even my husband want to continue