Thread: Women, competing...and "friends"

Its a completely different lifestyle to start with. I have friends whose marriages have broken up because one was a fitness/competitor enthusiast and the other wasn't. There's a passion that keeps us in the sport in ways that others don't get. I'd draw a parallel to my parents - my dad is a golf nut like I"m a gym rat. My mom, on the other hand, hates golf. But they make it work. When he does his thing, she does hers.

Competition is a very selfish sport because it requires you modify your lifestyle, not just your "hobby time". There is no real way to "make" people understand, but if they are good and supportive friends it should be enough to ask that they respect your efforts and support them. And by the same token, you can work to accommodate them where you can. If you are at a point where you have cheat days, use them to meet up w/ friends, etc. Then invite them to your show & make a big deal of the post-show stuff. But to a degree there's just not much you can do. If you have a distinct 'competition season' then plan your social activities accordingly, taking advantage of your off-season.

No one said this sport was easy. If you can get your friends interested enough to come to the gym & do cardio w/ you, fantastic. If there are other women in your area who compete they are people you can socialize w/. Otherwise just do what you can to make time. But for your efforts to get on stage - you either do it, or don't bother. Its very simple.

x2 what Sassy said about not being able to "make" people understand. They don't have to understand it, they just have to accept it.

It is a balance between keeping the passion and not letting others tell you its not OK because THEY don't get it. But at the same time, not setting aside EVERYTHING in life for the gym. Not everyone wants to hear about or talk about the gym or your next show all the time.

The range of people who make up "those w/ the passion" are those who do nothing but the gym and are the boring ones who talk about nothing but the gym, and those who do everything in their lives w/ the same passion they have in the gym. Its interesting because its like those who suck the life out of you and those who create more out of whatever large or small amount of whatever is there.

Anyway - yea, it is a passion that takes a lot to pursue - for competition you either do it all the way or you may as well just grab a pint of Cherry Garcia, a big spoon and the TV remote, because anything less than "all" just won't be enough. Its like the planets aligning and the birds chirping and the sun rising all day long when you find a group of friends who "get it". But it doesn't happen regularly, so you gotta work w/ what you got. If your friends are really your friends, they will support you and recognize your passion, if you give them consideration as well.

She's got two daughters and a great husband and they are her biggest allies. I told her they're the only ones who should matter and forget about what the others say or dont accept. Granted her friends are a bit snobby anyway, as I've met them, but yeah, they do need to accept it.
Trust me, she likes her pastries and pizza too, but once she accepts a goal she wont back down until it's completed. I totally respect that in anyone.

No one said it was easy. If it was, everyone would do it. But its a balance and you have to accept that people are going to get bored w/ your lifestyle. You can invite them in, you can be patient w/ them, you can work with it, or just say "I'll see ya after Nationals". The true friends will still always be there for ya. (But always keeping in mind that you need to be there for them for the important stuff as well.)

kind of funny you bring this story. to the board. some will saying indifference; well others will take the nearest exit. many individuals have their own conception of what beautiful or great shape is. belittling a friend is not a true quality within a friendship, possibly the consideration of their not fully understanding a competitor's world or lifestyle might be the reason. nonetheless the old saying: out with the old in with the new a k a. may wish to consider new friends that have more in common are you at heart you're better interest. at 44 it's less than likely you're going to find a great amount of individuals with the same desires , but sometimes it's like a needle in haystack. trust, things work out for the better.

Originally Posted by sassy69

No one said it was easy. If it was, everyone would do it. But its a balance and you have to accept that people are going to get bored w/ your lifestyle. You can invite them in, you can be patient w/ them, you can work with it, or just say "I'll see ya after Nationals". The true friends will still always be there for ya. (But always keeping in mind that you need to be there for them for the important stuff as well.)

+1
Great advice. My sport is cycling, and it eats up a lot of time, so some people in my life do pressure me to spend less time at my sport, or to drink, eat junk, etc. It's a common problem for anyone who is dedicated to a sport. Keep in touch, make time for your friends as much as possible, and stick to your priorities. Make yourself happy and the rest will fall into place. Anything that doesn't stick probably wasn't worth having.