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MLB Adjusts Drug Policy To Allow David Ortiz To Take Steroids

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Posted by: min0 lee

www.boston.com


NEW YORK—Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced a new policy on performance-enhancing substances Wednesday that is expected to help former slugger David Ortiz, currently batting a dismal .203, to come out of his slump and return as a league-leading batter.

"We have amended the rules of the game to allow David [Ortiz] to use any performance enhancer he can find, as baseball is pretty boring when he's not hitting home runs," said Selig, who added that Ortiz could be suspended for 50 games under the new policy if drug tests show he is not taking any previously banned substances.

"What David is doing right now is wrong, and this season could damage his reputation forever. The game of baseball needs him to do the responsible thing and superhumanly whack balls over the fence whenever possible."
Moments after the announcement, Ortiz smashed through the conference doors with needles hanging from several different areas of his body and crushed Selig with a brutal thank-you hug, killing him instantly.


Posted by: P-funk

classic!


patrick


Posted by: Prince

LMAO! This is true for all sports, we want pro athletes taking steroids, if they all stopped football and baseball games would suck!


Posted by: Pirate!

Great! No pics?


Posted by: IronAddict

lol...Yeah, put the slug back into the slugger!


Posted by: I Are Baboon

Ortiz > A-Rod


Posted by: IainDaniel

He must be on roids.

Did you see him check his swing last night, and the bat broke, just from a check swing with no contact.


Posted by: I Are Baboon

The bat broke out of fear.


Posted by: min0 lee

Quote:
Originally Posted by IainDaniel View Post
He must be on roids.

Did you see him check his swing last night, and the bat broke, just from a check swing with no contact.



Posted by: sara

Interesting!


Posted by: quadluver

David O is a loser.


Posted by: I Are Baboon

Quote:
Originally Posted by quadluver View Post
David O is a loser.
So is your face.







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