Man Test [Forum Archive]

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Man Test

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Posted by: Prince

MAN TEST

1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws and whines to be fed.. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord.. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits. Anything else and you are a homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler.

Posted by: min0 lee

Posted by: maniclion

I can name several other colors, I like espresso and I hate public restrooms because cleaning all the piss off the toilet seat is too much trouble....but I have 8 dogs so everything else washes....ha ha

Posted by: urbanski

ass passes, lol

Posted by: Doublebase

I drink a bedtime tea every night. Pretty gay but it helps me sleep.

Posted by: I Are Baboon

Clearly the man who wrote this has suppressed homosexual feelings. Non-gay men just wouldn't give a fuck.

Posted by: Little Wing

Originally Posted by I Are Baboon

Clearly the man who wrote this has suppressed homosexual feelings. Non-gay men just wouldn't give a fuck.

i think the writer is, excuse the expression, taking a poke at straight guys.

Posted by: KelJu

The writer of this was a closet homo ex-highschool jock, from Alabama.

A man's man is just a nice way of saying poorly evolved neanderthal.

Posted by: I Are Baboon

Originally Posted by Little Wing

i think the writer is, excuse the expression, taking a poke at straight guys.

Originally Posted by KelJu

The writer of this was a closet homo ex-highschool jock, from Alabama.

A man's man is just a nice way of saying poorly evolved neanderthal.

I Are Baboon likes this *

Posted by: Prince

clearly you guys take things a bit too literal and lack a sense of humor.

Posted by: KelJu

Originally Posted by Prince

clearly you guys take things a bit too literal and lack a sense of humor.

I understand where he is going, and I know its not to be taken literally. It's just been overdone, is all. It sounds like almost every other man's man stand up comedian.

Nobody identifies with it anymore. My father would have passed the first seven questions, only failing the 8th, because it doesn't use computers. But technically, number 8 is a trick question because a real man doesn't use email.

No disrespect Prince, we just didn't think it was funny.

Posted by: Prince

Originally Posted by KelJu

No disrespect Prince, we just didn't think it was funny.

I didn't write it so no feelings hurt here.

Posted by: maniclion

Originally Posted by KelJu

Yeah, the homophobic spin doesn't go over well these day's....

Posted by: Little Wing

Originally Posted by Prince

clearly you guys take things a bit too literal and lack a sense of humor.

i thought it was funny because by yesterday's definitions almost all men today do "gay" things.

Posted by: Prince

Originally Posted by Little Wing

i thought it was funny because by yesterday's definitions almost all men today do "gay" things.

I thought it was funny because it was funny, I don't think it was meant to be taken literally, but I guess everyone has a different sense of humor.

Posted by: maniclion

Originally Posted by Little Wing

i thought it was funny because by yesterday's definitions almost all men today do "gay" things.

I don't understand why men can't just face that they have an X chromosome, I guarantee every perceived macho man ever had some thing they did that would be construed as fruity.... Look at John Wayne, he was an actor, a thespian, plus he sort of dodged the draft during Dubya Dubya 2 by not actively pursuing enlistment, he also admitted being a socialist in college and finally he was a victim of spousal abuse from one of his wives, and he was domineered by his mother and his wives.....

Posted by: I Are Baboon

Originally Posted by Prince

I thought it was funny because it was funny, I don't think it was meant to be taken literally, but I guess everyone has a different sense of humor.

I think it's funny that you are taking everyone's responses literally.

Posted by: Prince

Originally Posted by I Are Baboon

I think it's funny that you are taking everyone's responses literally.

oh trust me I really don't give a shit, I am a bit more confident than to care what others think is funny or not funny, again I did not write it, it was sent to me in an email.

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