Sex questions [Forum Archive]

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Sex questions

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Posted by: ZECH

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Posted by: Prince

Posted by: Burner02

just 'casue it's a slow posting day...and this was funny...

Posted by: Little Wing

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:

C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Posted by: AKIRA

All the Cs are punchlines, m'lady.

Posted by: Little Wing

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKIRA

All the Cs are punchlines, m'lady.

i knew that :shh:

Posted by: fufu

lawlz, nice!

Posted by: tallcall

Quote:

Originally Posted by dg806

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

You forgot a choice: Not the kind of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to see when she comes home and you're making love on the floor with the guy next door.

I apologize,it was supposed to be funny, but it doesn't make any sense. I was just trying to add a often neglected dimension to the whole thing (I know this kind of thing happens sometimes).

Posted by: Burner02

yeah...sorry TC...judges call on your input:
umm...hmmm...ok..ok...hhmmmm....
ok...unanimous: not funny

Posted by: tallcall

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burner02

yeah...sorry TC...judges call on your input:
umm...hmmm...ok..ok...hhmmmm....
ok...unanimous: not funny

That's it, I am filing an appeal!

Posted by: Burner02

Quote:

Originally Posted by tallcall

it does have kind of an American Dream quality to it...but you know how that ended....

Posted by: katt

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burner02

it does have kind of an American Dream quality to it...but you know how that ended....

It ended with Broke Back Mountain

Posted by: Burner02

Broke Back IM?

Posted by: katt

Ok, that's better

Posted by: DOMS

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burner02

Broke Back IM?

Tab A, slot C?

Posted by: katt

Quote:

Originally Posted by DOMS

Tab A, slot C?

Posted by: Burner02

Quote:

Originally Posted by DOMS

Tab A, slot C?

not this boy's pintu!
(The Runaround)

Posted by: DOMS

The Rundown.

Posted by: tallcall

Ok, you all lost me, what are you talking about?

Posted by: BiggT

"C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. "

funniest shit ever!

Posted by: TrojanMan60563

How did this turn into a gay thing? Whats next.....

When your girlfriend doesn't want to put out at night you:

a. tell her you love her and go to sleep
b. agree to just cuddle her all night
c. sneak out and go to boys town
d. wait until she falls asleep and superman that ho

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