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On ice now....today's workout was great tho'....felt really good.

j/k
...I am so goddam SICK of being fat! Sick. While I love the way working out makes me feel - is it so very shallow to want to look decent too? I look in the mirror, or I look down at myself and I feel like a prisoner.......I read all the cliches about 'it took you a long time to get this heavy' and blah, blah, blah......well, I've been working at this for a long time now too! It is frustrating to not see the scale go down when I am working so hard with diet/exercise.....then I feel like a little bitch for whining and being so emotionally dictated to by the scale......arrrrgh. Just a steady couple pounds a week would be enough...losing inches but still.....Built told me I should be losing hand over fist with my calories, diet - and the exercise I'm doing.....wtf.....bah. It's been several weeks of this see-sawing around, with no net pounds lost.....
.I feel like I need to switch something up....I have no idea what, except additional cardio, cause I don't think I could cut back my calories any further and keep my blood sugars from dropping too low. At this rate I will never make the goal i had for graduation...it's out of reach. fml
And that is where they stayed.

I'm back today after two days 'off'. I'm on my feet for like 13 hrs a day on those days off, but no working out so it counts as a rest. Can't wait for school to be over. My biggest concern is my sleep patterns are all messed up - I sleep no more than 6hrs at a time, and usually am up at least once in the middle of that - I am not human without my nine hours regularly so I know everything about me is fatigued....planning on napping a bit today - and hitting cardio later, as that really seems to help my sleep patterns.



Congrats
I did it!
- and who opened the door to finally figuring all this stuff out -
............know you have given me the key to getting my soul back.....I'll put in a good word for ya.



Here's to the next 70 ish pounds or so...........your time is coming.....
Be afraid......be VERY afraid...


Then he proceeded to tell me had had a hernia injury and that it is BAD to have one.
...my6'6" son was next to me, struggling to keep a straight face - so I had that distraction to deal with as well as a complete and total (rather cute) stranger trying to school me. I played nice and thanked him for his tips....


And especially don't freakin materialize in my space bubble, less than a foot away.
WHY don't these guys have space bubbles? My bb classmate doesn't have one either.....it is disturbing. Yeesh. I swear, he sits so close his leg TOUCHES mine, I try to subtly move the chair away, and he MOVES AGAIN....sigh. He notices....states, "Oh, yeah, I don't have a space bubble"....I just looked at him and said, "I do." (roll eyes) That was our first clinical experience together.....he's STILL the same. 
Rack pulls kill my hands. 




I'm not much of a shopper........and with school......but yeah, when I am forced to go clothes shopping due to my pants falling down when squatting, I end up trying on things that are too big......
but holding a rope....lol
Keep in mind my lower body is incapacitated as well......from all those lunges....I can't sit properly, I can't walk properly, and now my upper body is sore within three HOURS of benching? oh.my.god. tomorrow's gonna suck.


I learn so much from Built.


I guess, since I didn't take a rest day (tomorrow am working, so resting then) it isn't too bad to miss rack pulls and bent rows - my triceps are still sore from yesterdays routine...


