Relationship help please [Forum Archive]

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Relationship help please

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Posted by: andyo

Hey all, I have a small problem of my own, and need some advice.

I have been seeing this girl that I now adore more than anything on a limited basis for 5 months today. Here is my problem, last night on the phone we talked for the first time in a week because she needed some time to herself, which I gladly granted her.

I decided that the time was right and asked if she wanted to be more steady, basically spilled my heart over the phone to her, and told her everything I felt at that moment, and she is not ready for a relationship.

I feel like crap and now because of some asshole customer in her store that is 'stalking' her(basically comes in and just stares at her, scaring the hell out of both of us) she is so affected that she doesnt want to do anything physical. NOTE: Sex is important in our relationship, but not everything).

In my frustration, I explained that I am there to wait for her, but am also human and cannot wait forever. It just seems that when you show a gal the world, literally, I have treated this gal better than any other guy ever has and she admits it, she does'nt get as turned on as when you are pure asshole.

How long should I have to wait before I can move on if I want to?>

Posted by: Blieb

I figure as soon as you claim to move onto greener pastures ... she'll be upset .... a want what you can't have type thing ...

Maybe then it's time to make your move again.

How long ago was her last relationship? How long was it?

Posted by: Flex

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
I feel like crap and now because of some asshole customer in her store that is 'stalking' her(basically comes in and just stares at her, scaring the hell out of both of us)

It just seems that when you show a gal the world, literally, I have treated this gal better than any other guy ever has and she admits it, she does'nt get as turned on as when you are pure asshole.

First of all, i know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Try going out w/a chick for 2.5 years and RARELY getting intimate.

There is no question that girls love assholes. i just dont get it either bro. i showed my ex. the world also, but it was never enough. I think the main thing is that girls like "chasing" guys (i.e. assholes) and like the above guy mentioned, wanting what they can't have. and when teh guy is too nice to them, its like not challenging enough for them or something.

ONly you can figure out what you will do. there is no should or should not..........

p.s. I'll kill the "stalker" for $50 (burial included). pm me if your interested

Posted by: HoldDaMayo

why can't you just be her friend and if she decides she wants more, she'll let you know... but in the meantime, sounds like your EXTREMELY free to see other people... do it... date someone else, try and get your mind off her, but you don't have to ignore her, just be her homie...

Posted by: Blieb

Quote:

Originally posted by HoldDaMayo
why can't you just be her friend and if she decides she wants more, she'll let you know... but in the meantime, sounds like your EXTREMELY free to see other people... do it... date someone else, try and get your mind off her, but you don't have to ignore her, just be her homie...

the point is ... she's probably very demanding ... and as soon as he goes for intimate, she backs off and says "wait, I thought we're just friends" ...

Meanwhile, he's thinking ... why did I drive 1/2 hour across town in the pouring rain, stop to pick up dinner for us ... and why are we spooning in bed watching TV after I've just given you a back massage ...

Not that this has ever happened to me or anything ...

Posted by: Jenny

Okay, where the heck do you find all these girls that seems to like assholes??? I don't get it, maybe american girls are different or something, cause I know I would never go for a "bad guy", neither would my friends.. I want to be treated like a princess and if I wasn't, I'd move on!

Posted by: DFINEST

Quote:

Originally posted by Jenny
Okay, where the heck do you find all these girls that seems to like assholes??? I don't get it, maybe american girls are different or something, cause I know I would never go for a "bad guy", neither would my friends.. I want to be treated like a princess and if I wasn't, I'd move on!

It's called America.....

Unfortunately, in today's American society, being gentlemanly
is considered "soft", so portraying the opposite to some degree
removes the "soft" image and hence,
seemingly more interesting or mysterious

Posted by: Darkkmind

Quote:

I'm with mayo on this. The best thing you can do for yourself is to date other chicks. You can still be her homeboy and shit. Hell sometimes that can be alot better! You'll see when she starts getting jealous and talking shit about the girls you are talking to. Btw it would be in your best interst to kick that stalkers teeth in or at least tell him to take a hike! Mad points for if u do and she'll think your dangerous!

Posted by: andyo

To both Flex and Darkmind, thanks but I am already on it.

I am trying to figure out his pattern now, so when I pounce he'll know it.

On the other hand, she did get very jealous when I went out last friday with another girl, so go figure.

I think that maybe it is time to just move on, and although I am hurting right now, I gave her the chance to be with me and she turned it down. So what does that tell you?

Posted by: irontime

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
On the other hand, she did get very jealous when I went out last friday with another girl, so go figure.

I was just going to suggest that.

I was with this one girl a couple of years ago and she liked me but she wasn't quite sure what she wanted yet so we goofed around and that was about it. Then she went on this crap about not sure if she should do this and she wanted some time to think. So fine, then she sees me in the bar and I'm with other girls and she starts crying her ass off

I say that this chick sounds like she has a lot of emotional baggage to get rid of, go out with other girls

Posted by: DFINEST

Quote:

Originally posted by irontime

I say that this chick sounds like she has a lot of emotional baggage to get rid of, go out with other girls

why is it that women expect you to wait around for them,
especially after you've initiated the first step to be with them

Posted by: oaktownboy

u can't let chicks ruin ur life bro..just move on

Posted by: andyo

Even though she means very much to me at this point, I am going to go and play the field. Again.

I just think it is unfair, when you want it they don;nt and vice versa.

Irontime, I feel your pain, and it sounds almost identical to the situation.

Posted by: irontime

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Irontime, I feel your pain, and it sounds almost identical to the situation.

Well not quite identical, I was just in it for the sex and I didn't really care for her too much.

But the main lesson out of the story is that as soon as you start to see other girls she will find out that she misses you a lot. However I say stay away from girls like this, way too much baggage

Posted by: J'Bo

damn you can tell that there has not been any women commenting here....all yah gotta do is just pm me and i will tell you what the girl is REALLY trying to say

just ask Flex about what kinda advice i give

first of all....you obviously like this girl and if you are going to just turn around and "get with" other chicks then you are just like those so called "bad boys" you men think we like.
In reality all she wants is for you to be there for her when she is upset which she obviously is about the whole "stalker" situation. She most likely doesnt want to cause you any grief by having the stalker annoy you too.
Dont tell me you boys never thought of this on your own

Point being ask her what the hell she wants and then tell her if she doesnt care for you and doesnt want you to be there to help her during this time then you will leave and be done with her. Talking to a girl straight up is the ONLY way to get anything accomplished.

Posted by: Mudge

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
How long should I have to wait before I can move on if I want to?>

When you feel its the right thing for you to do, or when something else comes along and you have not heard from her in awhile.

Thats just life man, get ready to deal with more of it. Sometimes people are not ready, especially when young, stress seems to kill relationships easily when it comes to women, thats my experience. Women seem to like to ignore stress, how many women do you know that say "just forget about it" when you talk to them. I am not being an ass but that is my honest observation, sometimes women talk about problems that men wont and sometimes women run and wont talk about a damn thing, humans are full of weaknesses and thats just life, you deal with it.

Good luck

Posted by: Mudge

Quote:

Originally posted by irontime
Then she went on this crap about not sure if she should do this and she wanted some time to think. So fine, then she sees me in the bar and I'm with other girls and she starts crying her ass off

Lets be honest then, observation:

Many men and women want to leave the options open so maybe, just maybe they get to bang someone hotter.

Posted by: nikegurl

you sound like a great guy. of course it's hard for any of us to guess what she is thinking BUT from what you've told us....i actually think she isn't too interested but doesn't want to lose the option of changing her mind with you in the future.

sorry if that sounds harsh and i'd be happy to be wrong.

i just think men and women both talk about "timing" when what they really mean is they aren't all that interested. not completely uninterested but not sufficiently motivated to be involved at the level the other person would like to be.

hang in there

Posted by: Mudge

Quote:

Originally posted by nikegurl
i just think men and women both talk about "timing" when what they really mean is they aren't all that interested. not completely uninterested but not sufficiently motivated to be involved at the level the other person would like to be.

With age comes wisdom (we hope anyway, since we are getting older and such

).

This is what I said about keeping the options open. Sometimes people, especially young, feel if they think they can do better they may just hold you on a leash until that comes along.

Posted by: nikegurl

yep - i always use a zillion more words to just end up agreeing with mudge.

don't wait on her andyo. life's too short.

Posted by: J'Bo

well personally i think he should give it a shot and bluntly ask her what she really wants...then move on if she doesnt have the same feelings for him as he does for her....but thats just my opinion

hey NG where are my pics

Posted by: Dale Mabry

Quote:

Originally posted by Mudge

Many men and women want to leave the options open so maybe, just maybe they get to bang someone hotter.

No finer or truer words have been spoken in the history of man. I commend you, Mudge, for your observations.

Posted by: andyo

I have already asked her what it is that she wants. She told me that, she is not ready at the moment to be in a serious relationship, and wants to have some fun and just be low-key.

I think nikegurl you are right, tho, she may be keeping me around long enough to find someone that suits her more, I hope not, and I think that I am a great guy to be with, but I guess not.

Oh, well, back home to the gym to wait on another, thanks all,

Posted by: andyo

But we also talked of how we feel, and this is how we went.

Like I said, I spilled my heart and she told me, that when we are together, I feel like nothing else matters, but when I don't see you, it's like I am almost not there.

What do you think?
Again, I told her that I am only human and can wait only so long.
Pushing or am I right? This Stalker really has her fucked up.

Posted by: J'Bo

well sounds to me like she just wanted to see you more and when you werent seeing eachother enough she just thought she would go on and search somewhere else...it is worth giving it a try...but then again if someone says that they want to take things slow and they dont want a relationship then most likely it isnt meant to be...when you find the one you will not be able to control your feelings things just happen

Posted by: oaktownboy

wow man this girl is really getting to you..there are plenty of women in the sea..if she doesn't want to be with you forget her ass bro..trust me don't let the girl run ur life

Posted by: nikegurl

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
I think that I am a great guy to be with, but I guess not.

don't be saying (or thinking) stuff like this.

shit - i'm wonderful and not EVERYONE loves me.

seriously...if she isn't interested it's not b/c you aren't worth her time. k?

Posted by: andyo

Thanks Nikegurl, I think you all are right, yes she is getting to me, but that is because I am old fashioned and care too much some times, but there does need to be an even slate, and she is really not pulling her weight.

So I love all your advice guys, please keep it coming, because I am getting closer to deciding against her.

Posted by: andyo

Well, J'bo, it did start on a limited basis and we have kinda kept our options open, so seeing each other every once in a while is not the issue, really, it is just that although our options are open, we are not searching out there, and like where we are, so I thought maybe it is time to step it up a notch, and just go for it, but she did'nt.

Posted by: J'Bo

well then hearing everything you have said i would have to agree with NG and say you might be to good for this chickie. learn from this and have fun by yourself. the right one will come along and when she does you wont know what hit you. nor will you have to try to force someone into a relationship (not that you are). it will just happen

Posted by: andyo

Thanks, J'bo, I understand what you are saying. Just let it go while I am ahead?

Posted by: nikegurl

it's so hard to see this when you're in it....but just allow for the possibility that there's someone much better out there for you who won't cause you this kind of stress/worry. (and when you find her - be as nice as you are now.)

Posted by: irontime

Quote:

Originally posted by Mudge
Lets be honest then, observation:

Many men and women want to leave the options open so maybe, just maybe they get to bang someone hotter.

Hotter than me?? Not in that town.

Posted by: nikegurl

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
hey NG where are my pics

you were overruled.

Posted by: J'Bo

no no i meant the SPECIAL pics

Posted by: nikegurl

uhoh...what did i do that you found out about?

Posted by: J'Bo

nuttin

you just told me that you would pm me your boobies

Posted by: nikegurl

i think that was fitgirl? (me, i have no boobies)

Posted by: J'Bo

no i think you were gonna send me some too

Posted by: Flex

Quote:

Originally posted by Jenny
Okay, where the heck do you find all these girls that seems to like assholes???

its definitely true.

a few of my buddies from college, 4 to be exact, treated their gf's like absolute garbage. insulting them while others are around (even in a joking way is kinda a dickmove), cheated on them and just doing all this other shit that made them "chase" and like the guy even more.

on thke other hand, me and a few of my other buddies, who treated our gf's like princesses, got shit on by the girls......

Posted by: Flex

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
all yah gotta do is just pm me and i will tell you what the girl is REALLY trying to say

just ask Flex about what kinda advice i give

listen to my sex therapist (Dr. J'bo), she knows what she's talking about

Posted by: oaktownboy

Quote:

Originally posted by Flex
its definitely true.

a few of my buddies from college, 4 to be exact, treated their gf's like absolute garbage. insulting them while others are around (even in a joking way is kinda a dickmove), cheated on them and just doing all this other shit that made them "chase" and like the guy even more.

on thke other hand, me and a few of my other buddies, who treated our gf's like princesses, got shit on by the girls......

very true

Posted by: J'Bo

Flex.
you need to pm me hun and give me your update.
dr J'bo needs to hear whats going on under the sheets

Posted by: oaktownboy

dr j'bo..has a nice ring to it

Posted by: J'Bo

thanks.
i do personal exams you know

Posted by: oaktownboy

please doctor..take ur time

Posted by: andyo

Flex, I am gonna give her one last shot, as she is in emotional hell right now with that stalker.

I am gonna play her game too, and not call her and see who bites first.

Otherwise I am better off without her!
BTW, why is she afraid to talk to me about her stalker probs, she freaked on the phone like I said but with no explanation.

Posted by: oaktownboy

we can't understand women..simple as that don't feel bad bro

Posted by: Flex

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Flex, I am gonna give her one last shot, as she is in emotional hell right now with that stalker.

I am gonna play her game too, and not call her and see who bites first.

Otherwise I am better off without her!
BTW, why is she afraid to talk to me about her stalker probs, she freaked on the phone like I said but with no explanation.

thats good you're giving her another chance. i realize she's prob. in an emotional state right now, but IMO you should just ask her straigth up "whats going on b/w us". I broke up w/ my ex. 6 months ago, didnt talk to her 1 time for 4mo, and outta the blue she calls me and we kinda talk once in a while now.

dude, honestly, like Oak said, we can't understand girls. we're 100% test

, their 100% estrogen

, 2 different worlds.

Women............you can't live with 'em, and they can't pee out the window of a high speed car.

p.s. i'll still kill the stalker for $50

Posted by: Flex

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
dr J'bo needs to hear whats going on under the sheets

well, im back up at school, so the tiger is outta the cage again

Posted by: Flex

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
thanks.
i do personal exams you know

They are very thourough

i just dont like when she has me cough again and again and again so she can play w/my marbles (hahaha jk hun)

i'll hit cha w/a pm pretty soon. i need some more advice from the Loooooooooooove doctor

Posted by: irontime

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
I am gonna play her game too, and not call her and see who bites first.

Just go screw one of her friends, then she'll definitely bite

Posted by: andyo

Hey all, here is what happened tonite.

After a long convo on the phone, I made the tough decision that we should seperate and give her some space that she wants so much.

She did'nt seem all that upset, but I will wait it out and I bet she'll come running back, and by then who knows what will be gouing on?

Posted by: oaktownboy

don't call her..do what IT did fuck one of her friends..

Posted by: DrChiro

I agree with Mayo...just be friends and do your own thing..if it grows into something more cool...if not ....screw it, you made a new friend.

Realationships should be easy in the beginning...the hard stuff comes later when the awe wears off and you really decide if you are compatible with someone on all levels...if it's that hard in the beginning its not worth it usually.

On the other hand she may have been hurt in the past somehow and is just scared of commitment ....if you really see a good person in there then just make her feel comfortable and unpressured and see what happens. (did that help or did i just add to the confusion?)

Posted by: NickB

Instead of making a new thread I'll merely post here

I just broke up with my girlfriend and im ready to get back out there. There's a really cute girl that I seem to like and I got her AIM name from doing a group project together.

Anyways, I wanted to get to know her a bit and go out and what not. Would it be too bold of me to just message and start talking to her even though she gave me the name purely for work? I don't want to seem ... wierd.... by talking to her out of the blue. She doesn't know me except from class.
If I should start talking to her; What are some good questions/topics to use to break the ice and get the ball rolling?

I'm inept at the entire courtship process. Extremely inept. (As if this question totaly didnt give that fact away)

Posted by: andyo

Well, we are gonna meet up tonite and discuss our options, part of me says that she is a wonderful gal who just does'nt know what she wants or who,

But it has been 5 months, and maybe I should be the one slowing down, but I don't want to lose her. Do you get that? or am I just in a hard spot?

Posted by: andyo

BTW, nickb, me too, I have even done modeling and such and am still very shy when it comes to girls. Go figure

Posted by: John H.

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Hey all, I have a small problem of my own, and need some advice.

I have been seeing this girl that I now adore more than anything on a limited basis for 5 months today. Here is my problem, last night on the phone we talked for the first time in a week because she needed some time to herself, which I gladly granted her.

I decided that the time was right and asked if she wanted to be more steady, basically spilled my heart over the phone to her, and told her everything I felt at that moment, and she is not ready for a relationship.

I feel like crap and now because of some asshole customer in her store that is 'stalking' her(basically comes in and just stares at her, scaring the hell out of both of us) she is so affected that she doesnt want to do anything physical. NOTE: Sex is important in our relationship, but not everything).

In my frustration, I explained that I am there to wait for her, but am also human and cannot wait forever. It just seems that when you show a gal the world, literally, I have treated this gal better than any other guy ever has and she admits it, she does'nt get as turned on as when you are pure asshole.

How long should I have to wait before I can move on if I want to?>

Hi Andyo. ALWAYS be yourself and who you are. Be truthful to yourself. I do not think it is a good idea to show "all your cards" in any relationship. There needs to be mystery in every relationship. Someone knowing everything about you seems to me breeds contempt from some... Nothing wrong with being honest with people and you always hope they will be with you too but that is not how it actually is... You feel real close to this person and that is fine but the same will have to be with them too in order for it to work. There has to be give and take too. On both sides. Do not get into a "trap" just because YOU feel for this person - they may not really feel the same for you too. I say this NOT to harm you in any way but in order for YOUR LIFE and the life of any children you bring into this world YOU MUST MAKE DAMN SURE it is going to work out for everyone or else you will be admitting yourself to a life of misery. Do not get caught into that trap because many end up doing just that. Be as sure about all things as possible but remember too that life does have its "chances" and "pitfalls".... Take Care, John H.

Posted by: irontime

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Well, we are gonna meet up tonite and discuss our options, part of me says that she is a wonderful gal who just does'nt know what she wants or who,

But it has been 5 months, and maybe I should be the one slowing down, but I don't want to lose her. Do you get that? or am I just in a hard spot?

Look at the big picture here buddy, it has only been 5 months and you are completely stressing out. If she can do this to you in 5 months think what a pain in the ass she'll be even longer. Sure it is tough to get over her, but eventually you'll find one you love even more and she'll feel the same about you. But this chick seems to be tugging you back in whenever she feels that she is going to lose you. I say fuck that, in 5 months you should be able to know pretty quick if you still want to be with that person, not this bullshit. Do yourself a favor, go find a nice girl and have some fun in the meantime.

Posted by: NickB

bump

Posted by: Craft

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
Point being ask her what the hell she wants and then tell her if she doesnt care for you and doesnt want you to be there to help her during this time then you will leave and be done with her. Talking to a girl straight up is the ONLY way to get anything accomplished.

I'm going to do this tomorrow night! I sure hope you're right...

I've been wanting to totally open myself up to a particular person... we've played with the idea of us being with one another before but nothing really manifested. She's asked me to go for drinks AGAIN this weekend and who am I to turn her down.

Tomorrow night though, I'll take those words of wisdom and run with em! I've been urging myself to do it previous to reading any advice etc etc... but reading what you've said just made my mind up.

Posted by: andyo

Craft, don't be afraid and just do it.

Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it. We didn't talk last night but we are going to tonite. Hopefully.

I apologized to her for being an asshole this week and freaking out, which I was and did. but we are going to talk tonite and just vent. Good luck man.
Andy

Posted by: andyo

Think of it this way too, Craft who is to say that tomorrow may not be your last day on earth, at least she will know how you feel about her.

Posted by: Mudge

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it.

If you open up to someone and tell them whats on your mind and what you want, and its not what they are feeling - at least you were true to yourself and you tried. I would hope that you would not regret being yourself!

Posted by: BUSTINOUT

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo

Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it.

Oh but you did get something...just not what YOU wanted. That is the very reason to be open and honest...to get all the cards out on the table. Honesty from the beginning is the only way to go man.

Posted by: andyo

thanx for the reassurance. it is much appreciated.

Posted by: andyo

So we talked on Monday night, and she told me although she wants to be with me, she is not ready to commit to me because she can't have her head on straight right now. Fair enough.

She asked if she could just be alone for a while, and that she was not leaving me, just going on a 'vacation' for a while. She told me that she would call me, when she was ready to talk.

How much should I check up on her to keep my image fresh in her head, or should I wait till she calls and just leave her be, I do not want to lose her, but it looks hopeless from this point.

Posted by: irontime

This sort of shit pisses me off. She is yanking you around like a damn puppet. She is basically keeping you on a string in case she feels like going out with you again. Completely ignoring how you feel, giving you hope, but not letting you move on.

If you ask me, this shows a lot about her personality. She is extremely selfish and doesn't deserve a guy who is nice enough to wait around. ditch her

Posted by: oaktownboy

no kidding what is she trying to pull on you..u don't have to forget about her but move on already

Posted by: Leslie

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
So we talked on Monday night, and she told me although she wants to be with me, she is not ready to commit to me because she can't have her head on straight right now. Fair enough.

She asked if she could just be alone for a while, and that she was not leaving me, just going on a 'vacation' for a while. She told me that she would call me, when she was ready to talk.

How much should I check up on her to keep my image fresh in her head, or should I wait till she calls and just leave her be, I do not want to lose her, but it looks hopeless from this point.

Listen, I hate to say this but let her call you. Skimming thru this thread, you totally remind me of a good frined of mine(guy). He is a total gentleman. However, when he gets involved he tends to get too involved too quickly. Opens up too fast ect. And this drives the girls away.
Girls dont prefer assholes, however, a clingy and needy man is not attractive either. I am not saying that is what you are- I am just saying perhaps she does like you but you are too overbearing. You obviously are afraid to loose her and I am sure your actions may be somewhat overbearing- as in holding on. Hence you comment about "fresh in her mind."

Bottomline is you cant hold on to something that is going to go away anyways. If its meant to be, it will be.
Maybe all she needs is space. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder. If you call her ect, it may only annoy her. If you dont call her- since its out of character for you- she may start to wonder what is going on and call you.
Just my opinion.

Posted by: andyo

Well, Leslie good points too.

I won't call her. But I do feel as if I did kinda rush things a tad.

But IMO at least I had the guts to tell her how I fealt.

She is not so much keeping me on a string, cause she did acknowledge that it was unfair to keep me waiting from both standpoints.

So we decided to make no promises, and that is where it stands.

I just think she deserves a guy like me, she has been through so much crap with other a holes that now that she meets a nice guy, he turns her off.

Oh, well guys on to the next one.

Posted by: Leslie

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Well, Leslie good points too.

I won't call her. But I do feel as if I did kinda rush things a tad.

If you recognize that you were rushing things- that is a good sign. But also shows that you prolly went too far.

But IMO at least I had the guts to tell her how I felt.

Yes. Some guys have a hard time doing so. Some guys tell too much. You need to take things day by day A flower once in a while, a nice note or card- these should be done in moderation. Statements along the lines of I could never live without you ect(just an example) should be saved for when things turn "serious".

She is not so much keeping me on a string, cause she did acknowledge that it was unfair to keep me waiting from both standpoints.

Honestly, it sounds as if she was letting you down easy. I could be wrong but just be prepared. I would keep an open mind to others and be more aware of your actions and words withthe next chick

So we decided to make no promises, and that is where it stands.

I just think she deserves a guy like me, she has been through so much crap with other a holes that now that she meets a nice guy, he turns her off.

You sound like a nice, sincere guy and one day a lucky gal will get to be treated like royalty. How old are you, btw?

Oh, well guys on to the next one.

That is not a good way too look at things

Posted by: andyo

I am 23, and I know that it is not a good way to look at it. But I just made a mistake by going too far. So next time I may hold my tongue a little bit longer.

It just makes me feel like I gave my all and failed. But I guess just move on and if she really wants me, she'll come for me. Right>

Posted by: andyo

What do you mean by 'letting me down easy? BTW

Posted by: andyo

BTW, what part of Jersey are you in? I used to live in Hoboken about 2 years ago. I miss it herein the sticks.

Posted by: Leslie

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
But I guess just move on and if she really wants me, she'll come for me. Right>

Exactly

23? hell you have many years to find the perfect girl

By letting down easy -I mean this could be her way of saying she is not interested without saying it. Doing it this way may be her trying to get out of hurting your feelings- because she does think you are a nice guy. I could be wrong- but it is a possibility

Sorry

If this is the case, it was a lesson learned and will make your next relationship less emotional.

I am in Fort Lee. Hoboken rocks. I am moving though- up to the Vernon area, so I will be in the sticks too

But I am sick of the city, so I cant wait

Posted by: andyo

Leslie, I am telling you, STAY IN THE CITY..it makes all the difference.

Yes, It will get to every so often, but you will miss it, believe me.
Here in WVA, I want to be back in NYC every day!

Posted by: Leslie

Not to worry, I am still only 45 min from NYC

Are you in WVA for college??

Posted by: andyo

Yeah, I could not afford the NYC college tuition it was outrageous.

But when I finish, hopefully by next spring, I will be right back again.

Why are you moving farther away?>

Posted by: andyo

Uh-Oh, she called last night, and we chatted for a few. She seems to miss me, but I am not playing into that.

But I happened to be at my buddies' frat house. And she says to me, almost half-joking, but I know she meant it: "Don't you be having sex with anyone. D's rules"

What do you think?

Posted by: ponyboy

It's fairly obvious after reading all of this that this girl doesn't want you as a serious boyfriend, but she wants to know that she can control you - she probably has control issues due to her stalker problem - those kinds of incidents often lead to that sort of thing because when you have no control over one situation you try to exert it in other areas (can you tell I have a psych degree?

).

The more you do not let her do this to you, the more she will come running IMO. But she is not in a good place right now obviously - and you don't have to be the one to deal with her emotional problems. Coming from years of experience with women with various emotional issues, move on. It may seem hard now but in a few months when you're in a healthy relationship you will look back and wonder at what you are doing now.

Just my .02.

Posted by: irontime

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
But I happened to be at my buddies' frat house. And she says to me, almost half-joking, but I know she meant it: "Don't you be having sex with anyone. D's rules"

What do you think?

Ponyboy hit it right on. She is very selfish and controlling. Get the hell away from her right now. If she doesn't want you fucking any one else then she should be in a relationship with you. If she's not in one then she has no say what so ever what you do.

Posted by: Leslie

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Yeah, I could not afford the NYC college tuition it was outrageous.

But when I finish, hopefully by next spring, I will be right back again.

Why are you moving farther away?>

I just bought my first home out there- The prices around here are outrageous

Even crappy places are expensive round here

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