swapping/swingers [Forum Archive]

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swapping/swingers

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Posted by: bulletproof1

Has anyone ever swapped spouses? Any swingers here?

Posted by: Prince

no, it seems like a good way to wreck a marriage.

Posted by: bulletproof1

you would think but there are couples who enjoy it and make a lifestyle out of it.

Posted by: naturaltan

interesting

Posted by: V Player

Not for me. Im a one woman man. Period.

Posted by: cappo5150

Seems like when they show swinger parties on HBO Real sex, all the girls are fat, ugly or old. And the guys are just as bad. I wouldn't want to share my girl with something like that.

Posted by: naturaltan

Cap ... you just got to know the right crowd.

Posted by: Pitboss

Quote:

Originally posted by naturaltan
interesting

It is huh? Can't you just imagine?? hahahahahahahhaha

Posted by: nikegurl

just my opinion....the jealousy that COULD result is so destructive that i don't think it's worth the risk. even people who do participate in this lifestyle can be impacted by the green monster and suddenly become possessive, demanding, insecure....not a fire worth fueling in my opinion.

(but a hell of a fantasy. one of those things that is far better in theory than in practice)

Posted by: Var

Makes for good dirty talk in the bedroom. Beyond that...very dangerous! Would've been a fun thing to try with someone I wasnt serious about.

Posted by: nikegurl

Quote:

Originally posted by Var
Makes for good dirty talk in the bedroom. Beyond that...very dangerous! Would've been a fun thing to try with someone I wasnt serious about.

exactly

Posted by: Var

I need a time machine. I'd do a few things differently.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss
It is huh? Can't you just imagine?? hahahahahahahhaha

Posted by: ZECH

Quote:

Originally posted by nikegurl
exactly

Hmmmmmmm, sounds like NG needs a date to take to the party

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by dg806
Hmmmmmmm, sounds like NG needs a date to take to the party

I didn't even catch that DG

Posted by: BigBallaGA

Quote:

Originally posted by dg806
Hmmmmmmm, sounds like NG needs a date to take to the party

im sure you'll enjoy my signature, in light of yours !!!!

always 2 sides to a story

Posted by: nikegurl

hey wait a sec. i said it sounds good IN THEORY

Posted by: Var

Dont let their comments change you or your dirty ways, Nike.

Posted by: camarosuper6

I gotta agree with Prince. Sounds like a good way to wreck a good marriage to me too.

Posted by: BUSTINOUT

Quote:

Originally posted by bulletproof1
you would think but there are couples who enjoy it and make a lifestyle out of it.

The problem is, you may not know until it is to late. I guess it depends if you are willing to take the risk or not. I've had a few friends that are/were married that tried it, and it wrecked every one of their marriages. That is all the proof I need. I would venture to say the couples you speak of, you saw on T.V.

Posted by: nikegurl

Quote:

Originally posted by Var
Dont let their comments change you or your dirty ways, Nike.

uh, thanks Var. you say the sweetest things.

Posted by: Var

I knew a guy a few years back who was into swinging. I found out when he asked me if I wanted to sleep with his wife. I declined because it weirded me out a lot. Last I heard, they're still together. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Posted by: Var

Quote:

Originally posted by nikegurl
uh, thanks Var. you say the sweetest things.

Posted by: maniclion

Working in Waikiki I was propositioned by 2 different couples to join them in their hotel rooms, I remember one of them owned a gym in L.A. it was so weird cause the wives start hitting on you right in front of their husbands and you don't know how to react. The gym couple was cool as hell and the wife was super fine, I contemplated it for a while until my friends brought up what the Husband might have wanted out of the arrangement. That killed all notions of joining in on their bedcapades.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by camarosuper6
I gotta agree with Prince. Sounds like a good way to wreck a good marriage to me too.

if both parties do not see it the same way, it WILL destroy the marriage/relationship. We've seen it happen, and unfortunately it has been in our experiences to always be the male pushing the idea on the female spouse.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by maniclion
... I contemplated it for a while until my friends brought up what the Husband might have wanted out of the arrangement. That killed all notions of joining in on their bedcapades.

Most of the males in the swinging scene are not gay.

Posted by: naturaltan

the one thing I can say that going to a club for swingers is much more entertaining than a regular club. The biggest difference is that the guys are not jealous and you won't see the ridiculous scenes where some guy goes off because someone talked to his lady or some lady getting all freaked out because some lady danced with her man. In that respect, it's very refreshing. My thoughts are that those in the swinging l/s are very comfortable with their relationships.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by Var
I knew a guy a few years back who was into swinging. I found out when he asked me if I wanted to sleep with his wife. I declined because it weirded me out a lot. Last I heard, they're still together. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I've had it happen to me as well, and it is a strange situation, even for me.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by cappo5150
Seems like when they show swinger parties on HBO Real sex, all the girls are fat, ugly or old. And the guys are just as bad. I wouldn't want to share my girl with something like that.

I've seen those shows as well, and yes, you'll find those types of couples. But what is usually the norm is that the wife is really good looking and her husband is, well, a nice guy.

Posted by: ALBOB

Quote:

Originally posted by naturaltan the wife is really good looking and her husband is, well, a nice guy.

Which perfectly describes Mr. & Mrs. NT.

Posted by: Pitboss

Quote:

Originally posted by ALBOB
Which perfectly describes Mr. & Mrs. NT.

Damn you're quick even if you are one old, social security collecting ass!!

Posted by: ALBOB

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss
Damn you're quick even if you are one old, social security collecting ass!!

Witt...............you need to specify, quick WITT.

Posted by: Pitboss

Quote:

Originally posted by ALBOB
Witt...............you need to specify, quick WITT.

Nah from what I hear you're quick. you're a regular 3 minute man. A minute to get it up, a minute to get spent and a minute to get a beer.

Posted by: ALBOB

3 minutes? Damn, I thought you meant QUICK. 3 minutes is a freakin marathon.

Posted by: austinite

Quote:

Originally posted by Robert DiMaggio
no, it seems like a good way to wreck a marriage.

It would probably save some marriages.

Posted by: OceanDude

It's more pratical to tell your spouse if they get the itch to go scratch it and then come back in a day or two and tell you all about it.

The only problem is when I suggest that she says "scratch mine and I'll scratch yours" and I can never get her out of bed long enough to get her to cook anything.

-OD

Posted by: gr81

Quote:

Originally posted by austinite
It would probably save some marriages.

bad advice. generally speaking of course it is not something you want to incorporate with a person you care about and want to last. Now generally speakin of course, there are people that can pull it off. just think about all the issues that could arise from that situation!

Posted by: BUSTINOUT

Quote:

Originally posted by gr81
bad advice. generally speaking of course it is not something you want to incorporate with a person you care about and want to last. Now generally speakin of course, there are people that can pull it off. just think about all the issues that could arise from that situation!

True dat. I saw friends of mine that already had a great marriage decide to "add some excitement". It was all down hill from their. Once that line is crossed, you cannot go back.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

I have to agree ... that is nothing but trouble if the marriage is already bad. As BO has seen, we've seen a couple think it might help and just saw the marriage deteriorate to nothing. Very sad to watch.

There are some couples that can pull it off though with no issues.

Posted by: naturaltan

I think the biggest mistake many males in the relationship make is that it is a free ticket to screw around. For most couples that we know, it's about adding excitement to the relationship ... and that includes both parties. It is rare for a couple to play alone. And we've actually met a couple that does just that.

From our experience, most couples are talking throughout the experience ... and then afterwards to ensure that what happened was doing what the couple intended. I believe that once the excitement has worn off for either party, then they as a couple should agree to call it done.

Posted by: Little Wing

I used to babysit for a couple that were swingers he was happy as a pig in shit and she was a wreck had a nervous twitch, couldn't make eye contact for more than a micro second... And their oldest son knew about it ( he was 9 ) and developed major anger problems it was not cool.

Posted by: Muscle_Girl

There would be way too many questions on each side lol. I would never want to share my guy with anyone, sexually.

Posted by: austinite

Quote:

Originally posted by gr81
bad advice.

Not advice, but an observation.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally posted by rockgazer69
I used to babysit for a couple that were swingers he was happy as a pig in shit and she was a wreck had a nervous twitch, couldn't make eye contact for more than a micro second... And their oldest son knew about it ( he was 9 ) and developed major anger problems it was not cool.

We've seen the same thing ... the male is happy and the women doesn't really seem interested. A recipe for disaster.

The son finding out is not cool at all. We went to a couples house for supper with our daughter and their kids. After dinner, just a room away, the kids all went to watch TV. As the night rolled on, the kids fell asleep. This couple then wanted to go hottubbing (nude of course) with the kids in the next room. We thought they were kidding and said that hottubing sounded like a great idea ... no sooner had we said that, the lady had spare towels and housecoats for us. We very politely explained that nothing of that nature was going to happen with our daughter right in the next room. They didn't really get it. So at that point, we politely thanked them for dinner, woke our daughter up and drove off .................. quickly.

Posted by: Little Wing

When I was in my early twenties my mom told me her n my step dad were into some stuff like that it was cool but as a kid I would have been devastated.

Posted by: naturaltan

I can understand that for sure ... regardless of what we do regarding a party type atmosphere, we try to keep our daughter from seeing us in any shape like that. WE tell her about our bar nights, but we keep her shielded from seeing the silly stuff - she doesn't need to see it. And come morning (which comes quickly if you're up all night) we have to be up and be parents, regardless of how we feel. Our rule is, if you're going to party like it's your last day, you have to be prepared to still do your parent duties the next day.

Posted by: Grant_73

I will admit that I have fantasized about my wife with another man or other men. In my mind it is arousing, but in real life it would probably be devistating. Fantasizes maybe just left as best as fantasizes.

Posted by: ZECH

Quote:

Originally Posted by naturaltan

And come morning (which comes quickly if you're up all night) we have to be up and be parents, regardless of how we feel. Our rule is, if you're going to party like it's your last day, you have to be prepared to still do your parent duties the next day.

GREAT advice!

Posted by: naturaltan

thanks DG, it's how we've always managed our party evenings. It just makes sense. We've been to some folks house where the party had continued on throughout the day and they have done little parenting. We actually brought our daughter over ONCE to play with the other kids thinking it would be a neat way to unwind, but found that because the kids were used to having little parental supervision after a night, they were too wild for our daughter. The parents told the kids thourhg a closed door not to come downstairs and to feed themselves. We talked about it when we got home and decided that we didn't need to be part of that kind of atmosphere. We can't tell anyone how to raise their children, but we certainly can control how and what we let our daughter be exposed to in terms of our party nights.

Posted by: BoneCrusher

My two best friends as I was growing up were brothers. Their parents were swingers. This was back in the 70's too. The kids were cool with it cuz it was just the way things always were for them. The thing was always kept outta their faces so there were no issues. We did find swinger mag's laying around, and the dad hit on my mom once, but elsewise it was not an issue.

The jealousy thing can be a killer. I dated a bi girl for about a year. She was cool with what ever we did in the moment, but after would get from mildly jealous to outright ragingly jealous. These fits came whenever we would encounter one of the females we had partied with at a club. The comments would start with “You sure do like to look at her a lot” (even if I had not noticed her yet) or something like that … then it was all downhill from there. I am not the cheating type and never went outside of our relationship to get sex. I didn’t want or need too. We had others join us sometimes and had fun, but it stopped there. It was sad that the longer we dated the worse it got till I had to call it quits cuz I could not live in a constant state of warfare.

From that relationship I did learn that I am not a jealous person by nature and am secure in who I am. I could handle a relationship like that again if I found the right girl to roll with.

Posted by: BritChick

Quote:

Originally Posted by Var

Makes for good dirty talk in the bedroom. Beyond that...very dangerous! Would've been a fun thing to try with someone I wasnt serious about.

Yep, think you hit the nail on the head with this one Var.
When playing with fire someone is bound to get burnt!
I am curious though as to how many people wanted to select both
"the idea of swapping turns me on" AND "I would never try swapping."
Nothing wrong with fantasies.

Posted by: Big Smoothy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert DiMaggio

no, it seems like a good way to wreck a marriage.

Relationship therapists say swapping and swinging is very delicate and it can really ruin a marriage and relationship. There is a lot of emotional baggage involved. If a couple can completely separate sex from feelings, among other things, it seems to be OK for them. A lot of couple who get curious and try it, realize that it was a terrible mistake.

I've never been involved in it, but I was asked by a guy who asked me if I wanted to have sex with his wife, and he wanted to watch us. I said no thanks. No my thing.

After my conversation with him, I was thinking...WTF? Everyone is different. Just ain't my thing.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneCrusher
[color=black

The jealousy thing can be a killer. I dated a bi girl for about a year. She was cool with what ever we did in the moment, but after would get from mildly jealous to outright ragingly jealous. These fits came whenever we would encounter one of the females we had partied with at a club. The comments would start with “You sure do like to look at her a lot” (even if I had not noticed her yet) or something like that … then it was all downhill from there. I am not the cheating type and never went outside of our relationship to get sex. I didn’t want or need too. We had others join us sometimes and had fun, but it stopped there. It was sad that the longer we dated the worse it got till I had to call it quits cuz I could not live in a constant state of warfare.[/color]

From that relationship I did learn that I am not a jealous person by nature and am secure in who I am. I could handle a relationship like that again if I found the right girl to roll with.

The green eyes are killer for sure. But like you, I have learned where my boundaries are. While playing within the rules we're set, all is good.

Posted by: naturaltan

Quote:

Originally Posted by BritChick

I think for most, it should stay as a fantasy. Said it many times and I will say it again, for some couples (from my experience), when it goes wrong, it usually because the male sees swinging as a free ticket to mess around - and that never ends well. Someone does get burnt.

Posted by: BoneCrusher

Man ya gotta know your limitations ...

Posted by: RexStunnahH

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert DiMaggio

no, it seems like a good way to wreck a marriage.

I would definetly agree,thats inviting disaster!

Posted by: OceanDude

I hate to admit it but I have definitely thought of it and actually went as far as meeting a few separate couples out of curiosity to see if they were real. It was pretty scary since it turned out to be absolutely real and they were very serious about it. I had thought that it was mostly just wishful thinking and people fantasizing. The couples I socially “interviewed” turned out to be very compatible since they were extremely fit, attractive, educated and successful professionals (some with children and some of them church going and religious) who wanted to meet with my wife and me to develop an "exclusive" friendship "with benefits". This was mostly a curiosity thing for me after I was initially approached by a couple in a chance encounter at a bar before dinner and told about this lifestyle. So being curious I started looking into what it was all about. My wife does not approve of it at all and refuses to even consider it so we never let it get beyond a flirting stage but do enjoy meeting others socially and it’s a definite turn on to get the smiles knowing that your opposite couple’s spouse is thinking about it. It is taboo for most of us and offensive to most of our morality but a very exciting concept when you get to see that it is very real, very organized and available. And when another couple’s spouse comes onto you in front of their spouse (with no objections and oftentimes with encouragement) it’s a pretty amazingly intense experience. I use the wine analogy to describe what I saw going on in this lifestyle. That is, each couple represents a unique vintage of personal tastes and preferences in choosing each other. Each offer’s to trust the “good taste” of the other couple and to share “bottles” together in the company of each other. Like wine, in theory it’s all good and some vintages are extremely good and special and all are intoxicating. But there is also the chance of turning the whole thing to vinegar or hooking up with a couple who are not secure in their own marriages.

The only way I would consider letting it go further would be if my wife were OK with it. Because she is not it’s not going to happen with us. If she did my curiosity might persuade me to consider it with only 1 or at most 2 other very special couples who were willing to go the distance for a long term relationship. We would have to be very close relationally first with a lot of proven trust. But pragmatically speaking, its hard enough to get 2 people all in synch relationally and the chances of making all 4 equally “hit on all cylinders” is statistically difficult. So even if there were no morality issues it’s probably not worth the investment of time. By the way, one couple I met, the woman independently contacted me and told me her husband was OK with a “one on one” encounter (which is generally considered taboo in this lifestyle and to be avoided since it’s proven to be destructive to both couples). This happens but its usually a lie and an invitation to “cheat” under the guise of being sanctioned. This turned out to be the case with her since she later told me she and her husband were separating when I turned her down.

But there are definitely couples like this out there who are looking for exactly this kind of relationship to do things together, travel, have fun, go on adventures and be like extended family. It’s very real and it’s an available life style that is more common than most realize.

I’d recommend staying away from it because its more powerful than a drug and too easy to get in over your head.

OD

Posted by: stargazinc

havent had the chance too

Posted by: Cerberus777

Wife and I are in open relationship, it isn't for everyone...We both decided a long time ago that we both get very attracted to other people... So as long as it a NSA it's cool.

Posted by: b2010now

Did it with my last girl of 5 years. Crazy stuff. If you have any weakness in your relationship it will definitely bring them out.

Posted by: atvbulldog

Lots of my friends have tried and none are still together. A good means to and end though.

Posted by: ecot3c inside

If anyone had sex with my wife, they would have to die... can't have some guy going around with a smile on his face. It's a sacrifice because you have sex with a woman, but your wife has sex with another man. I'm not a gambler, if I see something that may go wrong I do not try it. Your better off just cheating IMO.

Posted by: Dark Geared God

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecot3c inside

If anyone had sex with my wife, they would have to die... can't have some guy going around with a smile on his face. It's a sacrifice because you have sex with a woman, but your wife has sex with another man. I'm not a gambler, if I see something that may go wrong I do not try it. Your better off just cheating IMO.

well you might try dieing now

Posted by: ecot3c inside

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Geared God

well you might try dieing now

I wish you worded this right to actually make a witty comment, but unfortunately for you, you did not read very carefully. So this comment is null and void. The fact that you have a smilie drinking coffee makes it seem like you might know what your talking about, but the simple fact that I never said anything about 'me' dying in my post makes you look like a retard.. I bid you good day.

Posted by: joesmooth20

I used to want to find some adventurous girl to pretend she was my spouse so I could go to swinger parties/clubs and bang a bunch of strange. I don't think I could let some dude bang my wife though.

Posted by: RonsterM

If only I could convince the wife

Posted by: Browncoatjw

I've heard of all this. Maybe I should catch that HBO show.

Posted by: banker23

I've never swapped but I've been a swappee before...if you're in decent shape and go to a swinger bar alone you'll have husbands lining up asking you to bang their wives...I only did it once and it was among the most fckd up things I've done.

I couldn't vote because no actual swap ever took place...more like a loan.

Posted by: exphysiologist88

I was the other guy fulfilling the wife's fantasy of two men. It was fun, but a little awkward. My wife and I have discussed it at great length but have repeatedly come to the conclusion that it's not worth risking a perfect marriage. Neither of us is completely sure that we wouldn't be jealous.

Posted by: banker23

Quote:

Originally Posted by maniclion

Working in Waikiki I was propositioned by 2 different couples to join them in their hotel rooms, I remember one of them owned a gym in L.A. it was so weird cause the wives start hitting on you right in front of their husbands and you don't know how to react. The gym couple was cool as hell and the wife was super fine, I contemplated it for a while until my friends brought up what the Husband might have wanted out of the arrangement. That killed all notions of joining in on their bedcapades.

in my experience the proper etiquette seems to be to let the husband approach first. Be cool then the wife comes over or he asks you to join them. Be up front that you are not into dicks or friendly fire and so far nobody's encroached on that...it's still weird and I hope I never do anything like that again but of course I am Dr Jekyll right now and never know when Mr Hyde is going to make an appearance. I hate my evil side.

Posted by: megatron_rulz

Never. My research from those who have tried reveals that a large percentage end up with destroyed relationships.

Posted by: bigger biceps

No way, got two children, love my wife and don't want to kill my marriage!

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