Originally Posted by djm277

One time with my ex i was getting a handjob, I was horny as hell and ready to blow.. which i did..at a huge velocity smack into my right eye. Jesus that stuff burnt and sorta stuck my eye together..so shes in hysterics im stumbling around half blind trip over my jeans (which were still around my ankles) and crack my lip open on a dresser. Worse still we had friends coming over in 10 minutes. Im sat there with a fat lip and one bloodshot eye while my ex smirks and I ignore embarrassing questions.

Originally Posted by djm277

One time with my ex i was getting a handjob, I was horny as hell and ready to blow.. which i did..at a huge velocity smack into my right eye. Jesus that stuff burnt and sorta stuck my eye together..so shes in hysterics im stumbling around half blind trip over my jeans (which were still around my ankles) and crack my lip open on a dresser. Worse still we had friends coming over in 10 minutes. Im sat there with a fat lip and one bloodshot eye while my ex smirks and I ignore embarrassing questions.

Originally Posted by ForemanRules

When I was banging your mom and didn't pull out.


Welcome to IM son

Originally Posted by ForemanRules

When I was banging your mom and didn't pull out.


Welcome to IM son

Originally Posted by ponyboy

....Oh, and the time I thought my dad wasn't home and I was letting my g/f ride me (loud) with the door open and he came up the stairs. He got a great view of her naked riding me and I think he was impressed. Still, I couldn't look him in the eye for a while after that.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

I was fucking my ex in missionary position. We had dated for a couple of years and were into each other's sense of humor, so farting was old hats to us.

Well, in mid pump, I farted. And that fart brought friends.

My asshole turned into a shit spraying Windex bottle and it covered her shins, ankles, and MY sheets.

I couldnt stop laughing.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

I was fucking my ex in missionary position. We had dated for a couple of years and were into each other's sense of humor, so farting was old hats to us.

Well, in mid pump, I farted. And that fart brought friends.

My asshole turned into a shit spraying Windex bottle and it covered her shins, ankles, and MY sheets.

I couldnt stop laughing.

Originally Posted by Decker

"impressed"? Don't you mean disturbed? I have to ask b/c I never knew my father as an adult so the idea of being caught in flagrante delicto by him seems, well...disturbing.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

I was fucking my ex in missionary position. We had dated for a couple of years and were into each other's sense of humor, so farting was old hats to us.

Well, in mid pump, I farted. And that fart brought friends.

My asshole turned into a shit spraying Windex bottle and it covered her shins, ankles, and MY sheets.

I couldnt stop laughing.

Originally Posted by MyK

your going to hell!

Originally Posted by Plateau_Max

I ate my ex out good on her couch and she drug me into her bedroom by my shirt collar and as she was pulling me into the room my nose smacked into the side of the door so hard it started bleeding profusely.

...she made me dinner.

...and breakfast.

Originally Posted by JimSnow

I was doing my ex-wife in the front yard at the street's edge once. A Toyota stopped - the driver flashed a badge... my wife darted off from insertion leaving me standing there fully erect. After some very quick "chit chat" I finally got away.

My wife was 'petrified', but laughing all the while when I finally got back to the house.

The next day, while I was mowing the front lawn... a Toyota driver honked and waved at me while driving by.





I was still naked.

Originally Posted by JimSnow

I was doing my ex-wife in the front yard at the street's edge once. A Toyota stopped - the driver flashed a badge... my wife darted off from insertion leaving me standing there fully erect. After some very quick "chit chat" I finally got away.

My wife was 'petrified', but laughing all the while when I finally got back to the house.

The next day, while I was mowing the front lawn... a Toyota driver honked and waved at me while driving by.





I was still naked.

Originally Posted by joesmooth20

I banged my ex g/f's mom and came in her. Then later told my ex about it at a bar in front of 30 or so people. Her stank crotch made me hate her so I really didn't care about hurting her feelings.

Originally Posted by Decker

"impressed"? Don't you mean disturbed? I have to ask b/c I never knew my father as an adult so the idea of being caught in flagrante delicto by him seems, well...disturbing.

Originally Posted by obz

When I had just turned 21 I hooked up with a girl from the copy shop I worked at.

We got back to her place and went at it, very drunk. After we were done, she went to the bathroom, and my stomach decided to remind me how much I had had to drink, and how greasy pizza after drinking isnt as good of an idea as it had seemed.

It was her place, and she was in the bathroom. I was fucked, so I grabbed the nearest thing and puked into it. The nearest thing was her red dress.

I didnt spill any, so I had this 2 hands full of puke globbed dress. I heard her coming out from the bathroom , so i headed that way, hoping to brush my teeth and dispose of her dress undetected...

Well it didn't work, as she came out sho goes 'Hey Tiger', grabs me and jams her tongue in my mouth. She pulled back and goes 'WHAT THE FUCK?' after more or less swabbing the residual vomit out of my mouth with her tongue.

She then asked what I was doing with her dress... I began to try to think of something clever to say when she grabbed it from me... the contents of the dress (being the previous contents of my stomach) spilled all over the floor and her feet.

We never went out again, and she transfered stores 2 weeks later.

Originally Posted by obz

When I had just turned 21 I hooked up with a girl from the copy shop I worked at.

We got back to her place and went at it, very drunk. After we were done, she went to the bathroom, and my stomach decided to remind me how much I had had to drink, and how greasy pizza after drinking isnt as good of an idea as it had seemed.

It was her place, and she was in the bathroom. I was fucked, so I grabbed the nearest thing and puked into it. The nearest thing was her red dress.

I didnt spill any, so I had this 2 hands full of puke globbed dress. I heard her coming out from the bathroom , so i headed that way, hoping to brush my teeth and dispose of her dress undetected...

Well it didn't work, as she came out sho goes 'Hey Tiger', grabs me and jams her tongue in my mouth. She pulled back and goes 'WHAT THE FUCK?' after more or less swabbing the residual vomit out of my mouth with her tongue.

She then asked what I was doing with her dress... I began to try to think of something clever to say when she grabbed it from me... the contents of the dress (being the previous contents of my stomach) spilled all over the floor and her feet.

We never went out again, and she transfered stores 2 weeks later.