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Diary of a madman.....

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Posted by: Pitboss

Since I really don't care what people think about me... but yet i like to hear what people have to say I figured I start a diary. Just a diary of my thoughts, things that happen throughout the day that might be of some interest to more than just me and that bum I keep buying hot dogs for at 7-11.

******** insertion***********
I care that so many care about me here, work, and in life in general..

I just don't care what people think about me.. their opinions, etc. That's a good thing people. If I cared what everyone thought then I'd be paranoid that I'm always not doing what others think I should be doing or saying.



Sunday June 16, 2002

I'll start with good.. I spent a couple of hours with Carter he was pretty tired when I picked him up but he was a tropper and hung in there while we played at the park. Although he did fall asleep on the swing and on the see-saw.. LOL

His Mom called me this morning at 6:45 to let him wish me a Happy Father's day. Boy that kid sure does have a lot to say that early in the morning. Not a clue what he said but I just agreed and said thank you.

Amanda... girl I have been seeing for 2.5 months or so. Off/on, hot/cold.. that pretty much explains my feelings. We basically called it quits Friday night. Then last night she called and asked if she could come over for one last night together. Last night? Well in her mind my decision is made up. I'm not sure yet.

I'll get more into this later. For now it's nap time... have to work tonight.


Posted by: esmerelda

I care!!!!!


Posted by: Stacey

Hey Pitboss~ I'm glad you have a journal..and we all do care LOTS about ya!!
Glad you got to spend time with Carter!! Hope you had a good Fathers day yesterday! SMILE!


Posted by: Pitboss

Gee thanks I know a lot of people care about me here and that's why I come here and why I'm so open about things that I say. But I didn't mean "care" like that.. I meant I'm going to type whatever I feel like typing and not care what people think about what I have to say or do type typing thing... LOL


Posted by: J'Bo

I care too

Glad someone is willing to share there bad diet days too. Cause next week after my comp. my diary will look like a bad food guide.

As for your lady (ex-lady) that little "last night together" shit is a good tactic sometimes but it rarely works in our favor.

The womans thoughts:
You go over for the "last night" and you show up looking awesome, and act nicer than you ever have. Then you have a great conversation and then comes the moves. You pull out some new sex moves that wow the hell out of the man, and hope that the next morning when you wake up (if you even went to sleep) that you are as giddy and as happy as the first day you met. Then its not the last night anymore.



Woman and their fun lovin games. Ahhh.
Maybe men love them so much that they often try to break it off with the woman to get the "last night treatment".


Posted by: Pitboss

Thanks J'Bo I hope that she wasn't thinking that. I mean from my point of view it becomes on a guilt for me, having a hard enough time with enough guilt in my life. Speaking of which....

Sunday Part II
4 beers last night I said no more than 2 week and I doubled it... blah.

I'll still get the Amanda issues later.

I had to work last night and left at midnight..way too slow for two bounces. When I got to work one Erin was there and gettting ready to leave. Erin and I were buddies for about 2 months.. freinds you don't sleep with, buddies you fuq.. as she would say.
She asked if I had company later and I said nope... so we made plans to hook up after I got off. She was pulling a double and was heading to our other bar. Call me when you leave she said...

So I left at 12 and headed to another bar I sometimes hang out at. I know a lot of people there, and a lot of the girls.. it's called a bikini bar, no nudity. So I get there have a Bass Ale. Relaxing. Then comes Karen. Karen tried many times to get me in bed but when I gave in.. like that was hard work for her LOL she would back down because she knew Erin was keeping me busy. Didn't care if we or weren't dating just that fact that she knew her and wouldn't sleep with me because of that.... So here I am seeing Erin tonight and Karen again guessed passed by.

Then there was Stephanie... pretty hot red hard... great legs, etc. Anyhow we have always been friendly to each other. But last night she was way past friendly... just down right horny as hell and made sure I understood her intentions..... and then again Erin was already in my plans...

I go to my other club and find out it was even slower there than the other club and Erin took off around 12:30. I call her cell... I wait and and have another 2 beers. We close I call again and say goodnight. Head home with the cell phone between my legs.. it's on vibrate as that's the only way I "hear" it when I've got radio cranked.

No calls.. Go to bed alone.. thinking of one of the advantages of having a steady relationship... I got pitched 2 balls and 1 strike and somehow the Umpire called me out????

Oh well.... it just wouldn't be life if these stupid things like this didn't happen.


Posted by: lina

Hey PB!

I like to read your stories because your life seems like a lot of fun filled with wild stories! To me it's like reading a comic novel! But rough on the outside I bet softie on the inside? Maybe, maybe not.....

I love the pix of you and your son! He's a cutie pie!!!




Posted by: Pitboss

Hi Lina... I sometimes go back and read some of the things i post just to remind me that my life really isn't that boring.

Yes I am softie... Huh Sossuni, Lorraine, Shape8... they have met me and can verify this. What they saw is what they got... oh wait I'm not saying anything more than we just met for lunch or dinner type things!!! No rumors from that.

I have few more pics of Carter I'll post here tonight. Not sure if we got any with me...


Posted by: esmerelda

Hey babe`.....did you ever catch up with Albob??????


Posted by: J'Bo

PB you sure make my life look boring.

You sure have the ladies banging on your door.

Doesn't sound like you are too concerned over your split though.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
PB you sure make my life look boring.

You sure have the ladies banging on your door.

Doesn't sound like you are too concerned over your split though.
For th most part my life is fairly boring, at least day to day. I do have some strange things pop up out of no where which add a little excitement.

Ladies banging on my door?? I wish... I am far, far from a ladies man, player, or any resemblance of either of those.

I am concerned about my split with Amanda.. I hurt her, hurt her pretty bad and that was something I told myself I would never do again... I fell out of the pan and right back into the fire as they say.

Guess it's time to put things together..

August 2001: Wife and I decide to file for divorce. My idea. Why? Well all that will come out little by little.

August 2001-Jan 2002, lived in same house with soon to be ex.. tough emotional times for both of us. Hadn't had sex since May, not that matters so much but th fact that in my mind I'm seprated, single but living under the same roof. Met a lot of women but couldn't move on it

January 2002.. she moves out, house sold, new place bought, paperwork, loans, escrow, etc, etc.... a month of a lot of misc crap.

Febuary 2002.. moving. Met a girl, took her home, helped me pack my boxs and I helped pack hers.
.... my first rule was "be open and honest" Tell someone exactly what you are looking for, or in this case not looking for. I told Erin I am not interested in a GF, dating, or anything that resembles that in any way. Cool... so we had sex. I was her booty call actually.

March hooked up with a few other girls, same thing as above.

March 17.. St. Patricks, met a very nice woman at a plcae I frequent for dinner. Her roomate happens to be a bartender there. That was it.
Later that week she leaves her phone number with one of the bartenders. Sweet.

We talk on the phone the next day, a Monday. Tuesday we meet breifly for drinks before I have to go to work. At 2:30am I'm on the phone with her until 3:30. At 4:30 I'm at her place. By 5:00am were are in bed.

My mistake... I didn't tell her my rules. I didn't apply them after that either. I just spent 11 years with the same woman and now I'm finding myself uncontrollably attracted to this new woman in my life, Amanda. The first 3 weeks were awesome and I knew I was putting myself in a very bad position. I had chances to walk but I didn't .. not sure why. Maybe because it was still so good. The sex was the best I have ever had.. and she had the stamina and labido to keep up with me. It was wild. Her kiss.. oh she can kiss. We can sit there in bed and just kiss for an hour.. I swear the shivers she sends through my body just make it that much worse for me.

As time goes by we find some personality conflicts.. I have to always be right, only because she refuses to be wrong.. go figure. We have a simple conversation and it turns into a debate.
After some time it worries me and gets on my nerves. I'm not used to this type of conversations.

Okay that's a lot of typing.... time for a break.


Posted by: Miss LeDix

PB, you really do have a way with words. I am enjoying reading your journal. But tell me, do you ever worry that one of these ladies will read this?


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Miss LeDix
PB, you really do have a way with words. I am enjoying reading your journal. But tell me, do you ever worry that one of these ladies will read this?
Hmm my ex already knows abotu Amanda and thinks I need to be honest with her and just get out there and play.. Erin doesn't have a PC. Amanda know that I "hang out" at fitness related sites but that's about it.

But I guess if she did search through my posts she might leave me which would make things a lot easier for me from my standpoint...


Posted by: lina

I don't think they can find out unless they know you by "Pitboss" and do a search on that?

Very interesting story PB...


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by lina
I don't think they can find out unless they know you by "Pitboss" and do a search on that?

Very interesting story PB...

Uhm well my license plates are "PIT BOSS" he he



You think that's intersting... wait till you read this.

Okay I really am beginning to think my life really is ruled by sex..

This friend just stop by my work. She and I talk about pretty much everything. One big problem is that we flirt back and forth a lot... too much. She is spoken for and I won't cross that line.. well I'll put a foot over it but that's about it. We've kissed, we have groped a little... but I, yes I always stop before it gets out of hand.. or in her hand.. LOL

She comes by during her lunch to say hi, to tell me about her trip to Vegas for work. We chat about stuff. Then she gets ready to go. She normally wears nice dresses for work, sometimes a little too short, but has stocking on. Today she had a long green dress on and noticed no stockings so I comment.. she looks at me and gives me this really evil grin and then pulls her dress up and say nope, no stocking.. no anything!!!

You don't want to know what I did next. But I didn't get carried away.. at least not as much as I really wanted to.

damn.

So Monday through Saturday is about sex and relationships or lack of, and Sunday is about my kid.... who came from sex.


Posted by: naturaltan

Excellent!!!

we've batted this back and forth ... just once I want to be a fly on your wall.

Although Mrs.NT was practicing for her Hedo appearance. Quite a show!


Posted by: lina

OMG!!!! !! You do attract those women by the bus load!!!! Well if that wasn't a hint then I don't know what is!!! Don't you get tired of the instability and all those relationships??? I guess that's one way to get the sex without strings attached...

Another regular workday for PB




Posted by: naturaltan

maybe I need to apply at your second place of work ... he he


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by naturaltan
... just once I want to be a fly on your wall.
This was the second tiem today that I heard this... too weird.


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss


This was the second tiem today that I heard this... too weird.
hehehe


Posted by: Pitboss

Okay I just got flashed by some 18-20 year old with huge teets. This has been one weird day....... and it ain't over yet


Posted by: Pitboss

I'm a smoker. For 21 years now. I have tried and tried to quit but no go.

Do you have any idea what it's like to let a substance control you? Yes I and all smokers know the health risks associated with smoking. But does anyone ever consider asking a herion addict if they know? Of courser they know. Do they care, probably. can they stop their addiction? No.

I had a smoke at 5:05pm. I bought no more on my way home. I did a couple of things while home and then straight to bed, it wasn't even 8:00pm yet. I stayed in bed all night, tossing and turning. When I woke the first thing I wanted was a smoke. None in the house so tough go back to sleep. I think I was online at least 3 times between midnight and 5:00am.

When I left the house what was the first thing I did... gee go buy smokes.

I have tried the patch.. works but can't cure the boredom associated with not smoking. When you spend so many years doing the same thing so many times a day it's even harder to find something to replace it.

I guess the only thing to do is just keep trying... I figure I'll eventually quit or die.....

I hate smoking and I hate that I let it control me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: naturaltan

Originally posted by Pitboss
Okay I just got flashed by some 18-20 year old with huge teets. This has been one weird day....... and it ain't over yet
where and why??


Posted by: J'Bo

Yes i would like to know where you live too.
Sounds like a pumpin ville.

About the smoking, try to stick a sucker in your mouth when you get an urge. You may get a little heavier by resorting to food, but in the long run you can lose the weight but wont be able to take back the smoking damage. We will help you get through this, you just need to want it bad enough.


Posted by: naturaltan

I've needed help from the wife to get a flash ... she would flash, then they would flash.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by naturaltan
where and why??
On the way home. I kept passing these two girls and they would pass me. Not something I was trying to do on purpose. So they pass me by and the passenger sticks her tongue out at me. I started laughing. Then when they passed me again she sat up pulled her shirt and bra up and let them big ole boys out!!!

Gee twice I got flashed.. on down below and one on top.... sigh.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
About the smoking, try to stick a sucker in your mouth when you get an urge. You may get a little heavier by resorting to food, but in the long run you can lose the weight but wont be able to take back the smoking damage. We will help you get through this, you just need to want it bad enough.
Thansk for the support. I'm not giving up on this. I've smoked way too long to just quit cold turkey.. okay maybe that's just an excuse but still. I'm just going to forget about the time and just let the day go by. Hopefully I can go hours and hours at a time without it and by the days end I will have only had a few, if that many. Better than a pack.

Oh and the sucker, or gum or toothpick stuff. I don't have an oral fixation problem, so those things never help


Posted by: naturaltan

I realize it's easy for a non-smoker to say quit cold turkey. But when we had our daugther, Mrs.NT's parents cold turkey and they had smoked forever. I think it's all about really wanting it. They decided they didn't want set a bad example - so they quit.


Posted by: J'Bo

Did i really hear that correctly?

You don't have an oral fixation?
Aren't you the guy who has "give me head" on his signature?




Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
Did i really hear that correctly?

You don't have an oral fixation?
Aren't you the guy who has "give me head" on his signature?

that's a totally different type of fixation... and if I could that sign would say I prefer to give rather than recieve!!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by naturaltan
I realize it's easy for a non-smoker to say quit cold turkey. But when we had our daugther, Mrs.NT's parents cold turkey and they had smoked forever. I think it's all about really wanting it. They decided they didn't want set a bad example - so they quit.
I thought that would be the case when I had my son... or when I went on a vacation somewhere or......


Posted by: J'Bo

You prefer to give rather than recieve?
Maybe thats why your relationships with the ladies aren't working out.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
You prefer to give rather than recieve?
Maybe thats why your relationships with the ladies aren't working out.
You'd prefer to give than receive????


Posted by: Pitboss

I think something like this....

Dear Diary,

I am so totally confused. I really do like Amanda a lot. She says she loves me and I don't doubt that. She says she will do anything for me and make all kinds of compromises to make this work for us. My ex was the same way. But here I am confused as hell because I have more love than I could ever wish for and for some reason that just isn't enough. I'm coming to the same reasons for my divorce as this split now.

Why can't I be happy with the idea of being with just one person? With someone who loves me for who I am? Why do I let sex control my feelings? Why can't I just look away from some hot babe instead of wondering what it will take for me to "get me some of that"???

I let sex.. lust control me like I let cigarrettes control me. The last thing I want to do is get into another 11 year relationship and call it quits because I want to fuq every woman that turns me, or comes on to me. Something just ain't right upstairs.... definately a screw loose somewhere. A gland out of whack.... maybe prozac is an option?

So now I'm left with a decision that will hurt her now or possibly hurt her later. And I'm stuck on not wanting to lose her... inside I can't help but think either way I'm going to hurt her. But what if I can find a way to ignore those feelings of lust.... oh wait I did that before and what happened? My wife and I never had sex.. I turned my lust for others inside out and had to lie to her and to myself to explain my actions... I began to tell her that I was not attracted to her and that we had become more liek best friends than lovers... shitty huh? Great for her self esteem...... I'm such an a$$hole.

I think back to all the shiat I did and said, and even now the same patterns are showing up. How could I possibly deserve to be loved the way they both loved me?? That's another part that kills me.... gives me so much guilt.


Posted by: Pitboss

Oh and then to add a little extra to the stew... I've sort of discussed some of my feelings with my ex and she is basically pushing to get out. That I am doing exactly the same thing to Amanda as I did with her, and that's not fair to Amanda. If she had her number she would call her and tell her run, run very fast and very far away!!!

She's probably right. She says what I need is either a woman who doesn't care what I do, with you or where... or at least someone who is into swinging to satisfy my needs. She could be right...


Posted by: Pitboss

Okay I braking my heart here thinking and thinking about this damn reationship crap.... why oh why did we have to evolve?? I could have been so much happier in cave man times.....

I know me. If I don't just say we are through I will go back to her. Then a few months later it'll all start again.. I'll get moody and start coming up with excuses, blah, blah.... then we will stay together because she'll start crying and I'll freak out because I'm hurting her... and then it starts all over again. FUQ FUQ FUQ

But dammit I do miss her. I miss holding her and talking to her. I miss watchign her get dressed.. damn I do miss her.

She called and left a message.. it was sad but nice. But now I'm afraid to call her. I'm not sure what I want to say anymore, or even what to think anymore but any of this.

Sex??? my driving force. In the past I had made attempts to chaneg my ways for my wife. No more porn, surfing the internet, flirting or anything that would take my attention away from her. In the long run I felt worse, more apart from her and just not myself. Do I do this again?? Do I just make that commitment and stay with it... better or worse?

I really just want to go home, go to sleep and wait until tomorrow, a new day.... though it will consist of the same problems and issues all over again....


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss
I really just want to go home, go to sleep and wait until tomorrow, a new day.... though it will consist of the same problems and issues all over again....
Sounds like you need a big hug from us girl buddies...




Posted by: naturaltan

take the hugs man!

if you don't, I could be your emotional replacement ... * giggle *


Posted by: naturaltan

If I have to send Mrs.NT down there ... you'll be sorry - I think!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
Sounds like you need a big hug from us girl buddies...



Posted by: Miss LeDix

PB, sounds like you are going through a lot. Why type of health insurance do you have? You may want to see if a therapist is covered, it may just help to speak to an unbiased person. I cannot begin to give you any advice, I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I think you've made a bit step by admitting you may need some sort of help.

Oh, and I like that sig! What do you mean, you want to sit next to me?


Posted by: Pitboss

So is that my answer??? Change my ways? Become a different person with real life objectives and goals? Real dreams? Don't think of sex as sex anymore. That's past history.. back when I was a rip roaring youngster. I've sowed my oats. No reason why I can't be happy as hell with someone who loves me. Stop having sex and start making love.... why so I find this to be a lot harder than I am making it sound.

I know I want to be the best dad I can for my son. My son is numero uno in my life... so maybe that's enough for me? The rest of this stuff is just trivial??? So be there for my kid and then have whatever fun I can in life.... but then again the fun has to end sometime when we finally grow up.

Damn so many questions and no real answers. I still haven't called Amanda back.. now I'm feeling like shiat for doing that to her.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Miss LeDix
PB, sounds like you are going through a lot. Why type of health insurance do you have? You may want to see if a therapist is covered, it may just help to speak to an unbiased person. I cannot begin to give you any advice, I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I think you've made a bit step by admitting you may need some sort of help.

Oh, and I like that sig! What do you mean, you want to sit next to me?
OMG I'm laughing so hard........ I am already seeing a therapist!!!! Isn't that just wonderful...... I need a whole hospital ward to myself!!!!!

Sitting next to you... in a "NON PORNAL" throne!!


Posted by: esmerelda

Hey baby!!!!! Kinda wanna put my 2 cents worth in.....never.. and I repeat NEVER change who you are to suit anyone else!!! So you like to look around...welcome to the real world!!! So you dont want to settle down with one lady....welcome to the real world!!! So you dont know if you want to get caught up in another long term relationship...welcome to the real world!!!

What Im trying to say....Roger...Listen to me!!!! Is be you....get comfortable in your own skin!!! The reason you dont like what your doing is cos you dont know what you really want!! You had a long relationship with the Missus...11yrs right?? That takes you well into that age when young guns were playing around...you wernt really ready to settle down.....so play now!!!! Life doesnt mean you have to have one person in your life always....tell Amanda that your not sure what you want...she may not like what she hears....but at least you've put the cards on the table and she will know where she stands and if she wants she can join in!!!

Always be true to you first....then to Carter....then to the ladies in your life!!!! You are more important than anything or anyone else.....here ends the lesson!!!!!!! And if your not careful...Im going to send in the Jolly White Airman to kick your lilly white ass!!!! Albob.....get the picture?!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

For the record... I would never change me to satisify someone else... one men can not be changed by women!!!!!!!

However it is a different story for me to change who I am to become a better person. For me, for my son and for whomever happens to be in my life.

I can't continue on saying I love someone but yet sit and flirt with with some girl I brushed up against at the bar hoping to get her number as my gf/wife is sitting 20 feet away. That's just fuq'd.. oh wrong thread.

I don't know. I need some time to think what it is I want. We just got off the phone and she's starting to feel better, laughing and being her normal self. She is accepting what is happening or could be happening.

I've already screwed up her self esteem regarding sex.. she thinks she isn't enough for me, or good enough for me. And this is all due to me wanting more and more and more variety in my life.... so yeah that's fuq'd up.

Anyhow... I think my first step is not to be so damn pornal. All it does is fill my mind with what if's... heck it made me cheat on her already. That was my choice. I could have not pushed the issue and I take the blame for that. So if I continue on that road where do you think it'll end up?? I'll do it again and again and continue lying to her and eventually hurting her more than I ever could. I've broken too many damns hearts because of something that doesn't even have a brain.... go figure.

Okay I think I'm ranting now.... Thanks for listening.


Posted by: Pitboss

Oh and another thing that I keep let bug me... I'm 35, she will be 38 in August... right now that doesn't matter to me. But what about a few years down the road when I start thinking how great it woudl be to have some fine young thang in my hands... you have to say that with a buck tooth look and hold ing your hands out in front of you like you're squeezing boobies to get the right effect....

I know that shouldn't matter.... but I think about those kind of things.

Maybe I am looking for excuses..............


Posted by: Miss LeDix

PB....you are welcome to sit next to me! We will be the king and queen of non-pornal intelligence!

And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Miss LeDix
And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!
Our relationship isn't based entirely on sex... it's everything a relationship should be, as was my previous marriage... my problem is that I allow sex to control my thoughts and decisions.

I spent 11 years with my ex.. faithfull the entire time. Not saying that I didn't try to not be. Just never had a real opportunity to be. If it had been there I would have taken it. I'm a dog. I'm worse than a dog....... I divorced my wife because I knew someday, and someday soon I would cheat. I couldn't do that to her. So I still broke her heart and her dreams......


Posted by: Dero

Ok,so now I know the specifics!!!Roger,you have what is called
"The Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence syndrome"
YUP...Been there,done dat...!!!
While you have something good happening in front(Amanda) of you,you waste it by looking and going on the other side of the fence(the other flirts,yeah the younger thangs).
What you have to figure out at this stage is,WHAT YOU WANT...
Don't go changing your whole life,well some of it,WILL have to change depending of the outcome of your choice...
Another thing,DON'T GO BEATING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD WITH A STICK,it does'nt help much,only gets you a mofo of a headach!!!
Like you said in a previous post,you need to set your priorities in life...
I'm glad to hear that you don't care about what others think of you,'cus you know I think your an ahole (All this time staying serious...You know me!!!)
I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents to this ALREADY full of good advices thread...
Yes,I also care...
Keep your chin up BUDDY.
Denis


Posted by: lina

PB, I can hear you're hurtin'. Here's a big hug! :

Wow, lots of reading in this diary!!! Like I said, love your novels... When are you publishing this book? What shall we call it...hmmm...ok, seriously...I agree with what Dero said. Oh wise one!!!!

This won't be an easy road for you. Just like quitting smoking takes effort and 'one day at a time' mentality, so will trying to be less pornal. It's a matter of how bad you want it. Do you really want it or do you want it for your son? If it is genuinely what YOU really want then if you put your darnest effort, you have a good chance in succeeding. If you are merely doing it for your son, to be a good role model, to give him a sense of security, because you know it's the 'right' thing, then you are not doing it for yourself, and some day, you will go back to your old ways. Even if you don't go back to your old ways, you will feel miserable and in the end resent Amanda or whoever you end up with.

So change will not be easy. You'll have to work at it. Just like any business plan, you will have to clearly write down your goals, and any actions you want to take for this change. One day at a time. Old habits are hard to break. In the end, your beliefs, values, morals have to be planted so strongly that if you know where you are weak, you AVOID those situations so bad things can't happen...

There are soooo many distractions out there and you seem to be a magnet for them!!!!! I've had to make those choices too and believe me they are hard!!! It's soo tempting!!! What happens if you've been with Amanda for a while and the honeymoon phase fizzles, the 7 year itch arrives? Believe me I've been there! I'm not saying you two will get married, but let's say stay with each other.. Again, you'll have to work hard to make it work... one day at a time...

How bad do you want it?

Look inside what do you see?




Posted by: J'Bo

Holy did i miss alot today.
PB really, you need to shape up and stop thinking so negatively.
Why do you keep on saying, i am going to do this and then that and so on? If these are things you are comfortable doing then you will if you don't want to then STOP.

I don't really think you intentionally hurt females in your life, you just do because you have never corrected yourself. Once you realize that sex with one person is better than a one nighter than you will stop drifting. Relationships die down a little after a while and its up to you to spice them up. Everyone looks and flirts a little with the opposite sex, even when they have a partener. I really could go on about relationships stuff for hours, cause even though i am still young i have been through more relationships problems then most 40 year olds. I too had a problem with settling down and loved the idea of a new flavor every month. Doing that really does effect your relationships and sex down the road (mine anyways). After you have just (pardon my language) fuqed for so long it is hard to learn how to make love and express feelings rather than just put "shows on".

I really don't think a therapist has ever really helped someone in your sort of situation, its talking to other people and finding yourself rather than talking to a text book.

I will PM you tommorrow, cause i have a splitting headache and need to sleep. Try to sleep to. I will be thinking of you.


Posted by: Pitboss

Okay I realized something today... first I have a bunch of great people here that I'd liek to call my friends.. A lot of great feedback and a lot of useful stuff.

second.. I am not depressed just so we all know that. My minds been running OT since Friday about this relationship and my life..

Third.. aren't diary entries supposed to be like once a day??? LOL


Posted by: Pitboss

alright so let me throw this out there.... besides being overly pornal... possibly addicted to sex and a couple of other flaws I happen to really, really like who I am. So why change me?

Now my question... say I decide that I do not want a committed relationship with Amanda, really I don't think I'm ready and jumped to soon to begin with... But I really want her to be in my life.. I don't want to lose her. So I'm suggesting that we date, hang out together, etc... but not on such a serious level.. and yes that leaves dating others open. If she goes for it great... I the selfish one gets the best of both worlds.. I know.

Now say she says she can't do that... now what??? I don't want to lose her but yet I'm not willing to commit...... I'm fuq'd huh?


Posted by: Pitboss

Change of subject really quick.. it is my diary you know...

damn VCR just ate another tape!! That's the 3rd p.... uhm 3rd uh monster truck video this week.


Posted by: J'Bo

PB

You are going to hurt her more by keeping her as your hang out buddy. You have to cut her lose, its not fair to her. You just have to occupy your mind with something else, and try not to think of her.


Posted by: lina

Agree with J'Bo...

Be honest and upfront.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
PB

You are going to hurt her more by keeping her as your hang out buddy. You have to cut her lose, its not fair to her. You just have to occupy your mind with something else, and try not to think of her.
I expected that answer... but was hoping for something else.


I know.....


Posted by: ZECH

PB............now I feel bad for giving you hell in Mochy's journal yesterday! Man I'll tell ya, I'm not sure if these problems are good or bad! Both I guess. I hope you don't get mad me me expressing my opinion.........I really think your still having problems from your ex of what..11 years. I got married in 1989. We split up in late 1990. She started going to school full time and it just didn't work.....she was up all night studying and going to school all day! The stress got to her and I couldn't take it! So she left and I started dating other women. After awhile, I met this one younger chick that I really liked. Man, what a body! We were pretty steady. I didn't see anyone else. Everything was great with us. Sex was awesome and we got along great! We dated for right at a year! I started rookie school in Nov. 1991. Well, that is when all the shit started. My wife was wanting a lot of the stuff back we had together, I guess thinking we would get a divorce! So, my instructor at school comes up to me one day and says I have a civil paper at the courthouse I needed to take care of(from my wife). I called her and told her to come get what she wanted! So she came one night and when we started to talk, she started to cry! I asked her what was wrong. She said she wasn't sure if a divorce was what she wanted. So after talking all night, we decided to give it another try! Now, back to my GF. I really liked her, but I didn't love her. But I didn't know what to do or how to tell her! You talk about confused! I guess I felt like you do!!!! She came to my house one afternoon and after about several minutes she knew something was up. I told her what happened and what we decided to do! Well, she started crying, put my key on the table and walked out! You talk about feeling empty!!! I felt like the lowest jackass around. Never saw her again for years!! My wife and I dated for several months before she moved back in , just to make sure it would work. Then in 1995 we had Maddison, a year after she had a miscarriage. Then in 1997, we had Matthew! I never knew how much I would enjoy being a father!! (Best thing in the world!) They are growing up so fast...where does the time go??? Well, several months ago in the grocery store, guess who I run into to?? My old gf Jamie! Well, turns out that she had been married and now divorced!!! What the hell do you think runs through my mind????? (Let's call Jamie and get some on the side!!) Then two weeks later I run into her in a mall 50 miles from where I live! Figure that! I think, this has to be fate!! I had Maddison with me doing some shopping(Just daddy and his little girl)! Jaime was babysitting for a friend. There were some rides in the mall so we take the kids in and let them ride for a while, while we talk! I apoligized to her for hurting her like I did and she said it took her several years to get over it! She said she now realized why I did it!! (She had never been married when we dated). I still think what if......we never got together....we still e-mail each other sometime, although I don't think nothing will come of it. I look at my children like you PB and think I want to be as good of a father as I can to them and if I get involved with someone else and get a divorce, that's not setting a good example! I love my wife, even though we do fight somewhat. She told me the other day she had been with me half her life. We started dating when she was 18 and she will be 36 in DEC. PB, you are only human(male at that)! You will have desires and tendencies........It's hard for me to figure what love is. Look at your gf. If you can't see yourself being without her forever, stick with her!!! But if you don't feel that way, find someone else! You will always look and want to be with other girls, but when you get with the right one, you will not want too!(Like Essy said "the grass is always greener on the other side") Man that is so true!!! Sounds weird I know! And I admire you for being a good father...that's NO. 1!!! Hang in there dude! Life's a bitch, you marry one, then you die!! Life's too short not to enjoy! Roger, your a great guy as you are!! Don't be so hard on yourself.....it will work out for you!! To go through what you are, you are one hell of a person!!


Posted by: J'Bo

I agree with DG completely.

When you find the right woman , you will never want to be with anyone else. Of course you may look and flirt but never think of crossing that line. It doesnt sound like any of your girls are the "right" ones for my little PB.

If you go back to any of these woman and do the same thing, what is that teaching your little boy? Men should not treat women like that and so he should know that and see his daddy do the same.

You don't have to answer this (i think i know the answer) but why did you and the ex-Mrs. not have sex for monthes? Sex does matter and when you don't express your feelings through making love it is very hard on your partener. Just ask my BF, i have a hard time making love and not just #$%&%& you know.

I am with yah.


Posted by: Pitboss

Great post DG!!! Liek I said there is so much good stuff here and that's really what this diary was about for me.. just to get some good thoughts into my head.

J'bo.... why?? Well it started right after we got married. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to just Sundays.. that became an inside joke and the "our" explanation was that we were already a settled couple. That it's normal once you have been with someone for so long. Then it was even less, and even less. Then it became more like a chore for me.. like cutting the lamn. I'd rather pay someone else do it but couldn't afford it.... yeah that sounds bad and well even from my view point it was. So why is the question still....

Oh I always hate bringing this up because some take it the wrong way.... first yes beauty is on the inside and what's on the outside doesn't matter.... now say that over and over again and then think of all the past guys/girls you may have turned down for a date or lunch or even a dance because of the "beauty" that wasn't there... no attraction no go.

She started gaining weight right before we married.. when we met she was 130 or so.. 2 years later 145 so she says. Within a year of marriage she was getting over 160.. starting to out weigh me and my physical attraction was fading. After 5 or 6 more years she was closer to 200 lbs and @5'3 or 5'4. I know these things shouldn't matter when you supposedly love someone but until you put yourself in that position you really have no right to make a judgement. I have never been over weight, by choice, by vanity and by being thoughtful of the person I am with. To be nothing feels better than when your spouse or whoever gets so proud when they show you off to their friends at parties or company functions.. I'm not all that and more.. but I ain't half bad either.

Yes she tried the gym, dieting, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc.. but she did not have the self discipline to want it. Just like me and my damn smoking.. Yes I was very supportive. I constantly helped her with her diet, stressed the importance of eating 5 to 6 meals a day. Told her how great she was looking when she lost a pound or two. Told her how great she was doing and sticking to her diet.. but I can only do so much.

At one point we actually seperated for 6 months. I came out and told her that I just wasnot physically attracted to her any more and that our relationship was more like best friends than husband and wife. During this seperation she went to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, lost almost 30lbs.. was being active on a daily basis. When we go back together that lasted maybe another month and she went right back into the same mode.


Look I still love this woman. We were together for nearly 11 years and for the most part it was a great 11 years. One third of our life was spent together. But at the smae time how could you not expect to let your "lust" eventually take control. You're 30-35 whatever and your Husband is a couch potato, beer belly, chip eating ESPN sports center addict. You're still looking great and some hottie is tossing you signals left and right.... temptation is almost as back as some great chocolate.. eventually you give in.

Maybe I'm just wrong here and if that's the case I'm sorry. But I ain't 60 ready to retire and happy that I get some when it's working.


Posted by: Pitboss

Does my kid know how to play with his hose or what??




Posted by: Jodi

PB - Very Cute, I love the grin on his face.


Posted by: J'Bo

I can tell you right now PB. That is exactely how i felt up until 2 monthes ago. I have been with my man for 4 years (not nearly as long as you were with the Mrs.) and the same thoughts occur in my mind. The reason they do is because we (you and i) were both too careless about sex in the past. Well for me anyways, i still have a hard time expressing feelings of love through sex, rather than it being just a fun game to play. I am just learning now how to make love. I think you may need to do the same thing. It definately takes alot of time and patience from both people, but it will be worth it in the end. I believe if this isnt corrected then this prob will keep on happening.

Thats right, no attraction no go. Its just a fact.

With her gaining that much weight, i can completely see what happended. Although you love the person you may have a hard time relating to them. Sometimes it grouses me out to see my BF eating junk because i am scared he will become over weight. it really isnt that you arent attracted to them anymore its that you dont see eye to eye on health and you most likely dont do the physical things you used to do when she was smaller.

Your right you can only do so much. She obviously did not want it bad enough. Maybe she should have come to IM. You may want to introduce it to her, and just say that you have fun and think she would have fun on here and maybe learn from some people. You never really tend to take the advice from a loved one as much as from a stranger (well sometimes).

She definately has to do it for her self and not for you.
Sounds like she needs to know how a healthy lifestyle feels.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
Your right you can only do so much. She obviously did not want it bad enough. Maybe she should have come to IM. You may want to introduce it to her, and just say that you have fun and think she would have fun on here and maybe learn from some people. You never really tend to take the advice from a loved one as much as from a stranger (well sometimes).
I introduced her to MuscleMag last year.... bad mistake. All my online flirting was right there in front of her to read and see... and her constant stalking my every post to comment on "I'm his wife" and being a little overly uhm don't know the words...

anyhow.. She has her life and she is eating better and going to the gym. Has a "man" friend training with her. Which I'm really am glad to hear

and you are soooooo right. I can put as much passion into "sex" as I can and it stills come out as sex to me. I don't know if it's the actually act or an emotion that really makes the difference. I guess the hair pulling and the biting on the shoulder doesn't help much either...

But no I do understand where you are coming from with this. Not really sure what it will take for me to get to that point where I can seperate the two. Or even if I ever will.......


and you never did respond to a post in another thread...

"you would rather give than recieve?"


Posted by: ZECH

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Pitboss

J'bo.... why?? Well it started right after we got married. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to just Sundays.. that became an inside joke and the "our" explanation was that we were already a settled couple. That it's normal once you have been with someone for so long. Then it was even less, and even less. Then it became more like a chore for me.. like cutting the lamn. I'd rather pay someone else do it but couldn't afford it.... yeah that sounds bad and well even from my view point it was.

PB....you sound just like me! I will be married 12 years this nov! My wife's sex drive has gotten worse and worse! If we do it once a week I'm lucky! But I'll add this......last year we thought about having our third child! The first go round, she had a miscarriage(I forget how far along). Second time around, at about 10 to 12 weeks(??) she went in for a check up and no heart beat! She had to have a DNC. Well, these two really played with her hormones and mind! She hasn't been the same since! I attribute some to that! She's under loads of stress at work(she's over a PT department). She went to the doc and he put her on some anti-depressant. It really helped her mood but not her sex drive. I'm the type that would probably like it every day. I even joked around with her saying if it didn't soon change, I guess I was going to have to get it on the side! She wants it to change but so far, no avail! And I wonder sometime about being married so long...do you lose the physical attraction? Does the same person get old over and over??? Is it me?? I don't think it is! And I feel like you...when she does want it, it doesn't feel the same. No spice..more like a chore!!(not that I mind). And having two kids and us both being gone 10 to 12 hours a day at work doesn't leave much time!


Posted by: Pitboss

Well here is my veiw on that subject.

After years with someone it does get old, it does lose it's spice. You can only do so much, between the two of you, to add spice and change into the bedroom.

But there comes a time when you have to believe that your love for one another and your ongoing friendship is enough to continue on. You have to set aside your selfishness, your lust, and any other emotions that can disctract you from actually loving your spouse.

There is a point when sex is a memory like college and family and future is the important issues. Companionship for a lifetime versus companionship for an hour.

... yeah that's my veiwpoint and opinion and it's something I will probably never really have.


Posted by: Pitboss

Oh..

I'm so sorry to hear about your and yoru wifes loses. My mother went through 5 miscarriages after me... Guess that was God's way of telling her one of me was more than enough for anyone to handle!!!!

But as a young child I was able to see and understand how these loses effected her. You may want to consider trying to get your wife to a therapist... she is more than likely thinking there is somethign wrong with her and that she is at fault. Until she gets over that she will take a very, very long time to heal on her own and probably add even more stress to your marriage.


Posted by: ZECH

Thanks PB. You know one thing I have learned through the years we've been married is like I said earlier...The grass is always greener on the other side........Even though I think it gets old, there is no one I'd rather be with! I been with plenty of women and yeah it's great the first time or two, but you know what, it's the same!!! A &*##% is a &*##%!! it would all get old and boring once you get used to it! I agree with ya.....it's the friendship, commitment and trust that makes a marriage work. Sex is just one part of it!! And like J'bo said, you have to work at that, to keep it fun!! Me and my wife always pick at each other because we've been together so long we know what each other thinks and what we are going to say! And my values and ideas in life have rubbed off on her!! Ever been with a woman that totally believes different from you in politics and religion?? Used to be I didn't care. But now it's a turn off!! Hell, let's face it man! We're growing older and getting wiser!! Ain't that a bitch!!!!


Posted by: Jodi

WOW! PB I think this thread should be changed to "Pour Your Heart Out" I sat here reading all of this and I wanted to tell you guys that it is the same for women as well.
A year ago I left my husband and moved to the midwest.
We started dating when we were 19 and got married when we were 27. Was married a whole 2 years. I didn't want to have sex with him anymore! My sex drive was still definately there but not for him. He is an attractive guy. He even started working out with me and eating right a few years back but I still didn't want him. I use to get so excited whenever he or I would have to go away on business trips. I use to be a workaholic cause I didn't want to go home.
So anyway, the moral of my story is that now I realized how wrong I was and how much I miss him. If any of you ever read my journal you would have read that I am moving back home. My divorce has not gone through yet and my husband and I have decided that we are going to try and work things out. That, and I miss my sisters and dog so damn much! Now, I don't want to get too personal but my sex drive is still plenty there, but I am worried. I don't want it to become what it use to be like where I didn't want to have sex with him anymore. I enjoy it way to much and I am afraid I might make a mistake again. I am hoping that the love that we have for each other will get us through and that we realize that were together. We've been together for 11 years and there has to be a reason for that, I am just hoping I will find it?
OK, enough of this gushy stuff. Just wanted to let you know it happens to all of us!


Posted by: ZECH

Mochy, I know this is PB's thread but thanks for the post! Hell we all make mistakes, we're human! And no one is perfect!! I feel just like you do with the sex drive thing. Is love that you have for each other enough to get you through it?? I don't know the answer to that! Wish I did. I sure could make a lot of money if I did!!! I do know one thing...You miss him! That's says something. Maybe you were both young and thought it would be better on the other side...and like I said......mostly it's not!! Maybe things will be different now!! Maybe not. But it sure is worth a try!!! At least you will know!!

P.S. That's why we are here...to help each other out!!


Posted by: naturaltan

* giggle * ... then there are freaks like us who have found a very unconventional way to keep things spiced up.


Posted by: ZECH

NT...I'll have to admit, you and mrs. NT are two of a kind!!!!!!!
Dude I hope you have a great vacation coming up!! But don't forget.....PLENTY OF PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: naturaltan

PB knows ...


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by naturaltan
PB knows ...
Do as the Romans do!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Mochy.. I really appreciate your openess. It takes a lot for someone to talk abotu such personal issues with basically strangers... maybe that's what makes it so easy for me.

I think it's great that you two are going to try to work things out. It shows a lot when people have been through what you have and still decide that there is enough love and friendship not to call it quits. People makes mistakes and as long you both know that there is remorse for those actions then it can work out... me I'd ask my wife what took her so long to cheat on me and then ask for details... but I'm a perv like that.. LOL

Expect some magic at first.. you know those butterflies you get like a new love has entered your life. They will fade quicker than a new relationship but you have to get past that part and remember what it was that kept you together for so long and what brought you back together again.... Good luck sweetie...



Still think you need to post those pics you keep hinding from me!!


Posted by: ZECH

Originally posted by Pitboss

Still think you need to post those pics you keep hinding from me!!
Mmm huh!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: buff_tat2d_chic

Originally posted by naturaltan
* giggle * ... then there are freaks like us who have found a very unconventional way to keep things spiced up.

It is funny you use the word freak LMFAO that is one of my favorite words. I use it on me because of all of my tats and piercings. I LOVE that word and I use it lovingly LOL...seriously, I do!! I don't call the weirdos freaks because it is tooooo good for them!


Posted by: naturaltan

then yourself, PB and I can affectionately call ourselves freaks


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by naturaltan
then yourself, PB and I can affectionately call ourselves freaks
Well I'm still looking for that "freakette'!!!!!!! Cause I do know what I want.. how i want it and it's all just totally freaky!!!!!


Posted by: naturaltan

then yourself, PB and I can affectionately call ourselves freaks


Posted by: Jodi

Originally posted by Pitboss
Mochy.. I really appreciate your openess. It takes a lot for someone to talk abotu such personal issues with basically strangers... maybe that's what makes it so easy for me.

I think it's great that you two are going to try to work things out. It shows a lot when people have been through what you have and still decide that there is enough love and friendship not to call it quits. People makes mistakes and as long you both know that there is remorse for those actions then it can work out... me I'd ask my wife what took her so long to cheat on me and then ask for details... but I'm a perv like that.. LOL

Expect some magic at first.. you know those butterflies you get like a new love has entered your life. They will fade quicker than a new relationship but you have to get past that part and remember what it was that kept you together for so long and what brought you back together again.... Good luck sweetie...



Still think you need to post those pics you keep hinding from me!!
Thanks PB and good luck to you as well. Its very difficult, trust me I know.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
Thanks PB and good luck to you as well. Its very difficult, trust me I know.
damn nothing about those pics... he he


Thansk sweetie.. only time will tell and we only have one life to live. Can't always make the right choices but we can at least try to make the ones that we think will make us the happiest.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Pitboss
.. only time will tell and we only have one life to live. Can't always make the right choices but we can at least try to make the ones that we think will make us the happiest.
Had to put that in quotes.... still trying to figure out who wrote that?????

Okay so my mind is decided.. after a few days of agony, restleness, attmepts to be non-pornal.. which is like asking Woody Allen to be 6 foot tall, good looking and funny.... NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!.....

I'm calling it quits with Amanda. We talked on the phone breifly and I ageed that I would come over tonight to hang out, watch a movie for a little bit... she knows, you can hear it her voice. But she has always known. She has been making it easier for me and telling me not to worry about her, she'll be okay and not to decide to stay together because I'm afraid of hurting her.. She is a very special person.

I also don't want to lose her in my life and I want her to know that. Even if that means no sex, just friends... I can do that, I think.... okay I can try to do that. I mean who knows maybe down the road things will be different and I'll be ready to really commit. I'd much rather have her around and there than not.. makes sense?? I'm not going to play head games with here.. I'm not going to push sex on her or say things that make her think I'm coming around soon. Just friends.. occassionally hang out.

Now for the second time in less than a year I'll make that promise again to myself... never again will a break a womans heart. Never again will I allow myself to be put into something I am not happy with.

..... there. Now I can concentrate on my diary just being a bunch a daily boring crap in my life.

Hmmmmm PB's single again... uh oh!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Miss LeDix

Yes, you being a single main is a scary thought!

Do you like my new sig?


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Miss LeDix
Yes, you being a single main is a scary thought!

Do you like my new sig?
Not scary... exciting!!!!

I like the sig.. sorry I couldn't stay for long. It's hard to sit next to you and not have pornal thoughts.. I told you a dozen times your blouse had come unbuttoned but you wouldn't believe me.. oh wait that was something else I was thinking about with you in it..


Posted by: Scorpio Gurl

Hey PB, what's up?????

Long time no talk lol, how's things going with you.. or , do I wanna know.. hehe


Posted by: J'Bo

PB,

Good to hear you made some decisions.
Make sure there is no nooky going on during the movie w/ Amanda. It better not be a porno.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Scorpio Gurl
Hey PB, what's up?????

Long time no talk lol, how's things going with you.. or , do I wanna know.. hehe
How's my gurl??? Miss ya bunches honey

Well if start at the start of this thread I'm okay.. then not, then i am, and not, am, not, am... I think that's where i am at now.. LOL

Email me.. update me!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
PB,

Good to hear you made some decisions.
Make sure there is no nooky going on during the movie w/ Amanda. It better not be a porno.
At this time I have no intentions of staying over.. just talking and hanging out. However it would be rather rude of me to turn down her advances wouldn't it?? And she picked the movie not me!!!!


Posted by: lina

Originally posted by Pitboss

.. never again will a break a womans heart. Never again will I allow myself to be put into something I am not happy with.
..... . Now I can concentrate on my diary just being a bunch a daily boring crap in my life.
You gonna put that in your signature? Sounds good!

LOL, J'Bo, about the movie not being a porno one!!!


Posted by: J'Bo

Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me.

So are you good now?
Tell all how the movie (porn) went.
Inquiring minds want to know, did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy?


Posted by: Jodi

did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy
LMFAO!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me.

So are you good now?
Tell all how the movie (porn) went.
Inquiring minds want to know, did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy?
I was more or less thinking my banana covered with peanut butter... then dipping in your....... hmmmm be nice PB


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss
Expect some magic at first.. you know those butterflies you get like a new love has entered your life. They will fade quicker than a new relationship but you have to get past that part and remember what it was that kept you together for so long and what brought you back together again....
Interesting how you used "butterfly" and "fade" in the same sentence there


Posted by: Pitboss

Okay... No I did not get in the Honey Jar last night. No we did not watch porn.

What did happen though still hurts..

We sat down as soon as I got there and I told her that I'm just not ready to commit myself.. I am but not in a relationship. She commented how quickly I came to this conclusion. My answer.. well if I have question being or not being in a relationship that would make it pretty obvious that I don't. If I wanted to be in one I wouldn't have ever questioned it... not a bad way of looking at it

So we talked.. she blamed herslef, questioned thing she did or didn't do.. I consoled her. Told her it really isn't anything you did or didn't do. I tried to put reason to words but really just couldn't get to come out the way I wanted it to... so we both ended up confused.

I told her that I want her in my life.. I care so much for her and I didn't want to lose her because of this. If she couldn't do that I could understand. We talked more.

Then I said I should go. She asked if I'd lay down with her for a little while so I did. At one point we found ourselves kissing. That hurt. That hurt a lot and I could feel the tears on my cheek.. mine not hers. I stopped and just held her close. We talked some more.

Eventually she just started crying really hard and I held her. She said I needed to leave and that she will be okay. Just needed to get it out of her system. I said I need to know you will be okay.. and she said she would be and that she would not do anything stupid. I kissed her on the forehead and left. Not sure if I would really ever see or talk to her again

I went out to have a few beers.... okay 8 to be exact. Spent the next 3 hours trying to convince a Lesbian what she is missing. I think if I had another hour she would have been a very happy girl.

I got home around 2am .. fell right to sleep. At 3:30am Amanda called. We talked for about 30 minutes. Okay she talked and I listened barely... I know but I was dead tired now. She wanted to keep trying. Said she was willing to do whatever it took and that she would be willing to "look the other way".... I told her that I will think about everything she said early and then. I knew that was not something I would be able to do with her, not now. Knowing how hurt she would be if I did do what she was saying I could do.

So I'm not at work, not feeling to good about myself and coming to realize why I hate breaking up... because I have no expierence at it. This is really the 2nd time I have ever broken up with someone.. both times was with women who trully loved me... idiot!!! All my other relationship were more like dates.. one night stands, married women... too many married women.... no commitment relationships.

So Amanda calls me at work and asks if I would sleep over tonight when I get off work.. I'm like uh no. She says look i want you in my life. I want to be close to you. I want to have wild sex with you and I want to be able to just hang out with you. Basically what I want.. but the sex was not a subject I had discussed. I still told her that I don't think it's right, that I don't think this is what you need. And basically she said that's for her to decide. Okay. But if things get too hard for you. If you feel that this is hurting you or you know it's going to hurt you down the road speak up. Don't hide your feelings from me. I don;t want you holding on to me hoping for more.

Basically is about like that. But I did get the feeling that she is comfortable with the idea. That she can accept being friends for now.. for life if I have it my way. I told her don't expect me to be there everynight... it's not about the sex!!! It's about a friendship.

I know it's probably not going to be good for her. But I'm going to do my best to not make myself readily available. I am going to do my best to do things with her that we both enjoy... and not have sex during, before, or after we do whatever we do that day. I want to continue building our freindship.


go ahead ladies let me have it.....


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
Interesting how you used "butterfly" and "fade" in the same sentence there
OMG I didn't even see that.... stop reading into things I say. It'll only mess with you up.. it's all just jibberish, junk!!!


Posted by: butterfly

My two cents...

I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend. Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!!

Too bad you didn't meet her a year from now when you might be ready to "settle down"


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
My two cents...

I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend. Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!!

Too bad you didn't meet her a year from now when you might be ready to "settle down"
And a year from now I may be, and with her in my life there could be that possiblity.

Especially if I keep hitting on lesbians!!!!


Posted by: Jodi

I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends. You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way. You never know. Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you. Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends. You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way. You never know. Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you. Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.

But she wants the sex. Do I deny her that??? please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.


Posted by: ZECH

Originally posted by Pitboss



But she wants the sex. Do I deny her that??? please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.
Hmmm!! Why don't you send me a pic of her!!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by dg806
Hmmm!! Why don't you send me a pic of her!!!!
Uhm..... no!


Posted by: ZECH

Originally posted by Pitboss


Uhm..... no!
Ok, so what are you really trying to say here??


Posted by: Jodi

Originally posted by Pitboss



But she wants the sex. Do I deny her that??? please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.

If you really want to try and maintain a friendship than you really ought control yourself and NO SEX! I know easier said than done but fuck friends aren't usually a good thing you know. If you truly care for her and you think that maybe someday something could happen more serious than show her that. Show her how much you care as a friend. Even if she wants it too. It will just turn into a game with her to make sure she still has your attention sexually. Also it will soon make her realize that you only keep her around for sex and not a friendship. Just my opinion.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
If you really want to try and maintain a friendship than you really ought control yourself and NO SEX! I know easier said than done but fuck friends aren't usually a good thing you know. If you truly care for her and you think that maybe someday something could happen more serious than show her that. Show her how much you care as a friend. Even if she wants it too. It will just turn into a game with her to make sure she still has your attention sexually. Also it will soon make her realize that you only keep her around for sex and not a friendship. Just my opinion.
That's how I was looking at.

But the flip side... rejection also comes into play.

I also don't look at her a fuck buddy... to me that's just booty calls. I think doing other things outside sex solidifies the friendship bond... no??


Posted by: Jodi

Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level. Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too. I'm just throwing ideas. If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level. Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too. I'm just throwing ideas. If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.
Very good!!!! I will do my best to do this.

Now dealing with going with for 2.5 months 10 times a week minimum to 0!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Leslie

I must put in my 2 cents-
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Leslie2196
I must put in my 2 cents-
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde
I'll agree with you there,,, the blonde part.. Just kidding!!!

Look the best part about this diary is all the female reponses. Not only to I get to flirt, I get a femalespoint of view. If all I had were males replying it would be post like... "dude if she wants it give to her, are you stupid or something?" dumb comments like that.



To be honest she is the one looking for the sex now.. and is basing this on a past relationship where she was pretty much the other woman being led to believe that he wasn't seeing this other girl in that way anymore even though they were still living together because she couldnt afford to move out for a while.. lie, lie, lie, etc, etc. She said since she had done this before it wouldn't be that difficult to doing it again....

Now I'm not saying I am agreeing with her. I think that would be a terrible way to look at. It would really kill her self esteem... and I ain't into that type of thing.

No avoiding sex all together is the way to go.

Oh wait. Does it apply if I let her tie me up and do as she pleases??


Posted by: Jodi

Originally posted by Leslie2196
I must put in my 2 cents-
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde
Most definately.

PB as far as sex, you already know you can get it elsewhere.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
PB as far as sex, you already know you can get it elsewhere.
Excuse me???? was that an offer??? he he


Posted by: Jodi

Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me. I'm appauled! J/K


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me. I'm appauled! J/K
Oh thought you were making one towards me... by bad.. buy ya a drink??


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss
To be honest she is the one looking for the sex now..
I think she may be saying she wants the sex for another reason other than the obvious... it's her way of trying to hold on to you.

You don't want her holding on to you that way... it wouldn't healthy for her mentally.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly

I think she may be saying she wants the sex for another reason other than the obvious... it's her way of trying to hold on to you.

You don't want her holding on to you that way... it wouldn't healthy for her mentally.
yeah but physically it would

Okay.. no sex!! i know that is the right thing to do.. no ifs ands or butts... well no butts anyhow she won't let me go there... LOL


Posted by: buff_tat2d_chic

I don't agree with most everyone on this, I think. I say give it to her. You are both adults and if she want to continue that part...why not? I know several people who have a "comfort" friend...works pretty well for them. At this point of the relationship it is JUST sex and sex is good...we all need it.

I would talk it over and make sure she understands that if sex is involved that is all it is...just sex and no strings.


Posted by: ZECH

I like the way she thinks!!


Posted by: Fade

Good morning PB


Posted by: J'Bo

Ok NB, what the hell is that kinda comment? Coming from a woman too.

I totally agree with everyone on here, sex in this case is VERY BAD. I know that she asks for it, but NB its not because she wants to pump.

PB, I think you know what i am going to say already. She doesnt want to have sex to get it on (sorry), she wants it because she thinks it will get you back. Believe me i know, it is tactic #24 of the desperately seeking ex ploy.

Quote from PB:
"I went out to have a few beers.... okay 8 to be exact. Spent the next 3 hours trying to convince a Lesbian what she is missing. I think if I had another hour she would have been a very happy girl."

Man you are the funniest guy on this forum. I wish we could meet.

BTW, even kissing is in the tactic book (#12). You ask them to come lye down then you spoon up close, and put your lips near his neck and then he can feel your breathing and almost lip touch. Then you press against his body and then once they feel that female region in behind them. Boom its off to the races. Boy PB is that something like what happened.

Not trying to be a smart ass, just letting you know what is up in that "female head" of hers.

I think you made a good decision and you should stick to it.
Get some past feelings out of the way and clear your head a bit then you may be able to give Amanda what she and you both want.

I say all this because i have been through this a million times. In fact my present man and i have been going out for 4 years and for the first 3 years we broke up around 5 times. We finally agreed that we were being dumb and that we did not want to be without eachother (ever). I too have never broken up with BF's it is a very hard thing to do.

Maybe after a while you may want to continue the relationship with Amanda, but it shouldnt be a thought in your mind right now. You definately shouldnt tell her that you guys may get back together, not fair to her.

Where do you live?


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
Where do you live?
are you going to at least call first?? I can't have you just showing up when ever... he he Los Angeles area. And the thing about the lesbian was true!!!

NB, J'bo, Butterfly and everyone else I appreciate your comments and have really taken all of your words with some serious thought.

So sex or no sex is the issue right now. uhmmm sex, but she started it!!!!!! and it's been almost a week.. and I had no solo runs this week either!!!

Okay seriously we did at 4 this morning. We laid in bed and chatted for about an hour. We started kissing and I stopped. I told her that I didn't think this was a good idea and that it will only keep her hopes alive and I'm not making any promises about anything more than us being friends. She asked me if what I wanted was someone to hang out and have coffee with and go shopping, things like that. I said yeah basically.... her response. Well that won't really work for me.. I have enough GF's to do that with and unless you are gay I ain't putting you the GF's category.. so either we fuck or you go home and send my B-day/Xmas cards to let me know how you are doing.... more talk, etc, etc...

In the morning we sat on her patio had coffee and just talked like we used to talk when we first met... not sure how to describe that exactly. We talked about stuff we always wanted to do, go, been to already... some past gf/bf stories that were the stories you tell your friends because they don't get jealous of past lovers. We talked about things we would like to do together.. maybe a weekend get away. Taking Carter out for the day to see fishes... just talk. I felt comfortable, she was very comfortable.. no qustionable expressions, eyes tell a lot and hers only showed excitement when she talked and interest when I talked.. anyhow...

She wants me around and she wants me to satisfy her and my needs. She agrees that we need to concentrate on more things than just sex and should be able to do things without it. She has no hang ups with this the way it is. She has done it before but under false hopes and because I have been nothing but honest with her she has no real expectations of anything. She wants me in her life just as I want her...... hmm see below.

Do I agree with her or believe her... not really. J'bo you are right.. she's hit every ploy from number 1 all the way to 28 so far.. well not that bad but a few. What I have concluded is this.. she would rather have me one day a week than no day at all. She is willing to deal with me dating other women instead of not having me in her life at all.... kind of what i was asking for since the beginning but I was asking while we were bf/gf ... so maybe that's whats she doing. If that is the case I have no reasons not to be happy with the arrangements... Pitboss the perv gets to play.

Sge jumped into this new "role" rather too easy.. so I'm on my toes about her emotions, her thoughts and her words... and my words. No hidden or open promises. No down the road stories.. it's all right now, at this moment comments.


I know you all think I am making the wrong choice here... sorry


Oh and good morning Fade


Posted by: Jodi

PB - J'Bo, Butterfly and myself have all told you that its gonna be a game for her. A game with your emotions. I know everyone suggestions are easier said than done but you need to really be careful here. She has already said she basically doesn't want you as a friend. Sounds to me like she is gonna do what she can to keep you as more than friends. She said its ok to date other people. The first time you go ahead and go on a date with someone else you are going to feel so guilty and almost like you are cheating on her. Then the next time you talk to her and you either tell her you are going on a date or going to go on a date she is gonna get moody. It will start with her voice sounding sad and then she will start to get very short almost bitter in a way but she will still be saying its OK. I don't know if this makes sense but its her way of telling you she really doesn't want you to date other people. Then you are gonna feel like a dirt bag. Then when its all over (the date and her bitterness) and the next time you try to date again you won't be able to go through with it. Another game of holding you down and keeping you to herself. Again I hope this makes sense. I think most women that read this will understand what I mean. Its a guilt trip thing without saying NO I don't want you to date other women.

Ok with that being said, I really hope you be careful. Also, I could be wrong and it really could work out for you. Anyway, I hope it does go well and you don't run into this type of issue.


Posted by: butterfly

I think you hit it right on the head Mochy!!!

Something else to consider PB... while you two are "being friends" and as long as she's secretly hoping you two stay together... SHE won't be free to pursue that special someone that's out there who will want to fulfil all her needs including marriage & kids of her own.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
I think you hit it right on the head Mochy!!!

Something else to consider PB... while you two are "being friends" and as long as she's secretly hoping you two stay together... SHE won't be free to pursue that special someone that's out there who will want to fulfil all her needs including marriage & kids of her own.
She will if I bring them home to her


Posted by: Miss LeDix

If all of you like the way PB writes in here...you should check out the story he just wrote in the Open Chat forum...'What's wrong Fade' or whatever it was called.

Sorry PB, just had to give you credit...**going back to non-pornality now..**


Posted by: ZECH

Commenting on Mochy's comment.................
Jealous gf's are trouble!!!! PB.............I have to take the girls side on this one!! What was the name of that movie with Mr. Douglas??? You better make up your mind one way or the other! Fuq her or get the hell out....if not your asking for trouble!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Miss LeDix
If all of you like the way PB writes in here...you should check out the story he just wrote in the Open Chat forum...'What's wrong Fade' or whatever it was called.

Sorry PB, just had to give you credit...**going back to non-pornality now..**

Thanks Miss L... I noticed you brought a friend with you to IM.. Adidas. Funny you non-pornal and
Adidas.. All Day I Dream About Sex

Hmmm strange company you keep!!!!


Posted by: Jodi

Another Korn fan?


Posted by: Pitboss

Okay.... I'm a bastard, an asshole, and anything else you can think..

I'm still seeing Amanda.. just not as much as I had been before. We talk about things.. sometimes "us" comes up and I can tell she's hoping I'll just go back the way it was. I can't though. I'm just feel??? Free? I guess that's the word. I was being smothered and didn't realize it. Now it's almost weird. Almost like she is saying go on, get out there and get it out of your system. Maybe that's what I need?? I don't know. But I haven't been just sitting at home.. okay I've been working but even then I'm working it!!

So yeah.. I'm having sex with her still.. while maintaining a freindship/relationship/not a relationship kind of thing....

and while I'm doing that I'm swapping telephone numbers with a 22 year old stripper from another club.. not the one I work at... who happens to also do porn...

Either this is God's way of testing me or Satan's way of having fun!!!!


other than the normal woes of PB and his women troubles it was a busy weekend. Worked 4 nights straight, no sleep, lunch with family on Saturday, spend a few hours with Carter and his mom tagged along, then an afternoon hanging with Amanda.. uhm twice.. he he ... oh !!!

The EX!!! She finally got laid!! About freaking time! That girl needed a good fuq!! Sorry but she did. I would have offered,..... NOT!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
Another Korn fan?
Huh???? Used Cucumbers but haven't tried corn... could be interesting!!!

I know... that was bad!!!


Posted by: Jodi

OK so you don't listen to Korn! They have a song called A.D.I.D.A.S (all day I dream about sex)! Never mind.


Posted by: dvlmn666

Originally posted by mochy
OK so you don't listen to Korn! They have a song called A.D.I.D.A.S (all day I dream about sex)! Never mind.
awesome song.



Posted by: Pitboss

I have the CD but never even paid attention the titles of the songs...

Okay had therapy today... oh I'm a wacko inscae anyone missed that part.

My ex gf/current gf/??? and my therapist both put it bluntly to me... "so want you want is a GF but still be able to fuck whoever you want?" My reply... "hmmmm yep that seems to work best for me"

I'm such a f'n pig!!!

Oh and we talked about Carter, my ex, more of Amanda, sex, more sex, what I like, etc.... She was looking pretty good today. Never realized her breasts were that big before... there I go again. Damn.

Wonder if I can go a whole day without one single sexual thought?? hey stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL


Posted by: ZECH

So your therapists is a woman? Anyone want to lay odds on how long it will be before PB bangs her????


Posted by: J'Bo

I bet 10 million that he has sexual thoughts of taking her over that leather couch within 3 sessions.

Seriously PB maybe you need to get your hormones tested and get that effing testosterone undercontrol.


Posted by: ZECH

Originally posted by J'Bo
I bet 10 million that he has sexual thoughts of taking her over that leather couch within 3 sessions.

Seriously PB maybe you need to get your hormones tested and get that effing testosterone undercontrol.

BAAAAAWAAAAAA!! He had that thought within 10 minutes of the first session!!!!!!!! Now tell the truth PB!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
I bet 10 million that he has sexual thoughts of taking her over that leather couch within 3 sessions.

Seriously PB maybe you need to get your hormones tested and get that effing testosterone undercontrol.
Okay.. I'm like this normally all the time. Just think how bad I could be considering I've been on Test for the past 8 weeks!!!! Too bad I wasted on that money.. not time to work out, not eating right, blah, blah, blah... a little bigger but not much.


Sexual thoughts??? Oh yeah!!! On the couch, over the armrest of that over stuffed chair she sits on, standing agaisnt the wall.. oh I have already made use of every possible corner of the room!!!!

Amanda came over last night, early. Seems she took a few days off from work.. needed a break from it all, all but me. We talked about my session with the therapist. I openely and honestly always tell Amanda what I said in my sessions. I think because of my honesty it has made her think things out, maybe better than me. She said she has no problems with me "getting it out of my system" If I make a date she said she would like to know ahead of time so she doesn't interfere with whatever plans I have made... not sure I can tell her that though. I don't know.

There was a lot more discussion about that stuff... but in the end it lead to her feelings about her she feels I didn't give her a chance and that's what hurts her the most. That I gave her the feeling I gave up and had to find it elsewhere... not just sex people, well sex but we are talking threesomes, group, etc..... she is willing to try anything with me but not like all at once!!! Although that can be arranged... LOL

So sexually we are on the same level. Me being the more agressive one willing to act on the whatever situation cums up..

One thing that I pointed out to her and it made both of us a little more comfortable with what's going on... I said to her as we were having some drinks, holding hands under the table, me looking at her like a teenager with a crush on hs English teacher... hmm mine were all males.. okay this Spanish teacher that so f'n hot.. omg she would wear these tight ass jeans and tight shirts.. she blew away any gorl in school that's how hot she was and she knew it!!! Oh so yeah.. I said besides all the crap I have put you through in the past few weeks what's different right now versus a month ago?? Nothing she said. You treat me the same way, you look at me the same way, you keep me up on that pedestal the same way, so really nothing. it was all good.

I know you all probably can't really understand this stuff and it's tough to describe sometimes but for me right now, this time in my life I need my cake and the icing too or however that saying goes. If Amanda is willing to allow me to do that I have no reasons to not want to be with her. I'm not stopping her from finding anyone better.. hell I made a comment about it not being fair to her and she got pissed!! If I wanted to be with someone else I wouldn't be here with you right now... okay, okay.. geez I was just saying... oh and she knows that I have no problem with her helping herself to a little kilbasa on the side!


Posted by: Pitboss

Morning Danilee!!!!


Posted by: J'Bo

OK PB
Sounds like your little "icing on the cake and eat it too" is quite selfish. If you cared about her you would let her go. No one can take the torture of being used like that, even if she says its ok. I dont know where you grew up but where i come fromyou just dont treat people like that. Sorry for being harsh, but it sounds like you arent being very considerate of her feelings. So whenever you say you care so much about her, i now doubt you. Do you want to scare the girl forever? Cause it will take her a long time to get over what you are going to put her through.


Posted by: danilee

PB,

Wow, what can I say..I read your journal, and I have my opinions.

Amanda, sweet Amanda, I have been in her shoes before, said and done the exact same things....Women play games with sex, we use it to control men...It is very hard to get out of doing it, but this is what most women do...When we have nothing else, we give head, thinking someway some how, this is gonna make the guy love is again.

I am in an industry now where I have learned a lot about the ways of sex and men...I am also in a realtionship that flys in the face of what I think I learned at work, and in other situations in life.

My stance and actions now, and for the past few years, have been one of, not doing the duty until the commitmant is in place, and pretty much put in place by the guy. Yes, MANY don't stick around for months waiting to get some, but the ones who do, you usually don't have these kinda problems with.

PB, have ya thought about just going without? I know that sounds harsh and all, but sometimes true intimacy is what is going to have you stick around, even after the sex cools off...I think sex makes things way to complicated when it happens too soon...You won't grow emotionally when you do things without emotion.

I was on a merry go round about these issues for a while, and while it seems really great to hear stories and live out sexual fantasy, I will tell you I do, and IT AIN"T NO BIGGIE...Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for WHO THEY ARE, bottom line...We do things out of FEAR or LOVE, that is it...Everything can be traced back to those two emotions really. Think about it.

I believe that if you take things really slow, focuse on your own growth(and your son) you will become intune with things around you and figure out what really is the issues here...

I always thought about being with other men(heck I was, but the other men wanted commitments too) I soon realized that I am going to be old and grey one day..My youth will be gone, I want someone that is there with me, old and grey...Maybe even sick...I want to love someone old and grey...You find these connections early on and evolve with the person, and there you find security and peace...Something we all need(even you).
So in the end this is what we are all searching for, just takes some longer to admit it, accept it, not fear it...AND LOVE, just because.
OK, maybe more later, hard night stripping.
danilee


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
OK PB
Sounds like your little "icing on the cake and eat it too" is quite selfish. If you cared about her you would let her go. No one can take the torture of being used like that, even if she says its ok. I dont know where you grew up but where i come fromyou just dont treat people like that. Sorry for being harsh, but it sounds like you arent being very considerate of her feelings. So whenever you say you care so much about her, i now doubt you. Do you want to scare the girl forever? Cause it will take her a long time to get over what you are going to put her through.
Be harsh!! I don't mind really.

I don't know how to really explain whats been going on this past week, or these past few days. We been going about things like nothing ever happened between us. We spent the night hanging out at the pool, watched a movie, cuddled, etc... like nothing had changed.

Yes I do agree that I am being selfish, at least in a sexual standpoint. But as far as the relationship stand point nothing has changed. I know it probably doesn't make sense to anyone. I'm probably coming off like I am just using her to satisfy my own needs. But truth be told it's the other way around and I am completley satisfied with being there when I can for her to make her happy, feel wanted, and most of feel loved.

I guess I'm a dog without a leash. But this dog knows his way home and will always come back home as long as she wants me there.

Like I said before I appreciate everyones comments, good or bad. I read them all, they do sink in and do help in some of the decisions I decide to make or how I approach my conversations with Amanda. Many times she has opened her mouth to say something and I have to push her to say it. I tell her say what ever is on your mind so we can discuss the issue. I don't want her keeping her feelings hidden from me about what's going on now or in the future. I know from my past experiences that not talking and not saying whats on your mind good or bad is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself.

Thanks..


PS. J'bo congrats on your1st place finish!!!! Awesome!!!!


Posted by: J'Bo

Thanks PB!
Pics are on the summer 2002 posting.

I think that you guys are kidding yourselfs if you are just going around playing house with your relationship again. It takes work and time to fix a realtionship and it doesnt sound like either of you have done either.

But if you are committed to staying with her and resolving things regardless of what you are going to have to go through, than cool. It doesnt sound like you two are committed to doing that though.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
But if you are committed to staying with her and resolving things regardless of what you are going to have to go through, than cool. It doesnt sound like you two are committed to doing that though.

Well as wacky as this sounds it's true.... we have before and we still do know talk about a future together. I am not.. once again I am not giving her false hopes, or leading her on. That's not my intentions has never been. What I tell her is from the heart. What I tell her about my .. what?? sexual prowness, desires for other women are honest, open and in now way are a reflection of what she does for me or to me in that area of the relationship. I have stressed tiem and time again that it is not about the sex. Yes Danilee I could go without with her and contoniue to focus of the other parts of our relationship. One major problem. When I mention this last week she took it as I was not attracted to her and didn't want her for sex and that is why I needed to get it elsewhere.

Okay look I am approching this relationship so differently than any other I have ever been in. Open and honest. Would it be better that I just cheat behind her back.... as some of you may know I have already once.. Both her and my therapist.. damn I hate saying have one just makes me sound more fucked up... agreed that it takes more to be honest about this than to hide it.

too many good realtionships are thrown away because someone strayed... I'm not talking about having an affair.. I see no excuse for that. But just sex, no emotional attachment. If more people could seperate love and sex... as they are two different things then I really believe more marriages would last. There would be less jealousy in the world and a lot more people with silly grins on their faces... maybe I'm just the extreme when it comes to this stuff. But as I have told Amanda, and even my ex-wife. I don't care what you do with others as long as I know you love me and you always come back to me. If they don't come back then it's obvious they don't love me and why the hell were we together in the first place?????

I know probably everyone here except for myself thinks I'm nuts when I say that I can and do see Ananda and I being together for a very long time.


Posted by: Pitboss

to add the mix....

I seem to spend a lot of time talking to people about an open sexual realtionship. Mostly to get some feedback and to see how people react. This is what I have come up with.. my opinion on those that can not consider this as an option.

Jealousy seems to be common with both males and females. Most men seem to be more so than women. Jealous of what? Jealous that the significant other will leave them for the other person. This is actually a very common fear when 3somes is the subject. But what does jealousy really have to do with any of this. Nothing. It's not jealousy it's insecurity. Insercurties about yourself that maybe he/she will find someone that does it better than you. That they turn you on more than they do. Insecurities that they have a better body than you do.

Once again if you are secure enough with yourself, secure enough with your partner and able to seperate sex and love then if there is outside sex in the realtionship.. or even inside (3some, etc) then there is one less issue that could possibly ruin a relationship.

Make a list of the topics that ruin relationships/marriages andtry to come up with a solution that allows that to be avoided.

Infedelities.. both parties have to be secure and of course in total agreement. It's not one or the other.

Money... number one cause of divorce for newlyweds. So what.. win the lottery? I have my own idea's on what works. I prefer not to share it as this may cause the divorce rate to go down and that means less single women for those single men.

Sex.. not related to first subject. lack of from one party or the other. Lots of things to spice it up. But you can only play Nurse so many times. Okay so we hear.. but if you trully love that person then the sex doesn't matter. Sorry but I say its different.. it doesn't matter when you're in your 50-60-70... maybe just 60-70. But when your 30, been married 6 years it pretty much does matter!!! reads cheating spouse. Someone posted a study done back in the 50's regarding cheating spouses. You remember the joke about your dad being the mailman, milkman, etc... they think now that over 50% of spouses cheated back then. I'd say more. I would also say that majority of wives knew it. But what were they to do? They stay home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, etc.... they couldn't just leave how would they live? So turn the cheek and ignore it. It's been like that since the beginning of time. Men cheated. Women too. Difference being women paid a price dearly when caught. Now he cheats, she cheats end of relationship because you can. They both have the means to survive without each other.

Think I got carried away here somewhere along the lines... have no clue what I was trying to really say... rambling alot lately.

Any how just another look into the messed up mind of a ranting madman!!!!


Posted by: dvlmn666

Originally posted by Pitboss
Sex.. not related to first subject. lack of from one party or the other. Lots of things to spice it up. But you can only play Nurse so many times. Okay so we hear.. but if you trully love that person then the sex doesn't matter. Sorry but I say its different.. it doesn't matter when you're in your 50-60-70... maybe just 60-70. But when your 30, been married 6 years it pretty much does matter!!! reads cheating spouse.
I used to think that sex didn't play a big part of it either. Til I was married, and well now I'm divorced. But your totally right here PB. Some say it doesn't matter but in the end without sex, they are just a friend, you may love them but it isn't a complete relationship without the whole package.

But damn dude you think about sex more than anybody I've ever met.

I do think the girls are right though about Amanda (cute name by the way) is probably going to end up getting hurt. But I'm sort of in a situation like yours but a bit different.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by dvlmn666
But damn dude you think about sex more than anybody I've ever met.
I don't think that's a good thing... is is????

I do think the girls are right though about Amanda (cute name by the way) is probably going to end up getting hurt. But I'm sort of in a situation like yours but a bit different.
I guess without actully seeing us together, or hearing what we say to each other it's kind of all heresay... We both convey how much we do care for each other. I continue to reforce my feeling for her by letting her know that Carter s number one and she is number two in my life and will continue to be so. When the question comes up about me finding someone else I answer "why would I find anyone else when I'm not looking for anyone else"

If you go back and read everything I have said and understand that I can and I do seperate love and sex. That I can and I do have sex with no emotional attachments. That I can follow my rules of this is sex only... nothing more. If they can't follow those rules nothing gonna happen.....


I'm really waiting for some of the ladies here to just go off on me... I know somebody has to want to say whay a loser I am, a pig, male chauvanist, or whatever else they can come up with.


Posted by: dvlmn666

Originally posted by Pitboss


I don't think that's a good thing... is is????
Only if your actually gettting it more than me.

I guess without actully seeing us together, or hearing what we say to each other it's kind of all heresay... We both convey how much we do care for each other. I continue to reforce my feeling for her by letting her know that Carter s number one and she is number two in my life and will continue to be so. When the question comes up about me finding someone else I answer "why would I find anyone else when I'm not looking for anyone else"

If you go back and read everything I have said and understand that I can and I do seperate love and sex. That I can and I do have sex with no emotional attachments. That I can follow my rules of this is sex only... nothing more. If they can't follow those rules nothing gonna happen.....
Yeah, but I was just calling it how I see it. But the fact that your being blatantly honest has to help alot. At least she knows which is very very important.

I think for guys it's easier to seperate sex from love. Just an observation ladies so be nice to me.


Posted by: Jodi

I think for guys it's easier to seperate sex from love. Just an observation ladies so be nice to me.
Sex is Sex unless its with someone you love than its more. I think anyone that has been in a Sex/Sex relation can seperate Sex & Love. If you have only been in a Sex/Love relationship then I believe it would be harder to seperate sex from love. Women tend to fall into love faster than men so thats why I believe you think its easier for men to seperate. I think it all depends on the type of relationships one has experienced in the past. Did I confuse you? I tend to do that to people.


Posted by: dvlmn666

Nah you made sense, and it's a very reasonable and good answer.

Plus you added in the fact that people must learn from there past.


Posted by: Pitboss

All I know is that no matter what decision I make aout my rleationships all that really matter is this guy.. Like I said he's number one, every one else is down the line...




Posted by: Jodi

PB you look like you are a very caring father and you love your son very much! I respect that, after a divorce, some parents tend to forget about or neglect their children. I am glad to see that you have put your son as the number 1 thing in your life.


Posted by: dvlmn666

ahhaah I like to see a good dad like you dude. I can tell how much he means to you.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
PB you look like you are a very caring father and you love your son very much! I respect that, after a divorce, some parents tend to forget about or neglect their children. I am glad to see that you have put your son as the number 1 thing in your life.
Thanks Mochy... and Dvlmn

yes he is #1!!! Amanda has already pushed my buttons on that when she got upset that we didn't have our Sundays together.. I put it in simple words.. You do not want to go there.. Do not put your time with me in front Carter. End of discussion! i will leave any woman without a second thought you interferes with me and my son!

now with that said..... dddddddaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnn my arms look huge in that pic.. sweet!!!


Posted by: J'Bo

Yes the pipes are looking good.
So wheres the grey hair?
Where do you live?


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
Yes the pipes are looking good.
So wheres the grey hair?
Where do you live?
Thanks sweetie

Can't see it in that pic but I have tons and tons of gray!!! Hate it. I hate it som much I've considered spending an entire weekend plucking them all out..

I live in sunny Souther California.. Los Angeles area. Hate the people, the traffic, the air, the taxes.... but you can't beat the year around weather, the beautiful women and Starbucks every other block!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Diary entry.....

Okay I can't believe I did this. OMG it is too funny though.

So yes I was with Amanda again last night. We had a great steak dinner, damn she cooks great!! Grilled on the BBQ, it was perfect!! Oh and the pasta salad she made.... hmmm well she made it on Tuesday also. I was like eating that up like there was no tomorrow it was soooooo gooooooood!!!! Then as we were laying in bed she tells me she has a confession to make... the past salad.. well she didn't make it. It's package called... ?? damn forgot. It comes the noodles, and the season packets... oh it is so good but it tasted better when I thought she made it

oh so last night dinner... then we spent an hour in the Jacuzzi.. tossed down 3 Smirnoff Ice's.. should have never turned her on to those.. LOL. Watched a little news and then off to bed. Doing our thing.. not to get into to much detail.. But I was on top and then I rolled over and pulled her to side and cuddled for a little bit. It was getting late and I was getting tired. I hadn't finished which is never a priority to me. As long as she cums a couple of times I'm content. She decides to go down on me as I lay there. About 10 minutes later I hear "Roger!!" .. I'm like huh??? Oh shit I fell asleep!!!! OMG I felt so bad... but she had fluffed up the down pillow really good and I was so comfortbale... it was like a massage and I just slowly went to sleep.. I was still hard just snoring.. LOL

I had a girl fall asleep on me once doing that.. poor thing LOL


Posted by: dvlmn666

Originally posted by Pitboss
So yes I was with Amanda again last night. We had a great steak dinner, damn she cooks great!! Grilled on the BBQ, it was perfect!! Oh and the pasta salad she made.... hmmm well she made it on Tuesday also. I was like eating that up like there was no tomorrow it was soooooo gooooooood!!!! Then as we were laying in bed she tells me she has a confession to make... the past salad.. well she didn't make it. It's package called... ?? damn forgot. It comes the noodles, and the season packets... oh it is so good but it tasted better when I thought she made it
grrrrrr I can never find a girl who cooks. Not a single one has ever been able to cook. j/k yer lucky dude.

but dude, you fell asleep? wtf, you gotta lay off the schminoff ice's. lol

hey try the bacardi Silvers, I like them better by the way. lol


Posted by: J'Bo

I am laughing as usual.
You still got it old fart.
P.S i am thinking of moving to L.A, my bf's visa is due to come next year. I thought i maybe like a real sight being the only one with real flat chest and all.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
I am laughing as usual.
You still got it old fart.
P.S i am thinking of moving to L.A, my bf's visa is due to come next year. I thought i maybe like a real sight being the only one with real flat chest and all.
Well you should probably move out here first.. get settled in and then send for him... I even know a great place you can stay until things get going...

Oh and it ain't all silicone.. out of the 45 strippers I work with I'd say only 10-15 of them have implants, hmm maybe a few more.


Posted by: Jodi

About 10 minutes later I hear "Roger!!" .. I'm like huh??? Oh shit I fell asleep!!!! OMG I felt so bad... but she had fluffed up the down pillow really good and I was so comfortbale... it was like a massage and I just slowly went to sleep.. I was still hard just snoring.. LOL
So hows here self asteem today!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by mochy
So hows here self asteem today!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think her self esteem is great it's the rest of the day that sucks.. bad day at her first job. The she ran out of gas even though the gauge said she had over a 1/8 tank. She has to wrok tonight fron 5 to 12 after taking 5 days off..... not too good!!!


Posted by: Pitboss

I'm drunk....... that's is all.

Oh and I hung out wit hsome Hells Angels.... really got to wonder what's up wit h that?????

Okay off to watch some porn.... LOL


Posted by: danilee

HeY PB

Just peeking in...

Wanted to say I mailed you with all that info, and it is sooo long and detailed I am almost embarressed to have sent it:o :o :o

Well it is late here, and I needed an ear, and believe me it is one long drawn out email...Sorry if it was too much....I am one of those story tellers...I type as fast as I talk..

Looks like things are going fairly well here...Your living as you see fit, most should be so bold...

danilee


Posted by: danilee

Oh I am off to watch some porn too


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by danilee
HeY PB

Just peeking in...
can ya knock next time... so I have time to get out of my briefs!!!!

Wanted to say I mailed you with all that info, and it is sooo long and detailed I am almost embarressed to have sent it:o :o :o
and I'm still reading it... LOL just kidding.

Well it is late here, and I needed an ear
anytime sweetie.. I have two pretty big ears...


Posted by: butterfly

Howdy


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
Howdy
Hi Butterfly... Happy B-day sweetie

Glad this morning went fine. Right ovary... hmmm its a girl!!!!


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss


Hi Butterfly... Happy B-day sweetie

Glad this morning went fine. Right ovary... hmmm its a girl!!!!
I hope so!!! You know how much I want a girl.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly

I hope so!!! You know how much I want a girl.
My only concern would have to be Fade and her dating!!!!!!! hehe

and where is our dear Fade??


Posted by: butterfly

He went home for lunch so he is either playing PS2 with Cory or asleep.

Yeah, he's already said he doesn't want to think about her dating... I just have to laugh!!! It's so cute!


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
He went home for lunch so he is either playing PS2 with Cory or asleep.

Yeah, he's already said he doesn't want to think about her dating... I just have to laugh!!! It's so cute!
Well tell Fade I will keep Carter away


Posted by: J'Bo

Originally posted by Pitboss
I'm drunk....... that's is all.

Oh and I hung out wit hsome Hells Angels.... really got to wonder what's up wit h that?????

Okay off to watch some porn.... LOL
What else is new, porn hey?
Isnt it great?



Posted by: J'Bo

BTW PB Where are you? and what is going on with you and the woman? I need an update. I am feeling quite neglected.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
BTW PB Where are you? and what is going on with you and the woman? I need an update. I am feeling quite neglected.
Ah don't cry sweetie you know all I want to do when you cry is take you in my arms and hold you tight..... and see if you'll slap me when my hands wander!!!!

Not much time.. check your PM's...


Everything has been great .. Amanda and I have been getting along great, talk alot about me and my stupid sexual ??? whatever is.

Still attracted to my therapist... Nice ankles and very suckable toes!!! Wish she'd dress down a little... LOL

Been busy at work, at home making room for a roommate.. cash baby!!! Uhm seeing Carter on a weekly basis.. another 6 more weeks and i get him for full days!!!

Uhm horny.

pretty much all good lately

XXX

Roger


Posted by: J'Bo

Great to hear things are going good for you.
We just finished our Canada day last weekend and i had a great time at the beach. Lying around in a bikini is the life. So you doing anything special for July 4th? Too bad its not a long weekend for you guys, thems the brakes i geuss. We will chat soon.

Jenny


Posted by: butterfly

Hey PB


Posted by: Pitboss

Hi Ann .... thinking about you and your baby... all good thoughts and prayers


Posted by: Leslie

PB! Missed ya hon! Hope all is well You are too busy posting pics of gay men to talk to us ladies


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Leslie2196
PB! Missed ya hon! Hope all is well You are too busy posting pics of gay men to talk to us ladies
Wasn't or haven't been in the chatting mood lately but figured at least keep the ladies entertained with a little eye candy Sorry no nekkid pics of me though... he he


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss
Hi Ann .... thinking about you and your baby... all good thoughts and prayers
Thanks sweetie!


Posted by: naturaltan

Originally posted by J'Bo
Lying around in a bikini is the life
Jenny
you should try it in the buff!!


Posted by: butterfly

Originally posted by Pitboss
Sorry no nekkid pics of me though... he he
Damn... what's the point in looking then


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly

Damn... what's the point in looking then
Too sweet but I don't even come close to those guys in that thread.


Posted by: butterfly

At least you've got a big...uh...heart!!!!


Posted by: naturaltan

Originally posted by Pitboss
Been busy at work, at home making room for a roommate.. cash baby!!! Uhm seeing Carter on a weekly basis.. another 6 more weeks and i get him for full days!!!
EXCELLENT!!!!!

ps ... in reading some of this thread, some can seperate love and sex ... * giggle *


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by naturaltan
ps ... in reading some of this thread, some can seperate love and sex ... * giggle *
Ya think??? I'm glad you can tell but I'm having a hard time figuring out these ladies. I'm almost certain Esmerelda, Sosunni, and possibly J'bo... but I .... oh hey you talking about me

NT, did I ever reply to your PM? I don't remember... anyhow see how things go over the next 6 months. Love to join you and the Misses in Jamaica. Hopefully as a foursome but if that doesn't work out hope you two don't mind a threesome?

Okay no matter how I wrote that it still cums out pornalized!! LOL


Posted by: julinia

Originally posted by Pitboss

Okay no matter how I wrote that it still cums out pornalized!! LOL
Like we expect less


Posted by: Sosunni

Hey - look what I found!!!

Hi PB... I wanna get caught up... or tied up.. whatever... but need to leave for that thing that pays my bills....

S


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by Sosunni
Hey - look what I found!!!

Hi PB... I wanna get caught up... or tied up.. whatever... but need to leave for that thing that pays my bills....

S
Hi check your email when you can.

Uhm must be nice not going into work until afte 9am!!!! So what's your excuse for not going to teh gym every morning???


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by butterfly
At least you've got a big...uh...heart!!!!
:

Thanks Butterfly... I know you know how big my.. uh.. heart is!!! LOL


okay I promised J'Bo I'd do some creative writing in my diary.. it has been sometime and not much has really happened lately to me but I'm sure once I start writing it'll cum...


so let me start a new post...


Posted by: Pitboss

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry for neglecting you lately. I just haven't had much to write about. Oh sure I guess I could have written something each day, some silly thing that may have happened to me. But I didn't want to bore you. Life has been rather stagnant lately. Work, eat, sleep...
what??
Oh sex. Well yeah I've had sex.
Yes! More than once. You have to remember who I have been seeing. You know the girl who's sexually appetite is twice what mine is.
No I'm being serious.
Prove it?
How?
Tell you about it?
Damn diary is a perv... okay fine I'll give just a couple examples, maybe.

Lets see where should I start.. Oh I know!!
Wednesday July 3rd.
Amanda got off work around 10:00 and I head on over. We prettymuch kicked back and had a few Smirnoff's Ice's.. I should have never gave her one. Damn fish is what she is!!! He chatted like any other couple, catching up on the days events. Sitting out on her patio, her across from me. She lifts one of her legs up to rest on my leg allowing me a full glimpse between her legs... summer dresses are so especially when nothing is worn underneath .. she caught me looking and got embarrased. I love that.. I spend 15 minutes at a tiem with my mouth down there and she gets embarrased when I catch a peek... LOL

I go to get another drink and lean over to kiss her.. nice long, wet, tongues playing, lip biting kiss... her hand slides up the inside of my shorts... hmmm look ma not undies!! As soon as her hand wraps around my... my.... okay this is my journal and dammit it's freedom of speech!!!... around my cock I start to get hard. Love it when she holds me... I pull away..and say "oops got get out drinks" laughing the whole time I walk to the kitchen, I am such a tease!!

I come back and stand right next to her as I hand her her Smirnoff. While she takes back a nice big swig I pull my shorts down to expose myself to her... no surprise to her it's become normal for Roger to drop his drawers where ever.. he looks around, as we were on her patio, 2nd story but neighbors can see us and we can see them. She takes me into her mouth... blah, blah, blah.. and then blah, blah, blah..... okay break time.

Need some responses here. Do I do with the blah, blah, blahs or do I just let the writing skills cum out?


Posted by: Pitboss

Okay then.. It's been almost 2 hours since I posted the above post. I'll take that as no one has a problem with me getting overly pornal... or do they??? I'll write the way I like to write.. make you think you're reading a Penthouse Forum letter. Only difference is my won't start with "I never thought this would happen to me. I mean I always read these letters in the Forum and could only dream I'd be writing my one letter to Penthouse.. geez"

I give you all a chance to voice your opinions.. Prince? W8? anyone else of Authority.. oh Kuso diary mod???


Posted by: Pitboss

okay I'm bored and have 5 minutes to waste..... so she takes me in her mouth. My right hand placed on the back of her neck.. no I am not pushing her into me, that's rude! My left hand slides down to her breast and I gently squeeze.. she likes me to squeeze hard.. I will but not yet. We go at this for sometime. I reach down and pull her away from me and then grabbing her hnads stand her. We start kissing, hands wandering. I slowly turn and move to the balcony wall and then turn her around. Her back to me. I kiss her neck, soft bites with my teeth. I place my mouth over her right trap and soft sink my teeth against her skin, she lets out a soft moan.. girl loves to be bit! I slowly lift her sundress and run my hands over her ass, her skin is so soft, soft like velvet or silk. I slow move against her letting my hips guide me into her. Slowly we make contact. Slowly I enter her, little by little. Pulling back a little and then starting all over until I'm all the way in her.

We hear some people coming down the walk way. Keeping our moans silent I continue to move my hips, just a little, just enough to drive her nuts. I can see her bitting her lip holding back... I reach around her and grab both breasts in my hand, her nipples pussing against the dress. I take both them between my index finger and thumb, squeezing harder and harder as I press myself against her harder, deeper.. I let one hand loose and slide it down her stomach and between her legs. Letting my fingers play a little... hmmmm


Okay been longer than 5 minutes gotta go. Sorry couldn't finish or had to keep it R-17


Posted by: J'Bo

You suck , i cant believe you left me hanging like that. Your posts are anything but boring PB. Nive new avatar BTW. Must you make your son a mini perv already?


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
You suck , i cant believe you left me hanging like that. Your posts are anything but boring PB. Nive new avatar BTW. Must you make your son a mini perv already?
Well I had to leave work... now I'm home, naked and ready to shower... off to work and look at tits all night. Damn I hate my life.. LOL

He's no perv.. but Carter is twice the flirt I ever was!!! He works it and he knows it!!!


Posted by: J'Bo

Believe me PB, i did not say he was a perv. I meant you made him look like his daddy. He sure is the cutest thing i have every seen. Like his daddy.


Posted by: Jodi

DAMN PB! You ought to start writing books. Hell, I'd buy them. I like your posts as well. Very interesting and fun to read.


Posted by: Pitboss

Originally posted by J'Bo
Believe me PB, i did not say he was a perv. I meant you made him look like his daddy. He sure is the cutest thing i have every seen. Like his daddy.
Oh okay.. guess I misunderstood. He's cute I agree... but the cutest "thing" you've ever seen?


Thanks Mochy... I can only write for so long. I usually get bored and need to start a new story. My short stories are short with no ending.. LOL


Posted by: Pitboss

I was searching for an old thread of mine when I came across this pic.... for those that haven't seen it I thought you might enoy it.

I was in the US Marine Corps from 1984 -1991. I was in Desert Storm from August 9 or 11, 1990 until March 3, 1991. Yes I am considered a war veteran.

Anyhow for Halloween I decided to pull out my old cammies and have a little fun.... hmmm that didn't work out to well. When I got out in 1991 I weighed 160-165 with maybe a 13-14% BF. When I took this pick I was about 177 and 10% BF. My old uniform didn't fit. I had the sleeves rolled up and my arms basically got stuck.. LOL So I went and bought a new set.. even these were too tight on my arm... not really complaing. Just wish my chest and back were in size sync with my arms!!!

So here is Senior Drill Instructor Staff Sargeant PB!!




Posted by: Pitboss

oh damn.. I'm eating cottage cheese. I hate cottage cheese!!!!! has pineapple in it though and that's kind of yummy. J'Bo pineapple right?

LMAO!!


Posted by: J'Bo

Love the pic. You have a nasty look on your face though, you going on a beaver hunt? LOL. nice pipes babe. Oh your boy, yes he is sooo cute, The pineapple, ummm good.


(CLICK HERE here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Diary of a madman.....


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