Thread: Woman of Wonder with great Desire

thanx gary,
it feels really good to get all this off my chest to some1, ina way

im acting so cocky tonite! w my yahoo friends anyway, n im never gonna meet 1/2 those fools anyway so its like i can act kinda “to the extreme” in the chat room n stuff. its kina funny........the internet has played a huge part in my recovery! *(wow that’s surprising)* but its so true, like i never get ANY phone calls, from any1 besides like family, or cab driver(s)
so I go in a chat room, and talk. I told u it takes me extra effort to do everything, even talking, so I got on the mic and would like blab on about nothing all day sometimes. And yes I know that people are SO MEAN! They said all kinds of things 2 me, when id get on mic and be in the middle of a sentence and forget what I was talking about, they’d say I sounded like a retard n mean stuff like that. Which I know I did/do! But you know what? .............. I just learned to not care, and tell them to click the mute button or change rooms.

And along with my speech comes my thinking process as well. I mean like that’s y I cant drive…………YET at least. Like when I go to turn a corner, I’m like ok turn my blinker on, think push up or down, am I close enough to start turning the wheel(my depth perception is far from perfect, Now)

Yes ok its about 10pm, n my attentions spent n I think im starting to get headaches again. But I think ive been clenching my teeth sometimes. I used to get migranes I think. Ive had this headache all day Anyways I did take some hydroshit that worked really good be4. and ill take my nite meds. That help me go 2 sleep so itll probly be gone tomorrow, ooh guess what me n my sister n probly her bf are going to a blues fest @the beach tomorrow! Whoa like im getting off the computer!




Yea ima start posting stuff bout my diet im gonna try to stick to a clean bulk, lol clean! WHATEVER!

I like your cockyness ! Have fun at the beach !

Good Morning Maria !!!!

morning! waiting to hear from my sister still..........damn i wish i drove.....n had friends! and i needa new bikini, my other 1s from last year like fall off me, yea cause i usta be a fatass! but that just means i get to go Shopping! yay omg i feel soo good!


but im soooo fat! i havent been to the gym in over a week i wanted to do at least some cardio but idk better not risk it. i still have stitches from my wisdom teeth but im not getting em out till monday @10 i hope i can get to the gym that afternoon!
yea u know how everybody else, like whines n shit when they get their teeth out, my sister was having milshakes for liike 2 weeks! ha yea i had my days/meals where i was bad......like i had a few milkshakes n pizza but then i also had my protein 2! n i cooked n stuff! ive been eating like cottage chz alot, n made protein pancales, n my dad was grilling out 1nite so i had my bro cook my chicken and steak, and i cut it up real small, but i ate it! but then like my mouth would be sore later so id probly eat somethin bad
but then i have my moods where im like'yea im notta pussy, i can have protein' n id be like real good, then id pay 4it later n be bad. so i wonder what ill be like when i have those damn wholes in my gums! and im soo outa shape! i feel like sucha fat bum!
but ina way it was probly good i tooka week off, bc like look at all im writing, and tellin u my feelins! i should tell my neurophycologist to just read this if we ever have another sesion! haha! yea, remember that post from my group, "this has been a part of growing up"? well thats bd i wrote some things in my group that i kinda am embarased about now. but this is my journal! ive never kept a journal either so like this is really great!

ok so that was my sis, n we can go getta cheap suit for today or i can wear 1a hers, but she says it windy, so we can just chill and get lunch or somethin + i gotta save my $ cause shes gonna take on like a special shopping trip cause i dont have any clothes that fit anymore, AND i need to buy some cute stuff for my trip to Mellorca!
omg im like so xcited , kinda, ill get more xcited when my aunt gets here. ive hardly been outa the state! and thats like over in Europe, n spossta be some big resort island thats crazy and theresa nude beach n all! omg! yea my aunt just retired in febuary, and thats where our hereitage is from, im not loaded or anything!

omg relax gar!
ur AMERICAN and ur not cometeing! i personally dont know y ur doing this, at least I wouldnt/couldnt do it...........if none of what happened to me did, but thats you, and do whatever makes u happy hun
but baby when i say im bad im BAD! like real bad. but im bulking so like whatever. however your cutting but its like ur like 'omg! what did i just do?' and u feel SO bad, and ur really hard on urself. dont worry hun when i was cutting for those 8-12 weeks or whatever......im the same way! i never ate anything off my diet!
relax hun, when u get off ur diet, just look at urself and read this journal from when u write things when u feel really good, like that post when u were pumped and u saw vains, n then ate somethin bad, n i told u to relax!
ill tell u what i told greek...........YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, inside and out! and thats all thats important. working out and dieting isnt!

this is a reply in garys journal..........just more about me growing up!

Originally posted by chiquita6683
morning! waiting to hear from my sister still..........damn i wish i drove.....n had friends! and i needa new bikini, my other 1s from last year like fall off me, yea cause i usta be a fatass! but that just means i get to go Shopping! yay omg i feel soo good!


but im soooo fat! i havent been to the gym in over a week i wanted to do at least some cardio but idk better not risk it. i still have stitches from my wisdom teeth but im not getting em out till monday @10 i hope i can get to the gym that afternoon!
yea u know how everybody else, like whines n shit when they get their teeth out, my sister was having milshakes for liike 2 weeks! ha yea i had my days/meals where i was bad......like i had a few milkshakes n pizza but then i also had my protein 2! n i cooked n stuff! ive been eating like cottage chz alot, n made protein pancales, n my dad was grilling out 1nite so i had my bro cook my chicken and steak, and i cut it up real small, but i ate it! but then like my mouth would be sore later so id probly eat somethin bad
but then i have my moods where im like'yea im notta pussy, i can have protein' n id be like real good, then id pay 4it later n be bad. so i wonder what ill be like when i have those damn wholes in my gums! and im soo outa shape! i feel like sucha fat bum!
but ina way it was probly good i tooka week off, bc like look at all im writing, and tellin u my feelins! i should tell my neurophycologist to just read this if we ever have another sesion! haha! yea, remember that post from my group, "this has been a part of growing up"? well thats bd i wrote some things in my group that i kinda am embarased about now. but this is my journal! ive never kept a journal either so like this is really great!

ok so that was my sis, n we can go getta cheap suit for today or i can wear 1a hers, but she says it windy, so we can just chill and get lunch or somethin + i gotta save my $ cause shes gonna take on like a special shopping trip cause i dont have any clothes that fit anymore, AND i need to buy some cute stuff for my trip to Mellorca!
omg im like so xcited , kinda, ill get more xcited when my aunt gets here. ive hardly been outa the state! and thats like over in Europe, n spossta be some big resort island thats crazy and theresa nude beach n all! omg! yea my aunt just retired in febuary, and thats where our hereitage is from, im not loaded or anything!

OMG !!!!! Sounds like fun. Oh and we need new pics if you are getting a new 'kini.

hahaha!!!!! ok ill postem! ill try to get some done, maybe my aunt can take some, idk? the trips in may, after easter i think. baby after loosing all the weight that i gained from the surgery/steriod, im like soo cocky and when i go shopping im gonna be so cute!!!!
o and guess what i need glasses! but im not blind so im WAITING to get hooked up w a reg eye dr. (exam was done at vision works w a contract dr) but im xcited bc im gonna get those cute frames! u know the lil 1/2 glasses! itll go w my short hair! yay! im gonna be like 1a those cute girls w short hair and "different" glasses! ah! and i look buff n fit! and im gonna continue to just train, so like ill compete in a bb comp ina few years. or maybe be4 then cause idk how big i can get naturally. like my trainer is 151/2 i think but she says she wants to do fitness ina few yrs and doesnt like being so big n stuff, but she'd kick butt in fitness bc she used to be a dancer, so i dont how do u get smaller? lotsa cardio? she hates cardio! idk............im still learning everything! but when i do learn it, like ill forget it, so its really good that im keeping a journal for that reason! yay!!!!

*sigh* i just got back from the beach had a really good time, have stuff to tell u but........ im really hungry 2, all the chikn i cooked is all gone all i got left is wheat pasta and lil bitta broccili. so i just ate the wheat pasta[thats like stuch together] w some salad dressing, but im really unsure this dressing being like good. cause i member that han dude telling me, that all diet food is bad, and real whole food is good. n i hate whey and MRPs, the way they taste, so yea im dedicated, like 'a freaky bb' i cook my food, even though it takes me along time to eat it, it tastes better besides i dont have a job or anything or do i drive, so i can take the time to eat it ............ k back 2the dressing, sorry im like so paranoid so i feel i have 2 xplain EVERYTHING, but yea ok dressing! anyway diet food bad/real food good right?
so there was this ranch i bought, that was wish bone and i usually buy hidden valley.....BUT there was a wish bone Diet ranch and there was a regular ranch 2, but there was this "special" ranch and the label said wish bone-Just2Good, and all it has in it was 2g fat, 5 carbs, 370sodium, (guessing there) so all that really confuses me? i just bought it, it was the last 1 (good thing bc i woulda bought 2 of em bc i Always overdo Everything......note to self* join a wholesale club*)........anywayz! yea yea yea. i was confused bc there was a diet kind a regular kind and this kind, so what should i have done? this is all a learning process, yaknow? maybe ill post this in some1 elses journal, even tho its like all personal n stuff, but i really dont care! im young/dumb/ n still learning, but i forget what i learnt
so ok im not really tired anymore after typing all that, i think ill make a few more posts! yay!

hey can u tell me how to do that quote thingee? be4 a reply u no? <<<<the real question, coulda asked ina pm
yea i no that ur just about the only reading my journal now, besides like monolith and do u know what happened to katie64? she usta reply like all the time? hope nothin bad she wanted 2meet me one time
i no like everyone unsubscribed n stuff to my journal bc i post so much, sicka their mailbox bein full .........well thats what I think.

so ya know, how i used to be all intimidated by this bc every1 posts their diet/workouts and i said i can't,...............well i will! start, i hope, after reading every1elses journals n stuff, n i realize that its just regular people helpin eachother out....then i made a journal, but only posted when i felt really good or really bad....now ive like told/tell you EVERYTHING like really personal n all.....bc this is a journal, and the only people that read it are u know who and maybe ill print it out 4 my future husband to read, or my trainer bc i talk about her so much. n like yea im really annoying bc i have to xplain everything bc im so parnoid! n bleh

but yay! my memory is improving! but like i did another stupid thing today, that maybe bc i have a brain injury, but its really its okay bc its my sister, my only friend. eww bleh bad day

yea so like i relize that i post alot, specially now! "im becoming a woman.............................Again" idk something gave me a positive feeling, which i dont think ill post in here, but i have nothin else to do n this feels really good to say all this kinda getit off my chest finally! cause i dont have any friends really sides my sister n my trainer, but shes really really busy + she just gotta promotion n like bbs r normal people just like every1else, no better no worse (shesa bb)

*note to self- after i learn/figure out how to do the quote thingee, copy/paste replys to other peoples journals........i wanna remember all this
replys: stacey's journal
greeky's "
gary's "
more in future, but maybe i'll figure it out soon

damn my mouth hurts, i brushed my teeth while i was in the shower hit the stitches........ive been brushin my teeth, eatin whole foods all week, my family n every1s impressed, said i heal fast, gotta be those damn vitamins i hate to swallow, maybe ill switch to a multivitamin, but thats not as good right? n i want the best. i hada tracheotomy thats y i think i hate 2swallow stuff, sometimes when i was taken supplements & vitamins & meds, i would have unsweetened applesauce to getem down

Subject: what Bodybuilding has done for me.......so far......4new members


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now as u all know, ive only been training since november
(consistently) but theres been many changes in me, physically,
emotionally, ect.
it has helped my recovery TREMENDOUSLY; i cant even express to u
how far ive come........ i came outa the coma, ive had to learn
EVERYTHING over again. how to walk (i had broken my pelvis in 2
places), how to talk(my speech was a whisper n very monotoned), how
to socialize[still learning some of this](people w brain damage
say/do inappropiate things at times), and so i had to relearn all of
this, the basic principles of living.....then i got to the point i
was able to train n b/c i saw all my fellow patients n i figured im
able to walk, im not paralyzed, my condition is nowhere near their
condition. [as bad as it is/was] at least i CAN workout n take good
care of myself.
then i began training, and got myself into shape, i gained self
confidence, i never had before......i can even be cocky at times, my
trainer thinks its hilarious. but damnit I DESERVE to be! (cocky)
unlike all other "Normal" bodybuilders. this goal intimidated me
before, i was like "yea right, i can never do that/look like that."
but my body is changeing, slowly but surely, n i feel like i CAN
do anything(almost).

Subject: i wanna be muscular!


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since muscle gets ur BMR up, and i had said originally that i wanted
to do bb not figure to begin w..........i think im going to Cut 4my
vacation like i said, then when i get back she said well start to go
heavy n figure out how my diet should work, but shell hafta teach me
bout all that.......she has done soo much 4 me.
i used to follow her around the gym n she counted outloud, but now I
can work out on my own!!!
im cooking all my food 2! ive totally adopted this kind of
lifestyle, even though its more stressful its forces me to not be
lazy in all the other aspects in life and its helped me so much w my
recovery!
lastnite i went to an awards dinner of my brain injury support
group, But every1 will be proud to know, i stayed on my diet!

To quote someone use [ quote]
copy what you want to quote in the middle then end with
[ /quote]

click here~~~>http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/mi...&action=bbcode it will tell you how to do it all.

yea im posting all the group messages here, bc i started the group when i started training back in november or something, i wasnt as heathy cognitively then as i am now(thanx2HBOT), n i posted that i wasnt gonna post as much in the group bc im gonna post alot more here bc itsa "journal"

Originally posted by chiquita6683
hey can u tell me how to do that quote thingee? be4 a reply u no? <<<<the real question, coulda asked ina pm
yea i no that ur just about the only reading my journal now, besides like monolith and do u know what happened to katie64? she usta reply like all the time? hope nothin bad she wanted 2meet me one time
i no like everyone unsubscribed n stuff to my journal bc i post so much, sicka their mailbox bein full .........well thats what I think.

Maria, in the lower right corner of each post there are the words "qoute" just click on those wrods and you are ready to go !

I have wondered about Katie too ! Was going to send her an email but when I click on the "send an email" it tells me she has elected not to receive emails

I could be extra sneaky and find her somehow I guess but I'm not really that sneaky .

[quote]To quote someone use [ quote]
copy what you want to quote in the middle then end with
[ /quote]

click here~~~>http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/m...p;action=bbcode it will tell you how to do it all.[quote]

aww thanx jlb! id kissya if u were here but.......

damnit it didnt work!

Originally posted by gwcaton
Maria, in the lower right corner of each post there are the words "qoute" just click on those wrods and you are ready to go !

I have wondered about Katie too ! Was going to send her an email but when I click on the "send an email" it tells me she has elected not to receive emails

I could be extra sneaky and find her somehow I guess but I'm not really that sneaky .

yay! did i do it, lets findout!

you left out the / in the last quaote be sure to leave no spaces in them.

nah that was 2 difficult 4me, ima just do what gary told me, thanx hun!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! You did it!

Originally posted by JLB001
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! You did it!

yay!!!!!! woohoo!!!!!!
4u people, "Normal freaky bbs" thats what i used2 assume, but its like an easy thing 4 u...........4me, ITS NOT, anymore:blush:, i need help w alot of stuff, and people dont realize any of that, so i think they think im annoying bc like theyre all smart n stuff.
and its nice to feel appreciated and have a pat on my back every now n again.

Subject: Re: [Chiquitas_Comeback] what Bodybuilding has done for me.......so far......4new members


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Maria mommacita, you can and have proven that you can do anything you set your heart, soul and mind too! I am in awe of your determination. You keep me and my spirit as a mother in this field going strong. keep goin my fellow BB sistah. Much love,
Cb_shuga

yea she has a yahoo group also, we talk occasionally, but that is like the only pat on my back ive gotten
but ever since i came here like every1 is so supportive n all, that im just gonna continue posting here. like i saw this site and everything, but didnt know how to make a journal and wasnt confident enough.........
AND that post i made about the bodybuilding drama i started, yea that was so lame. and i feel embarrassed now........but brain injured people saydo alot of inappropriate things at times bc they dont think be4 they act. which i have done sooo much of! ill post an instance when im bored or whatever
o yea, i just went to my group and deleted all the "inapropriate messages"
but i had help w that 2, some webpage moderator or idk his "title" but hesa member in my group also, and we've become really good friends, we were talking on the phone today and he pointed out the fact i could delete messages if i wanted 2. i was like "o yea! i own the group, i can do whatever!" so i deleted em! yay!!!

Originally posted by chiquita6683
i think they think im annoying bc like theyre all smart n stuff.

YOU ARE NOT AT ALL ANNOYING!!!! I think you are super sweet, and I admire you for all you have went through, and especially you STRENGTH!!! Just cause I dont post doesnt mean i do not follow! I think you are a remarkable women. Keep up the hard work.

Maria...your doing awesome for everything you have gone through!

Originally posted by Jill
Chiquita-there is nothing wrong with be uncomfortable with your body, physically. Usually thats what motivates people to change.

yea im posting my replys from other journals so i can read it as well as print it! it makes me feel good and its really motivating!

Originally posted by gwcaton
Wow , Maria is really coming out of her shell isn't she !!!!! I like it !

yay!!!!!