jstar

You are smart to have the forsight to realize this. Sometimes we just get comfortable with someone and lose sight of the fact that we are not really satisfied with the relationship anymore. It is hard, but I know that some people stay together much longer than we did with our ex's and now they have moved on and are happier! So there is hope!

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Thanks hon I think you are right. Time will tell, absolutely! Honestly, I just don't even want to date anyone right now at all. I was "fixed up" with two guys over the summer and neither one worked out. The 1st guy I was attracted to and it felt good to be attracted to someone else, other then my ex. However, he turned out to be a bit too much of a drinker for my taste. The second guy was cool but I didn't feel like we had a ton in common. Oh well, there is always my college reunion coming up in November

I don't think there is anything wrong with it either, I just don't want to go way high and way low. I am more concerned about overeating/binging then trying to make up for it by having a bigger calorie deficit the next day. I don't want to get into that pattern. Part of my goal is to create better habits along the way.

As far as calories, I am going to keep them the same (1800) for this week and increase my cardio instead (from 5x30 to 6x40). I am following the advice in the "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle" book and it is pretty cool because he tells you exactly what to do when you reach a plateau - for each type of situation. For example: "if your LBM goes down and your BF goes down" do this; "if your LBM stays the same and your BF goes up" do this...
I weigh myself once a week and also take measurements (I only get my bodyfat checked once a month but I might start going twice a month).
So this week my weight stayed the same and my measurements were the same so the first thing I am supposed to do is increase cardio and recheck next week. If my BF goes down then I keep with this level of cardio until the next plateau...if it doesn't then I need to cut 100-200 calories.
I am getting my bf tested next weekend too and hoping for 22%

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Sorry I haven't updated meals and training in a while. I am still logging it all in my notebook but getting enough IM time is getting to be an issue. I am having withdrawals

Ok, looking better this week!!! So far, so good

Diets:

WED 9/22
M1: 1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup ew, 1 scoop protein
M2: 2 terriyaki chx breasts, peppers
M3: 1.5 scoops protein, 1/2 cup oats
M4: 1 ezekiel roll, 2 oz tuna
M5: 1 ezekiel roll, 2 ff cheese
M6: 1 ezekiel roll, 1/4 cup lf cottage cheese

1582.5 191.5C 161P 24.25F

THURS 9/23
M1: 1/2 cup oats, 1 egg, 1 scoop protein
M2: 2 terriyaki chx breasts, peppers
[size=1]pack of cinnaburst [/size=1]
M3: 1 ezekiel roll, 2 ff cheese
M4: 1 ezekiel, 2 TBL PB - Chunky
M5: 3/4 cup oats, 1 scoop protein (PWO)
M6: 1 ezekiel roll

1720 208.5C 129.5P 49F
ouch! didn't realize my protein was kinda low today!

FRI 9/24
M1: 1/2 cup oats, 1 egg, 1 scoop protein
M2: 1 ezekiel roll (about an hr before lunch - i was hungry!)
M3: salad containing = 4 strawberries, 8-10 black olives, veggies, 1 egg, and 2 small pieces of chicken
M4: 2 oz tuna, 1/2 cup oats (at my desk )
M5: 1 ezekiel roll, 2 tbl PB - chunky again
M6: PWO 1/2 cup oats, 1 scoop protein, 1/2 cup ew

1678 181C 128.5P 59.5F

OMG - the PB on ezekiel before working out really helps! Sometimes I feel sluggish in the gym or tired but not tonight or yesterday. And Fridays are always rough. I am always mentally and physically drained on Friday nights. Must be getting old Is fat before working out a bad idea? Normally I get 25-35g total fat for the day; today was unusually high~

Training:

WED 9/22
Walked a zillion miles with my best friend ...well...okay, probably more like 3-4 (over an hour anyways)

THURS 9/23
Leg Press: 15x100* 12x135 11x135 20x135**
Deadlifts: 10x45 11x75 6x90
Chins - Assisted: 8x65* 8x77 6x95 6x95 4x101***
40 min elliptical 533 cals

* = warm-up sets
** = on this set I do 10 reps, rest pause 10-15 sec, do 5 more, rest pause 10-15 sec then complete the final 5.
*** = personal best

On the DLs the 1st set = 50% 1 RM, the 2nd & 3rd = 75% 1 RM and the 4th set = 90& 1 RM (I try to estimate these as best as possible). I don't think I could truly lift 90% of my 1 rep max without a spotter, right?

FRI 9/24
40 min elliptical 538 cals

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Holy Shiaaaaatttttt!!!!!
I hate myself SO MUCH right now.

So now that everyone here knows what a major LOSER my ex is please allow me to continue:

Okay, so for whatever stupid reason I still continue to be friends with this guy. I just don't have it in me to be the one to totally break off all ties with him. I have tried to do just that over the past few months but he has persistently been calling me and when I wouldn't return his calls he would come to my house. The last time he did this was about a month ago and as hard as it was for me I told him to leave. I think my mom being there in the other room really helped because I know she wants me to have nothing to do with him anymore.

Anyways I half-heartedly have been trying to break away from him but it is hard when he continues to call and keep in touch. It is even harder when he lives so close and none of my friends are around. Sometimes I just go over there and watch TV, it is like my sanctuary where I can get away from my house and have some space. So because I am weak willed I have talked to him when he calls and I have gone over to hang out with him when he has asked me too. It sucks because I know I shouldn't but if I don't then I will have no one to even hang out with. Now - believe me - nothing whatsoever is going on with us physically - we just talk and hang out.

So I just got back from his apt. I don't know why the f-- I went over there. I went to the gym and I shoulda just stayed home after. Well I figured it was something to do, none of my friends are home and its either that or stay in. So I went over there with my training notebook so I could update it and write a couple more goals out. I turned on the Red Sox/Yankees game and I was glued to the TV --Johnny Damon is my man!!! I was kinda ignoring Dave and he seemed to be upset about it. Blah - who the F-- cares? I want to watch the GAME! Then he says to me "you know how we are just friends? well there is this party tomorrow night and there is this brazilian girl at Dunkin Donuts and I am planning to ask her tomorrow to go with me" ---
Okay so on the inside I feel like this:
On the outside I didn't take my eyes off the game. I turned to him real quick and said that's good, have fun (in a tone that said - ok, i am ok with it i don't care).
Then I proceeded to write in my notebook and make a few calls to my friends on my celly. I was praying someone was home so I could make plans and ditch him! But no one was around :sad: So we watched a tiny bit more of the game and he grabs the remote and says I don't wanna watch this game. And starts flipping around...he stops on the Spanish channel and says ooooh LOOK at HER!! (meanwhile I have my head buried in my training notebook and I am doing my best to pretend I don't notice anything). Then he asks me what olé means...so you see what is going on here? He knows EXACTLY how to push my buttons! So because I seemingly was disinterested in him asking out a girl (who happens to be brazilian) then he starts looking at hispanic women on tv. I know he was just doing this to get a rise out of me. Let me describe my personality to you all. In a relationship I wear my heart on my sleeve...and I am always honest...don't cheat...NEVER play games, etc. Now I know I am not perfect but I don't believe in playing games. My ex THRIVES off of this shit. And because I do not like to play games I think sometimes it is easy to take advantage because I always react according to how I feel. If I am mad I express it, etc...but this time I wasn't going to give the asshole the satisfaction. ...Back to the story... now I am totally ignoring whatever half naked girls he is eyeing at on the tv, totally engrossed in my notebook and he turns the tv off, disgruntled, and says he wants to listen to the radio and "tune out." So I say, well do you want me to leave? and he was like no, stay! and after about 2 minutes I said..I think I am going to leave, ok? and I left. ...As I was typing this right now the phone rang. I wasn't going to get it because I knew it was him. But I thought it might be one of my friends calling me back. Nope - it was him. He says OH GOOD OH GOOD I am so glad you got the phone. But I told him I didn't want to talk and that was that.

I am so MAD at myself. I feel like a FUCKING puppet on a string!!!! Why the FUCK do people play games? Can a get a real man or what? I don't deserve to pour my heart out to somebody only to have that person take advantage of my feelings and emotions! .... I need to turn into a stone cold bitch when it comes to men. I think most of them prefer that anyways

I'll show that bastard! I am going to get into Smokin' shape and when I do I will be flaunting it baby. He is going to hurt when he sees me. that mutha#@_^)$)^$)#_^_^$_#

Done ranting and raving now.

See how crazy he makes me?

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

After a good night's sleep I feel refreshed and a lot better than I did last night. I was up late, copying my old training notebook into a new one so it is much neater and more organized. I find that I need 2 notebooks - one for just diet and training; the other for goals, dreams, figuring out stuff, etc.

Today I have a full plate. After I eat breakfast I am going SHOPPING at Target. I haven't told you guys this but OMG I seem to be growing out of my tops. All my sweaters are skin tight and keep riding up on me, it is so annoying! Last week I bought a sweatshirt and didn't try it on beforehand; it was a size large; I figured it would fit! Nope It was tooooo tight in the lats. I can't believe it! I can't even eyeball a top and think that it would fit me because lately I have been way off. I bought a top a few weeks ago that I thought looked big and would fit me...but it didn't. So, this is a good excuse to go shopping, right? I really don't want to buy a ton; just what I need since I intend to get lean and mean.

Then it is off to food shop; go to the bank and to the gym. Today is incline benches; standing shoulder presses and max dips; and cardio. Oh, I need to drop by the record store and pick up a new tape. I am so sick of my walkman and listening to the same couple tapes. For Christmas I am bying myself an MP3. If anyone has a good one they can recommend please let me know

Then I have to RSVP to my college and HS reunions. I am mad because I have no one to go with to the college reunion since my friend doesn't want to go. It is just for the business students; since having our entire class in one location would shut down the city of Boston. But I want to look hot and find a nice guy so I can get my mind off the ex. I am going no matter what. Even if I have to go alone!

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

Jill

WooooW! Those are some long posts!

As for the BF, IMO he is just not worth it. Men do stupid things to see our reactions, good thing you didnt let him know his plans bothered you. Girls know how to play men too. I think you should move on IMO, hes just not worth it. Stop going to his place too-Id break off all ties with him. DOnt give him the time of day.

Have fun shopping!!! Im saving for shopping in Vegas, I cant wait! What are you buying today? Sizes are messed in different stores. Some stores I need a S, some a L, and some places I need an XL! And by no means am I an extra large person. i hate when you pick up a piece of clothing and think, oh ya this will fit me. Then yopu go to try it on and you cant get it over your leg!

Try to enjoy your weekend off. Have fun at the gym! Oh yes, I responded to a question in my journal that you asked me.

jstar

Hey Jill!

Yes, long posts...I needed to vent! Plus I could always use some advice.

As hard as it is I am just going to break off all ties with him, you and everyone else here are absolutely right, he is a major loser and doesn't deserve me
I hope the girl he asks out turns him down...then watch the loser call me up like I am a back-up plan or something. I don't think so

As for the shopping..well I was bad! But hell, after last night I needed some shopping therapy! I went to the store where I bought the too-small sweatshirt and returned it; then I bought this black velour track suit. It has the 2 white stripes down the side like a fake adidas Then I went to Target and bought a few sweaters and shirts, some makeup, and pair of pants. I had a 30% coupon for NY & Co so I bought a shirt and sweater in there. I was there a long time w/ no food so I bought a Myoplex bar. Didn't want to but there was nothing but fast food in the food court. Now I am home and off to the gym.

I WILL be staying in tonight and not answering my phone if the jerk calls.

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Ok - today I bought tops in all 3 sizes S - M and L!!!

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

SAT, 9/25

Diet:
M1: 1 ezekiel roll; 2 TBL PB
M2: Protein Bar - Myoplex Carb Sense
M3: 2 Honey Mustard Chx, 1 ezekiel roll
M4: PWO -3/4 cup oats, 1 scoop protein
M5: 1 ezekiel roll, 1 slice ff cheese, 1/2 cup lf cottage cheese
M6: 2 small pitas - flourless, 1 tsp PB

1921 235.1C 151.8P 52.7F

Comments - Calories a bit higher today since this week my calories have been a tiny bit lower. I still want to average out to 1800 for the week. I am doing better this week with the carbs and the calorie ranges

Training:
Incline BB Bench Press:
10x45*
7x50*
7x55
6x55
6x55
5x55
7x50
7x50

Standing EZ BB Shoulder Press:
7x40
7x40
8x40
8x40

Assisted Dips :
6x125
6x125
5x125

40 min elliptical 555 calories

Comments: I am so proud of myself on this workout. I didn't even know it at the time but my strength has gone up since last week on these exercises. I was able to do more reps at the same weight & next week I will increase my weights again I am now within 15lbs or so of doing a bodyweight dip without the assist machine!!!
Even though it is too soon to tell I just feel like once I get leaner I will finally have some nice delts and upper chest definition. Possibly even some lats and lower back definition due to all the deadlifts This is getting interesting!

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

9/30

Geez I haven't had any free time to update my IM log this week

Here is a quick recap:

Diet - Diet is going well. My diet for this past week (week #4) had a bit less carbs, about the same amount of protein and a bit more fat...I have been eating PB just about every day My calories averaged a little lower this week than last week. This week they averaged 1775, last week they averaged 1840. I think adding the PB to my after work made me less ravenous after work, which was usually a "trigger" time for me.

Workouts - I missed a workout on Monday, but it was the only workout I missed all month. Tonight I plan to do cardio and I feel soooo drained, more so mentally than physically. But I will make myself do it in a little while. I only did 4 days of cardio this week @ 40 minutes a pop. I also had a long walk, about 60-70 minutes so I guess that is really 5 cardio sessions.

Results: I lost .5 lbs this past week, and .25" off my waist and .13" off my hips. The total lbs/inches lost since September 1st: 4.5 lbs; 1" from waist and .5" off hips. I am getting my bodyfat test done this Saturday and will post those results when I get them. I may do pics this weekend too and update those every few weeks just to see if I can really see any changes going on and for the advice/input from everyone on the board.

Off to take a nap..errr.... I mean do some cardio! :

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Week 5:

I thought since I don't get on here every day I should post my planned diet and workout schedule for the week.

Diet:
Same thing:
1800 cals 50C-55C/30P-35P/15F-20F

Training:
Wed - BP, SP, DP + 45 cardio
Thurs - 45 cardio
Fri - 45 cardio
Sat - walk (45+) and IBP, SP, DP
Sun - OFF
Mon - SQ, DL, BR + 45 cardio
Tues - BP, SP, DP + 45 cardio

Originally I planned to up my cardio from 5x30 to 6x40 but decided to instead stay with 5 days and just increase my time to 45 minutes.

Codes:
BP = Flat BB Bench Press
SP = on Wed = seated shoulder press
SP = on Sat = standing shoulder press
DP = Assisted Dips
IBP = Incline BB Bench Press
SQ = BB Squats
DL = BB Deadlifts
BR = BB Bent Rows

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Planned Cheats

So far I haven't had any planned cheats and I really could do without them but it is really hard to do that during the holiday season. I wanted to have these cheat meals planned out in advance so as to not harbor any guilt afterwards. My question is -- if I have a planned cheat meal should what should I do so that I don't mess up my progress. (fat loss is my main goal). Some ideas I was thinking about:

1) Have a lower calorie/carb day the day before or after the cheat.
2) Do an extra hour of cardio that week.
3) If the cheat meal is in the evening I could eat no or very low carbs that day and workout before I indulge.

So here are the planned cheat days and the event:

Oct 20th - Dinner out with my ex-coworkers. I can order something relatively lean and healthy I am sure so this will not be an all out cheat. I just get nervous because when you order shit with "no oil, no butter, etc" they still seem to serve it to you however the f--- they want!!!!

Nov 6th - College reunion. No cheat foods but I will have a few drinks

Nov 25th - Thanksgiving.

Nov 26th - High School reunion. I have no idea what type of food we are getting but if it is available I will go for a chicken dish. I may have a drink or 2.

Dec ? - Family holiday party

Dec - 24/25 - We don't usually go anywhere so I guess I will still be on my diet these days.

Dec 31st - My "official" last day of cutting. I should be at my goal on New Years Eve and I WILL be ringing in the New Year in my favorite jeans (that I have never worn because they are too tight now!)

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Fri 10/1

Weighed myself again this am and I was 139.5, down a pound from 2 days ago. My total loss for the month of September is:
Weight: 5.5 lbs
Waist: 1.25"
Hips: .5"


TGIF

Meals:

M1: 3/4 cup oats, 1 scoop protein, 1/2 cup ew
M2
M3....
more to come


Training:
cardio 45 min - to be done tonight. I love cardio on Friday nights because the radio station plays back to the 80s music all night :P

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Okay I am back!

I have decided that if I am going to keep a journal here then I need to find time to write in it Since the only real time I have to get online is on my lunch break then that is when I will be on here, updating my meals and workouts.

Update:
I am on my last day of week 5 of my cutting program so here is how my week has been:
I have been sooo tired all week. Okay, more like tired/lazy...I missed a few workouts and although my diet has been clean all month long, and all this week I ended up giving into temptation on Sunday. I haven't done that in so long and on Monday morning I remembered why. I felt like total shiat most of the day. Didn't eat much at all yesterday and I did an hour on the elliptical last night. I feel a little better now but realize that I need to re-strategize a little. BTW my friend who does my bodyfat wasn't around all weekend so I am either going to do a test this Saturday when I see her or the following week. (Depending on my TOM).

I'll come back and write more later - I am going to to store to find a shirt to wear on Friday night to the Funway cafe. Can't wait. I have never been there but all my friends rave about it, so gotta go...bbl

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Tues Oct 5th

M1: 1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup ew, 1 scoop protein
M2: 2 terriyaki chx, peppers
M3: 2 scoops protein
M4: 3 oz tuna on 1 low carb pita
M5: 2 oz tuna, 2 lc pitas
M6: 2 lc pitas

extras: 8 pieces sf gum

Totals:
1405 141.5C 174.5P 31F

Training:EDITED
Have an eyebrow appt tonight so no gym.
NONE

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

This week at work is service center appreciation week. They really treat the ees well here.(sorry that is ee=employees, habit). They've had raffles and gave away tvs and other stuff. But holy cow they are having tons and tons of food for us!

I came in Monday morning to find a box of fancy chocolates on my desk. I brought them home for my family. We have catered lunches and dinners (for the late shift) all this week..plus afternoon snacks. This morning it was coffee and Krispy Kreme donuts and now they are hosting an "afternoon snack" of cookies and pastries in the cafeteria. Tomorrow it is another continental breakfast...bbq rib dinner and Thursday we have a pancake breakfast and brigham's Big Dig sundaes in the afternoon. (Think they would make us protein pancakes?? ) and on Friday...continental breakfast and chinese food for dinner...WOW!!!

Darn it! My co-workers just went down for the afternoon snack and they got free lunchbags...I might have to walk down there now (I will not be having any snacks of course!)

BRB

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

I got my bag!!! I can never have too many insulated lunch bags

Oh, and good news...the gym here is going to open by the 16th YAYYYYYY!!! My coworkers are going to think I am a huge freak when they see me deadlifting.

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

Jill

Where do you work? What do you do?

Good job on not eating the treats. Your company is evil!

Jill

Oh yes-as for the Krispy cremes I will be having my share when i go to Vegas. We dont have one here

Jenny

Great job on septembers fatloss!!

jstar

Hi Jill
I work at Boston Scientific, in the HR service center. This week is our appreciation week so they have lots of goodies and give aways Everyone keeps offering me goodies but I just say no. Kinda like "just saying no to drugs" I have tooo much more work to do to be giving into goodies

When are you going to Vegas? Is that for the Olympia or just a personal vacation? That is one place I'd like to go...As for the Krispy Kremes - I have never had one either. I am kind of afraid to tell you the truth because most of the girls I compete with tell me how much they are addicted to Krispy Kremes after a show. One of the girls here is even nicknamed Krispy Kreme (although she can eat them all day and still look phenomenal). So I am afraid if I take a bite I just won't be able to look back

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan

jstar

Thanks beautiful

I must confess though I weighed 139 before Sunday, the day I binged..I haven't weighed in since then, trying to wait a little incase there is any lingering water weight gain. Then I will officially set weekly goals from there. I feel like I maybe only lost 3 lbs of fat and 3 lbs water in September. I want to kick myself into high-gear this month - more cardio and less carbs (I went overboard a few times last month)! I'll keep ya posted!

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan