Thread: MonStar's Journal: Ripped to Shreds!

Tuesday; 9-7-2004

Light Chest/Triceps

Great workout today I think! Really really good pump today in the gym, I was definitely happy with my workout today. I like lighter sessions just because I can focus more on my muscle contractions.

Incline BB Presses
3 sets of 8 with 205
2 sets of 15 with 175

Flat DB Presses
2 sets of 8 with the 110's
2 sets of 11 with the 95's

Nautilus Pec-Deck Flyes
2 sets of 12 with 140

Seated French Presses
3 sets of 10 with 115
1 set of 15 with 95

One-Arm Cable Pressdowns
1 set of 15 with 70
2 sets of 9 with 90

Started off with some incline presses, felt weak in these here today. Whatever. Went light today in the 7-15 rep range, shy of failure. Did some flat DB presses afterwards, and finished my pecs up with some pec-deck flyes. Good sets. For my triceps today I did some seated BTN extensions, and then some pressdowns. Good sets I think. Hit my triceps pretty hard. I was happy.

Workout today lasted around 1 hour and 5 minutes. Not too bad I don't think. I am back at my original gym now which is awesome. They got all new floors, and everything feels new again.

Diet:
- scrambled eggs, bacon
- V-12 preworkout
- whey protein postworkout
- bunless bacon cheeseburger + mayo
- 3 hot dogs
- fried steak + cheese + mayo

Nice to be eating low-carb again. Even though I always say this and always drop the diet. Whatever. Hoepfully this time I'll stick it out. I really hope that I can do it.

Sleep: 8 hours.

Weight: 228 lbs. Not too bad.

you reallly need to set your goals straight and learn to stick to one thing.

Diet:
- scrambled eggs, bacon
- V-12 preworkout
- whey protein postworkout
- bunless bacon cheeseburger + mayo
- 3 hot dogs
- ?
Really good for your cholesterol......

So how did the 2 days of P/RR/S work for you? And no, I will not delete my 'useless' post this time. You seriously need to seek counseling for what appears to be obsessive/compulsive behavior. Not a cut Mike, but a suggestion from a concerned friend.

Originally Posted by aggies1ut

Diet:
- scrambled eggs, bacon
- V-12 preworkout
- whey protein postworkout
- bunless bacon cheeseburger + mayo
- 3 hot dogs
- ?
Really good for your cholesterol......

YOUR RIGHT Aggie!!!

Mike, I guess that my post in your old journal about HEALTH didnt motivate you any eh?

your young.. clog those arteries and eat junk.. by the time that your 30 youll be in super health! might even have a super fun heart attack!

Hell, I think I know a thing or two about heart disease too with a dad who's a cardiologist. lol

good luck

Originally Posted by MonStar

Tuesday; 9-7-2004

Light Chest/Triceps

Incline BB Presses
3 sets of 8 with 205
2 sets of 15 with 175

Flat DB Presses
2 sets of 8 with the 110's
2 sets of 11 with the 95's

Nautilus Pec-Deck Flyes
2 sets of 12 with 140

Seated French Presses
3 sets of 10 with 115
1 set of 15 with 95

One-Arm Cable Pressdowns
1 set of 15 with 70
2 sets of 9 with 90

Great workout today I think! Really really good pump today in the gym, I was definitely happy with my workout today. Started off with some incline presses, felt weak in these here today. Whatever. Went light today in the 7-15 rep range, shy of failure. Did some flat DB presses afterwards, and finished my pecs up with some pec-deck flyes. Good sets. For my triceps today I did some seated BTN extensions, and then some pressdowns. Good sets I think. Hit my triceps pretty hard. I was happy.

Workout today lasted around 1 hour and 5 minutes. Not too bad I don't think. I am back at my original gym now which is awesome. They got all new floors, and everything feels new again.

Diet:
- scrambled eggs, bacon
- V-12 preworkout
- whey protein postworkout
- bunless bacon cheeseburger + mayo
- 3 hot dogs
- ?

Nice to be eating low-carb again. Even though I always say this and always drop the diet. Whatever.

Sleep: 8 hours.

Weight: 228 lbs. Not too bad.

Mike, what are you doing?
What happened to P/RR/S or SF's 9 weeks?
Your problem is not yor diet bud, it's your mind. You need to stick to one thing and one thing only. When you decide what to do, you'll be so much happier.....
Good Luck, again...

Jen: Agreed. And I hope that I stick to this. And I know what you're saying about your post about the health related issues dealing with Atkin's style dieting. But I looked into it and all of the studies that I read all consistently show that low-carb style dieting drops blood pressure and cholesterol levels. I mean I could be wrong, who knows. Everything anymore is so controversial. Thanks for the concern though Jen. Eating clean just makes me pig out all day long, on everything. At least eating low-carb and high-fat blunts my appetite.

aggies1ut: I know, and thank you for bringing this to my attention. This hopefully isn't a permanent diet. It's just the most efficient way that I have found to drop fat.

JerseyDevil: Hey man, trust me, I know that I have OCD for some time now. That's nothing new at all. I am completely obsessive compulsive with a lot of things in my life. It's ridiculous. I have seen a therapist before which helped somewhat. But it all boiled down to me being in control of my own actions. Nothing anyone else said made that much of a difference. Dropped SF's program, dropped P/RR/S. Didn't give either a shot at all. It's f*cking ridiculous. I know.

Monolith: Thank you.

fantasma62: I know man, I completely know what you're saying. It's so hard for me to even come up with anything to reply with. I don't want to make anymore empty promises. I feel like anymore I say I am going to stick to something, and I don't. And at this point it is so friggin' out of control. I just need to make it SEVEN DAYS. That sounds crazy but at least I'll be in somewhat of a habit, if that makes any sense. I am in this couple day binge habit. Where I binge every other day or every two days. It's just sickening. Thank you though, man, for the continued support.

Good luck on your journal Mike. I'm bad too with journals. Just don't have time to keep it updated half the time. Just keep your goals straight for a long period of time. Maybe write it down and tape it to something that you see every morning and maybe that'll keep you focused.

Originally Posted by MonStar

Hey man, trust me, I know that I have OCD for some time now. That's nothing new at all. I am completely obsessive compulsive with a lot of things in my life. It's ridiculous. I have seen a therapist before which helped somewhat. But it all boiled down to me being in control of my own actions. Nothing anyone else said made that much of a difference. Dropped SF's program, dropped P/RR/S. Didn't give either a shot at all. It's f*cking ridiculous. I know.

That does explain a lot then Mike. You feel the need to 'wipe the slate clean' with every small change. We are only talking about weight training/diet. As long as you recognize it, and don't let it wreak havoc on your everyday life it should be ok. At least here though, it seems to be getting worse. I've lost track of how many journals you have started in the last two weeks. If that is any indication of how you are in other day to day activities, then maybe you should give the therapist another try.

Good luck on this journal.

Mike, you got to dig down deep to find out what's causing you to behave like this. You control the mind, not the mind controls you! Come on, you can have such great results if you only you would focus. I know it's easier said than done, but there's a price you have to pay for everything in life...this is how you get successful, by hard work.

Everyone here can help you out/give suggestions, but it all boils down to YOU. We have choices in life so you either choose the right path or the path the leads you somewhere else. Think about it.

Originally Posted by MonStar

Jen: Agreed. And I hope that I stick to this. And I know what you're saying about your post about the health related issues dealing with Atkin's style dieting. But I looked into it and all of the studies that I read all consistently show that low-carb style dieting drops blood pressure and cholesterol levels. I mean I could be wrong, who knows. Everything anymore is so controversial. Thanks for the concern though Jen. Eating clean just makes me pig out all day long, on everything. At least eating low-carb and high-fat blunts my appetite.

aggies1ut: I know, and thank you for bringing this to my attention. This hopefully isn't a permanent diet. It's just the most efficient way that I have found to drop fat.

JerseyDevil: Hey man, trust me, I know that I have OCD for some time now. That's nothing new at all. I am completely obsessive compulsive with a lot of things in my life. It's ridiculous. I have seen a therapist before which helped somewhat. But it all boiled down to me being in control of my own actions. Nothing anyone else said made that much of a difference. Dropped SF's program, dropped P/RR/S. Didn't give either a shot at all. It's f*cking ridiculous. I know.

Monolith: Thank you.

fantasma62: I know man, I completely know what you're saying. It's so hard for me to even come up with anything to reply with. I don't want to make anymore empty promises. I feel like anymore I say I am going to stick to something, and I don't. And at this point it is so friggin' out of control. I just need to make it SEVEN DAYS. That sounds crazy but at least I'll be in somewhat of a habit, if that makes any sense. I am in this couple day binge habit. Where I binge every other day or every two days. It's just sickening. Thank you though, man, for the continued support.

Mike,

Truth is you really don't have to reply to me or anyone else regarding your journals. You are only accountable to yourself and I hate to say this, but you are failing you.
Man, if you were to stick to it. Forget about journal after journal. Just stick to one so that you get continuity and you'll be halfway there.
I think that we all have a little OCD in us. Mine is that I need to start on monday ecause the week starts on monday. I have kinda' cured myself from that. As a matter of fact, yesterday I was supposed to have worked out my legs. I didn't. Normally that would have thrown me out of synch and then would have done everything over on Monday....
Your OCD is that you need to start a new journal every time you pee . You fix that and you'll be more than halfway there. You need to get that under control and I promise you, you'll get your life in order....

I'm Trying: Hey man, thank you. I appreciate it more than you know. Yeah I agree that keeping my mind on my goals is all that I really need to focus on. I think that I'll find the dedication and determination to stick it out if I can just not lose focus on my goals. I sometimes I drift off and just lose sight of what I am trying to achieve. Thanks for the post, bro.

JerseyDevil: Hey man, I am glad that you now understand a little bit more about me. Like I have said before it is not FUN for me to create new journals, and binge and then feel like sh*t, etc. Sometimes for whatever reason some people seem to think that I enjoy doing this kind of ridiculous lifestyle. I absolutely hate it, more than anything. I wish that I could just live a normal modest lifestyle. In the past 2 weeks for whatever reason it has gotten a bit out of control with my journals and things like that---which I am trying hard to stop. I am going to try my hardest to stick it out on this journal. You have my word on that.

Diana: I agree, I completely agree, because you're absolutely right that it all comes down to me being in control of myself. Sometimes I feel so out of control like my actions and then what I think are separate things. But I am the only one who puts the food in my mouth. So I need to work on self-control, and focusing on what I want, etc. And I also agree that regardless of what anyone says, it comes down to me and controlling myself. I mean support and suggestions are great, I love reading them and taking them into consideration. But it comes down to me controlling myself.

fantasma62: Great post man, and it's 100% accurate. I am OCD, in a lot of ways actually. I have to have a clean journal. Meaning I don't want a journal where I include my binges, and things of that nature. I guess because I am ashamed of them and just want to move on and act like they never happened. So that in a way makes me feel better. For example the night before last I binged like CRAZY. I mean went all out eating everything in sight for hours and hours and eventually I just stopped because I felt like I was going to throw up. But then yesterday I started this journal, to sort of start over. It's just a painful continuous cycle that I want to stop.

The thing is that everytime I start a new journal, it's never REALLY because I want to change my program, it's because I binged the day before and I need an excuse to have a new journal. If I restarted the same journal all over again---it wouldn't make any sense. So by changing the title, changing my goals, changing my training, at least I have some kind of excuse to starting a new journal and an excuse to somehow make my binging "okay."

Think of it this way, if you know that tomorrow you're going to start a clean diet or a restrictive diet or just anything that might restrict your eating. You think (well I think) tonight I better eat junkfood tonight since tomorrow I am starting this new beginning so to speak. But I end up binging like CRAZY. And if you had any idea how much food I actually consumed in a binge, you would die. I am taking 10K+ calories, without question. I mean an entire pizza, tons of soda, tons of donuts, cake, cookies, everything that you could possibly imagine for hours upon hours. It's sickening to even think about it. But during the binge I almost feel better. Like it almost takes my mind off of everything or something. Some people abuse alcohol, drugs, etc. I abuse food.

You have a TON of excellent advice and support around here.. time and time again so many are here to help... I dont know why you just cant open your eyes to all of it.
You ALWAYS start a new journal telling yourself and others that there will be "no more *this* or *that*" and you need to smarten up, etc, etc, ,etc But I have yet to even see proof of you living up to those words.
Rather than looking for short term immediate results, why not look at the whole picture.. something that you can live with daily.. a permant lifestyle change.
We can all sit here and type out a thousand words of advice Mike but honestly, it continuly proves no help...
You need to take one day at a time, come to better peace with YOU.... Inmy opinon, and dont take this too personal, it seems like your trying to strive for some sort of perfection.... when reallly Mike, you look great, I dont see even why you want to diet. Ive said that time and time again. No one is going to like you better for being "ripped to shreds", you wont get more friends, more dates, lifes everyday stresses wont get better for how you look.... Live with WHO you are, enjoy life... you cant let this keep up with binging, starting one diet or program to the next.

I know you can reply to this post and say.. Jen yes I agree, yadda yadda.. how true, yadda yaada.. just please don't.

I dont know what more you can ask for right now, above there are some really deep posts from concerned members(friends) that care and only want to see the best. Use that advice and heed it well.

Originally Posted by MonStar

I have to have a clean journal. Meaning I don't want a journal where I include my binges, and things of that nature. I guess because I am ashamed of them and just want to move on and act like they never happened .... It's just a painful continuous cycle that I want to stop.

The thing is that everytime I start a new journal, it's never REALLY because I want to change my program, it's because I binged the day before and I need an excuse to have a new journa

Mike, you don't know me from Adam, and you may well feel I haven't earned any right to comment. But please know I mean well, and have followed enough of your logs over recent months to feel I have something to offer.

Knowing the problem as you do, what if you COULDN'T start a new log each time - and hence you HAD to face exactly what you are running away from at the moment, the binges? I mean literally disable your account in some way such that you can't start a new thread within this section? It may be horribly painful to have to report what happened if/when you broke down ... but you WOULD be able to pick up the next day. Having it there, in your history, recorded, may help you take some responsibility for your actions, forgive yourself (we are all only human, and all humans are fallible), and move on.

I just feel it may take something 'drastic' to break the cycle you are in. A.N.Other journal just isn't going to cut it.

Personally I think your binges are a result of your need to control yourself. Let's face it, we all want control of our actions but sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. Maybe you are at a time in your life where being ripped is not in the stars for you. Like Jen said, just enjoy yourself for now. Who knows, in 2 months you might wake up and decide that you are ready whatever it is you feel you need to do right now. Starting a new journal does not give you a clean slate. I'm sure you already know that by now. Just chill out and enjoy life and quit stressin'.

Good luck Mike.

Tough love.

Originally Posted by Novo

Mike, you don't know me from Adam, and you may well feel I haven't earned any right to comment. But please know I mean well, and have followed enough of your logs over recent months to feel I have something to offer.

Knowing the problem as you do, what if you COULDN'T start a new log each time - and hence you HAD to face exactly what you are running away from at the moment, the binges? I mean literally disable your account in some way such that you can't start a new thread within this section? It may be horribly painful to have to report what happened if/when you broke down ... but you WOULD be able to pick up the next day. Having it there, in your history, recorded, may help you take some responsibility for your actions, forgive yourself (we are all only human, and all humans are fallible), and move on.

I just feel it may take something 'drastic' to break the cycle you are in. A.N.Other journal just isn't going to cut it.

Great idea ! Might be just what ya need Mike .

Jen: Great post, thank you.

Novo: I agree man, that's what ended up happening at my last forum. It got so ridiculously out of control it was just insane. I mean it got to the point like it is now where I was creating new journals every other day. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do, what training program I wanted to stick to, etc. I really think and hope that this time I stick it out. I am not day 2 now and I feel good, I mean I don't have any kinds of ridiculous cravings, etc. So I am hoping that I'll be able to stick it out. And stop f*cking around with this immature crap. I can't think of anything that is more immature than creating a new journal every other friggin' day. It's pathetic.

Riverdragon: I know what you're saying man, and it's true. I have a tendency to overthink everything for some reason. I am not sure why. I tend to read too far into things, and just obsess over things. For example my training, instead of sticking to a basic split and just following basic principles, I am looking for some kind of miracle program. I don't even give any of the programs a chance to actually work before I kick them to the curb.

PreMier: Thanks bro.

gwcaton: Yeah I am thinking that that might be exactly what I need. Even though in my head I know that NHE (low-carb diet I am doing) is not a permanent diet I feel like its the easiest diet that I can stick to for the time being. Because eating moderately is just something I am not capable of doing. I can't eat one piece of cake, or one cookie, or a scoop of ice-cream. When I eat any junkfood at all I end up going all out and completely nuts. And at this point I have been doing it for years now. I mean its not a new thing at all. I have been repeating this cycle in some form since I was 12 years old, when I started training.

Wednesday; 9-8-2004

Heavy Back/Biceps

Absolutely AWESOME workout today!!

Really great session, intensity and focus and all that was right on. And this is my 2nd day of low-carbs. Which is honestly telling me something. I think that I can train for 2 days on low-carbs, and then the 3rd day in a row always is just awful. So I am going to refeed every 3rd night on my rest day, and hopefully my next 2 training sessions will be good. We'll see how this workouts. In terms of scheduling refeeds and all that it's basically all about trial and error, IMO.

Bentover Rows
2 sets of 6 with 320
3 sets of 3 with 370

CG Cable Pulldowns
4 sets of 4 with 245

Support Rows
3 sets of 5 with 260

Alternating DB Curls
2 sets of 3 with the 75's
2 sets of 6 with the 60's

Reverse Curls
1 set of 6 with 95
2 sets of 4 with 115

Hit some great PR's, today. Hit 370 for 3x3. That was really good, used a double overhand grip and did them Yates style. I WISH I would have brought my digital camera to the gym because it was dead in the gym today, I was the only person in there. Hit some pulldowns and then some support rows, good sets. Lats were pumped and exhausted. Arms/shoulders pretty impressive in the mirror by the way, lol, I was happy.

Hit a new PR on alt. DB curls with 2 sets of 3 with the 75's. Good sets. Nice slow negative. Use some momentum to get the DB's up but with the 75's what do you expect? Finished up with some cambered-bar reverse curls, nice PR there too. I have never gone over 85-95 lbs. on reverse curls. Once again, good slow negative on each rep.

Diet:
- scrambled eggs, bacon
- V-12 preworkout
- whey protein postworkout
- cheese, pepperoni
- low-carb shake
- bunless bacon cheeseburger + mayo
- ?

Sleep: 8.5 hours.

Weight: 225 lbs. Down a few pounds.

Novo is a girl bro

Because eating moderately is just something I am not capable of doing.

you seemed to have convinced yourself that... keep telling yourself that and you never will be able too.