Celena

This is so NOT going to be fun...got to gain at least a stone before starting Uni in October. Piss easy, you'd think? Ummmm........not when you've been anorexic for 4 years with serious exercise thingamajiggers going on. Low body weight = OCD = Obsessive exercise. No weight gain since last summer. Was doing really well, gaining about a pound a week, til started back at college for new term. I don't handle change all that well - timetable was totally screwed, totally floored me, I turned to more exercise to compensate...the rest is history really, started going seriously downhill again. Xmas, whew, what a bugger that was. 'Flu in February really completed the shit-hole my life fell into. Down to 90.2 lbs, which gives me BMI of 15. Brain is seriously fucked, OCD's going manic coz my thought-processes are out of whack from being underweight, etc. Cardio exercise hitting the roof, haven't been able to push some serious weights recently, been concentrating too much on burning off all the considerable calories I put in!! On 2,900 at the mo, kind of a lot for a 5"5 girl not yet 21. Oh well.....this week I've decided to cut the cals back by 100/day, BUT......cut the cardio massively. I mean, massively. Focus more on weight-training. Get some help to design new fitness program, from the gym instructors. I've been fending off their help for a year now, they've just left me to it, best thing really coz I go off on one if people try and stop me. Silly bugger that I am, won't accept help. Hate being dependant. But there's such a thing as being a STUPID DUMB STUBBORN-ASS FREAK. That'd be me, then.
Saw "World's Fastest Indian" last night with my Dad, first time I've been out with him ALONE, WITHOUT HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND for, God, years. I miss him so bad. For 3 hours or so last night, he was my Dad again. Not the stubborn, ignorant, fair-weather aquaintance he became when he started going out with my ex-best-friend from school. Be-atch. Can't begin to describe how I hate that girl. Hate them both for doing this to me. But I'm a selfish bint, they're happy together, who am I to get in the way? Doesn't stop me hating her personality though, lol.
Well, this Journal could ramble on forever, but I'll call it quits for now. Wish me luck this week, people. I'm sure as Hell gonna need it. An anorexic trying to gain weight.....would be laughable if it wasnt so crucial I do this.
'Lena

Nothing lasts forever

Seanp156

Sounds like things are pretty hectic with you, good luck with your goals.

My Journal

aggies1ut

Wow, lots of issues going on here. 5'5" and 90 lbs., huh? How about you post your exercise routine and current diet. That would give us a better opportunity to make some suggestions and help ya out. I would also suggest that maybe you seek some counseling or therapy. You have a lot going on in your life and having someone to talk to can really make a difference. There are also treament programs specifically for eating disorders that will address some of the underlying issues. I wish you the best.

http://www.brightroom.com/view_user_...0&BIB=679&PWD=