Diary of a madman.....

J'Bo · 06-20-2002, 07:24 AM

Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me.

So are you good now?
Tell all how the movie (porn) went.
Inquiring minds want to know, did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy?

**Jodi** · 06-20-2002, 08:17 AM

Quote:

did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy

LMFAO!

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me.

So are you good now?
Tell all how the movie (porn) went.
Inquiring minds want to know, did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy?

I was more or less thinking my banana covered with peanut butter... then dipping in your....... hmmmm be nice PB

butterfly · 06-20-2002, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss
Expect some magic at first.. you know those butterflies you get like a new love has entered your life. They will fade quicker than a new relationship but you have to get past that part and remember what it was that kept you together for so long and what brought you back together again....

Interesting how you used "butterfly" and "fade" in the same sentence there

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 11:33 AM

Okay... No I did not get in the Honey Jar last night. No we did not watch porn.

What did happen though still hurts..

We sat down as soon as I got there and I told her that I'm just not ready to commit myself.. I am but not in a relationship. She commented how quickly I came to this conclusion. My answer.. well if I have question being or not being in a relationship that would make it pretty obvious that I don't. If I wanted to be in one I wouldn't have ever questioned it... not a bad way of looking at it

So we talked.. she blamed herslef, questioned thing she did or didn't do.. I consoled her. Told her it really isn't anything you did or didn't do. I tried to put reason to words but really just couldn't get to come out the way I wanted it to... so we both ended up confused.

I told her that I want her in my life.. I care so much for her and I didn't want to lose her because of this. If she couldn't do that I could understand. We talked more.

Then I said I should go. She asked if I'd lay down with her for a little while so I did. At one point we found ourselves kissing. That hurt. That hurt a lot and I could feel the tears on my cheek.. mine not hers. I stopped and just held her close. We talked some more.

Eventually she just started crying really hard and I held her. She said I needed to leave and that she will be okay. Just needed to get it out of her system. I said I need to know you will be okay.. and she said she would be and that she would not do anything stupid. I kissed her on the forehead and left. Not sure if I would really ever see or talk to her again

I went out to have a few beers.... okay 8 to be exact. Spent the next 3 hours trying to convince a Lesbian what she is missing. I think if I had another hour she would have been a very happy girl.

I got home around 2am .. fell right to sleep. At 3:30am Amanda called. We talked for about 30 minutes. Okay she talked and I listened barely... I know but I was dead tired now. She wanted to keep trying. Said she was willing to do whatever it took and that she would be willing to "look the other way".... I told her that I will think about everything she said early and then. I knew that was not something I would be able to do with her, not now. Knowing how hurt she would be if I did do what she was saying I could do.

So I'm not at work, not feeling to good about myself and coming to realize why I hate breaking up... because I have no expierence at it. This is really the 2nd time I have ever broken up with someone.. both times was with women who trully loved me... idiot!!! All my other relationship were more like dates.. one night stands, married women... too many married women.... no commitment relationships.

So Amanda calls me at work and asks if I would sleep over tonight when I get off work.. I'm like uh no. She says look i want you in my life. I want to be close to you. I want to have wild sex with you and I want to be able to just hang out with you. Basically what I want.. but the sex was not a subject I had discussed. I still told her that I don't think it's right, that I don't think this is what you need. And basically she said that's for her to decide. Okay. But if things get too hard for you. If you feel that this is hurting you or you know it's going to hurt you down the road speak up. Don't hide your feelings from me. I don;t want you holding on to me hoping for more.

Basically is about like that. But I did get the feeling that she is comfortable with the idea. That she can accept being friends for now.. for life if I have it my way. I told her don't expect me to be there everynight... it's not about the sex!!! It's about a friendship.

I know it's probably not going to be good for her. But I'm going to do my best to not make myself readily available. I am going to do my best to do things with her that we both enjoy... and not have sex during, before, or after we do whatever we do that day. I want to continue building our freindship.

go ahead ladies let me have it.....

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
Interesting how you used "butterfly" and "fade" in the same sentence there

OMG I didn't even see that.... stop reading into things I say. It'll only mess with you up.. it's all just jibberish, junk!!!

butterfly · 06-20-2002, 11:44 AM

My two cents...

I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend. Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!!

Too bad you didn't meet her a year from now when you might be ready to "settle down"

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
My two cents...

I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend. Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!!

Too bad you didn't meet her a year from now when you might be ready to "settle down"

And a year from now I may be, and with her in my life there could be that possiblity.

Especially if I keep hitting on lesbians!!!!

**Jodi** · 06-20-2002, 12:06 PM

I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends. You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way. You never know. Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you. Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mochy
I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends. You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way. You never know. Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you. Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.

But she wants the sex. Do I deny her that??? please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.

**dg806** · 06-20-2002, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss

But she wants the sex. Do I deny her that??? please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.

Hmmm!! Why don't you send me a pic of her!!!!

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dg806
Hmmm!! Why don't you send me a pic of her!!!!

Uhm..... no!

**dg806** · 06-20-2002, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss

Uhm..... no!

Ok, so what are you really trying to say here??

**Jodi** · 06-20-2002, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss

But she wants the sex. Do I deny her that??? please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.

If you really want to try and maintain a friendship than you really ought control yourself and NO SEX! I know easier said than done but fuck friends aren't usually a good thing you know. If you truly care for her and you think that maybe someday something could happen more serious than show her that. Show her how much you care as a friend. Even if she wants it too. It will just turn into a game with her to make sure she still has your attention sexually. Also it will soon make her realize that you only keep her around for sex and not a friendship. Just my opinion.

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mochy
If you really want to try and maintain a friendship than you really ought control yourself and NO SEX! I know easier said than done but fuck friends aren't usually a good thing you know. If you truly care for her and you think that maybe someday something could happen more serious than show her that. Show her how much you care as a friend. Even if she wants it too. It will just turn into a game with her to make sure she still has your attention sexually. Also it will soon make her realize that you only keep her around for sex and not a friendship. Just my opinion.

That's how I was looking at.

But the flip side... rejection also comes into play.

I also don't look at her a fuck buddy... to me that's just booty calls. I think doing other things outside sex solidifies the friendship bond... no??

**Jodi** · 06-20-2002, 01:09 PM

Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level. Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too. I'm just throwing ideas. If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mochy
Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level. Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too. I'm just throwing ideas. If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.

Very good!!!! I will do my best to do this.

Now dealing with going with for 2.5 months 10 times a week minimum to 0!!!!!!!!!

Leslie · 06-20-2002, 01:29 PM

I must put in my 2 cents-
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Leslie2196
I must put in my 2 cents-
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde

I'll agree with you there,,, the blonde part.. Just kidding!!!

Look the best part about this diary is all the female reponses. Not only to I get to flirt, I get a femalespoint of view. If all I had were males replying it would be post like... "dude if she wants it give to her, are you stupid or something?" dumb comments like that.

To be honest she is the one looking for the sex now.. and is basing this on a past relationship where she was pretty much the other woman being led to believe that he wasn't seeing this other girl in that way anymore even though they were still living together because she couldnt afford to move out for a while.. lie, lie, lie, etc, etc. She said since she had done this before it wouldn't be that difficult to doing it again....

Now I'm not saying I am agreeing with her. I think that would be a terrible way to look at. It would really kill her self esteem... and I ain't into that type of thing.

No avoiding sex all together is the way to go.

Oh wait. Does it apply if I let her tie me up and do as she pleases??

**Jodi** · 06-20-2002, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Leslie2196
I must put in my 2 cents-
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde

Most definately.

PB as far as sex, you already know you can get it elsewhere.

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mochy
PB as far as sex, you already know you can get it elsewhere.

Excuse me???? was that an offer??? he he

**Jodi** · 06-20-2002, 02:08 PM

Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me. I'm appauled! J/K

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mochy
Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me. I'm appauled! J/K

Oh thought you were making one towards me... by bad.. buy ya a drink??

butterfly · 06-20-2002, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss
To be honest she is the one looking for the sex now..

I think she may be saying she wants the sex for another reason other than the obvious... it's her way of trying to hold on to you.

You don't want her holding on to you that way... it wouldn't healthy for her mentally.

Pitboss · 06-20-2002, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly

I think she may be saying she wants the sex for another reason other than the obvious... it's her way of trying to hold on to you.

You don't want her holding on to you that way... it wouldn't healthy for her mentally.

yeah but physically it would

Okay.. no sex!! i know that is the right thing to do.. no ifs ands or butts... well no butts anyhow she won't let me go there... LOL

buff_tat2d_chic · 06-20-2002, 11:34 PM

I don't agree with most everyone on this, I think. I say give it to her. You are both adults and if she want to continue that part...why not? I know several people who have a "comfort"

06-20-2002, 07:24 AM	#91
J'Bo Cuddle Slut Join Date: May 2002 Location: Back in Canada Posts: 9,753 Photos: 6	Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me. So are you good now? Tell all how the movie (porn) went. Inquiring minds want to know, did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy?
	....and thats my $.02

06-20-2002, 11:33 AM	#95
Pitboss User title goes here Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: In my own world Posts: 3,114 Photos: 6	Okay... No I did not get in the Honey Jar last night. No we did not watch porn. What did happen though still hurts.. We sat down as soon as I got there and I told her that I'm just not ready to commit myself.. I am but not in a relationship. She commented how quickly I came to this conclusion. My answer.. well if I have question being or not being in a relationship that would make it pretty obvious that I don't. If I wanted to be in one I wouldn't have ever questioned it... not a bad way of looking at it So we talked.. she blamed herslef, questioned thing she did or didn't do.. I consoled her. Told her it really isn't anything you did or didn't do. I tried to put reason to words but really just couldn't get to come out the way I wanted it to... so we both ended up confused. I told her that I want her in my life.. I care so much for her and I didn't want to lose her because of this. If she couldn't do that I could understand. We talked more. Then I said I should go. She asked if I'd lay down with her for a little while so I did. At one point we found ourselves kissing. That hurt. That hurt a lot and I could feel the tears on my cheek.. mine not hers. I stopped and just held her close. We talked some more. Eventually she just started crying really hard and I held her. She said I needed to leave and that she will be okay. Just needed to get it out of her system. I said I need to know you will be okay.. and she said she would be and that she would not do anything stupid. I kissed her on the forehead and left. Not sure if I would really ever see or talk to her again I went out to have a few beers.... okay 8 to be exact. Spent the next 3 hours trying to convince a Lesbian what she is missing. I think if I had another hour she would have been a very happy girl. I got home around 2am .. fell right to sleep. At 3:30am Amanda called. We talked for about 30 minutes. Okay she talked and I listened barely... I know but I was dead tired now. She wanted to keep trying. Said she was willing to do whatever it took and that she would be willing to "look the other way".... I told her that I will think about everything she said early and then. I knew that was not something I would be able to do with her, not now. Knowing how hurt she would be if I did do what she was saying I could do. So I'm not at work, not feeling to good about myself and coming to realize why I hate breaking up... because I have no expierence at it. This is really the 2nd time I have ever broken up with someone.. both times was with women who trully loved me... idiot!!! All my other relationship were more like dates.. one night stands, married women... too many married women.... no commitment relationships. So Amanda calls me at work and asks if I would sleep over tonight when I get off work.. I'm like uh no. She says look i want you in my life. I want to be close to you. I want to have wild sex with you and I want to be able to just hang out with you. Basically what I want.. but the sex was not a subject I had discussed. I still told her that I don't think it's right, that I don't think this is what you need. And basically she said that's for her to decide. Okay. But if things get too hard for you. If you feel that this is hurting you or you know it's going to hurt you down the road speak up. Don't hide your feelings from me. I don;t want you holding on to me hoping for more. Basically is about like that. But I did get the feeling that she is comfortable with the idea. That she can accept being friends for now.. for life if I have it my way. I told her don't expect me to be there everynight... it's not about the sex!!! It's about a friendship. I know it's probably not going to be good for her. But I'm going to do my best to not make myself readily available. I am going to do my best to do things with her that we both enjoy... and not have sex during, before, or after we do whatever we do that day. I want to continue building our freindship. go ahead ladies let me have it.....
	167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200 \|- -\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|---\|---\|---\|---\| **** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!! 2/11- 170lbs 2/4 - 167lbs

06-20-2002, 11:44 AM	#97
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	My two cents... I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend. Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!! Too bad you didn't meet her a year from now when you might be ready to "settle down"
	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

06-20-2002, 01:29 PM	#108
Leslie DOWNSIZING Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jersey Girl Posts: 2,911 Photos: 11	I must put in my 2 cents- If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other. If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater. Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde
	Leslie My Journal My Sponsor:www.AvantLabs.com

06-20-2002, 12:06 PM	#99
Jodi Super Moderator Super Moderator Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 22,265 Photos: 1	I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends. You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way. You never know. Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you. Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.

06-20-2002, 01:09 PM	#106
Jodi Super Moderator Super Moderator Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 22,265 Photos: 1	Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level. Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too. I'm just throwing ideas. If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.

06-20-2002, 02:08 PM	#112
Jodi Super Moderator Super Moderator Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 22,265 Photos: 1	Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me. I'm appauled! J/K

06-20-2002, 11:34 PM	#116
buff_tat2d_chic Tat2d Freak Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Central Texas Posts: 2,176 Photos: 12	I don't agree with most everyone on this, I think. I say give it to her. You are both adults and if she want to continue that part...why not? I know several people who have a "comfort"