Diary of a madman.....

buff_tat2d_chic · 07-16-2002, 01:09 PM

I have a side that my husband doesn't like

....oops DAMN wrong smiley! Hey this is the one I was looking for

LOL you know what I mean. We all have ugly sides. Occasionally my hubby shows his (I do too

) ugly side. I have even thought this is sooo not worth it...I am out of here. Then I get my head cleared and I really do love him...despite his wicked ways LMAO.

People who are comfortable together let themselves go sometimes. She must be comfortable with you to show her "ugly" side.

You write very well and I can feel your sadness and frustration.
I really hope you feel better soon.

craig777 · 07-16-2002, 01:25 PM

You are right, that is why Kuso won't post pictures because all his sides are ugly sides.

buff_tat2d_chic · 07-16-2002, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by craig777
You are right, that is why Kuso won't post pictures because all his sides are ugly sides.

buff_tat2d_chic · 07-16-2002, 01:39 PM

Sorry PB to use your diary site...but I wanted to say "hi" to Craig777 while he was here.
Hi ya Craig. I live about an hour away from you. Hope you made it though the flooding ok...our area of town was ok, BUT some of the city was devistated here. Many homes and vehicles lost or washed away.

Anyway. Hope all is well.

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by newly_buff
Sorry PB to use your diary site...but I wanted to say "hi" to Craig777 while he was here.
Hi ya Craig. I live about an hour away from you. Hope you made it though the flooding ok...our area of town was ok, BUT some of the city was devistated here. Many homes and vehicles lost or washed away.

Anyway. Hope all is well.

Stuff like that makes my daily "disasters" nothing in comparison...

craig777 · 07-16-2002, 01:45 PM

Hi NB,

We were fine, I live near the highest point in San Antonio. It got really bad for the people down river of Medina lake damn, and Canyon Lake damn.

naturaltan · 07-16-2002, 01:47 PM

It does make one wonder what is and isn't important in life. Just to let you know, I check up on ya! And everytime I read it, it screams "Jamaican holiday" he he he. I realize your financial situation may not allow it right now, but you've got a year to save ... and it is probably a whole lot cheaper to fly from the states than it is to fly from here.

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by naturaltan
It does make one wonder what is and isn't important in life. Just to let you know, I check up on ya! And everytime I read it, it screams "Jamaican holiday" he he he. I realize your financial situation may not allow it right now, but you've got a year to save ... and it is probably a whole lot cheaper to fly from the states than it is to fly from here.

Oh I'm still thinking about this... daily!!!! But I do have one dilemma... with Amanda or without Amanda. At this point she wants to go. I want her to go. But I want the Amanda I like to go and not the one I wanna slap around and stuff into a foot locker and toss off the tallest building..... okay no one take that wrong!!! I would never put her in a footlocker.. LOL I haev never hit or even slapped a woman but I tell you when she gets in these moods I just blurts out whatever it is on her mind I can now understand, in a weird way, why her ex husband or bf's hit her. I don't think its right or justified but I can understand what drove them to it!!!

Thanks NT and everyone else that has taken the time out of your lives to read what jibberish I tend to write. I enjoy writing and I really enjoy knowing that others read and enjoy it too. I don't think I could do this without your visual support and of course feedback. Makes writing a little bit more enjoyable

Thanks all.

oh so to get back to where I was.... so we had our phone call. We went around and around. I feel this, she feels that. It's all her fault, it's all my fault. Just endless circles. Now she is hurt because Tuesday is her night and I told her I am not coming over. I also did not invite her to my place. I just don't want to see her. Okay that's not true, I don't want to deal with her. It's so messed up. I want her but don't.

So now she's bumming around. Probably going to go to work for only an hour or two and then go home, get stoned, not eat, drink whatever beer or Shmirnoff Ice she has left and then cry herself to sleep waiting for me to call and ask her to come over.... oh great now I'm feeling guilty and that all this is my fault. I don't understand this stuff.

butterfly · 07-16-2002, 01:58 PM

I finally posted an ankle pic for you...

naturaltan · 07-16-2002, 02:01 PM

If Amanda and yourself manage to be around together come June or whenever you decide to go, I say together. But if not, come by yourself. I'm sure you and I could really stir up some serious fun ... he he he.

I could teach you about the various pool jobs ... anchor man, water guy ...

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
I finally posted an ankle pic for you...

I know I saw it and liked it so much I decide to put here where I can see it everyday

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 02:05 PM

Okay now my signature is perfect!!! Way too funny!!!!!

butterfly · 07-16-2002, 02:10 PM

You are too funny!!!

butterfly · 07-16-2002, 02:12 PM

Butt... I've looked back at all those leg pics and they are all models??? Not sure if my little pic is in the same league

Stacey · 07-16-2002, 03:03 PM

I THINK YOUR ANKLES AND LEGS LOOK TOTALLY AWESOME BUTTERFLY!!! Better than all the models!!

naturaltan · 07-16-2002, 03:08 PM

can only say AWESOME legs!

... but that goes with the whole fantastic package!

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
Butt... I've looked back at all those leg pics and they are all models??? Not sure if my little pic is in the same league

??? You must be kidding??? They are puuuuurrrrrrrfect!!!!!!!

butterfly · 07-16-2002, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Princess
I THINK YOUR ANKLES AND LEGS LOOK TOTALLY AWESOME BUTTERFLY!!! Better than all the models!!

Thanks Princess!

At least they have some shape to them and aren't toothpick legs...

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 03:33 PM

Damn that pics gonna get me in trouble at work.... oh how my mind wanders endlessly with thoughts of passion and ....... I'll stop before Fade wakes from his nap!!!

**Jodi** · 07-16-2002, 03:33 PM

PB - I know that I don't know Amanda and I can only go by what you write here in your journal. BUTT I do have to say that everything you have written here in the past few days regarding this most recent situation keeps bringing only one word to mind, IMATURE!!!!!

Meaning, I think Amanda has a lot of growing up to do and stop being so selfish. If she doesn't get her way she cries and bitches about it. Tell her to GROW UP!!

I hope I'm not being too harsh but like I said, I can only go by what you write here.

butterfly · 07-16-2002, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pitboss
Damn that pics gonna get me in trouble at work.... oh how my mind wanders endlessly with thoughts of passion and ....... I'll stop before Fade wakes from his nap!!!

Well noone is forcing you to look at it Roger (hehehe)... I guess I shouldn't post any more...

Stacey · 07-16-2002, 03:44 PM

I know what ya mean Butterfly.. I would rather have shapely legs than toothpicks!

Yours look awesome!

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mochy
I hope I'm not being too harsh but like I said, I can only go by what you write here.

You're not being harsh. You have probably said what I've been needing to hear. I can see that now when I think back on all the little incidents that have happened. Yes generally they really have been her being selfish and not me. Especially with this last time and her complaining about the time I spend with her. Let's see Monday night from, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday afternoon, and then Saturday night well I was sleeping, and then our nap on Sunday and our bickering the rest of the time. I keep asking when was I supposed to see you more??? If you're not working I'm working and if I'm not working I with you, or sleeping!!

Okay we both have some growing up to do. I mean with me it's be in a relationship or not. She keeps pointing out that we aren't and I say we are and then I don't want one but yet I still call her my girlfriend.... oh it's a endless cycle!!!!!

...
Well my guilt got the best of me. She says I hurt her.. not sure really how but okay I'm gullible and when it comes to women I crumbled.. I called her and told that yes I would like to see her tonight at my place instead of hers. But I also said that I'm afraid that the Amanda I don't like will be there.. you know lets just call her Sybil to makes things easier to understand.. LOL but I'm afraid that if the attitude comes with her I'm done. I as this close to calling it quits on Sunday, all day yesterday, after therapy and even when I woke up this morning. That's how much she pissed me off.... but then again as my therapist notes I am impulsive in my desicion making process... she is so right. Hey at least I got something out of that $100.00 session that day!

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
Well noone is forcing you to look at it Roger (hehehe)... I guess I shouldn't post any more...

Oh I'm not complaining.. not at all. If I had to lose my job I might as well lose it thinking good old dirty thoughts

while looking at your legs!!!!

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 05:18 PM

shit. shit.shit!!!!

okay so now she's screwing with me. She calls and says the message I left her made her feel even shittier about herself.. Huh??? I dont' know but I'm pretty sure I didn't say it where it would have ciome out that way. It wasn't supposed to be an attack on her. Then she says she just can't handle this anymore and all the other crap going on in her life. Then she says I gotta go . bye.

Then she calls back and says she is sorry if she said anything bad today and that she called her mom this morningasking if she could come back to Ohio to stay for a while and her mom said no. Gee not exactly what I would expect parents to say so have to wonder what's going on with that... no she has no one. No where to live when her room amte bails on her. No one to comfort her, etc.. gee brought me down in the gutter pretty quick... I offered for her to come over to my place tonight. She said no she has things she has to do. Great now what do I do???

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 05:46 PM

okay now I'm just a mess... I feel like I am losing her and it's my fault. I'm such and idiot. I want her in my life but damn the bad stuff just over whelms me sometimes. It's more than I feel I should have to do with in any relationship.

She needs someone right now in her life more than anything and here I was being the selfish one and not caring about her problems. It's been the typical hi honey I'm home and then start bitching about my day and not caring if she had a good day or bad day...

So I'll call her and ask her to please come over tonight. We can talk, we can try to figure out some solutions to her problems.. me included as one of those problems. I need to hold her... because I want to.

Pitboss · 07-16-2002, 06:01 PM

figures. When stuff like this is going on adn I call I hope that she doesn't answer and I can leave a message. This time I wanted her to pick up and instead I go to her voice mail.

So what I'd say?? Weird it was just 30 seconds ago that I hung up and I'm not positive what I said.. uh something to the effect that I'm not ready to call it quits even if that's how it has been sounding. That I need to find a constructive way to deal with her verbal outbursts rather than a destructive way. That this is not all her fault, a lot of it is me and the way I am and all the other quircky little issues I have going on in my personality. I asked that she call me when she can so we can talk about this stuff. That i want to be here for her when she needs me and even though I have tried in the past maybe I could try a little harder in the future to be more supportive a

07-16-2002, 01:09 PM	#211
buff_tat2d_chic Tat2d Freak Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Central Texas Posts: 2,176 Photos: 12	I have a side that my husband doesn't like ....oops DAMN wrong smiley! Hey this is the one I was looking for LOL you know what I mean. We all have ugly sides. Occasionally my hubby shows his (I do too ) ugly side. I have even thought this is sooo not worth it...I am out of here. Then I get my head cleared and I really do love him...despite his wicked ways LMAO. People who are comfortable together let themselves go sometimes. She must be comfortable with you to show her "ugly" side. You write very well and I can feel your sadness and frustration. I really hope you feel better soon. Last edited by buff_tat2d_chick : 07-16-2002 at 01:15 PM.
	~health and fitness are a lifestyle~

07-16-2002, 01:39 PM	#214
buff_tat2d_chic Tat2d Freak Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Central Texas Posts: 2,176 Photos: 12	Sorry PB to use your diary site...but I wanted to say "hi" to Craig777 while he was here. Hi ya Craig. I live about an hour away from you. Hope you made it though the flooding ok...our area of town was ok, BUT some of the city was devistated here. Many homes and vehicles lost or washed away. Anyway. Hope all is well.
	~health and fitness are a lifestyle~

07-16-2002, 01:47 PM	#217
naturaltan Going nowhere fast! Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 9,938 Photos: 7	It does make one wonder what is and isn't important in life. Just to let you know, I check up on ya! And everytime I read it, it screams "Jamaican holiday" he he he. I realize your financial situation may not allow it right now, but you've got a year to save ... and it is probably a whole lot cheaper to fly from the states than it is to fly from here.
	just kick'in it in the ole Charger

07-16-2002, 01:58 PM	#219
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	I finally posted an ankle pic for you...
	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

07-16-2002, 02:01 PM	#220
naturaltan Going nowhere fast! Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 9,938 Photos: 7	If Amanda and yourself manage to be around together come June or whenever you decide to go, I say together. But if not, come by yourself. I'm sure you and I could really stir up some serious fun ... he he he. I could teach you about the various pool jobs ... anchor man, water guy ...
	just kick'in it in the ole Charger

07-16-2002, 01:25 PM	#212
craig777 Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: San Antonio TX Posts: 1,961	You are right, that is why Kuso won't post pictures because all his sides are ugly sides.

07-16-2002, 01:45 PM	#216
craig777 Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: San Antonio TX Posts: 1,961	Hi NB, We were fine, I live near the highest point in San Antonio. It got really bad for the people down river of Medina lake damn, and Canyon Lake damn.

07-16-2002, 02:05 PM	#222
Pitboss User title goes here Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: In my own world Posts: 3,114 Photos: 6	Okay now my signature is perfect!!! Way too funny!!!!!
	167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200 \|- -\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|---\|---\|---\|---\| **** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!! 2/11- 170lbs 2/4 - 167lbs

07-16-2002, 02:10 PM	#223
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	You are too funny!!!
	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

07-16-2002, 02:12 PM	#224
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	Butt... I've looked back at all those leg pics and they are all models??? Not sure if my little pic is in the same league
	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

07-16-2002, 03:03 PM	#225
Stacey Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cypress, Texas Posts: 10,589 Photos: 23	I THINK YOUR ANKLES AND LEGS LOOK TOTALLY AWESOME BUTTERFLY!!! Better than all the models!!
	I Believe in the Impossible!!!

07-16-2002, 03:08 PM	#226
naturaltan Going nowhere fast! Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 9,938 Photos: 7	can only say AWESOME legs! ... but that goes with the whole fantastic package!
	just kick'in it in the ole Charger

07-16-2002, 03:33 PM	#229
Pitboss User title goes here Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: In my own world Posts: 3,114 Photos: 6	Damn that pics gonna get me in trouble at work.... oh how my mind wanders endlessly with thoughts of passion and ....... I'll stop before Fade wakes from his nap!!!
	167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200 \|- -\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|---\|---\|---\|---\| **** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!! 2/11- 170lbs 2/4 - 167lbs

07-16-2002, 03:33 PM	#230
Jodi Moderator Moderator Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 22,260 Photos: 1	PB - I know that I don't know Amanda and I can only go by what you write here in your journal. BUTT I do have to say that everything you have written here in the past few days regarding this most recent situation keeps bringing only one word to mind, IMATURE!!!!! Meaning, I think Amanda has a lot of growing up to do and stop being so selfish. If she doesn't get her way she cries and bitches about it. Tell her to GROW UP!! I hope I'm not being too harsh but like I said, I can only go by what you write here.

07-16-2002, 03:44 PM	#232
Stacey Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Cypress, Texas Posts: 10,589 Photos: 23	I know what ya mean Butterfly.. I would rather have shapely legs than toothpicks! Yours look awesome!
	I Believe in the Impossible!!!

07-16-2002, 05:18 PM	#235
Pitboss User title goes here Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: In my own world Posts: 3,114 Photos: 6	shit. shit.shit!!!! okay so now she's screwing with me. She calls and says the message I left her made her feel even shittier about herself.. Huh??? I dont' know but I'm pretty sure I didn't say it where it would have ciome out that way. It wasn't supposed to be an attack on her. Then she says she just can't handle this anymore and all the other crap going on in her life. Then she says I gotta go . bye. Then she calls back and says she is sorry if she said anything bad today and that she called her mom this morningasking if she could come back to Ohio to stay for a while and her mom said no. Gee not exactly what I would expect parents to say so have to wonder what's going on with that... no she has no one. No where to live when her room amte bails on her. No one to comfort her, etc.. gee brought me down in the gutter pretty quick... I offered for her to come over to my place tonight. She said no she has things she has to do. Great now what do I do???
	167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200 \|- -\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|---\|---\|---\|---\| **** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!! 2/11- 170lbs 2/4 - 167lbs

07-16-2002, 05:46 PM	#236
Pitboss User title goes here Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: In my own world Posts: 3,114 Photos: 6	okay now I'm just a mess... I feel like I am losing her and it's my fault. I'm such and idiot. I want her in my life but damn the bad stuff just over whelms me sometimes. It's more than I feel I should have to do with in any relationship. She needs someone right now in her life more than anything and here I was being the selfish one and not caring about her problems. It's been the typical hi honey I'm home and then start bitching about my day and not caring if she had a good day or bad day... So I'll call her and ask her to please come over tonight. We can talk, we can try to figure out some solutions to her problems.. me included as one of those problems. I need to hold her... because I want to.
	167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200 \|- -\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|---\|---\|---\|---\| **** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!! 2/11- 170lbs 2/4 - 167lbs