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I agree with a couple of them, the rest are just fricking funny.
You gotta love this Doctor!
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Thread: You gotta love this Doctor!
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07-17-2009, 12:14 PM #1Native Chicagoan
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You gotta love this Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
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07-17-2009, 12:36 PM #2I'm CEO, Bitch! ADMINISTRATOR
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07-17-2009, 12:44 PM #3YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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Damn, he's keepin it on the real tip.
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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07-17-2009, 01:24 PM #4Magical Apelikemenace ELITE MEMBER
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This must have been my ex-wife's doctor?
Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!
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07-17-2009, 01:27 PM #5YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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Good one!
Originally Posted by The Monkey Man
I bet he was a Japanese fighter pilot in ww 2, and now he practices medicine in orange county, california.The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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07-17-2009, 02:29 PM #6Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
And Grains are one of the largest groups in the food pyramid, they say at least 3 oz. per day and since most of beer is water I should drink at least 12 bottles, right?Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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07-17-2009, 05:04 PM #7YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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Naw, i'd say more like a case, phuqit! Originally Posted by maniclion
Why not, it's good for you. Consider it liquid wheaties.The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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07-17-2009, 09:17 PM #8I'm CEO, Bitch! ADMINISTRATOR
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Originally Posted by maniclion
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07-18-2009, 12:11 AM #9Magical Apelikemenace ELITE MEMBER
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You silly little fitness forum guru you Originally Posted by Prince
Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation
Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!
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