Only in America (pretty funny)

KryptoAllez · 08-15-2002, 12:15 PM

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the
back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries,
and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want
to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' & 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.

EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made
with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only
time
I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:.You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details
inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would
be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a
car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a
lot
to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this
because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you
to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (..was there a lot of
this happening somewhere?)

**I Are Baboon** · 08-15-2002, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KryptoAllez
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

I hate that.

bigss75 · 08-15-2002, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KryptoAllez

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries,
and a diet coke.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I have dont that on numerous times. I still dont know why.

**Prince** · 08-15-2002, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KryptoAllez
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

IAB you eat hot dogs?

**Mudge** · 08-15-2002, 02:47 PM

LoL, good post...

I love hotdogs, but no I don't enjoy reading whats in them...

irontime · 08-15-2002, 02:59 PM

Quote:

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what)?

underwater maybe???

w8lifter · 08-15-2002, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

That's a damn good question! LOL...there's some good ones there!

shooter · 08-15-2002, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KryptoAllez

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

No shit, what's up with that?

**Jodi** · 08-15-2002, 04:09 PM

Quote:

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or

Good thing someone warned us about this. LOL

**Mudge** · 08-15-2002, 04:52 PM

The sad thing is, those warning labels are there usually thanks to some less than gifted individual trying it

Leslie · 08-15-2002, 04:54 PM

"You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?"

I have rcvd this one...I think its weird that these things really do get sent/posted everywhere. Who starts it?

**Mudge** · 08-15-2002, 05:23 PM

So many emailing lists and message boards out there now, its inevitable.

Cute Loops · 09-13-2007, 03:48 PM

You are such a hater!

08-15-2002, 12:15 PM	#1
KryptoAllez Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Dover, DE Posts: 138	Only in America (pretty funny) BODYBUILDING SUPPLEMENTS High Quality Supplements For Bodybuilders and Athletes. www.ironmaglabs.com 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' & 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ------------------ In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos:.You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
	Bodybuilding isn't everything, it's just that being small, weak, and puny REALLY sucks!! Speed Skater - Last Lap, Tight Pack, Absolutely, Positively, Most Definitely Without a Doubt, NO FEAR (not even a little bit).

08-15-2002, 02:47 PM	#5
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,993 Photos: 1	LoL, good post... I love hotdogs, but no I don't enjoy reading whats in them...
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

08-15-2002, 04:52 PM	#10
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,993 Photos: 1	The sad thing is, those warning labels are there usually thanks to some less than gifted individual trying it
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

08-15-2002, 04:54 PM	#11
Leslie DOWNSIZING Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jersey Girl Posts: 2,911 Photos: 11	"You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?" I have rcvd this one...I think its weird that these things really do get sent/posted everywhere. Who starts it?
	Leslie My Journal My Sponsor:www.AvantLabs.com

08-15-2002, 05:23 PM	#12
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,993 Photos: 1	So many emailing lists and message boards out there now, its inevitable.
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

09-13-2007, 03:48 PM	#13
Cute Loops Registered User Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 87	You are such a hater!
Cute Loops Registered User Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 87

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