Thread: Should men date single mothers?

Originally Posted by shiznit2169

Here's the story. I met this girl about a month ago through a friend and she seems very cool and laid back. She sparked some interest as dating potential but when i found out she has two sons (4 and 3 years old) i was immediately turned off because i avoid women who are single with kids.

However, as i started to hang out with her more over the past few weeks, always with groups of friends (never alone), she really seems like an intelligent woman that isn't desperate to find a man to depend on for financial and emotional support. She's the same age as me and is going to school with a decent job but she lives with her parents. She also shares custody of her kids with her ex as they take turns every weekend to look after them.

For some strange reason, i am attracted to her but am well aware of the risks of getting into a relationship with her. Is this something i should stay away from or is there no harm in giving it a shot?

I would start by founding out why she broke up with her ex. It'll be hard because you'll probably only get her side of the story.

But whatever you do, take it slowly. It's easy to get wrapped in not just her, but the kids too. Your parental instincts will take over and may make your rush into things.

Slow and steady, man. Slow and steady.

Beyond that, if she seems cool, just treat her like any other girlfriend.

slowly because if things don't work out the kids with be hurtbyu leavingandu might feel guilt for leaving/....its a hard one to call

Never really lingered on the fact that my gf had a daughter, she was 11 though and really didn't take to me.....but it never really got in the way of the love btwn my gf and I. This sounds like a more opportune scenario if you do develop feelings for this woman since her children are younger and you have a chance of developing a parental relationship with them....

Though it was sweet last year when I got my first Father's Day card thanking me for all of the things I have done for my gf's daughter, she is 20 now and realizes what sacrifices I made near her same age jumping into a relationship with an older child already in the mix....

Ya when they have young kids it can be tough on who ever doen't have kids they walk into a sort of parent role and it can get tough . if they are older well its kind of like the kid can do stuff for themselfs kind of well shit.i went through that when i was 23 man that shit can get starnge real quick and if your not ready it can get bad real quick. just don't let them move in with ya

Originally Posted by shiznit2169

Here's the story. I met this girl about a month ago through a friend and she seems very cool and laid back. She sparked some interest as dating potential but when i found out she has two sons (4 and 3 years old) i was immediately turned off because i avoid women who are single with kids.

However, as i started to hang out with her more over the past few weeks, always with groups of friends (never alone), she really seems like an intelligent woman that isn't desperate to find a man to depend on for financial and emotional support. She's the same age as me and is going to school with a decent job but she lives with her parents. She also shares custody of her kids with her ex as they take turns every weekend to look after them.

For some strange reason, i am attracted to her but am well aware of the risks of getting into a relationship with her. Is this something i should stay away from or is there no harm in giving it a shot?

Don't get involved, you will be dealing with HER kids and the EX forever, it's not worth it, there are plenty of single gals without kids, go find one.

look at it this way, it might not have been her fault they split up. take it easy with the kids cos theyve prob been through a rough time, give it a go you might find its great

Originally Posted by Prince

Don't get involved, you will be dealing with HER kids and the EX forever, it's not worth it, there are plenty of single gals without kids, go find one.

Right. You get the burden of supporting her and her kid... not only financially but babysitting and spending time with the kid as well (assuming they are younger). At the same time, the kid will always come first over you, and even though you are making all this incredible sacrifice for this kid--the kid will never respect you as a father.

Knock the dust off that shit bro

Originally Posted by maxpro2

Right. You get the burden of supporting her and her kid... not only financially but babysitting and spending time with the kid as well (assuming they are younger). At the same time, the kid will always come first over you, and even though you are making all this incredible sacrifice for this kid--the kid will never respect you as a father.

Is that experience talking?

You're probably right about the mom, but you'd wrong about the kids. They're only 3 and 4 years old.

I once dated a girl with a 3 year old son. We dated for about 4 months total and I only saw her kid in pictures meaning she didn't even want him to meet me unless we got super serious. Strange thing was I was ready to make things work but it was her wishy washy ness over a long term relationship that nixed the whole thing. I was also almost 30 at the time and ready for something serious. I dont know how old you are, but I think the older you are the more you might be willing to enter this type of relationship cause you are looking for a certain type o person and if you find that person but she has kids, is it gonna be a deal breaker? That's for you to decide.

Of course this all takes into account that the ex is a somewhat normal and sane person. If you find out anything questionable about him, then I probably wouldn't want to deal with it and would not persistent he relationship.

Originally Posted by Prince

Don't get involved, you will be dealing with HER kids and the EX forever, it's not worth it, there are plenty of single gals without kids, go find one.

this well said and wisdom in the words...the Ex will forever laugh at you when shit go's wrong..

Originally Posted by DOMS

I would start by founding out why she broke up with her ex. It'll be hard because you'll probably only get her side of the story.

This bro. My ex wife had a daughter (2 years old) when we met. She told me that her ex was abusive, asshole, blah blah blah, and that was good enough for me. Over the next 8 years the guy actually seemed to be a really decent guy, good father and all that.

I came home from work, caught her cheating on me, found out that she had cheated with multiple men over the last year we were together. When I talked to her ex about his daughter (so that I could continue seeing her) he informed me that this was the exact same scenario that he went through. He worked offshore, came home, caught her cheating, kicked her out.

Now she is with another guy that works offshore, who has never bothered to find out why she and I split, or why she and her ex split. He thinks he found a pretty, intelligent, church-going woman, when in reality, he has found a tramp with commitment issues.

Just go into it with your eyes open bro.

Dude, bag it, tag it, an don't be a fag it

Originally Posted by jmorrison

This bro. My ex wife had a daughter (2 years old) when we met. She told me that her ex was abusive, asshole, blah blah blah, and that was good enough for me. Over the next 8 years the guy actually seemed to be a really decent guy, good father and all that.

I came home from work, caught her cheating on me, found out that she had cheated with multiple men over the last year we were together. When I talked to her ex about his daughter (so that I could continue seeing her) he informed me that this was the exact same scenario that he went through. He worked offshore, came home, caught her cheating, kicked her out.

Now she is with another guy that works offshore, who has never bothered to find out why she and I split, or why she and her ex split. He thinks he found a pretty, intelligent, church-going woman, when in reality, he has found a tramp with commitment issues.

Just go into it with your eyes open bro.

that happen alot had a friend that i told is wife was cheating on him, got injured overseas and got sent home for(temp home in Dc) did the hospital thing she didn't know i was in the area so i saw her one day at a bar talking away to some guy she kissed him ect.i stop by there house and watch them go in the house sat there until11pm light went out no doubt he nail her..short story he didn't believe me until his mom caught her when he deployed the next time fook up shit man

Milfs are the most fun out there, the Capt says go for it

. . but keep it purely physical, don't get involved with the kids

gich!

Originally Posted by CaptRichArund

Milfs are the most fun out there, the Capt says go for it

. . but keep it purely physical, don't get involved with the kids

gich!

Amen

my take...if I woman or younger chick have a kid or kids (two or more dads is immediate disqualifier...too much for me) I have to see something extra to make up for the baggage. I'm not a kid person by nature, so its definitely baggage for me...and having the Ex in the picture (which he will most likely be in some form) is a large piece of baggage.

The lady had better be a complete package in looks, personality, and hopefully something going in the career but not completely necessary.

Originally Posted by lnvanry

my take...if I woman or younger chick have a kid or kids (two or more dads is immediate disqualifier...too much for me) I have to see something extra to make up for the baggage. I'm not a kid person by nature, so its definitely baggage for me...and having the Ex in the picture (which he will most likely be in some form) is a large piece of baggage.

The lady had better be a complete package in looks, personality, and hopefully something going in the career but not completely necessary.

We are both 24 years old.

Got some good input from you all, both positive and negative. We both went out last night with some friends so she stopped by my place to carpool with me. After i dropped off our friends, it was just me and her heading back to my place. I was debating the entire ride home whether i should invite her in or call it a night. I decided against it but could tell she was disappointed. I missed out on a good lay but i need some more info before i get myself into a big mess that will be hard to get out of.

Originally Posted by shiznit2169

I missed out on a good lay but i need some more info before i get myself into a big mess that will be hard to get out of.

you have no idea, end it now.

Originally Posted by Prince

you have no idea, end it now.

I think you're blowing it out of proportion. I mean, does this girl not deserve to ever meet anyone again because she has a kid and a potentially "crazy" ex?

Now, that being said, since you mentioned you were both 24, I would not get involved with her now. I think you're a bit too young. I know when I was 24 I could not deal with my own kid, let alone someone else's. I was 30 when I dated that girl, I think by then I was able to do it. you got time on your side. Don't get bogged down now.

I agree with Prince and Maxpro.. why go into this when you know she will have baggage? Lots of other girls out there.

This girl will want to get more serious than you will. She will talk about wanting stability in her life for her and her kid (NOT your kid) and before you know it, she will be ramming the idea of marriage down your throat. I think if you do this, you will find yourself paying for stuff you have no business paying for (both emotionally and monetarily).

Originally Posted by Stewart14

I think you're blowing it out of proportion. I mean, does this girl not deserve to ever meet anyone again because she has a kid and a potentially "crazy" ex?

of course, but I am advising shiznit2169 what to do.

at 24 with two kids and living at home this girl either needs to focus on herself, i.e. career and her kids, if she is set on finding another man she should look for someone a bit older (30+) preferably who has his own baggage, i.e. ex wife and kids.

YOUNG SINGLE GUYS SHOULD LEAVE DIVORCED SINGLE MOMS ALONE!

Originally Posted by DOMS

Is that experience talking?

Experience yes, but the experience of a friend, not myself.

Originally Posted by Prince

of course, but I am advising shiznit2169 what to do.

at 24 with two kids and living at home this girl either needs to focus on herself, i.e. career and her kids, if she is set on finding another man she should look for someone a bit older (30+) preferably who has his own baggage, i.e. ex wife and kids.

YOUNG SINGLE GUYS SHOULD LEAVE DIVORCED SINGLE MOMS ALONE!

there is a reason they are divorced......

Originally Posted by The Situation

there is a reason they are divorced......

Sometimes it's because the guy was a dick.

I agree with Prince, you're asking for trouble, in my opinion, but don't we all tempt the shit-fan at sometime in our lives? A failsafe indicator of the girl's character is this: does she protect her children from the potential confusion caused by introducing her kids to the men she is dating casually? If she offers to introduce you to her children before the relationship becomes serious, or if she contrives a way to impose on them and you from the get-go, run like the fucking wind. Any mother or father who puts the well being of their kids second is a self-absored shit, and nothing's gonna change that

Originally Posted by DOMS

Sometimes it's because the guy was a dick.

That is true also. but there is always 93% chance there is more to it than what it looks..Me i fell into the trap many years ago they guy seem cool when i was around him heck i was laying the pipe to his ex.
she would say he's a dick ect. being that young i thought yea. ell she was hott and well any way slowly she became abusive verbally in 6 months the shit got out of control. i called him he just laughed he said if i would have told u would u have believed me. or would u think i was being a dick.. he said get out now while you still can she won't change i got beat up for 5 years with her.. and he said good luck ..but i didn't learn i did it again a few months later not the same but she had a problemm with the world...
but thats just my end