Thread: Tough Love

you already know the answer, now just follow thru with it.

I already told you, your response not necessary. You are an amazing father and I know you want me to not fail Jon the way I am, baby, we just grew up a little different, so it's hard for me to fully listen to you even thought you are right 100% of the time.

Sometimes lifes best lessons are the most painful, i.e. maybe he needs to fight on his own? But, that may take years to bear fruit, as making $10 an hour might work for a few years, so who knows how long it will take until he decides that isn't enough to keep him happy... and then he might feel its too late or embarrassing to go back to school, there are numerous possibilities.

You might, hopefully, get some excellent feedback. But nobody here knows him like you two do, and that makes it tougher (I think anyway). It sounds like something in the form of a cut off etc, if he is living on his own then he has it on easy street, I had to stay home while in school.

As an example most people who inherit lots of money, piss it away and sometimes kill themselves with it. Those who do the best in life are those who fight for it, so maybe all you can do is remind him how important it is, he isn't probably going to be happy making $30-$50k a year when he is trying to raise a family 10-15 years from now, but only HE can decide to be a success.

FWIW, Tony Robbins also says that pain is the best teacher. I think it makes sense on a very low, fundamental level. Many of us don't learn well on easy street.

I love quotes...

"Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon" - E. M. Forster

"People's behavior makes sense if you think about it in terms of their goals, needs, and motives." - Thomas Mann

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." - Galielo Galilei

Only he can make himself get up, and walk through that door.

Originally Posted by Mudge

Tony Robbins also says that pain is the best teacher. I think it makes sense on a very low, fundamental level. Many of us don't learn well on easy street.

I agree.

Wow!! My Wife and I are living in the almost exact same situation. My son is 19, Hansome kid, Not a genius but smart enough. He goes to A Penn State satalite campus and just completed his first semester. My Wife completed his History final for him and he thinks that is o-k. It was an at home 3000 word report. It took Her a whole weekend to finish this for him while He thought it was o-k to sit in his room and play X-box while she did this. Of course I flipped out on Him and on Her because in my mind I thought this was bullshit. I keep waiting for him to figure it out for himself but that don't seem to be happening anytime soon. I pay for everything from His Date money to his car insurance with the expectation that he just get good grades in college. This week alone he went through E-Z pass lanes without a pass twice, 80 bucks each, lost his 400 dollar glasses, hit a curb and cut his sidewall on his tire 125 bucks and lost his car keys with the fob thing on it. On the other hand hes a very nice kid, don't drink and don't do drugs. Most adults that know him really like him, so Hes got that going for him. BUT, Hes 19 and I am parenting him like hes 12. So I try to play tough love But thats hard to maintain.
Sorry about the long run on, but again we are in the same boat as you guys.
Good luck and maybe I can learn something here also.

Along the same lines of what Mudge said, there is the thought that you learn more from mistakes than success. That process breaks down if there are no consequences for your mistakes. I think one of the biggest problems I see parents have is holding young people accountable for their behavior. I work in secondary education, and some of the same issues are responsible in large part for our failing educational system, IMHO.

that's a tough one. our society has set a bad example, it's very obvious that good looking people have it easier and kids pick up on this stuff very early. there's a lot of recent studies all about this topic.

^ haha...

I agree. Ship him out to the military........ or just follow through with your consequences. It takes some people a little longer to mature, so if you cut him off from all the pampering, he'll realize that he needs to work for everything he has. It may take a couple years of floundering, but I think he will realize what a great opportunity you are offering him.

Originally Posted by Mudge

Sometimes lifes best lessons are the most painful, i.e. maybe he needs to fight on his own? But, that may take years to bear fruit, as making $10 an hour might work for a few years, so who knows how long it will take until he decides that isn't enough to keep him happy... and then he might feel its too late or embarrassing to go back to school, there are numerous possibilities.

You might, hopefully, get some excellent feedback. But nobody here knows him like you two do, and that makes it tougher (I think anyway). It sounds like something in the form of a cut off etc, if he is living on his own then he has it on easy street, I had to stay home while in school.

As an example most people who inherit lots of money, piss it away and sometimes kill themselves with it. Those who do the best in life are those who fight for it, so maybe all you can do is remind him how important it is, he isn't probably going to be happy making $30-$50k a year when he is trying to raise a family 10-15 years from now, but only HE can decide to be a success.

FWIW, Tony Robbins also says that pain is the best teacher. I think it makes sense on a very low, fundamental level. Many of us don't learn well on easy street.

I love quotes...

"Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon" - E. M. Forster

"People's behavior makes sense if you think about it in terms of their goals, needs, and motives." - Thomas Mann

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." - Galielo Galilei

Only he can make himself get up, and walk through that door.

Thank you for the great response. Like Rob said, I know what to do. At 18 I was put in a position where I had to either sink or swim. I swam my ass off. To me, I became very successful unlike anyone else in my family. I hate tough love, but I want our son to be like me.
Thanks again

Thank you everyone for all your feedback. I need to toughen up my ass and learn the word NO! I can do this.
Happy Holidays
XOXO's

Originally Posted by DarkHorse

I agree. Ship him out to the military........ or just follow through with your consequences. It takes some people a little longer to mature, so if you cut him off from all the pampering, he'll realize that he needs to work for everything he has. It may take a couple years of floundering, but I think he will realize what a great opportunity you are offering him.

Same situation and I'm only 33....my gf's 21 year old daughter was just skating by with the bare minimum grades at school, we sent her to San Fran. after she kept hanging with her friends here instead of going to class.... She had a house we paid rent on, got $1000 a month for expenses, and a couple hundred on weekends for fun, plus we paid her tuition, everything all she had to do was study. Her grades remained shit, so eventually we cut her off except for rent and she had to get a job....Now she is working and going to school and the grades have improved because if she wants extra cash she knows we won't send it if she hasn't earned it.....sometimes those little birds just need to have their worm regurgitations taken away so they learn to hunt for themselves....

Recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of the Rangers.
Acknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier.
Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be. One-hundred-percent and then some.
Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.
Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.
Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.
Rangers Lead The Way

Originally Posted by Gena Marie

Thank you for the great response. Like Rob said, I know what to do. At 18 I was put in a position where I had to either sink or swim. I swam my ass off. To me, I became very successful unlike anyone else in my family. I hate tough love, but I want our son to be like me.
Thanks again

The hungry man, finds a way to eat!

Originally Posted by Dark Geared God

Recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of the Rangers.
Acknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier.
Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be. One-hundred-percent and then some.
Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.
Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.
Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.
Rangers Lead The Way

is that a real patch cause it looks gay as fuck....

picture right off the uniform

Originally Posted by Dark Geared God

picture right off the uniform

That other one looks like the skull is sucking the shine of that sword....

Originally Posted by maniclion

That other one looks like the skull is sucking the shine of that sword....

ya thats how you would look on my dick

You all are so funny. I can not believe I have been missing out on all of this for so long. No more my friends.

Originally Posted by Gena Marie

You all are so funny. I can not believe I have been missing out on all of this for so long. No more my friends.

It does look a bit... home made lol

Originally Posted by Dark Geared God

ya thats how you would look on my dick

If you had one.....I can do your gyno moobs like that......for a fee

Originally Posted by Mudge

It does look a bit... home made lol

Originally Posted by maniclion

If you had one.....I can do your gyno moobs like that......for a fee

I don't understand u must bbe high right now post again

Originally Posted by Dark Geared God

I don't understand u must bbe high right now post again

All the cool patches like this and you posted the most cartoonish.....




This may or may not have been one of my patches....

diff ranger units mah knigg.

al k one not so