Thread: My girlfriend let me down on my birthday

Wow. I've been with my husband for more than 20 years and he's never done that much for my birthday.

No one knows your relationship like you do, so it's hard to tell. I think you have a right to be a little disappointed. Do you think you went a little overboard on her birthday and scared her some? Five months, to me, isn't long. Most fair and stable relationships have a tendency to even out over time. You told her you were disappointed; now let it go. See what happens next holiday/big event.

Yea bro, 5 months isn't long AT ALL - she was "nervous"? Not sure what that would even mean coming out of her mouth. Sounds like you wanted to make a good impression on her since it was the 1st b-day with her....BUT you over did it in my opinion - sounds like you dropped some loot on her - Again, it's only been 5 months.

BUT that was REAL lame on her part saying "Well, what do you want to do"? Did she even act like she was excited to see you...by the sounds of it no....especially if you weren't even in the mood to bang.

Seems shady a bit......just sayin

Funny thing about women is that the nicer you are to them.. the worse they will be in return. Best sure way to fuck yourself is to become a white knight. Shit only works in movies.

Not saying you should be a dick, but don't be a white knight thinking it's gonna get you anywhere.

Originally Posted by chronicelite

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if I have the right to be a little upset over something that happened yesterday.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 months now. Her birthday was March 30, and mine was June 8.

For her birthday, I spent the whole day with her, starting off with her favorite place for breakfast, I took her to get a massage, we went mini golfing, we had sex multiple times throughout the day. I made the whole damn day about her. And I gave her two presents. One was a necklace that had a symbol that is very special to her and she wears it all the time. She loved that day and talks about it all the time. I spent over 1 1/2 months planning her birthday. I ordered her necklace off the internet so that it would arrive early, to make 100% sure that I would get it on time. Everything worked out perfect. And we had discussed all the things we were going to do on her birthday prior to it, to make sure she approved of everything. It was talked about and planned well in advance.

Now for my birthday. She basically came over, and said, OK it's your birthday what do you want to do? It seemed like she had not planned anything out, she had no ideas, and she kept saying, well we can do whatever you want.

She had a couple of last second ideas that we could do, but I was pretty insulted how little time and effort she had put into planning this day out for me. For a present she gave me a picture/collage of a bunch of pictures of us. And said my other present, I won't get until later because it still hasn't arrived yet (she ordered it). I got pissed off because I thought she could have ordered it sooner, to make sure it would arrive before my birthday.

I was totally disappointed in the whole day. It seemed like she had put no effort into making the day special for me. And she tried to fix it at the end of the night by giving me oral sex and letting me had regular sex in any position I wanted. But I was no longer in the mood for sex and I told her I just wanted to sleep.

When I asked her why she didn't put more effort into planning my day out, her answer was that she was "nervous" about making everything perfect and didn't know what to do because she had never planned out a day like this for anyone before. BUT she had plenty of time to plan things out, as we have been together for 5 months.

What do you all think?

Seems to be playing the cards right to take advantage of your gullibility.
I say end it and find another girl who isn't materialistic, which is tough to do.
May want to lower your expectations a bit and not look for special treatment.
And be sure your girl understand that as well so you're both on the same page.

Dude - you are wrong! WRONG! WRONG! Remember - you are the MAN and you have to plan everything all the time!
Of course she doesn't know how to do it!!! Don't wory she'll give you a present or some other thing! She's a girl after all and you are the leader - at least I hope so, cuz right now you sound like a pussy who's not happy with the toy that he got for his BD. You need to learn a lot about relationships!

And when you planned her's you did a good job you would do even better if all that would be a surprise for her.. and for yourself you have to plan it too! Remember she's not responsible for your happiness!

Read this book : "The way of superior man" - David Deida

And last thing, do not show her that you are pissed... this will kill the relationship and she'll run away. She wants to see a real man in you not a pussy, because she has one already.

Good luck.

Originally Posted by DecaConstruction

BUT that was REAL lame on her part saying "Well, what do you want to do"? Did she even act like she was excited to see you...by the sounds of it no....especially if you weren't even in the mood to bang.

Seems shady a bit......just sayin

That was not weird from her part! Woman are not made to make decisions, you should have planned everything it's YOUR birthday! What about your friends?? Why you're nnot going out with them and having a blast? She should not be the main part of your b-day.

I hate to take the chicks side, but it has only been 5 months and you went over the top (though it was very well thought out and generous) for her birthday.

There's nothing wrong with going over the top when celebrating something or someone, but it sounds like you have a chick who doesn't share this same desire.

I learned a long time ago that women have no reasoning or accountability so I live be the principle out with the old in with the new.

It was very nice of you to be so attentive and thoughful on her birthday. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt and let her know you overreacted. Chances are, she really was unsure about how to plan out things. Course, I'm probably biased because I tend to put these things off myself, and I know I care a great deal about my wife. She puts me to shame when it comes to planning birthdays and such. In any case, the resentment is never worth the effort, and can be poisonous to the relationship.

Originally Posted by steem

Dude - you are wrong! WRONG! WRONG! Remember - you are the MAN and you have to plan everything all the time!
Of course she doesn't know how to do it!!! Don't wory she'll give you a present or some other thing! She's a girl after all and you are the leader - at least I hope so, cuz right now you sound like a pussy who's not happy with the toy that he got for his BD. You need to learn a lot about relationships!

And when you planned her's you did a good job you would do even better if all that would be a surprise for her.. and for yourself you have to plan it too! Remember she's not responsible for your happiness!

Read this book : "The way of superior man" - David Deida

And last thing, do not show her that you are pissed... this will kill the relationship and she'll run away. She wants to see a real man in you not a pussy, because she has one already.

Good luck.

If ANYONE needs women advice, we all know who to go to.....pfft!

Originally Posted by Justinbro

I learned a long time ago that women have no reasoning or accountability so I live be the principle out with the old in with the new.

She let you have sex in any position you wanted? Really? Isnt that just a prerequisite in a relationship?

My girl's been planning my B-day for 2 months so I'm on the other end of this discussion. I went all out for her BD too. She really likes birthday's so it was important that I showed some planning skills to make it special.

To me, that seems pretty shitty chronic.

You're not on Clomid right now are you? You seem pretty emotional about this? LOL.

You went overboard for her birthday man. You did it because you wanted to show her how much you care.

You're butt hurt because she didn't make the same effort, and therefore, you think she doesn't care as much as you do.

So the fuck what. One person in the relationship always likes the other person more than the other. This time, it's you who is more sprung. Get over it.

This is why I never date a woman more than a few months, and why I generally don't put any feelings or emotions into them when I do.

Good luck.

Originally Posted by SloppyJ

My girl's been planning my B-day for 2 months so I'm on the other end of this discussion. I went all out for her BD too. She really likes birthday's so it was important that I showed some planning skills to make it special.

To me, that seems pretty shitty chronic.

You stick the stems and seeds clearly - $20 and 8er you get - pfft!

did she ASK you to make such a big deal about her birthday? maybe she would have been satisfied with you just being casual about it and asking if she had anything special she would want to do that day. you went overboard. it had only been 5 months and gifts should not be given with expectations.

you sound like a whiny bitch to be honest. you had a woman come over and offer to spend the day doing what you wanted... she might have been scared to pick something you wouldn't enjoy so she asked you what YOU wanted to do then PLUS she was agreeable to sex any way you wanted it. a lot of guys don't get that for their birthday, a lot don't even have a woman to share it with.

you need to learn some gratitude and realize gifts are about giving not what you're going to get in return. you really sound like a spoiled ungrateful kid. i'm trying to be honest with you not mean but that's the impression i got.

next year give her a hint what you'd like. it's ok to say i'd really like you to make me this cake i like or a special dinner... some women find it effeminate if a man wants to be treated TOO much like a princess on his birthday.

some girls dont like planning stuff, its usually the man who decides what to do and stuff like that, i used to get mad at my girl for never having any ideas about what to do so i just gave up asking.. it seems like you did way too much for her for her bday since you only went out 5 months, i dont think you can expect her to do that much in return bro.. if you want someone who will seems like you may have to find someone else or just forget about it

I find it easier to just accept that you will never get the same amount of anything you do in return from women.

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

Sent from my Android device

What did you want? A girls day out, start at the gay spa with a fruit salad, then a mani-pedi, followed by microderm abrasion, then get your hair styled and go out on the town like a proud merry.

You sound like you spend so much time smothering your gal and probably cooing at her feet that she has no clue what you are interested in other than her, what else was she to do in that situation. she thought just her presence would be present enough since that's all you show interest in around her....people aren't mind readers...

Somebody needs a midol and a daqueri. Suck it up, rail that bitch till she bleeds then go to sleep. Thats all a man needs anyway besides lots and lots of gear.

Originally Posted by Big Pimpin

I hate to take the chicks side, but it has only been 5 months and you went over the top (though it was very well thought out and generous) for her birthday.

There's nothing wrong with going over the top when celebrating something or someone, but it sounds like you have a chick who doesn't share this same desire.

This, right here. It's a birthday. It's not a 50 year anniversary. You went over the top for Christmas and five years of dating. You have no reason to be disappointed. She has every reason to be nervous and is probably wondering if she should bug out and hide in the Yukon Territory for a while until you find someone else. I'm married for nearly 18 years now and I don't put that kind of planning into her birthday, anniversary AND Christmas combined.

If you tell her you're disappointed by the lack of planning on her part she's probably going to think you're either a psychopath or a high maintenance bitch.

No offense, dude, but you need to put things in proper perspective.

Originally Posted by chronicelite

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 months now.
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BUT she had plenty of time to plan things out, as we have been together for 5 months.

So you expected her to start planning a birthday celebration for you on the day you MET?!?!? I think you're just a weeeeee bit overboard on this.

Originally Posted by newkid

some girls dont like planning stuff, its usually the man who decides what to do and stuff like that, i used to get mad at my girl for never having any ideas about what to do so i just gave up asking..

Women certainly plan the weddings, if not the girl, then the wedding planner whose 9 times of out 10 a female.
Many of them plan honeymoons as well, not to mention how many children that want, and how to divvy up the income.
Only thing they don't really plan is Anniverseries and Valentines Day.

Originally Posted by chronicelite

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if I have the right to be a little upset over something that happened yesterday.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 months now. Her birthday was March 30, and mine was June 8.

For her birthday, I spent the whole day with her, starting off with her favorite place for breakfast, I took her to get a massage, we went mini golfing, we had sex multiple times throughout the day. I made the whole damn day about her. And I gave her two presents. One was a necklace that had a symbol that is very special to her and she wears it all the time. She loved that day and talks about it all the time. I spent over 1 1/2 months planning her birthday. I ordered her necklace off the internet so that it would arrive early, to make 100% sure that I would get it on time. Everything worked out perfect. And we had discussed all the things we were going to do on her birthday prior to it, to make sure she approved of everything. It was talked about and planned well in advance.

Now for my birthday. She basically came over, and said, OK it's your birthday what do you want to do? It seemed like she had not planned anything out, she had no ideas, and she kept saying, well we can do whatever you want.

She had a couple of last second ideas that we could do, but I was pretty insulted how little time and effort she had put into planning this day out for me. For a present she gave me a picture/collage of a bunch of pictures of us. And said my other present, I won't get until later because it still hasn't arrived yet (she ordered it). I got pissed off because I thought she could have ordered it sooner, to make sure it would arrive before my birthday.

I was totally disappointed in the whole day. It seemed like she had put no effort into making the day special for me. And she tried to fix it at the end of the night by giving me oral sex and letting me had regular sex in any position I wanted. But I was no longer in the mood for sex and I told her I just wanted to sleep.

When I asked her why she didn't put more effort into planning my day out, her answer was that she was "nervous" about making everything perfect and didn't know what to do because she had never planned out a day like this for anyone before. BUT she had plenty of time to plan things out, as we have been together for 5 months.

What do you all think?

Seems like you gave her a special birthday because it came out of your heart and you wanted to show her how special you feel about her. It also seems you expected the same attention back, but this world just does not function that way. All she is giving you is excuses, if she was not selfish and cared about you and wanted truly wanted to give you a surprise she would had made your bday extra especial.

Don't expect the same in return is the name of the game, if you give is because its in you to do this. In my opinion , just let it go. its no big deal. As long as she is a good girlfriend she is good to go.

Originally Posted by maniclion

What did you want? A girls day out, start at the gay spa with a fruit salad, then a mani-pedi, followed by microderm abrasion, then get your hair styled and go out on the town like a proud merry.
.

That actually sounds quite nice.

Anyone here not give a fuck about birthdays besides me?

Sorry, but this is ghey.

She has basically made you her bitch, either accept it or do something about it.

A few days of not paying attention and acting superior would be a good start.

bro - i hate to say this, but this is totally your fault. you put WAY too much effort into her b-day WAY too soon.

see, some people are really thoughtful and kinda live to make others happy, blah, blah, blah. you seem like one of those people. i'm not saying that's a bad thing at all. it's actually kinda admirable, but it's NOT everybody. it's not me and it's apparently not her.

at the same time, the fact she doesn't have the ability (be it genetics, by choice or as a result of things from her past) to give of herself in that way, doesn't make her a bad person. i have the same problem. my girl makes a HUGE deal over me for every occasion. i just can't do it. it's not that i don't want to, i just don't have the original ideas and burning desire to shock and awe.

lastly, i've read alot of your threads and i know you are/have been on a bunch of gear recently. i know you've had some emotional sides from some of them. i'm not trying to call you out, bro, so don't take it wrong, but maybe you're overexaggerating. MAYBE it's not that big of a deal. just MAYBE, if you care about her, you need to make up some reason you were in a bad mood and appologize to her. otherwise, she will have even more pressure on her now to compete with the amount of attention you show her in these situations and if it's not in her, it may very well end the relationship.

just sayin. . .