The 5 questions most feared by men are:

**Rusty** · 01-10-2003, 08:46 AM

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every
one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man
answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public
service each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just
reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best
response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be
talking to you!"

Question # 2:
Do you love me? ,
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4:
Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5:
What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a
Corvette and a Boat".) No matter how you answer this, be
prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not; don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Oh my.

**P-funk** · 01-10-2003, 08:52 AM

LMFAO. Oh man that shit is so true. The other problem is that if you answer the questions with the appropriate responses they usually led to another question: "Are you telling the truth?". We can't win either way.

**naturaltan** · 01-10-2003, 08:57 AM

We just went thru the 'am I fat' thing. She asked, and my response was "You're not fat, but could lose some bodyfat." She agreed and now it going full force to the gym with a personal trainer!

**DFINEST** · 01-10-2003, 09:18 AM

I'm surprised THE WOMEN haven't flamed you for this one yet.
All of this is true and Funny.

**************************************

Once a task you first begun,
Never finished until it’s done,
Be the labor great or small,
Do it well or not at all!
- Big Mama

**Rusty** · 01-10-2003, 09:24 AM

Originally posted by DFINEST
I'm surprised THE WOMEN haven't flamed you for this one yet.

It's hard to deny the truth.....

**mesomorphin'** · 01-10-2003, 02:57 PM

I bet I get questions 2-4 at least once a month. (Mrs. Meso's threshold of boredom is way too low for her to risk posing question #1 to me.) You'd think after 25 years and so much practice that I'd get the right answers more often, but Mrs. Meso never asks these questions unless she's prepared to probe deep into any responses....

**Freeman** · 01-10-2003, 04:32 PM

The good thing about getting dumped is that I don't have to deal with those questions anymore....

..however, the "not gettin' any" part REALLY F-ing sucks!

**ZECH** · 01-10-2003, 07:08 PM

You can't give a correct answer to any of those.

**Jodi** · 01-11-2003, 10:09 PM

Originally posted by dg806
You can't give a correct answer to any of those.

Practice

**CRASHMAN** · 01-12-2003, 03:26 AM

Originally posted by Jodi
Practice

theres only so many girls on the planet

**ZECH** · 01-12-2003, 04:56 AM

Originally posted by Jodi
Practice

I quit trying long ago............not enough hours in the day and too much work!

**sugarkree** · 10-10-2004, 06:01 PM

the only correct answer to any of those questions iis a simple yes or no (whatever she wants to her) and flowers

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