Women's Rules for Blow Jobs

Rusty · 01-13-2003, 11:22 AM

sent to me by my wife

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1-- So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it's not standard practice to come on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 -- No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are not handles,

6. Extension to rule #5 -- don't push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?

7. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is NEVER okay to fart.

8. Having my period doesn't mean it's "hummer week," Get it through your head -- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 -- "Blue Balls" might have worked in high school. But if you're really that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked" it for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you'd like to get another blow job in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up doesn't mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

ALBOB · 01-13-2003, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by IPMC 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up doesn't mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

I've always hated this rule.

Rusty · 01-13-2003, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by IPMC

7. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is NEVER okay to fart.

I want to know when they came up with this one????

mesomorphin' · 01-13-2003, 12:53 PM

I never saw so much arbitrary misinformation collected in one place before....

david · 01-13-2003, 01:04 PM

Thank god for "Men's clubs" No RULES like these! J/K!!!! I was watching real sex the other night and BJ's were amongst the discussion! :

ALBOB · 01-13-2003, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by david I was watching real sex the other night

As opposed to the artificial sex you've been watching up till now???

Tank316 · 01-13-2003, 01:12 PM

Quote:

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up doesn't mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

irontime · 01-13-2003, 07:18 PM

I love 16

dino · 01-13-2003, 08:43 PM

LMAO

Those are funny!

DFINEST · 01-14-2003, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by IPMC
sent to me by my wife

5. My ears are not handles,

7. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is NEVER okay to fart.

I guess the ears aren't for listening either
otherwise there would be no @#$% RULES!!!

I'm glad we can still scratch our A$$;
besides, we fart from what
you gals feed us.

**********************************************

Once a task you first begun,
Never finished until it’s done,
Be the labor great or small,
Do it well or not at all!
- Big Mama

bekahleigh23 · 01-14-2003, 11:08 AM

I concur with #1-16!!

david · 01-14-2003, 05:34 PM

OUCH! Bekah.... Ouch!

**Jodi** · 01-14-2003, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DFINEST
I guess the ears aren't for listening either
otherwise there would be no @#$% RULES!!!

I'm glad we can still scratch our A$$;
besides, we fart from what
you gals feed us.

**********************************************

Once a task you first begun,
Never finished until it’s done,
Be the labor great or small,
Do it well or not at all!
- Big Mama

Then make your own fucking meals!

david · 01-14-2003, 08:54 PM

double ooh ooh! Damn Jodi!

bekahleigh23 · 01-14-2003, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by IPMC
sent to me by my wife

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

actually, we're not obligated but if we want to get "our" way

if you know what i mean....it goes both ways!

DFINEST · 01-15-2003, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jodi
Then make your own fucking meals!

When I do this, then farting is no
longer prohibited right?

*********************************************

Once a task you first begun,
Never finished until it’s done,
Be the labor great or small,
Do it well or not at all!
- Big Mama

ALBOB · 01-15-2003, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bekahleigh23
actually, we're not obligated but if we want to get "our" way

if you know what i mean....it goes both ways!

Works for me..........when do we start?

Rusty · 01-15-2003, 01:51 PM

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find
someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

mesomorphin' · 01-15-2003, 01:56 PM

Very cogent, IPMC. Did Bill Clinton have a hand in that?????

butterfly · 01-15-2003, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by IPMC
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

Then I guess I don't have to do it since it'll never measure up!

ALBOB · 01-15-2003, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
Then I guess I don't have to do it since it'll never measure up!

It's called PRACTICE and you need to do it often.

MJ23 · 01-15-2003, 02:19 PM

I luv number 5

and butterfly, dear, You need to read between the lines

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

This means that you will always have competition , therefore repetition and obedience might just do the trick

butterfly · 01-15-2003, 02:25 PM

In your dreams guys! If fade thinks he can get it better somewhere else... he's welcome to try!

But know that I'll be out looking too

ALBOB · 01-15-2003, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly But know that I'll be out looking too

For a blowjob???

Rusty · 01-15-2003, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ALBOB
For a blowjob???

MJ23 · 01-15-2003, 02:47 PM

Butterfly - I did not know that about you, but hey you got my support

I think you are taking Albob's advise way to serious

butterfly · 01-15-2003, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MJ23
I think you are taking Albob's advise way to serious

Why would I take anything Alboob said seriously

I've known him too long to make that mistake

01-13-2003, 11:22 AM	#1
Rusty FTW Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: On my Harley Posts: 4,305	Women's Rules for Blow Jobs BODYBUILDING SUPPLEMENTS High Quality Supplements For Bodybuilders and Athletes. www.ironmaglabs.com sent to me by my wife 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to rule #1-- So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it's not standard practice to come on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 -- No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are not handles, 6. Extension to rule #5 -- don't push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick? 7. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is NEVER okay to fart. 8. Having my period doesn't mean it's "hummer week," Get it through your head -- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8 -- "Blue Balls" might have worked in high school. But if you're really that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked" it for you. 11. Leaving me in bed while you play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you'd like to get another blow job in the future. 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content. 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up doesn't mean I have to "kiss it good morning."
	~RUSTY~

01-13-2003, 12:53 PM	#4
mesomorphin' Registered User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: gaithersburg, maryland Posts: 570	I never saw so much arbitrary misinformation collected in one place before....
	There's one way to find out....

01-13-2003, 08:43 PM	#9
dino Born-again newbie Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 621	LMAO Those are funny!
	"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

01-14-2003, 11:08 AM	#11
bekahleigh23 Leading a Charmed Life! Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: back to the tundra of WI Posts: 608	I concur with #1-16!!
	"Our destiny changes with our thoughts; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire." -Orison S. Marder-

01-15-2003, 01:51 PM	#18
Rusty FTW Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: On my Harley Posts: 4,305	A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male) 1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish. 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you? 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair. 5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up! 6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me. 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country. 8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. 9. Play with the balls. 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. 11. Caress the ass, too. We like that! 12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep." 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
	~RUSTY~

01-13-2003, 01:04 PM	#5
david EAST COAST BRAT Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Waterworld, FL Posts: 25,419 Photos: 2	Thank god for "Men's clubs" No RULES like these! J/K!!!! I was watching real sex the other night and BJ's were amongst the discussion! :

01-13-2003, 07:18 PM	#8
irontime The Original Jackass Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: If not here, then on some porn site. Posts: 5,101 Photos: 1	I love 16
	If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself. - Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

01-14-2003, 05:34 PM	#12
david EAST COAST BRAT Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Waterworld, FL Posts: 25,419 Photos: 2	OUCH! Bekah.... Ouch!

01-14-2003, 08:54 PM	#14
david EAST COAST BRAT Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Waterworld, FL Posts: 25,419 Photos: 2	double ooh ooh! Damn Jodi!

01-15-2003, 01:56 PM	#19
mesomorphin' Registered User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: gaithersburg, maryland Posts: 570	Very cogent, IPMC. Did Bill Clinton have a hand in that?????
	There's one way to find out....

01-15-2003, 02:19 PM	#22
MJ23 World's Greatest Lovea Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pimpville Posts: 2,125	I luv number 5 and butterfly, dear, You need to read between the lines 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. This means that you will always have competition , therefore repetition and obedience might just do the trick
	"It is hard to believe a man is telling the truth, when you know you would lie if you were in his shoes."

01-15-2003, 02:25 PM	#23
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	In your dreams guys! If fade thinks he can get it better somewhere else... he's welcome to try! But know that I'll be out looking too
	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

01-15-2003, 02:47 PM	#26
MJ23 World's Greatest Lovea Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pimpville Posts: 2,125	Butterfly - I did not know that about you, but hey you got my support I think you are taking Albob's advise way to serious
	"It is hard to believe a man is telling the truth, when you know you would lie if you were in his shoes."

01-15-2003, 07:54 PM	#28
DFINEST She hasn't found me yet Join Date: May 2001 Location: Maryland Posts: 2,053