Thread: The Purina Diet

Lol

Originally Posted by Curt James

I was at Walmart buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my dog. Standing in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog chow, right?

So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.



The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Found that on Facebook.

Just add a cup of boiling hot water on a cold day, and walla, gravy flavored!

I bought some dog jerky treats once and my girlfriends daughter thought it was real jerky and ate a couple pieces. When I came home she told me the jerky I bought tasted awful. She didn't want to believe when I told her it was for our dogs....

when I went to Mexico with my wife I was sitting at the in-laws' table for breakfast (the kitchen table is kind of open/outdoors with chickens and animals milling around).

My wife puts some food and some milk in front of me which I start to eat. The milk is warm and lumpy and somewhat sour but I choke it down along with some hard, dry corn tortillas and funny smelling scrambled eggs that are in front of me...I am thinking to myself, "what the hell? Is this what farm fresh food tastes like? I am going to die here."

Since I am a gracious person though, I choke it down and wash it down with my lumpy sour milk...

....as I am swigging the last bit of milk, my mother-in-law starts screaming in Spanish, "who gave you all of this!? This food was spoiled! It was for the pigs! I look over about 5 yards away and sure enough, there's a 400 pound sow along with about a half a dozen piglets looking at me like, "wtf bro? you just ate our breakfast!"

My wife's like "are you okay?" and I'm like, "Sure," but I was real careful about eating anything else the whole time I was there.

Originally Posted by banker23

when I went to Mexico with my wife I was sitting at the in-laws' table for breakfast (the kitchen table is kind of open/outdoors with chickens and animals milling around).

My wife puts some food and some milk in front of me which I start to eat. The milk is warm and lumpy and somewhat sour but I choke it down along with some hard, dry corn tortillas and funny smelling scrambled eggs that are in front of me...I am thinking to myself, "what the hell? Is this what farm fresh food tastes like? I am going to die here."

Since I am a gracious person though, I choke it down and wash it down with my lumpy sour milk...

....as I am swigging the last bit of milk, my mother-in-law starts screaming in Spanish, "who gave you all of this!? This food was spoiled! It was for the pigs! I look over about 5 yards away and sure enough, there's a 400 pound sow along with about a half a dozen piglets looking at me like, "wtf bro? you just ate our breakfast!"

My wife's like "are you okay?" and I'm like, "Sure," but I was real careful about eating anything else the whole time I was there.

After a couple of hours, I'm sure the Piggies still got their food...