What's the best form of birth control after 50?
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18
How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be
Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
the cage, along with a recipe.
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
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