Thread: I'm leaving society for a little while, maybe permanently.

Try couch surfing, I think theres a website about that.

I would buy a 70-100 amp hour deep cycle battery, a couple 20 watt solar panels, a 6 amp charge controller and a 250-400 watt inverter with alligator clamps and cigarette lighter plug so you can keep your laptop and other small electronics charged. While driving charge your laptop in the inverter with the cig. plug using your cars alternator and when stopped use the solar panels to charge your deep cycle battery and clamp the inverter to the battery with the alligator clamps. Also get a cheap digital volt meter to monitor your battery voltage, if it gets below 11.5 bolts stop using it until you can recharge it.

What about an Ayahuasca adventure instead of wandering around aimlessly? This is on my bucket list: Peru jungle with a shaman in a full fledged DMT trip.

Ayahuasca - National Geographic Adventure Magazine

Here is my first update:

I have already started selling my stuff. I have been researching methods for efficient packing, so that I can fit everything I will need in my car. I have my first destination mapped out. I'm going to spend a week camping on the beach in Florida. My Aunt is going to adopt my cat, Otis. I will be donating anything of value that I can't sale to the goodwill store.

My biggest concern about all of this is coming off of my medications. I won't be able to afford my $400 a month prescription bill anymore. I stopped taking them 4 days ago, and I haven't slept longer than 15 minutes since. I feel fucking great, but I am pushing the threshold of how long I can go before true psychosis starts to set in. I'm just hoping that I can get natural sleep before that happens. I'm getting hit from two directions. Mania on one side, and withdrawal effects from another. This will be a trip in and of itself, because I haven't been off anti-psychotic drugs for an extended period of time in over 5 years.

Let's hope my body adjust.

Originally Posted by SFW

What about an Ayahuasca adventure instead of wandering around aimlessly? This is on my bucket list: Peru jungle with a shaman in a full fledged DMT trip.

Ayahuasca - National Geographic Adventure Magazine

I'm not wondering aimlessly. I have considered many destinations and ideas. I hope to find some construction work in the next few months that will pay per diem allowing me to bankroll like crazy with no bills. Then I can plan for more exotic destinations. I have a lot of construction experience. I know a few people on the inside, also. Maybe somebody can pull some strings to get me on somewhere.

(snip) trolling my thread which was designed to be fun and interesting to people. That is why I made in in Open chat, not AG. I hope to add a lot of really cool stuff to this over time and you homos are clogging it up with your garbage.

Originally Posted by KelJu

(snip) trolling my thread which was designed to be fun and interesting to people. That is why I made in in Open chat, not AG.

Short version: you though your life was so shitty, you'd kill yourself. Upon further reflection, you realized that another, better, way of dealing with it would be to swipe the slate clean and start over. Not too mention it'd be a shit load of fun.

That about sum it up?

I've got to say I'd be so lucky to be built like that.

Good luck Kelju! I hope you find what you need in life so you can feel happy.

Originally Posted by KelJu

Open chat, not AG.

Here to ruin the party. As KelJu said, not AG.

Originally Posted by KelJu

I made a decision in the middle of the night during a sleep deprived psychosis. I'm going to sell everything I have and hit the road. I have no plan. I have no expectations. I was going to blow my brains out, but a thought entered my mind right before I did it: "Hey, before you blow your fucking brains out, go see the world. You have nothing to lose, and if you don't find some happiness out there, you can always blow your brains out later!"

It made so much sense. If I told anyone in my life about this, they would say that I am crazy. I beg to differ. I think this is the sanest frame of mind I have been in for a while. Insanity is doing things the same way over and over, but expecting different results. The second that I committed to the idea, my brain dumped a massive amount of chemicals into my body. My whole body went numb for like 10 minutes. I usually have this twisted up feeling in my guts most of the time, but it has been replaced with a warm fuzzy feeling. I have no fear. I have no more dread of the future. I am going to chunk my entire life in the trash and start over.

I have already started making arrangements. I need to get it done in the next 5 days. I plan to depart on June 1st, which is my 30th birthday. I am going to try and sell as much of my shit as possible on craigslist. I'm going to get rid of my phone and most of my gadgets. I'm keeping my camera, laptop, and ipod for the trip. I have been looking into interesting things to do, and interesting ways to make a little cash so that I don't go hungry and I can keep gas in my car. I plan to do a lot of camping. It sucks that I won't be able to train consistently while I'm on the road, but maybe I'll figure something out. I'll chronicle the trip, and hopefully I do stuff worth posting about. I won't have an internet connection except for when I bum public wifi, so you folks won't see me posting much anymore.

Best of luck to you, always remember you cant start fresh somewhere else. Start a new life if you find a place where you feel better

And kelju,

You are NOT leaving society - you're actually entering it.


And that's a good thing.

Originally Posted by heckler7

you gotta understand the amount of pain and sadness it takes for someone to must feel this is an option.
Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem.

oh trust me I do.

This is taken from a book called 'The Purpose Driven life' very good read for soul searching..

Question to Consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing.

Answer to Consider:" This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live FOREVER" 1 JOHN 2:17

All joking aside. An Aya journey (just the experience not necessarily the traveling) would help you out a lot. I was in a similar situation and Aya helped me TREMENDOUSLY. It gives you an incredible sense of perspective. I would recommend that everyone try Aya at some point. Smoking DMT is not sufficient to truely integrate the experience.

Consider Killing bad people are your way out.

Originally Posted by Prince

All joking aside suicide is cowardly, u r a smart guy, respected member here and I hope u find what u r looking for.

No its not if you Kill the right people on the way out ...........

Originally Posted by KelJu

Oh, this suddenly crossed my mind, anybody want a mixed bag of Euro-King gear? I hate to throw it out, but I won't be needing it on the road.

Sell it for gas Money!

Originally Posted by DOMS

Sounds like fun. You've got nothing to tie you down, so go for it. Make sure to stay in the southern states when winter hits. It's brutal when you can't go inside during a snow storm. Don't go through Texas, New Mexico, or Arizona during the summer. You'll cook. You can make money by looking for construction sites and working as a day laborer. The fact that you speak English will put you ahead of all the Mexicans. You stand a good chance of getting free food by hitting up food places that are closing for the night. You can also find free food by going to distribution places (such as Doritos) and going through the dumpsters. The food will be past date by a few days, but still good. You can get free WiFi and electricity at McDonalds. They have plugs outside their restaurant. Usually out back by the dumpster. Lastly, try to stay clean. Being homeless and dirty will cut down on the people that'll be willing to help you out and you'll be more likely to attract the cops. Make a detailed account. You may be able to work it into a book and make some money from it. Have fun!

Awsome post

Here some Killing PR

Good luck Kelju.
I considered this for all of 2011.

Hope you find peace at the other end brother.

Hope you have the most epic journey in history and get your head on straight.


But I'll say the one thing nobody else has; if things don't work out and you decide to blow your brains out, make sure pics are taken and posted here.

Meditation, phyco therapy is what you need. and this is also that.
GO FOR IT BUD!
BREAK the OLD way of thinking and CHANGE EVERYTHING> after a few months you might even want to come back and see things from a differing point of view!

Good luck!

Originally Posted by KelJu

Oh, this suddenly crossed my mind, anybody want a mixed bag of Euro-King gear? I hate to throw it out, but I won't be needing it on the road.

I Sure as hell would make sure it dont go to waste if you need some one to take it off your hands, let me know :-D

And dude, there are MANY out there that seem to have everything and want to die and others that have nothign and yet are SO SOOO MUCH happier.
the only diffrence is poin of view and how you handle emotions.
the trip might be good. but LOOK INTO brain control. I Have a bunch of meditation/phyco therapy and self help depression audio books and 1 REALLY good dvd on controling your mind. shoot me your email and I will send them to you. listin on the roead or when chilling. one guy I love is deepak chopra and dali lama got both fo them in my files.
just let me know.
It might help.

srsly just PM me man i dont mind. :-)

wow, what an adventure! it must be a rush to be able to turn loose of the normal and greet the unknown. i wish you the best of luck my friend. please do not hesitate to ask for help if you need a few dollars for gas or a meal bro. i'm sure i'm not the only one who would extend this offer too... take care and keep us updated.

Damn, too late.

If I had seen your post sooner, I'd have advised you to NOT SELL your stuff. Find a cheap-assed storage facility, and shove most of your stuff in there. Speaking from experience, you accumulate a lot of fairly useful crap over time, that has shit resale value. Yet, if you decide to set up housekeeping again, it's stuff you gotta buy. Unless you have some really good cookware, you're only gonna get what... 20 bucks for everything in your kitchen? And pay $200 to $400 to replace it all. In general, unless you have some really high quality stuff, you're going to get maybe 10% of what you paid for everything, unless you bought it at a thrift store to begin with.

So anyhow.. don't burn the bridge that makes it easy for you to settle back down. Keep enough in storage somewhere (even at a friend's) that you can set up housekeeping without a $1000 shopping spree at Wal-Mart for all those little things.

You might try bumming around Europe as long as you're at it, too.

Originally Posted by KelJu

I made a decision in the middle of the night during a sleep deprived psychosis. I'm going to sell everything I have and hit the road. I have no plan. I have no expectations. I was going to blow my brains out, but a thought entered my mind right before I did it: "Hey, before you blow your fucking brains out, go see the world. You have nothing to lose, and if you don't find some happiness out there, you can always blow your brains out later!" .......

KelJu, you dork. I have tried to remain as anonymous as possible online for obvious reason. Now I am going to take a step that I hope will help you but will, for the most part, take away my anonymity. In reality that is alright. I don't much care about being anonymous anymore.

You dork. Okay maybe not a dork but still. Everyone is saying wtg and stuff. What I have to say is I hope you have a wonderful time and do not regret anything. I will not say anything about, or judge your life and why you would think about blowing your brains out. I don't know what it's like in your shoes. I will say you should not ever blow your brains out. If you want to know why then on your world travels stop by and visit me. Seriously!

I would be happy to spend some time, days or weeks with you. Show you the way I deal with struggles in my life. Show you the rewards of telling this messed up world "You are not worth making me blow my brains out you f'ed up place" I win!

I do understand. There was a time, 1 real time when I jolted out of bed with the thought, that scared the hell out of me "Death is an acceptable end to this suffering". I was wrong. BTW I had a misdiagnosed brain tumor the size of Manhattan at that time. Weighed 6 lbs. Doc's said I had "emotional" problems and it was "all in my head" They were partly right.

Don't give up, ever.

As far as your meds go, dude. Take them. You will not be working, on the books for the most part it sounds like anyway. At least not making a load of $. Keep an address so you can get help to pay for them. Sometimes going of meds is not a bad thing at all but to suddenly go of anti-psy's is not good. If you need help finding a way to continue to get them try Catholic Charities. I am not a catholic and you don't have to be to get their help. There are many many places that will help you with meds. Even doctors. Many will give you samples that they get for free.

I am experiencing somewhat of a failure to launch. Fucking shit keeps popping up that is keeping me in town. I have loose ends to tie up, people who owe me money for work I did for them, and furniture I can't fucking get rid of.

The good news is I have been high all day everyday for the past 4 days. However, the combination of vaporized nugs and sleeping 2 hours a night may be starting to take it's toll. I sold my PC, and the only computer I have is my old shitty Dell 2003 laptop. Installed a power inverter in my car today. I have all my equipment purchased for temporary camping.

Need to knock out 3 more things in town, and then I should be able to split.