I'm leaving society for a little while, maybe permanently.
I made a decision in the middle of the night during a sleep deprived psychosis. I'm going to sell everything I have and hit the road. I have no plan. I have no expectations. I was going to blow my brains out, but a thought entered my mind right before I did it: "Hey, before you blow your fucking brains out, go see the world. You have nothing to lose, and if you don't find some happiness out there, you can always blow your brains out later!"
It made so much sense. If I told anyone in my life about this, they would say that I am crazy. I beg to differ. I think this is the sanest frame of mind I have been in for a while. Insanity is doing things the same way over and over, but expecting different results. The second that I committed to the idea, my brain dumped a massive amount of chemicals into my body. My whole body went numb for like 10 minutes. I usually have this twisted up feeling in my guts most of the time, but it has been replaced with a warm fuzzy feeling. I have no fear. I have no more dread of the future. I am going to chunk my entire life in the trash and start over.
I have already started making arrangements. I need to get it done in the next 5 days. I plan to depart on June 1st, which is my 30th birthday. I am going to try and sell as much of my shit as possible on craigslist. I'm going to get rid of my phone and most of my gadgets. I'm keeping my camera, laptop, and ipod for the trip. I have been looking into interesting things to do, and interesting ways to make a little cash so that I don't go hungry and I can keep gas in my car. I plan to do a lot of camping. It sucks that I won't be able to train consistently while I'm on the road, but maybe I'll figure something out. I'll chronicle the trip, and hopefully I do stuff worth posting about. I won't have an internet connection except for when I bum public wifi, so you folks won't see me posting much anymore.