I don't know who wrote this but I found it on a Seahawks site
Survivor Amazon is over and swimsuit model Jenna won the million, but it's contestant Rob Cesternino's quotes that brought home the bacon. That witty little geek made the show worth watching. Here's a few "Robisms" that I remember:
"Two girls, one brain, divide by two, only one halfwit left."
"I’ve been very bad."
(After betraying Heidi and Jenna.) "It’s kind of like I’m hanging out
with two ex-girlfriends at the same time that both hate me."
"I am a jerk, and you just didn’t realize it for 31 days."
"I pick up the bottom-feeders as I go."
(At the challenge.) "I haven’t broke this many dishes since I was a waiter."
(Responding to Jenna’s complaint that, as a model, she faces discrimination.) "I was
lucky in this game that I’m not handsome, so I didn’t have any handicaps like the girls."
(About the darts, arrows and spears.) Matt’s gonna orgasm when he sees these."
(More about the above weapons.) "Coming into this game, the only spears I
knew about were Britney, broccoli, and asparagus."
(About Heidi’s injury.) "Heidi has been bitten by some sort of insect, and her knee has
a bump on it the size of one of her breasts."
(Explaining his off-key version of taps for Roger.) "Sorry, I haven’t tuned my bugle in a few weeks."
(Elaborating on Heidi and Jenna’s nicknames.) "I know that I certainly would catch on fire
if I ever saw ‘Twigs and Sticks’ rub together."
(About his horny game strategy.) "I really do play this game with this head (gesturing
to his skull) even though it does today look like a different head."
(After Jenna offered to strip for peanut butter and chocolate.) "Get the girls some
chocolate and peanut butter, Probst!"
(Celebrating the merge, around the fire.) "I’m disappointed that none of the girls are
really drinking that much. That’s a problem when you’re a guy that looks like me."
(Trying to keep up with Jenna and Heidi’s sex talk.) "Unfortunately, I don’t have that
many good sex stories. I hardly have any boring sex stories."
(Gloating about Roger’s immunity loss.) "I said that the only way Roger is gonna
win immunity is if it’s a contest like ‘name that Perry Como song’ or perhaps ‘what
type of prune is this?’"
(As he voted to boot Roger.) "Here comes tonight’s long-distance dedication. It
goes out to Rob from New York. He writes: ‘Dear Casey, there’s a mean old man
in my life that’s about to leave. Could you please play something appropriate
for me?’ Well, Rob, here’s your request. ‘Naa-naa-naa-naa. Naa-naa-naa-naa.
(About the Coke cans.) "We actually have something to read now when we go to
"Matthew has no idea that he is being played by myself. The guy is a
complete idiot and has no concept of what's going on in this game."
(About Heidi.) "She’s probably a 9 ½ in real life, and right about now she’s closing
in on a 6, so that kinda levels the playing field for a guy like me."
(About JoAnna’s gospel singing.) "I didn’t know that Jesus had a vested interest in Survivor."
(Accurately imitating Jenna and Heidi’s bathing session.) "Heidi, do you need help
with your bosoms? Oh, sure Jenna!"
"This is so cool. My parents would never let me have a machete."
"That girl Heidi, she is so hot, she could put Viagra out of business."
"Every morning I give Matt a debriefing of wild goose chases I want him to work on
for the day just to keep his mind busy so he doesn't have a chance to figure out
what's really going on."
"I would just like to repeat that I swam with a swimsuit model today..."
"Heidi and Jenna are talking about a threesome. I’m re-thinking my final
three. I could be having a threesome with them at the end."