"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep."
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus."
"Your kid may be an honor student but YOU'RE still an IDIOT."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Forget about world peace.....visualize using your turn signal!"
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
"I souport publik edekasion."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
"2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."
"I still miss my ex ....but my aim is getting better."
These are some "Mikeisms" ... by a guy I used to work with:
"Some tasks can not be parallelized. Nine women can not make a baby in one month."
"To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail."
"Find something that isn't broken. Fix it until it is."
"The problem with making things foolproof is that fools are so cunning"
"Sometimes the amazing thing is not that the pig flys well, but that it flys at all."
"If buildings were designed in the same way computer programs are, the first woodpecker to come along would de stroy the world."
'Random events arrive in bursts.'
"If these events did not arrive in bursts, that would mean they were ev enly spaced out. But if the events were evenly spaced out, they could not be random."
"ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid answer"
etc, etc, etc ...
My Sites: epock.com outcrier.com