True Southerner

butterfly · 08-06-2003, 04:53 PM

True Southerner

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, polk salad, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

**dg806** · 08-13-2003, 12:16 PM

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece."

Hhhh hum!! That would be "a right fur piece"

**dg806** · 08-13-2003, 12:19 PM

And it's tator salad and nanner puddin'

**dg806** · 08-13-2003, 12:20 PM

And you got to have lemon in your sweet tea!

butterfly · 08-15-2003, 01:34 PM

Tboy · 08-15-2003, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, polk salad, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

I caught a whole mess of fish today. Got a nice sunburn to go with it.

BeerHunter · 08-15-2003, 10:14 PM

#3?
are you regarding "in yonder" or "over yonder"?

OceanDude · 08-15-2003, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by butterfly
True Southerner

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

One is contrived and the other is a consequence of the female condition.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, polk salad, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

A “mess” is more than you can hold in your hands at one time and indicates the balance is what is on the floor.

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Yonder is relative to the audience one is speaking to. If it’s a fellow Southerner then yonder means it is within walking distance no matter which direction you start out on. If it’s a Yankee, yonder means it’s the opposite direction from heaven.

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

It’s a euphemism to mean “gone for the day to tend to the still”.

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
This is actually a term specific to the southern negros and it typically meant the welfare check. As in “Uncle Sugar” gave it to me. (p.s. Uncle Sugar is a Yankee)

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

This term comes from religious songs that were inspired from the bible. By and By Yankees will get around to learning how to slow down and enjoy life.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

Close. This actually varies by region. Some counties prefer a fish fry with fried green tomatoes, fresh caught catfish and hushpuppy corn-bread mix, and string beans casserole (made with mushroom soup and fried onions) and watermelon.

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Truth is folks are so friendly it don’t matter – someone will stop to pick ya up if you need to hitch a ride. Just walk over yonder and wave friendly as people drive by.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

One term means farmer, one means a person of your pappa’s age and one is the neighbor that won’t keep his egg sucking hound out of your chicken house.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

Those are usually called police cars or sometimes people are driving with those damn yankee made cars where the light bulbs won’t stay on without flickering.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

And sometimes as an adjective - “You be fixin for a bruising so ya best be getting the fixin sauce ready for the BBQ Bubba.”

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

Not to mention a term for what a yankee boy will try to do to our handsome young southern boys if caught unawares from behind.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

“Waiting in queues” is a Yankee concept and is the somewhat equivalent to “by and by”. Southerners believe in having a little fun along the way and by talking to everyone we find out who is most likely to let us cut in front.

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

Well eventually the other half figures out that they are all going to be labeled yankee bastards if they don’t speak up and claim someone in the group as memaw and granpa.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

“Hey boy” works well in one-on-one situations.

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

And even the po folk know that the hominy variety of grits is only for the upper class and educated but its all corn when ya get right down to it and costs all the same. Both varieties are eaten with red eye gravy and bacon crumbled up together with sweet butter.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

And that “scrapple” is just a yankee word for grits and sausage that they stole from us and called something different.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

It’s not a sin if you caught yourself before you did what the devil was making you do without your knowledge.

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

Lets not forget sweet peas and sweet corn which is stuff you stole from your neighbors garden that would have gone unpicked and wasted anyway.

20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

It only matters if you have to pay for the beer. Then you ask for a “couple” of dollars.

21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

This is considered polite since chances are she is related.

Some additional perspectives included in original quote...

08-06-2003, 04:53 PM	#1
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	True Southerner True Southerner 1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them. 2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, polk salad, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess." 3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." 4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly." 5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table. 6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. 7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!) 8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. 9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. 10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. 11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. 12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless. 13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! 14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. 15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all." 16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. 17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. 18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! 19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. 20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter. 21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way. ~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

08-13-2003, 12:16 PM	#2
dg806 Guardian of The Homeland Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Charlotte NC Posts: 18,196	8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." Hhhh hum!! That would be "a right fur piece" 1-Andro Rx Pro-hormone

08-13-2003, 12:20 PM	#4
dg806 Guardian of The Homeland Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Charlotte NC Posts: 18,196	And you got to have lemon in your sweet tea! 1-Andro Rx Pro-hormone

08-15-2003, 01:34 PM	#5
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

08-15-2003, 10:14 PM	#7
BeerHunter legend in my own mind Elite Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: southwestern Va. Posts: 48	#3? are you regarding "in yonder" or "over yonder"? yes......I once killed a beer, just to watch it die.

08-13-2003, 12:19 PM	#3
dg806 Guardian of The Homeland Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Charlotte NC Posts: 18,196	And it's tator salad and nanner puddin' 1-Andro Rx Pro-hormone

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