PROBLEM: How can i politely tell my training partner i want to lift alone???

Flex · 09-29-2003, 03:10 PM

This is the scenario...
Most of the time i train alone, i def. prefer it. The only partner i like is my headphones (Pantera, Metallica). I stay completely focused training by myself, i can go at my own pace (stretch, flex b/w sets), and most of the time i get great, killer workouts

.

here lies the problem...
a new buddy of mine, who is a great kid wants to start lifting with me. he is into BB just as much as me, in fact he has a better physique than me. he's big and shredded at the same time. we're actually gonna go together next summer to do our first BB comps.

Anyways, whenever i lift with him, which he wants to start doing all the time, i dont get nearly as good a workout as when i do alone. The wo's take longer, and i often get off track if we start to talk about anything, which is inevitable.

Like i said, he is becoming a great friend of mine, and he too loves BB. Its just that i can remain so much more focused and intense if i rely on headphones and don't "waste time" talking b/w sets or waiting for him to finish his set. He is my boy, and i def want him not to get the wrong idea that i dont like him or anything even close to that, just that i stay much more focused and intense when i lift alone.........any suggestions????????

**Mudge** · 09-29-2003, 03:35 PM

I find that the perfect rest period is just about having no talking between sets with many movements. How about a simple stopwatch? When it goes off, get to work and hopefully he will get a clue.

Flex · 09-29-2003, 03:40 PM

That's a good idea, but talking is inevitable i guess, cuz were good freinds.

The main thing is that i like to listen to my headphones too, that way i can hear nothing but music that gets me so fired up, and also that i can concentrate deep inside my mind....

BabsieGirl · 09-29-2003, 03:46 PM

Flex -- Usually when there is more than one person working out together, it's going to take more time. Plan on it. I know you expect it to.

I can relate to the chatting during work outs. That's why I don't train with women anymore. I'm one and I know I like to talk a lot. But, not in the gym. I just simply tell them, "I need my focus and need to keep it. If you want to talk, we can do it after our work out!" The only "chatting" I do, is words of encouragement and yelling when my partner is begining to get stuck. I do that to simply get them pissed off enough to get through the last couple reps. Usually gets me all fired up too.

If your partner has BB close to his heart, he will understand. Try to set your boundaries. It's good to have a nice work out partner but, if you don't set your boundaries off the bat, there's going to be an issue. Try talking to him first.

If this sounds bitchy, I apologize. I'm extreemly low carbs.

Flex · 09-29-2003, 03:48 PM

ha no...you dont sound bitchy. i completely understand where youre coming from. only prob is i dont know how to go about setting "boundaries". i don't know exactly what to say to him to get the point across that i like to train by myself better....w/o sounding like a dick...

BabsieGirl · 09-29-2003, 03:55 PM

If you don't want to work out with him. Just tell him. Be like, "Hey, I thought this would be a good idea but now that I've tried it, I think I'm too use to working out by myself. " Let him know you still want to be his friend & compete together.

Seriously though, just be upfront with him. Either continue working out with him and set the boundaries or, tell him it's just not working out that way you had hoped and you don't want to ruin your friendship. Trust me, it should work. If not, try to find him a work out partner. He could just get all bummed out over it. You know, getting the hopes high and then, BOOM, here comes the fall. Time heals. He's male, men aren't suppose to carry grudges like women do

Hey, look at me bashing my own kind

**Prince** · 09-29-2003, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flex
This is the scenario...
Most of the time i train alone, i def. prefer it. The only partner i like is my headphones (Pantera, Metallica). I stay completely focused training by myself, i can go at my own pace (stretch, flex b/w sets), and most of the time i get great, killer workouts

.

here lies the problem...
a new buddy of mine, who is a great kid wants to start lifting with me. he is into BB just as much as me, in fact he has a better physique than me. he's big and shredded at the same time. we're actually gonna go together next summer to do our first BB comps.

Anyways, whenever i lift with him, which he wants to start doing all the time, i dont get nearly as good a workout as when i do alone. The wo's take longer, and i often get off track if we start to talk about anything, which is inevitable.

Like i said, he is becoming a great friend of mine, and he too loves BB. Its just that i can remain so much more focused and intense if i rely on headphones and don't "waste time" talking b/w sets or waiting for him to finish his set. He is my boy, and i def want him not to get the wrong idea that i dont like him or anything even close to that, just that i stay much more focused and intense when i lift alone.........any suggestions????????

Just tell him what you just posted.

Flex · 09-29-2003, 03:58 PM

thanks for your advice guys (and babs), i guess i'll figure something out. i just hate confrontations, even if it is over something as little and meaningless as this you know.....

gr81 · 09-29-2003, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabsieGirl
If your partner has BB close to his heart, he will understand. Try to set your boundaries. It's good to have a nice work out partner but, if you don't set your boundaries off the bat, there's going to be an issue. Try talking to him first.

if he is a true BB he would understand. tell him that you want to do some other type of routine than he is doing. just be honest, in the gym, your focus is more important than being friends, out of the gym is another story. My best ffrined and I are closer than close but when we are in there we go about our business no problem, we have a mutual understanding.

Flex · 09-29-2003, 04:01 PM

i hear you guys, its just he is so enthused about lifting together, and i really am not to be honest. i get better wo's by myself....

like the new quote from yesterday GR....people should listen to that.

here's one that's the complete opposite, "he who builds his muscles and looks like a monster ends up winning Mr. O"

**Mudge** · 09-29-2003, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flex
That's a good idea, but talking is inevitable i guess, cuz were good freinds.

Not good enough friends to honor the others wishes? If you guys are motivated to get sh!t done in the gym then GET IT DONE.

CRASHMAN · 10-01-2003, 02:24 PM

work different body parts than him than you don't have to be aroundhim

LiftHardGainBig · 10-01-2003, 08:54 PM

Yah i agree with Prince... Tell him what you just posted...you wrote that very politely. He'll understand im sure. I would..

Burner02 · 11-11-2003, 04:40 PM

Have you thought about keeping your earphones on?
just tell him you like your music and hit your weights together, but no talking...

09-29-2003, 03:10 PM	#1
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	PROBLEM: How can i politely tell my training partner i want to lift alone??? This is the scenario... Most of the time i train alone, i def. prefer it. The only partner i like is my headphones (Pantera, Metallica). I stay completely focused training by myself, i can go at my own pace (stretch, flex b/w sets), and most of the time i get great, killer workouts. here lies the problem... a new buddy of mine, who is a great kid wants to start lifting with me. he is into BB just as much as me, in fact he has a better physique than me. he's big and shredded at the same time. we're actually gonna go together next summer to do our first BB comps. Anyways, whenever i lift with him, which he wants to start doing all the time, i dont get nearly as good a workout as when i do alone. The wo's take longer, and i often get off track if we start to talk about anything, which is inevitable. Like i said, he is becoming a great friend of mine, and he too loves BB. Its just that i can remain so much more focused and intense if i rely on headphones and don't "waste time" talking b/w sets or waiting for him to finish his set. He is my boy, and i def want him not to get the wrong idea that i dont like him or anything even close to that, just that i stay much more focused and intense when i lift alone.........any suggestions????????
	You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

09-29-2003, 03:35 PM	#2
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 23,025 Photos: 1	I find that the perfect rest period is just about having no talking between sets with many movements. How about a simple stopwatch? When it goes off, get to work and hopefully he will get a clue.
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

09-29-2003, 03:40 PM	#3
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	That's a good idea, but talking is inevitable i guess, cuz were good freinds. The main thing is that i like to listen to my headphones too, that way i can hear nothing but music that gets me so fired up, and also that i can concentrate deep inside my mind....
	You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

09-29-2003, 03:46 PM	#4
BabsieGirl Fighting Endometriosis Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 7,495	Flex -- Usually when there is more than one person working out together, it's going to take more time. Plan on it. I know you expect it to. I can relate to the chatting during work outs. That's why I don't train with women anymore. I'm one and I know I like to talk a lot. But, not in the gym. I just simply tell them, "I need my focus and need to keep it. If you want to talk, we can do it after our work out!" The only "chatting" I do, is words of encouragement and yelling when my partner is begining to get stuck. I do that to simply get them pissed off enough to get through the last couple reps. Usually gets me all fired up too. If your partner has BB close to his heart, he will understand. Try to set your boundaries. It's good to have a nice work out partner but, if you don't set your boundaries off the bat, there's going to be an issue. Try talking to him first. If this sounds bitchy, I apologize. I'm extreemly low carbs.
	Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have. http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

09-29-2003, 03:48 PM	#5
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	ha no...you dont sound bitchy. i completely understand where youre coming from. only prob is i dont know how to go about setting "boundaries". i don't know exactly what to say to him to get the point across that i like to train by myself better....w/o sounding like a dick...
	You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

09-29-2003, 03:55 PM	#6
BabsieGirl Fighting Endometriosis Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 7,495	If you don't want to work out with him. Just tell him. Be like, "Hey, I thought this would be a good idea but now that I've tried it, I think I'm too use to working out by myself. " Let him know you still want to be his friend & compete together. Seriously though, just be upfront with him. Either continue working out with him and set the boundaries or, tell him it's just not working out that way you had hoped and you don't want to ruin your friendship. Trust me, it should work. If not, try to find him a work out partner. He could just get all bummed out over it. You know, getting the hopes high and then, BOOM, here comes the fall. Time heals. He's male, men aren't suppose to carry grudges like women do Hey, look at me bashing my own kind
	Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have. http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

09-29-2003, 03:58 PM	#8
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	thanks for your advice guys (and babs), i guess i'll figure something out. i just hate confrontations, even if it is over something as little and meaningless as this you know.....
	You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

09-29-2003, 04:01 PM	#10
Flex FLEXecutioner Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Pomping Iyuhn Posts: 6,278 Photos: 2	i hear you guys, its just he is so enthused about lifting together, and i really am not to be honest. i get better wo's by myself.... like the new quote from yesterday GR....people should listen to that. here's one that's the complete opposite, "he who builds his muscles and looks like a monster ends up winning Mr. O"
	You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst. * Got juice?Need Motivation?How to Train* Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!Ahhnold*

10-01-2003, 02:24 PM	#12
CRASHMAN SoCal. Stud Elite Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: in a box on a corner near you Posts: 10,081 Photos: 2	work different body parts than him than you don't have to be aroundhim
	230_225_220_215_210_205_200_195_190_185_180 \|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|----\| <- that way about 20 more pounds!

10-01-2003, 08:54 PM	#13
LiftHardGainBig Registered User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Hoffman Estates,IL Posts: 192	Yah i agree with Prince... Tell him what you just posted...you wrote that very politely. He'll understand im sure. I would..

11-11-2003, 04:40 PM	#14
Burner02 Super Hero in Training Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Tip of the spear! Posts: 28,316	Have you thought about keeping your earphones on? just tell him you like your music and hit your weights together, but no talking...
	Success leaves clues. People who produce outstanding results do specific things to create those results Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing NOW to solve our problem THERE IS NO TOMORROW! - Appollo Creed

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