Thread: From the Management

SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to
have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


LUNCH BREAK

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation, and
input should be directed elsewhere.


DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing $350.00 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600.00
Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you
do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore
you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

RESTROOM USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a
strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"
category.


Have a nice week!
GET TO WORK !!!

THE MANAGEMENT

that is so f'n funny mudge, I especially get a kick out of the dress code part, hella funny.