Employee Performance Evaluations

BabsieGirl · 11-10-2003, 11:44 AM

Actual quotes from Federal Employee Performance Evaluations:

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

butterfly · 11-10-2003, 11:54 AM

Sounds like a few of the people I know of

ponyboy · 11-10-2003, 11:55 AM

Wow. The evaluator could likely get sued for every one of those comments.

Although I have often wanted to make comments like that about people who work for me, I never would publicly. It's the sign of a bad manager...the employees are usually like that because of the person in charge of them.

That being said, those are really funny

Rocco32 · 11-10-2003, 02:29 PM

Funny Babs, I like things like this. Keep posting.

BabsieGirl · 11-10-2003, 02:56 PM

I will keep on it.

**Mudge** · 11-10-2003, 03:37 PM

One interweb joke I'd like to see again is M.Y.A.S.S.

**Mudge** · 11-10-2003, 03:38 PM

Thanks Google

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We
are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data
that is
Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year
Application Software System"(MYASS).

Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS
to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the
month
so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at
MYASS.

As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not
addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time
can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on
it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not
surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.

I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat
afraid of MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information
into the
program, I had a secretary say to me "I'm a little nervous, I've never
put anything in MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through her
first
time and when we were through she admitted that it was relatively
painless
and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so
far as
to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MYASS.

I know there are concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon
initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been
eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however,
protection will
be required prior to entering MYASS. We planned this database to
encompass
all information associated with the business.

So as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want
into MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be
commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an
employee and say "Here, stick this in MYASS".

This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company
during recent OSHA and EPA audits. After requesting certain historical
data
the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided the
information.

When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so rapidly our
EnvironmentalManager proudly stated "Simple, I just pulled them out of
MYASS".

Rocco32 · 11-10-2003, 03:40 PM

That's awesome Mudge.

**Mudge** · 11-10-2003, 03:42 PM

Q- Now let me get this straight, you want me to put MYASS, on my computer? Or am I supposed to put something from my computer into MYASS. Is there documentation or a manual?

A- MYASS comes with a full load of comprehensive, context sensitive help, and a Developer Kit is included.

Q- This is part of some conspiracy, they just want to get MYASS on desktops everywhere? It's their goal you know? Personally i don't enjoy the idea of MYASS getting huge. The worst things happens when software starts to gets too much circulation, it losses cohesiveness, and the ability to grasp smaller aspects by design. if MYASS was to go on every desktop, wouldn't there be a big chance of MYASS being corrupted?

A- I do agree that MYASS doesn't need to grow past a certain point, for it to do so would be detrimental to the wellbeing of whole program.

Q- well, not everyone can have MYASS, and even if they do they might not have a clue what to do with it. then again, if something goes wrong it is all up to MYASS to fix it then, isn't it?

Q- even though i administrated MYASS properly but the documentation doesn't say it allows for unsupported devices and plug-ins.

A- While the documentation does not explore the depths of the full potential of MYASS, we assure you that MYASS can accommodate a wide array of plug-in devices. In fact, There is evidence that MYASS may even work better with a device plugged into its multipurpose port.

Q- how much does it cost to have MYASS registered and licensed?

A- The source code to MYASS, will be put into public distribution channels to enhance the development of partner channels. Through multiple points of entry to the marketplace MYASS will be everywhere. Via Laplink, and remote use users of MYASS will be encouraged to use MYASS with no fees.

Q- If its too much i will have to pirate MYASS where available in other markets. The goal to developing anything is to build dependency so that you can keep MYASS, up to date, at a fee. Then you'll be dependent on MYASS, for more and more.

A- Pirating MYASS? Well, I guess if there was a big chance of getting a lot of money, Then this would be good, but I would hate to see MYASS end up in the wrong hands. And remember, if everybody had MYASS, then it wouldn't be so special anymore.

Q- What if a better package comes around? You might just want nothing to do with MYASS in the end, or when a more cooperative vendor comes your way. Then you'll just be saying, "MYASS, my ass."

A- MYASS has a future. Included with MYASS are companion products such as:

YOURASS (Your Own User Repository for Application Software System)
HISASS (Hierarchical Index Search Application Software System)
HERASS (Hierarchical Emergency Recovery Application Software System)
Companion products make the entire MYSuiteASS line of software that can be used to make MYASS more accessible than ever. Many people swear that MYASS is the best thing out there. SoftWatch reviews gives two thumbs up! "MYASS, is the best you can get anywhere!" With sufficient hardware MYASS, outstrips the performance of competitors. Even in the earliest stages of testing MYASS has proven it can take a rigorous beating and still put out like a champ.

Q- Can MYASS be automated?

A- Third party support of MYASS includes mail merge, FAX, and

Q- I have a hard time finding MYASS, is there an easier way to access MYASS?

Q- No technical experience is required to run MYASS. Just double-click the icon, and jump right in there when it opens.

Q- Sometimes I have difficulty retrieving things that I have stored in MYASS... How can I access anything important from MYASS?

A- Alternatively you can attempt to run MYASS finder, a priceless tool for zeroing in on targeted entries. If you still need help, technical support is always a phone call away.

Q- With everyone having open access to MYASS, I often find lots of people on MYASS.

In the future will there be more people on MYASS than ever before?

Q- What kind of people are using MYASS?

A- Anybody can use MYASS, doctors, lawyers, businessmen.

Q- If I get off MYASS, can I get back on?

A - Absolutely, MYASS is yours for as long as you choose to use MYASS. Since MYASS requires no licensing or registration and is free of cost, there is no reason why you should not be able to load MYASS as many times as you feel appropriate.

Q- Everyone's on MYASS but me, how do I get on MYASS too?

Getting on MYASS has never been easier. Just go to the MYASS download web page, follow the instructions and MYASS will be coming down on your system the very same minute.
Q- Is MYASS secured? Because of the proliferation of viruses MYASS requires strict codes for authorized access and acts as protection for the integrity of MYASS.

If you really want to shut MYASS up tight you can install (Binary Anti-Destructive Application Software System) BADASS which poles MYASS constantly keeping the system refreshed meanwhile sealing off entry from any other user.

Q- I accidentally got a byte taken out of MYASS, or I think I busted MYASS. MYASS is fried, and now MYASS is useless. What am i doing wrong?

This is the beauty of Hierarchical Emergency Recovery Application Software System (HERASS). HERASS is a fine piece of work that was designed for disaster recovery and the robust architecture allows for unforeseen system failures. HERASS is available only with MYSuiteASS. Just get your hands on HERASS and you are halfway back to recovery already.
Q- MYASS gets slow, and bogged down, then I get knocked off MYASS entirely, then I can't warm or cold boot MYASS at all after that. What do I do now?

A- This is not MYASS's fault, your system has the Headup virus which was specifically designed get deep into the bowels of the MYASS architecture. Once you have a Headup in MYASS, it is only a matter of time before it gets rooted down in the system, and then conflicts with MYASS Hardware Architecture Resource and Device Core (HARDCore) components causing the inconvenience of freezing MYASS offline constantly. You had better install BADASS in there, before you have a Headup MYASS so far you won't know if it is coming or going.

Q- I had a bug in MYASS, but i think it died, is it worth trying to get it out?

A- Definitely, what doesn't seem to be a big problem now can really cause big a stink later.

**Mudge** · 11-10-2003, 03:43 PM

Getting MYASS Started

Getting MYASS going is easy! With an intuitive interface setup is simple, and should only take a few minutes for anyone, even if you have no previous experience with MYASS or any other piece of software.

Initially Inputting into MYASS

The thought of putting something into a system as complex as MYASS can seem devastating to start with. Don't be fooled though, getting into MYASS is easy, and fun (once you get comfortable and start to explore).

Pre-existing handlers allow you to begin quickly and easily, accessing and inputting into MYASS almost immediately. MYASS is fully customizable, and can be modified easily to reflect foreign character sets, or allow for personal profiles, users and group privileges. As well, MYASS has the all the administrative backdoor functions and features that integrators and developers love to use.

Fail safes inside the MYASS Kernel monitors data frequently to insure the proper distribution of every bit and byte inside MYASS, which requires proper traffic within the storage capacity of MYASS and your hardware capacity. This allows load balancing for managing and allocating system resources efficiently in case of power surges, lock-ups, or occasionally brown outs that can exist in unstable circumstances. This makes it easy to access and to be quickly removed from the system if necessary.

Primary Output

Once loaded up with data the G-string code is applied which confines MYASS, and triggers a query that collects all the important bits of information in the system. Then MYASS creates long but compact logs that automatically backup inside the system. Once the capacity of the system has reached its limits MYASS is safeguarded by beginning to notifying users of a possible random I/O malfunction. Logs can be exported from MYASS in succession, partial, complete, or discrete loads, never altering the original kernel.

Hardware Requirements

Although there are no minimum system requirements to run MYASS, it thrives in any environment that supports multifunction devices, and multi-port adapters. MYASS is platform independent, and has a small memory footprint, while taking up only a small portion of the perimeter of a hard disk. What is hard to believe is that MYASS has so much in store for you, and MYASS can take in more than you would ever think could go in there.

BabsieGirl · 11-10-2003, 03:56 PM

11-10-2003, 11:44 AM	#1
BabsieGirl Fighting Endometriosis Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 7,495	Employee Performance Evaluations BODYBUILDING SUPPLEMENTS High Quality Supplements For Bodybuilders and Athletes. www.ironmaglabs.com Actual quotes from Federal Employee Performance Evaluations: "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." "Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
	Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have. http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

11-10-2003, 11:54 AM	#2
butterfly Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 11,526 Photos: 11	Sounds like a few of the people I know of
	~Ann We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. -Harry Edwards

11-10-2003, 11:55 AM	#3
ponyboy Training Trainer Elite Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Running around somewhere Posts: 2,608 Photos: 1	Wow. The evaluator could likely get sued for every one of those comments. Although I have often wanted to make comments like that about people who work for me, I never would publicly. It's the sign of a bad manager...the employees are usually like that because of the person in charge of them. That being said, those are really funny
	Today I can do what others will not so that tomorrow I will do what others cannot. The difference between winners and losers is that winners do things that losers don't want to do.

11-10-2003, 02:29 PM	#4
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,316 Photos: 18	Funny Babs, I like things like this. Keep posting.
	I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

11-10-2003, 02:56 PM	#5
BabsieGirl Fighting Endometriosis Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 7,495	I will keep on it.
	Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have. http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

11-10-2003, 03:37 PM	#6
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,956 Photos: 1	One interweb joke I'd like to see again is M.Y.A.S.S.
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

11-10-2003, 03:38 PM	#7
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,956 Photos: 1	Thanks Google This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System"(MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say to me "I'm a little nervous, I've never put anything in MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through her first time and when we were through she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MYASS. I know there are concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. We planned this database to encompass all information associated with the business. So as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want into MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and say "Here, stick this in MYASS". This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company during recent OSHA and EPA audits. After requesting certain historical data the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided the information. When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so rapidly our EnvironmentalManager proudly stated "Simple, I just pulled them out of MYASS".

11-10-2003, 03:40 PM	#8
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,316 Photos: 18	That's awesome Mudge.
	I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

11-10-2003, 03:42 PM	#9
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,956 Photos: 1	Q- Now let me get this straight, you want me to put MYASS, on my computer? Or am I supposed to put something from my computer into MYASS. Is there documentation or a manual? A- MYASS comes with a full load of comprehensive, context sensitive help, and a Developer Kit is included. Q- This is part of some conspiracy, they just want to get MYASS on desktops everywhere? It's their goal you know? Personally i don't enjoy the idea of MYASS getting huge. The worst things happens when software starts to gets too much circulation, it losses cohesiveness, and the ability to grasp smaller aspects by design. if MYASS was to go on every desktop, wouldn't there be a big chance of MYASS being corrupted? A- I do agree that MYASS doesn't need to grow past a certain point, for it to do so would be detrimental to the wellbeing of whole program. Q- well, not everyone can have MYASS, and even if they do they might not have a clue what to do with it. then again, if something goes wrong it is all up to MYASS to fix it then, isn't it? Q- even though i administrated MYASS properly but the documentation doesn't say it allows for unsupported devices and plug-ins. A- While the documentation does not explore the depths of the full potential of MYASS, we assure you that MYASS can accommodate a wide array of plug-in devices. In fact, There is evidence that MYASS may even work better with a device plugged into its multipurpose port. Q- how much does it cost to have MYASS registered and licensed? A- The source code to MYASS, will be put into public distribution channels to enhance the development of partner channels. Through multiple points of entry to the marketplace MYASS will be everywhere. Via Laplink, and remote use users of MYASS will be encouraged to use MYASS with no fees. Q- If its too much i will have to pirate MYASS where available in other markets. The goal to developing anything is to build dependency so that you can keep MYASS, up to date, at a fee. Then you'll be dependent on MYASS, for more and more. A- Pirating MYASS? Well, I guess if there was a big chance of getting a lot of money, Then this would be good, but I would hate to see MYASS end up in the wrong hands. And remember, if everybody had MYASS, then it wouldn't be so special anymore. Q- What if a better package comes around? You might just want nothing to do with MYASS in the end, or when a more cooperative vendor comes your way. Then you'll just be saying, "MYASS, my ass." A- MYASS has a future. Included with MYASS are companion products such as: YOURASS (Your Own User Repository for Application Software System) HISASS (Hierarchical Index Search Application Software System) HERASS (Hierarchical Emergency Recovery Application Software System) Companion products make the entire MYSuiteASS line of software that can be used to make MYASS more accessible than ever. Many people swear that MYASS is the best thing out there. SoftWatch reviews gives two thumbs up! "MYASS, is the best you can get anywhere!" With sufficient hardware MYASS, outstrips the performance of competitors. Even in the earliest stages of testing MYASS has proven it can take a rigorous beating and still put out like a champ. Q- Can MYASS be automated? A- Third party support of MYASS includes mail merge, FAX, and Q- I have a hard time finding MYASS, is there an easier way to access MYASS? Q- No technical experience is required to run MYASS. Just double-click the icon, and jump right in there when it opens. Q- Sometimes I have difficulty retrieving things that I have stored in MYASS... How can I access anything important from MYASS? A- Alternatively you can attempt to run MYASS finder, a priceless tool for zeroing in on targeted entries. If you still need help, technical support is always a phone call away. Q- With everyone having open access to MYASS, I often find lots of people on MYASS. In the future will there be more people on MYASS than ever before? Q- What kind of people are using MYASS? A- Anybody can use MYASS, doctors, lawyers, businessmen. Q- If I get off MYASS, can I get back on? A - Absolutely, MYASS is yours for as long as you choose to use MYASS. Since MYASS requires no licensing or registration and is free of cost, there is no reason why you should not be able to load MYASS as many times as you feel appropriate. Q- Everyone's on MYASS but me, how do I get on MYASS too? Getting on MYASS has never been easier. Just go to the MYASS download web page, follow the instructions and MYASS will be coming down on your system the very same minute. Q- Is MYASS secured? Because of the proliferation of viruses MYASS requires strict codes for authorized access and acts as protection for the integrity of MYASS. If you really want to shut MYASS up tight you can install (Binary Anti-Destructive Application Software System) BADASS which poles MYASS constantly keeping the system refreshed meanwhile sealing off entry from any other user. Q- I accidentally got a byte taken out of MYASS, or I think I busted MYASS. MYASS is fried, and now MYASS is useless. What am i doing wrong? This is the beauty of Hierarchical Emergency Recovery Application Software System (HERASS). HERASS is a fine piece of work that was designed for disaster recovery and the robust architecture allows for unforeseen system failures. HERASS is available only with MYSuiteASS. Just get your hands on HERASS and you are halfway back to recovery already. Q- MYASS gets slow, and bogged down, then I get knocked off MYASS entirely, then I can't warm or cold boot MYASS at all after that. What do I do now? A- This is not MYASS's fault, your system has the Headup virus which was specifically designed get deep into the bowels of the MYASS architecture. Once you have a Headup in MYASS, it is only a matter of time before it gets rooted down in the system, and then conflicts with MYASS Hardware Architecture Resource and Device Core (HARDCore) components causing the inconvenience of freezing MYASS offline constantly. You had better install BADASS in there, before you have a Headup MYASS so far you won't know if it is coming or going. Q- I had a bug in MYASS, but i think it died, is it worth trying to get it out? A- Definitely, what doesn't seem to be a big problem now can really cause big a stink later.

11-10-2003, 03:43 PM	#10
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,956 Photos: 1	Getting MYASS Started Getting MYASS going is easy! With an intuitive interface setup is simple, and should only take a few minutes for anyone, even if you have no previous experience with MYASS or any other piece of software. Initially Inputting into MYASS The thought of putting something into a system as complex as MYASS can seem devastating to start with. Don't be fooled though, getting into MYASS is easy, and fun (once you get comfortable and start to explore). Pre-existing handlers allow you to begin quickly and easily, accessing and inputting into MYASS almost immediately. MYASS is fully customizable, and can be modified easily to reflect foreign character sets, or allow for personal profiles, users and group privileges. As well, MYASS has the all the administrative backdoor functions and features that integrators and developers love to use. Fail safes inside the MYASS Kernel monitors data frequently to insure the proper distribution of every bit and byte inside MYASS, which requires proper traffic within the storage capacity of MYASS and your hardware capacity. This allows load balancing for managing and allocating system resources efficiently in case of power surges, lock-ups, or occasionally brown outs that can exist in unstable circumstances. This makes it easy to access and to be quickly removed from the system if necessary. Primary Output Once loaded up with data the G-string code is applied which confines MYASS, and triggers a query that collects all the important bits of information in the system. Then MYASS creates long but compact logs that automatically backup inside the system. Once the capacity of the system has reached its limits MYASS is safeguarded by beginning to notifying users of a possible random I/O malfunction. Logs can be exported from MYASS in succession, partial, complete, or discrete loads, never altering the original kernel. Hardware Requirements Although there are no minimum system requirements to run MYASS, it thrives in any environment that supports multifunction devices, and multi-port adapters. MYASS is platform independent, and has a small memory footprint, while taking up only a small portion of the perimeter of a hard disk. What is hard to believe is that MYASS has so much in store for you, and MYASS can take in more than you would ever think could go in there.
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

11-10-2003, 03:56 PM	#11
BabsieGirl Fighting Endometriosis Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 7,495
	Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have. http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

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