QuestionGuy

Hi everyone, Instead of training and steroid questions this time i have a much bigger (problem)??=(question)??....

uhhhhhhh, ok here it is and please take the time to answer this because you can change my life forever....

OK, im 20, (just turned on dec,5) and i've been dating this beautifull and smart girl who is a year older than me for about 2 years now (she modeled for k-mart couple of times). everyone says the we are the qutest couple around, and which is true in my opinion....... we are very very very different thought. She is a "good girl" which is good in school and always has to help out at home, dishes, cleaning etc.................................
i was also the first guy she slept wth so yeah she is a goodie girl,
And i was/am this bad boy who likes to run his own life and doesn't care much what other people think about me, (i also love to get in fights)... well we met on the internet because she got my IM from her friend who told her how "qute" i was (im not braging). well anyway long story short we hooked up but had a lot of problems because we were just so much different. We survived and a year ago we really started bonding a lot i changed and she changed both to the better....... we do till fight but thats normal, we made future plans to go visit our family in europe next summer (we are from Croatia ) and we are always talking about marrige after school and how we are not going to have kids untill at least 27.............we are really in love with each other and get along well..... but as many good thing there are there are just as many bad things about her/us. for example when i wanna go out with the guys one night (once every god damn 1-2 months) she makes a big fucking deal about it like im gona go fuck some girl or something, we always get in a fight when i wanna go out so when i do it's just not worht it because i keep feeling bad all night............. and today becasue i have to work she said she is going out with her friend so i wanted to show her how it is when she nags at me all the time, and all she said is "sooo i dont care what u say im going out anyway" that made me so fucking mad man.............. But i gota admit that im not an angel either, i do get mad easily and im cranky all the time too.
I was thinking about giving her a nice expensive promise ring for christmas but first you guys gota help me figure out if she is the right girl for me because if i do this it measn that i will have to hang with her for the rest of my life............ so tell me peopole how do i know that she is the right girl for me ??????????????????????????????


thanxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Var

I don't think any of us could tell you for sure. What I can say is that, in my experience, time is the best test of a relationship (cliche' I know, but its true). If this relationship is not meant to be, it WILL self destruct at some point. If its meant to be, I think things that are bad now will improve and the good things will get so good that you can't imagine life without her. Hope that helps in some way.

Var

P.S. The thing about getting pissed when you want to go out with friends is VERY bad. Shows that she has a lot of insecurities and maybe doesnt trust u as much as she should. I've been in relationships like that. It's something that should change if you guys are going to stay together.

QuestionGuy

Thank you Var. Thank you very much those are some really WISE word from you..........................

ANY ONE ELSE ?????? PLeaseeeee

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

QuestionGuy

PS: i am just a guy and i do check out girls a lot, and (i dont wanna be full of myself) but it is true that i can have a lot of the cutes* girls around but i would never ever cheat on my girl because i realy do love her and even thought she is not the best girl in bed i ever had she is still mine.... like my dad says "women are like wine the older they are the better and better they get" lol ewwwwwwwww

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

Mudge

You two need to learn to communicate, if she can go out so can you, and you should not argue about it (either of you). IMO if there is no trust and communicationt here is nothing, once every 2 months is nothing, there is no reason for her to hold you back unless you really are a scuzball and it doesn't sound like she has a reason to think that since you have not cheated.

You are both still young too, sometimes at this age people aren't ready to get that serious, I dunno though you have to sort out your own life which is why advice from our grandparents only goes so far right - we all live to repeat the same mistakes before we learn for ourselves.

Talk to her, tell her what you said here, and explain how blatantly unreasonable it is that only one of you can go out, and further her attitude about "I dont care what you say" sucks ass when SHE is the one that made a big deal out of you going out.

Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench
Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu
I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

katie64

Hey honey, when it comes to major life decisions, I've always thought it through and decided what I would do and if it's the type of decision to wait a year on , that's what I do, I wait a year and see how I feel then, and if it's still what I want I do it, sometimes I only wait 6 months, LOL, but if it's just a promise ring, go for it, it will help her feel more secure too, it's a token of your devotion and women need that security, and stop fuggin around with cute girls, no wonder she doesn't trust you, and guess what your dad's right, as women age they are like a fine wine

Each of us conceals an abyss, though few of us are aware of its existence, and even fewer dare to explore its vastness.


Katie
[color="Green"]My Journal...[/COLOR

Mudge

Never rush something that affects things long term, good advice.

Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench
Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu
I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

QuestionGuy

thanx guys..... katie thank u too, but u know how we young people are (hehheheh) we need to rush everything

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

BUSTINOUT

I would not rush it man. Sounds like both of you have things you need to work out. Trust, patience, consideration of the other's feelings, etc. Like said above, time can tell a lot of things, but it can also wreck many good things. Use this time to grow as idividuals and as a couple. Good luck man.

QuestionGuy

thanx man....... as you said we need to grow some maaaaaaaajoooorrrrrrrrr PATIENCE with each other esspesially me

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

TheGreatSatan

Exactly.

J'Bo

Well i had to but in here too

At 20 years old you both have soo much growing to do.
I asked the same question you are about 1 year ago (with my bf of 4 years) to my wedded friends. Their answer was "if your asking us if he is the one...he isnt"

....and thats my $.02

katie64

Great advice J'bo, makes me realize I have some things to think about too

Each of us conceals an abyss, though few of us are aware of its existence, and even fewer dare to explore its vastness.


Katie
[color="Green"]My Journal...[/COLOR

Mudge

Agreed!

Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench
Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu
I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

J'Bo

Oh no i did not want to make anyone sad on Xmas Katie sorry hun. If you need to talk just pm me.
The day my friends told me that i KNEW that he WAS NOT for me.
I am glad that i did not settle because now i have found who i WAS meant to be with. Life has a plan so make sure you make the proper decisions in order for your destiny to be carried out.

....and thats my $.02

BabsieGirl

So true J'bo........

And always remember, People change

Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF
Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have.

http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac
Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

engine96

Hi guys, I think that at 20 (or thereabout) most people are discovering lots of things...and want to experience all of them! What you gotta do is focus your efforts on those things (and people) that you think will still be there in the next 5-10 years.

For example, If you see yourself in a committed relationship within this timeframe (see above), then you should explore what your significant other (assuming you have one) wants/needs to do as well. Both of you got to set some goals and deadlines for those goals. If you see progress in your plan, then I think you have a winning formula.

A committed relationship is (relatively) no different than going after a competition title...For things to work, you have to think with your head (the one above the chest) and put your feelings aside. Once you have sorted things out, then you are free to pour your heart out.

Don't want to sound too matter-of-fact, but if you really want something to work, this will most likely get you there...

**Engine96**

BabsieGirl

yeah, at 20 marriage should be the last thing on your brain.

DO NOT RUSH INTO!!!!!!!!!!

Don't hate the player, hate the game!http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/...the%20wave.GIF
Before you talk about what you want - appreciate what you have.

http://home.earthlink.net/~gwcaton/s...ctures/tmf.jpg
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -Honore de Balzac
Desire+Consistency='s RESULTS

QuestionGuy

im not rushing into marrige hell now but im just wondering how do i know if she is the one for me or not... is there like a test or something to look for or whatever ??????? because i dont wanna end up like 58 % of all the US relationships (divorce) and plus i was just asking if i should buy her a promise ring......

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

Mudge

Well I agree with the earlier comment, if you have to ask, its not time or not the right person. Then again, when it feels right, there is no reason why you can't wait to make sure. If it is right, it will happen eventually.

Rushing things is probably what gets people into more trouble than anything else, losing fingers and so on.

Jodi R

hey question guy... i think J'Bo already gave you your answer. the fact that you even posted this question means that shes not the one.

maybe i am a hopeless and useless romantic but when you meet 'the one' your relationship will be plain sailing. there shouldnt be any admin and it sounds like you guys do a lot. its also not healthy to not be able to go out on boys nights every once in a while ..

and the fact that you basically told us shes not that great in bed means you dont respect her ...

marriage wont fix your problems, it will magnify them.

hey i'm only 25 but i was in a relationship exactly like that when i was 19 till 21.. i loved him madly but the relationship was a load of bollocks. then you meet someone who is right and you appreciate them so much more because you've experienced crap. i know cos i just met him a month ago and its true, you do just know.

thats my 2c.

katie64

Thank you Jen

Each of us conceals an abyss, though few of us are aware of its existence, and even fewer dare to explore its vastness.


Katie
[color="Green"]My Journal...[/COLOR

butterfly

My two cents... if you don't "know" if she's the one, then she's probably not.

I knew on my 3rd date with fade that he was THE one for me

~Ann
We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open.
-Harry Edwards

QuestionGuy

What the hell am i supposed to do then i mean i love her so much i would die for her, but than again she pisses me of so much sometimes i wanna kill her. "lol" and what happened to " we ca work thigs out " i mean everyone has problems, and should i look for someone else if she is not the "one"

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

Mudge

Lots of people can love each other and not have as happy a life as they could elsewhere.

If she pisses you off, that is a freaking road sign staring you in the face right there is it not? It is obviously not perfection. Finding perfection may take ages, I thought I found it twice, things happen.

I am willing to settle for less than perfection of course, but you have to figure where the line is. I will never ever argue with someone I'm with, I just dont like arguing and I find it stupid. I will discuss but not argue. If you guys are blowing up at each other, and she is being immature (dont know about you) about you going out but its ok for her to go out, there are obviously problems IMO. You are both very young to boot, there is NO reason to rush things.

You cant rush happiness because ideally it should be forever - right? Ergo there is nothing for you to rush into, just enjoy it for what it is, if the problems dont work themselves out then eventually you will probably drift apart.

When I was younger I probably would have settled for less than now, it is much easier for me now that I'm a little older to walk away from something before it gets too deep if its not what I'm looking for. There is also some kind of difference between being needy, and being in love. So while you can work things out, if there is an entire grocery list of things to work out like "you have to change this and you have to change that," then you are asking for a different person!

Tell her she is being a hypocrite (you can word it differently, please do) about the going out thing, that is just plain immature. No arguments, discuss, dont argue.

Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench
Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu
I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

QuestionGuy

yeah man you are so right man, im not saying im an angel, i can be a real cranky dick sometimes

You've never lived untill you've almost died, life has an excitement that the protected will never know.

J'Bo