Relationship help please

NickB · 01-23-2004, 05:26 PM

bump

Craft · 01-24-2004, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by J'Bo
Point being ask her what the hell she wants and then tell her if she doesnt care for you and doesnt want you to be there to help her during this time then you will leave and be done with her. Talking to a girl straight up is the ONLY way to get anything accomplished.

I'm going to do this tomorrow night! I sure hope you're right...

I've been wanting to totally open myself up to a particular person... we've played with the idea of us being with one another before but nothing really manifested. She's asked me to go for drinks AGAIN this weekend and who am I to turn her down.

Tomorrow night though, I'll take those words of wisdom and run with em! I've been urging myself to do it previous to reading any advice etc etc... but reading what you've said just made my mind up.

andyo · 01-24-2004, 03:03 PM

Craft, don't be afraid and just do it.

Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it. We didn't talk last night but we are going to tonite. Hopefully.

I apologized to her for being an asshole this week and freaking out, which I was and did. but we are going to talk tonite and just vent. Good luck man.
Andy

andyo · 01-24-2004, 03:05 PM

Think of it this way too, Craft who is to say that tomorrow may not be your last day on earth, at least she will know how you feel about her.

**Mudge** · 01-24-2004, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it.

If you open up to someone and tell them whats on your mind and what you want, and its not what they are feeling - at least you were true to yourself and you tried. I would hope that you would not regret being yourself!

BUSTINOUT · 01-24-2004, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo

Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it.

Oh but you did get something...just not what YOU wanted. That is the very reason to be open and honest...to get all the cards out on the table. Honesty from the beginning is the only way to go man.

andyo · 01-25-2004, 03:58 PM

thanx for the reassurance. it is much appreciated.

andyo · 01-28-2004, 05:48 AM

So we talked on Monday night, and she told me although she wants to be with me, she is not ready to commit to me because she can't have her head on straight right now. Fair enough.

She asked if she could just be alone for a while, and that she was not leaving me, just going on a 'vacation' for a while. She told me that she would call me, when she was ready to talk.

How much should I check up on her to keep my image fresh in her head, or should I wait till she calls and just leave her be, I do not want to lose her, but it looks hopeless from this point.

irontime · 01-29-2004, 12:37 PM

This sort of shit pisses me off. She is yanking you around like a damn puppet. She is basically keeping you on a string in case she feels like going out with you again. Completely ignoring how you feel, giving you hope, but not letting you move on.

If you ask me, this shows a lot about her personality. She is extremely selfish and doesn't deserve a guy who is nice enough to wait around. ditch her

oaktownboy · 01-29-2004, 12:43 PM

no kidding what is she trying to pull on you..u don't have to forget about her but move on already

Leslie · 01-29-2004, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
So we talked on Monday night, and she told me although she wants to be with me, she is not ready to commit to me because she can't have her head on straight right now. Fair enough.

She asked if she could just be alone for a while, and that she was not leaving me, just going on a 'vacation' for a while. She told me that she would call me, when she was ready to talk.

How much should I check up on her to keep my image fresh in her head, or should I wait till she calls and just leave her be, I do not want to lose her, but it looks hopeless from this point.

Listen, I hate to say this but let her call you. Skimming thru this thread, you totally remind me of a good frined of mine(guy). He is a total gentleman. However, when he gets involved he tends to get too involved too quickly. Opens up too fast ect. And this drives the girls away.
Girls dont prefer assholes, however, a clingy and needy man is not attractive either. I am not saying that is what you are- I am just saying perhaps she does like you but you are too overbearing. You obviously are afraid to loose her and I am sure your actions may be somewhat overbearing- as in holding on. Hence you comment about "fresh in her mind."

Bottomline is you cant hold on to something that is going to go away anyways. If its meant to be, it will be.
Maybe all she needs is space. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder. If you call her ect, it may only annoy her. If you dont call her- since its out of character for you- she may start to wonder what is going on and call you.
Just my opinion.

andyo · 01-29-2004, 01:51 PM

Well, Leslie good points too.

I won't call her. But I do feel as if I did kinda rush things a tad.

But IMO at least I had the guts to tell her how I fealt.

She is not so much keeping me on a string, cause she did acknowledge that it was unfair to keep me waiting from both standpoints.

So we decided to make no promises, and that is where it stands.

I just think she deserves a guy like me, she has been through so much crap with other a holes that now that she meets a nice guy, he turns her off.

Oh, well guys on to the next one.

Leslie · 01-29-2004, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Well, Leslie good points too.

I won't call her. But I do feel as if I did kinda rush things a tad.

If you recognize that you were rushing things- that is a good sign. But also shows that you prolly went too far.

But IMO at least I had the guts to tell her how I felt.

Yes. Some guys have a hard time doing so. Some guys tell too much. You need to take things day by day A flower once in a while, a nice note or card- these should be done in moderation. Statements along the lines of I could never live without you ect(just an example) should be saved for when things turn "serious".

She is not so much keeping me on a string, cause she did acknowledge that it was unfair to keep me waiting from both standpoints.

Honestly, it sounds as if she was letting you down easy. I could be wrong but just be prepared. I would keep an open mind to others and be more aware of your actions and words withthe next chick

So we decided to make no promises, and that is where it stands.

I just think she deserves a guy like me, she has been through so much crap with other a holes that now that she meets a nice guy, he turns her off.

You sound like a nice, sincere guy and one day a lucky gal will get to be treated like royalty. How old are you, btw?

Oh, well guys on to the next one.

That is not a good way too look at things

andyo · 01-29-2004, 04:24 PM

I am 23, and I know that it is not a good way to look at it. But I just made a mistake by going too far. So next time I may hold my tongue a little bit longer.

It just makes me feel like I gave my all and failed. But I guess just move on and if she really wants me, she'll come for me. Right>

andyo · 01-29-2004, 04:26 PM

What do you mean by 'letting me down easy? BTW

andyo · 01-29-2004, 04:27 PM

BTW, what part of Jersey are you in? I used to live in Hoboken about 2 years ago. I miss it herein the sticks.

Leslie · 01-29-2004, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
But I guess just move on and if she really wants me, she'll come for me. Right>

Exactly

23? hell you have many years to find the perfect girl

By letting down easy -I mean this could be her way of saying she is not interested without saying it. Doing it this way may be her trying to get out of hurting your feelings- because she does think you are a nice guy. I could be wrong- but it is a possibility

Sorry

If this is the case, it was a lesson learned and will make your next relationship less emotional.

I am in Fort Lee. Hoboken rocks. I am moving though- up to the Vernon area, so I will be in the sticks too

But I am sick of the city, so I cant wait

andyo · 01-30-2004, 09:04 AM

Leslie, I am telling you, STAY IN THE CITY..it makes all the difference.

Yes, It will get to every so often, but you will miss it, believe me.
Here in WVA, I want to be back in NYC every day!

Leslie · 01-30-2004, 09:11 AM

Not to worry, I am still only 45 min from NYC

Are you in WVA for college??

andyo · 01-31-2004, 08:59 AM

Yeah, I could not afford the NYC college tuition it was outrageous.

But when I finish, hopefully by next spring, I will be right back again.

Why are you moving farther away?>

andyo · 02-03-2004, 03:36 AM

Uh-Oh, she called last night, and we chatted for a few. She seems to miss me, but I am not playing into that.

But I happened to be at my buddies' frat house. And she says to me, almost half-joking, but I know she meant it: "Don't you be having sex with anyone. D's rules"

What do you think?

ponyboy · 02-03-2004, 04:22 AM

It's fairly obvious after reading all of this that this girl doesn't want you as a serious boyfriend, but she wants to know that she can control you - she probably has control issues due to her stalker problem - those kinds of incidents often lead to that sort of thing because when you have no control over one situation you try to exert it in other areas (can you tell I have a psych degree?

).

The more you do not let her do this to you, the more she will come running IMO. But she is not in a good place right now obviously - and you don't have to be the one to deal with her emotional problems. Coming from years of experience with women with various emotional issues, move on. It may seem hard now but in a few months when you're in a healthy relationship you will look back and wonder at what you are doing now.

Just my .02.

irontime · 02-03-2004, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
But I happened to be at my buddies' frat house. And she says to me, almost half-joking, but I know she meant it: "Don't you be having sex with anyone. D's rules"

What do you think?

Ponyboy hit it right on. She is very selfish and controlling. Get the hell away from her right now. If she doesn't want you fucking any one else then she should be in a relationship with you. If she's not in one then she has no say what so ever what you do.

Leslie · 02-03-2004, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by andyo
Yeah, I could not afford the NYC college tuition it was outrageous.

But when I finish, hopefully by next spring, I will be right back again.

Why are you moving farther away?>

I just bought my first home out there- The prices around here are outrageous

Even crappy places are expensive round here

01-24-2004, 03:03 PM	#63
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	Craft, don't be afraid and just do it. Although, like I said at the beginning of the thread, I feel like a fool for opening up and then get nothing out of it. We didn't talk last night but we are going to tonite. Hopefully. I apologized to her for being an asshole this week and freaking out, which I was and did. but we are going to talk tonite and just vent. Good luck man. Andy To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-24-2004, 03:05 PM	#64
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	Think of it this way too, Craft who is to say that tomorrow may not be your last day on earth, at least she will know how you feel about her. To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-25-2004, 03:58 PM	#67
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	thanx for the reassurance. it is much appreciated. To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-28-2004, 05:48 AM	#68
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	So we talked on Monday night, and she told me although she wants to be with me, she is not ready to commit to me because she can't have her head on straight right now. Fair enough. She asked if she could just be alone for a while, and that she was not leaving me, just going on a 'vacation' for a while. She told me that she would call me, when she was ready to talk. How much should I check up on her to keep my image fresh in her head, or should I wait till she calls and just leave her be, I do not want to lose her, but it looks hopeless from this point. To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-29-2004, 12:37 PM	#69
irontime The Original Jackass Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: If not here, then on some porn site. Posts: 5,099 Photos: 1	This sort of shit pisses me off. She is yanking you around like a damn puppet. She is basically keeping you on a string in case she feels like going out with you again. Completely ignoring how you feel, giving you hope, but not letting you move on. If you ask me, this shows a lot about her personality. She is extremely selfish and doesn't deserve a guy who is nice enough to wait around. ditch her If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself. - Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

01-23-2004, 05:26 PM	#61
NickB Damn, so many new faces. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: California Posts: 498	bump

01-29-2004, 12:43 PM	#70
oaktownboy Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: smog and fog Posts: 4,428	no kidding what is she trying to pull on you..u don't have to forget about her but move on already Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

01-29-2004, 01:51 PM	#72
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	Well, Leslie good points too. I won't call her. But I do feel as if I did kinda rush things a tad. But IMO at least I had the guts to tell her how I fealt. She is not so much keeping me on a string, cause she did acknowledge that it was unfair to keep me waiting from both standpoints. So we decided to make no promises, and that is where it stands. I just think she deserves a guy like me, she has been through so much crap with other a holes that now that she meets a nice guy, he turns her off. Oh, well guys on to the next one. To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-29-2004, 04:24 PM	#74
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	I am 23, and I know that it is not a good way to look at it. But I just made a mistake by going too far. So next time I may hold my tongue a little bit longer. It just makes me feel like I gave my all and failed. But I guess just move on and if she really wants me, she'll come for me. Right> To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-29-2004, 04:26 PM	#75
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	What do you mean by 'letting me down easy? BTW To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-29-2004, 04:27 PM	#76
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	BTW, what part of Jersey are you in? I used to live in Hoboken about 2 years ago. I miss it herein the sticks. To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-30-2004, 09:04 AM	#78
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	Leslie, I am telling you, STAY IN THE CITY..it makes all the difference. Yes, It will get to every so often, but you will miss it, believe me. Here in WVA, I want to be back in NYC every day! To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

01-30-2004, 09:11 AM	#79
Leslie DOWNSIZING Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jersey Girl Posts: 2,911 Photos: 11	Not to worry, I am still only 45 min from NYC Are you in WVA for college?? Leslie My Journal My Sponsor:www.AvantLabs.com

01-31-2004, 08:59 AM	#80
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	Yeah, I could not afford the NYC college tuition it was outrageous. But when I finish, hopefully by next spring, I will be right back again. Why are you moving farther away?> To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

02-03-2004, 03:36 AM	#81
andyo Registered User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: WVA Posts: 369	Uh-Oh, she called last night, and we chatted for a few. She seems to miss me, but I am not playing into that. But I happened to be at my buddies' frat house. And she says to me, almost half-joking, but I know she meant it: "Don't you be having sex with anyone. D's rules" What do you think? To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

02-03-2004, 04:22 AM	#82
ponyboy Training Trainer Elite Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Running around somewhere Posts: 2,608 Photos: 1	It's fairly obvious after reading all of this that this girl doesn't want you as a serious boyfriend, but she wants to know that she can control you - she probably has control issues due to her stalker problem - those kinds of incidents often lead to that sort of thing because when you have no control over one situation you try to exert it in other areas (can you tell I have a psych degree? ). The more you do not let her do this to you, the more she will come running IMO. But she is not in a good place right now obviously - and you don't have to be the one to deal with her emotional problems. Coming from years of experience with women with various emotional issues, move on. It may seem hard now but in a few months when you're in a healthy relationship you will look back and wonder at what you are doing now. Just my .02. Today I can do what others will not so that tomorrow I will do what others cannot. The difference between winners and losers is that winners do things that losers don't want to do.

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