andyo

Hey all, I have a small problem of my own, and need some advice.

I have been seeing this girl that I now adore more than anything on a limited basis for 5 months today. Here is my problem, last night on the phone we talked for the first time in a week because she needed some time to herself, which I gladly granted her.

I decided that the time was right and asked if she wanted to be more steady, basically spilled my heart over the phone to her, and told her everything I felt at that moment, and she is not ready for a relationship.

I feel like crap and now because of some asshole customer in her store that is 'stalking' her(basically comes in and just stares at her, scaring the hell out of both of us) she is so affected that she doesnt want to do anything physical. NOTE: Sex is important in our relationship, but not everything).

In my frustration, I explained that I am there to wait for her, but am also human and cannot wait forever. It just seems that when you show a gal the world, literally, I have treated this gal better than any other guy ever has and she admits it, she does'nt get as turned on as when you are pure asshole.

How long should I have to wait before I can move on if I want to?>

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

Blieb

I figure as soon as you claim to move onto greener pastures ... she'll be upset .... a want what you can't have type thing ...

Maybe then it's time to make your move again.

How long ago was her last relationship? How long was it?

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Flex

First of all, i know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Try going out w/a chick for 2.5 years and RARELY getting intimate.

There is no question that girls love assholes. i just dont get it either bro. i showed my ex. the world also, but it was never enough. I think the main thing is that girls like "chasing" guys (i.e. assholes) and like the above guy mentioned, wanting what they can't have. and when teh guy is too nice to them, its like not challenging enough for them or something.

ONly you can figure out what you will do. there is no should or should not..........

p.s. I'll kill the "stalker" for $50 (burial included). pm me if your interested

You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst.


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HoldDaMayo

why can't you just be her friend and if she decides she wants more, she'll let you know... but in the meantime, sounds like your EXTREMELY free to see other people... do it... date someone else, try and get your mind off her, but you don't have to ignore her, just be her homie...

Are you kidding me????

Blieb

the point is ... she's probably very demanding ... and as soon as he goes for intimate, she backs off and says "wait, I thought we're just friends" ...

Meanwhile, he's thinking ... why did I drive 1/2 hour across town in the pouring rain, stop to pick up dinner for us ... and why are we spooning in bed watching TV after I've just given you a back massage ...

Not that this has ever happened to me or anything ...

My Sites:
epock.com
outcrier.com

Jenny

Okay, where the heck do you find all these girls that seems to like assholes??? I don't get it, maybe american girls are different or something, cause I know I would never go for a "bad guy", neither would my friends.. I want to be treated like a princess and if I wasn't, I'd move on!

DFINEST

It's called America.....

Unfortunately, in today's American society, being gentlemanly
is considered "soft", so portraying the opposite to some degree
removes the "soft" image and hence,
seemingly more interesting or mysterious

Drama is the result of an attempt
to find wholeness & success
in the midst of forces that have been
birthed in chaos and nurtured in confusion.
-- No More Drama

Darkkmind

I'm with mayo on this. The best thing you can do for yourself is to date other chicks. You can still be her homeboy and shit. Hell sometimes that can be alot better! You'll see when she starts getting jealous and talking shit about the girls you are talking to. Btw it would be in your best interst to kick that stalkers teeth in or at least tell him to take a hike! Mad points for if u do and she'll think your dangerous!

andyo

To both Flex and Darkmind, thanks but I am already on it.

I am trying to figure out his pattern now, so when I pounce he'll know it.

On the other hand, she did get very jealous when I went out last friday with another girl, so go figure.

I think that maybe it is time to just move on, and although I am hurting right now, I gave her the chance to be with me and she turned it down. So what does that tell you?

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

irontime

I was just going to suggest that.

I was with this one girl a couple of years ago and she liked me but she wasn't quite sure what she wanted yet so we goofed around and that was about it. Then she went on this crap about not sure if she should do this and she wanted some time to think. So fine, then she sees me in the bar and I'm with other girls and she starts crying her ass off I say that this chick sounds like she has a lot of emotional baggage to get rid of, go out with other girls

If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
- Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

DFINEST

why is it that women expect you to wait around for them,
especially after you've initiated the first step to be with them

Drama is the result of an attempt
to find wholeness & success
in the midst of forces that have been
birthed in chaos and nurtured in confusion.
-- No More Drama

oaktownboy

u can't let chicks ruin ur life bro..just move on

Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

andyo

Even though she means very much to me at this point, I am going to go and play the field. Again.

I just think it is unfair, when you want it they don;nt and vice versa.

Irontime, I feel your pain, and it sounds almost identical to the situation.

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

irontime

Well not quite identical, I was just in it for the sex and I didn't really care for her too much. But the main lesson out of the story is that as soon as you start to see other girls she will find out that she misses you a lot. However I say stay away from girls like this, way too much baggage

If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
- Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

J'Bo

damn you can tell that there has not been any women commenting here....all yah gotta do is just pm me and i will tell you what the girl is REALLY trying to say just ask Flex about what kinda advice i give

first of all....you obviously like this girl and if you are going to just turn around and "get with" other chicks then you are just like those so called "bad boys" you men think we like.
In reality all she wants is for you to be there for her when she is upset which she obviously is about the whole "stalker" situation. She most likely doesnt want to cause you any grief by having the stalker annoy you too.
Dont tell me you boys never thought of this on your own

Point being ask her what the hell she wants and then tell her if she doesnt care for you and doesnt want you to be there to help her during this time then you will leave and be done with her. Talking to a girl straight up is the ONLY way to get anything accomplished.

....and thats my $.02

Mudge

When you feel its the right thing for you to do, or when something else comes along and you have not heard from her in awhile.

Thats just life man, get ready to deal with more of it. Sometimes people are not ready, especially when young, stress seems to kill relationships easily when it comes to women, thats my experience. Women seem to like to ignore stress, how many women do you know that say "just forget about it" when you talk to them. I am not being an ass but that is my honest observation, sometimes women talk about problems that men wont and sometimes women run and wont talk about a damn thing, humans are full of weaknesses and thats just life, you deal with it.

Good luck

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MaxCalc Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

Mudge

Lets be honest then, observation:

Many men and women want to leave the options open so maybe, just maybe they get to bang someone hotter.

Kinesiology Comp Bench
MaxCalc Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

nikegurl

you sound like a great guy. of course it's hard for any of us to guess what she is thinking BUT from what you've told us....i actually think she isn't too interested but doesn't want to lose the option of changing her mind with you in the future.

sorry if that sounds harsh and i'd be happy to be wrong.

i just think men and women both talk about "timing" when what they really mean is they aren't all that interested. not completely uninterested but not sufficiently motivated to be involved at the level the other person would like to be.

hang in there

If you want to achieve things that others can't...

You have to do things that others won't.

Mudge

With age comes wisdom (we hope anyway, since we are getting older and such ).

This is what I said about keeping the options open. Sometimes people, especially young, feel if they think they can do better they may just hold you on a leash until that comes along.

Kinesiology Comp Bench
MaxCalc Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

nikegurl

yep - i always use a zillion more words to just end up agreeing with mudge.

don't wait on her andyo. life's too short.

If you want to achieve things that others can't...

You have to do things that others won't.

J'Bo

well personally i think he should give it a shot and bluntly ask her what she really wants...then move on if she doesnt have the same feelings for him as he does for her....but thats just my opinion

hey NG where are my pics

....and thats my $.02

Dale Mabry

No finer or truer words have been spoken in the history of man. I commend you, Mudge, for your observations.

If sense were common, everyone would have it.

4/2007-Current 75th Ranked most popular image 1 spot behind Prince's bulge...

andyo

I have already asked her what it is that she wants. She told me that, she is not ready at the moment to be in a serious relationship, and wants to have some fun and just be low-key.

I think nikegurl you are right, tho, she may be keeping me around long enough to find someone that suits her more, I hope not, and I think that I am a great guy to be with, but I guess not.

Oh, well, back home to the gym to wait on another, thanks all,

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

andyo

But we also talked of how we feel, and this is how we went.

Like I said, I spilled my heart and she told me, that when we are together, I feel like nothing else matters, but when I don't see you, it's like I am almost not there.

What do you think?
Again, I told her that I am only human and can wait only so long.
Pushing or am I right? This Stalker really has her fucked up.

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

J'Bo

well sounds to me like she just wanted to see you more and when you werent seeing eachother enough she just thought she would go on and search somewhere else...it is worth giving it a try...but then again if someone says that they want to take things slow and they dont want a relationship then most likely it isnt meant to be...when you find the one you will not be able to control your feelings things just happen

....and thats my $.02

oaktownboy

wow man this girl is really getting to you..there are plenty of women in the sea..if she doesn't want to be with you forget her ass bro..trust me don't let the girl run ur life

Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

nikegurl

don't be saying (or thinking) stuff like this.

shit - i'm wonderful and not EVERYONE loves me.

seriously...if she isn't interested it's not b/c you aren't worth her time. k?

If you want to achieve things that others can't...

You have to do things that others won't.

andyo

Thanks Nikegurl, I think you all are right, yes she is getting to me, but that is because I am old fashioned and care too much some times, but there does need to be an even slate, and she is really not pulling her weight.

So I love all your advice guys, please keep it coming, because I am getting closer to deciding against her.

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

andyo

Well, J'bo, it did start on a limited basis and we have kinda kept our options open, so seeing each other every once in a while is not the issue, really, it is just that although our options are open, we are not searching out there, and like where we are, so I thought maybe it is time to step it up a notch, and just go for it, but she did'nt.

To achieve Success is certaily tough..but keeping it, much tougher!

J'Bo

well then hearing everything you have said i would have to agree with NG and say you might be to good for this chickie. learn from this and have fun by yourself. the right one will come along and when she does you wont know what hit you. nor will you have to try to force someone into a relationship (not that you are). it will just happen

....and thats my $.02