Thread: California East Bay Barbie

Subject: East Bay Barbie
>
>Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces The Release Today of Models of Limited
>Edition Barbie Dolls for the California Market:
>
>Pleasanton Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at the Stoneridge
>Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a
>lapdog and a cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift
>and a workaholic Ken.
>
>San Ramon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the
>Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full
>time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold
>separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
>
>Richmond Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm
>handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels
>and
>tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
>
>Rancho Cordova/Gold River Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice
>of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card
>and shallow Ken.
>
>Stockton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two
>sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light
>and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's
>ass
>when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper
>stickers.
>
>Tahoe Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie still has not
>learned that you can't wear a leopard print ski outfit without looking
>passe, even if you are actually skiing.
>
>Berkeley Barbie: This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has
>long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup
>and a mutt. The other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop,
>low cut jeans and scratch-n-sniff armpits.
>
>Bakersfield Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still
>has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless
>with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you
>chase your beer-gutted, hollow
>gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with
>lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble
>includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings
>that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through
>shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG.
>Accessories
>include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford pick up.
>
>Texas Transplant Barbie: This bitch of a Barbie comes with a Ford SUV
>(Texas plates), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, and tons of
>makeup. Carnivore Ken sold separately.
>
>They are working on developing an "Oakland Barbie," but she keeps
>getting shot.
>
>Piedmont Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Walnut Creek and
>Carmel. She drives her Land Rover (sold separately) to the Oakland
>Public Library. She has an MBA from Stanford but has never worked
>outside the home. Her child stroller is bigger than your house and her
>tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies.
>She knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny; Tagalong to speak to
>the cook; and Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the
>gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively. She is a
>lifelong member
>of the Junior League and her Piedmont estate on Sea View Drive is
>featured
>in Architectural Digest. Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys
>cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the
>rear-loading Land Rover. Her dirty little secret?? She's a closet
>Democrat.

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