Thread: Monday funnies (sorry if they've been posted before)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?"
I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you
can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out
by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his
wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and
wives
know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man,
"Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched
his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?" The rest
of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales
girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is
looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the
correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls
and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought
you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see,
it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton
of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to
roll my own so does she. (Of course . . . I figure this guy is the one on
the milk carton )

WIFE vs. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the
wife replied, "in-laws."

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to
his wife and asked, "What?"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made
me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

nope, never seen those b4