Thread: Are You a Democrat, Republican or Texan?

Originally posted by butterfly

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! ... click click click

hehehe

LMAO!

Texans frighten me a little....

(all that clicking at the end.)

I have a better fourth choice


A Texas Republican's Answer

Put out a statement condemning the attack. Then, shift the blame onto a rival of your father and claim he has weapons of mass destruction without any evidence. Put forth 75% of your effort into hunting down your father's rival, 20% of your effort into banning gay marriage, 4% of your effort in trying to rid the world of indecency, and 1% of your effort into finding the guy who assailed you. Be sure to push your religious agenda throughout.

Originally posted by Dale Mabry
I have a better fourth choice


A Texas Republican's Answer

Put out a statement condemning the attack. Then, shift the blame onto a rival of your father and claim he has weapons of mass destruction without any evidence. Put forth 75% of your effort into hunting down your father's rival, 20% of your effort into banning gay marriage, 4% of your effort in trying to rid the world of indecency, and 1% of your effort into finding the guy who assailed you. Be sure to push your religious agenda throughout.

OUCH....
did you step on someone's TOE's...

I wonder if someone's ears in Washington are
burning right now

I dunno Dale, maybe you ought to read up on just war ethics and look into preventative war and its logical requirements. oh, and tell the men and women who've been in Afghanistan the 1% part. Personally, BFly, LOL .

Originally posted by butterfly

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question. Does the man look poor or oppressed? What drove him to the level of desperation he feels now, driving him to FEEL that he has to take from others to make himself FEEL better? What might I have done that ever OFFENDED him? Could I apologize to him first, for ever having done something that might have ever offended him, to first see if that appeases him? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack or make him feel VICTIMIZED? What kind of childhood did he have? Was he an underprivileged child, having less than the rest of the kids growing up, his age, had? Maybe we need to consult the Australians, about how well their NO GUNS policy has helped to keep the guns out of the hands of their criminals, who we all know followed their law, that required them to turn in all of their guns? I know... let's talk to Mr. and Mrs. Brady, to see what they think we could do. After all, Mr. Brady is doing better since he took the bullet for President Reagan, and I know he FEELS better now that his assailant, John Hinkley, is going to be able to have unsupervised, overnight visits with his family now. This must make Mr. Hinkley FEEL better now, and MUCH less of a VICTIM. Maybe Mrs. Brady has some good ideas. After all, her husband isn't a COMPLETE vegetable. I know, let's just follow her lead, and outlaw ALL guns... INCLUDING those carried by the Police (and the Secret Service), because after all, they only make the downtrodden FEEL more UNCOMFORTABLE and victimized by knowing we have them to protect ourselves. Yea. That's it. The Brits and the Australians have it. Just completely do away with all weapons. That way, when the man with the huge knife (or whatever) comes around the corner, with me and my family in his sights, he won't feel so much like a VICTIM that he feels he has to raise his knife and rob (and/or kill) me and my family. Better yet, he won't be carrying the knife now, because he knows that all weapons have been outlawed, and he doesn't want to break the law. And now, he will KNOW that I don't have a weapon, and he will be far more understanding now that I am TOTALLY defenseless, and he will just use his better judgment, and come to the decision that it just wouldn't be right to rob! or kill an unarmed citizen and his family, and will just choose to pass us on by. Yea... that's it.

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! ... click click click

hehehe

Classic!!!

By the way, I have no party affiliation and still am not 100% sure who I will be voting for in November. This will be my first vote and both candidates have so much wrong with'em

Originally posted by Dale Mabry
By the way, I have no party affiliation and still am not 100% sure who I will be voting for in November. This will be my first vote and both candidates have so much wrong with'em

We need a good Independent candidate for once. I'm sick of only having 2 choices and picking the lesser of two evils

Originally posted by Var
We need a good Independent candidate for once. I'm sick of only having 2 choices and picking the lesser of two evils

Well we had the billionaire (don't remember his name) in '92 and I was stupid enough to vote for him. He took votes away from Bush Sr. and we ended up with Blow Job Boy in the White House.

Originally posted by cornfed
I dunno Dale, maybe you ought to read up on just war ethics and look into preventative war and its logical requirements. oh, and tell the men and women who've been in Afghanistan the 1% part. Personally, BFly, LOL .

I don't need to read up on war ethics, I have a great old addage that goes well here, 'Finish what you started." Let us end the war we started before jumping onto another one. I agree Iraq needed to be "adjusted", I just think the guy who was actually responsible for the terrorist attacks should have been dealt with first.

I have a friend who is a loadmaster in the Air Force. I am sure the people who are in Afghanistan do not see it this way, but he told me there is no one in Afghanistan when comapred to Iraq and he flies over there weekly.

Oh, and it is ridiculous that the prez put any effort into the gay marriage thing. Not just on principle, but because he has 2 wars he has yet to finish. Who cares if Albob and Crono want to get married, there are peeps dying over in Iraq.

Originally posted by craig777
Well we had the billionaire (don't remember his name) in '92 and I was stupid enough to vote for him. He took votes away from Bush Sr. and we ended up with Blow Job Boy in the White House.

Perot? I feel like he was a pretty bad candidate compared to some other Independents out there. He had the right ideas, but wrong approach. He didnt know how to play the game the way Bush and Slick Willy did.

I'm penciling in Henry Rollins heres 40 reason's why:

1. In his spoken word appearances and through his writing, Rollins encourages people to learn, explore, read and think. In an age where people accept what Dr. Laura says as the absolute truth, the United States needs a leader who will encourage people to use their own brains.

2. He would never be caught dead with a woman like Monica Lewinsky.

3. It would be our first president with a bar code tattooed on his neck.

4. If the tattoos offend other world leaders, he can always wear a suit.

5. Having traveled the world, getting to know the cab drivers in every country he visits, he could connect with the people of other nations. He could sidestep the whole meeting with the leaders and would promote peace by actually knowing what makes the people of other nations tick. He has cultural insight you can’t get from a brief prepared by your underlings.

6. Having never been married, opposing candidates could not nail him on the infidelity issue.

7. The State of the Union addresses would become far more interesting. People would watch, and the country could sell advertising spots and put the money towards social security.

8. Six words: MOSH PITS AT THE INAUGURAL BALL.

9. Instead of a ridiculous "war on drugs" he would declare war on things far more reaching: racism, domestic violence, rape. Statistics show that one out of six women is a rape victim. Statistics do not show that one out of six women abuses cocaine.

10. He’s not afraid to be himself, warts, scars and all.

11. He’s a white male, that’s half the battle right there.

12. He would win a grudge match against any of the other candidates.

13. High schools would have mandatory weight training programs. The country would at least look better.

14. With his short stature, he could easily fit into the seats of Air Force One.

15. If a former wrestler can be a governor, why can’t a former punk be president?

16. He’s already admitted, "I’m a liar." Lying is a prerequisite for politics.

17. He’s incredibly humble, telling his audiences that he is uneducated, when in fact he’s incredibly well-read. This humility is a nice change from the arrogance we’ve come to expect from our politicians.

18. He’s grounded, down to earth and a real person. Al Gore is an alien sent to suck the brains from our media-numbed heads.

19. An avowed minimalist, he could teach us all we don’t need a Lexus for every season.

20. After reading his writings such as "Now Watch Him Die," other countries would cower in fear of the U.S.

21. He’s definitely an outsider and right now the insiders are on the out.

22. He looks better in a Superman costume than John McCain does.

23. Multinational corporations could not intimidate him. He barely uses consumer products, so Microsoft would not impress him.

24. He uses a Macintosh. Enough said.

25. His choice of black t-shirts and shorts would create an interesting fashion trend.

26. Having watched his best friend killed in front of him, he recognizes the value of every human life. Not all politicians can say that, or at least with a straight face.

27. He’s clean cut, sort of.

28. People thought Bill Clinton was cool because he played the saxophone on late night television. But how cool is playing Lollapalooza and Woodstock 2? Well, maybe Woodstock is not such a cool coup.

29. Two words: no Bullshit

30. He would appoint James Brown and Aretha Franklin to head up the President’s Commission on Soul.

31. He would have the power to rid the country of Kid Rock by executive order.

32. He would appoint the members of the Vapors ambassadors to Japan, but then of course say he was just kidding.

33. He would find a place in his cabinet for Mojo Nixon.

34. All budgetary matters would be referred to best friend Ian MacKaye. Anyone who insists on keeping ticket prices at $5 would insist that things like food and housing be affordable.

35. If you look for the executive seal on a record, you could buy it with the confidence that it probably doesn’t suck.

36.A chin up bar would be installed in the Oval Office.

37. In his spoken word performances, he has preached being cool to your neighbors. He says we’re all human so we should treat everyone with human decency.

38. "Keep your body lean and your blood clean" would replace "Just say no."

39. Exene Cervenka and Nick Cave. No reason, but saying those names is jolly good fun.

40. Instead of "I like Ike," the campaign buttons would read, "A friend of Fugazi is a friend of mine."

I think Ross Perot prolly would have won his first time out had he not quite and then went back in.

I loved the Perot/Bush SNL skits, they were the best.

If Rollins ran, I'd vote for him as well. Wouldn't hurt to have a politician tell you EXACTLY what's on his mind.