The Wizard of IM: An IM Story, Part 4

Crono1000 · 05-08-2004, 02:51 AM

*OK I am definitly taking a break after this one. I think I'll wrap it up in Chapt. 6 I promise they'll get shorter

Chapter 4: The Conspiracy

The plan went smoothly. Titanya now had the enchanted thong of naturaltan. With the adventurers lost in her void that was the gaping vortex, nobody could stand in her way. Walking stiffly, Titanya followed the yellow brick road towards the dangerous and contagious General Health and Awareness Forum.

Titanya was headed to the dumpster she called her home. She was a clever character with enough snappy wit to knock even ol’ uncle albob off his feet. To say she was full of spunk would be a double statement; she was usually full of lots of guys’ spunk. An ex prostitute of a street pimp clown named maniclion, “Tit” eventually got tired of the usual customers- munchkins, flying monkeys, and PreMier, the farsighted drag queen known for his one eye and three nipples. Some even say he could see out of the third one. While serving PreMier’s fetish for barbwire down his urethra, Tit decided that the ho life was not for her, and took the opportunity to become a pimp herself. With the enchanted thong now in her possession, she could wish for all the ho’s on this side of the Sports board, as well as a cure for that annoying itch she’s gathered since her sexual session with maniclion.

Tit was not alone in her expedition. Nearing the welcome mat of the trash bin, greekblondchic approached from the doorstep, scraping the cheese off a used mouse trap for food.

Indeed, greekblondchic was tit’s first and best selling ho, being her only ho. Fond of buffalo testicles, there was something suspicious about greekblondchic. She seemed to always be at the right place at the right time, applying for the prestigious career option of Tit’s ho shortly after Tit revealed her plans to capture the enchanted thong.

Little is known about greekblondchic’s past. She grew up poor and was raised by wolves after her parents were killed in the battle of Troy. Her new foster parents were shortly killed by hunters hiding in a giant crafted wooden wolf that crept from nowhere into their cave. She spent the remainder of her childhood raised by a pack of umbrellas, which she unwittingly killed during an acid rain shower. At about this time she met Titanya, who put her under her wing, although they had both been cautious of each other ever since.

“Do you have it?” greekblondchic asked.

“I do!” Titanya cheered, “The time has come. Once I wear the thong I may have my single most desire come true. This is my chance to wish all the newbies of the boards to stop asking the same damn questions about creatine! Or to revert david’s post count back to 0! Or make Prince stop sending those damn monthly IronMag newsletters making me think someone actually pm‘ed me!”

Both were so excited they never even noticed myCATpowerlifts approaching from across the street. Feces on his face and kitty litter between his toes, CAT was not the same as seen back in the normal lifestyle found in Canada. CAT now stood with giant cat paws, a mane, and a long lion’s tail. CAT was not sure how he wound up here, all he remembered was a storm and lightening coming in from the computer he was searching porn on. However, time had passed since his awakening, and he had quite some time to grow accustomed to his new form and home. He had, in fact, already met several of the residents and caught up on recent news in the world, such as the munchkin hanging festival being held this fall.

Naive CAT smugly stomped towards the two women, “Anybody here, ya know, lookin’ for a date?”

Tit was too busy to even notice the potential customer (although she was known for being quite a “consumer” herself). CAT followed her gaze to see the shiny red thong in sheer excitement, “Yoink!”

CAT, naturally, was fascinated by the shiny colors, grabbed the undergarment, and without hesitation put it on. He looked surprisingly well in it.

In awe, CAT didn’t see the other two women in terror. Even their hushing and outstretched hands didn’t stop the inevitable. Cat checked out his curves and rear and said, “Wow, I wish I had a bra to match.”

Magically, CAT was now wearing a beautiful matching, red sparkling bra.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the girls screamed, "IDIOT!"

CAT had wasted the wish. Every reasonable dream of any other IM inhabitant was now irrelevant, that bastard son of a bitch good for nothing CAT had wasted the invaluable wish for a bra. A single, stupid, useless, bra.

At least he’s pretty in it.

*************************************************

Elsewhere, IT, loyal companion and pet gr81, pudgy Eggs, and Crash Test Dummy look-a-like Albob cuddled in all too familiar positions as the two glowing red eyes approached in the darkness of the otherwise empty void.

“Looking for a way out?” the voice asked, “Greetings. The name’s Var!”

In attempt to comfort the unnerved hostages, Var introduced himself and offered them a comfortable place next to a fire to rest. He explained that he was once the IM Strip Monopoly Champion. Angry at his failure to achieve the only higher ranking title in all of IM, King Jackass, he settled for the next best thing. He challenged the Queen Jackass, Crono, to a Strip Monopoly tournament, winner takes both titles. Crono, however, claimed that he was booked sleeping with so many beautiful women for the next month so he suggested that Var compete with Titanya, Crono’s bottom bitch and obsessed stalker, since his penis was too large for the Official Strip Monopoly rules anyway. Playing strip anything with the gaping vortex brought only bad luck to poor Var. Three Community Chests and a few Free Parking’s later, and Var was sucked right in. He has since been feeding off of rodents and whatever else food gets sucked into the giant chasm ever since that fateful day, although getting the fishy taste out has always been a chore.

“So, you want out?” Var asked again, “Then follow me, we’ll get out together.”

Rocco32 · 05-08-2004, 08:10 AM

Very interesting, but WHERE THE HELL IS ROCK???

Titanya · 05-08-2004, 08:49 AM

ahem.... in the great words of IT:

DIE!!!!!!!

Titanya · 05-08-2004, 08:55 AM

Wait.... I've got a better idea..... hehehehe..... currently the time is 9:53 AM.... I'm awake and just lounging about the apartment.... but our dearly beloved Crono is happily sleeping and snoring and dreaming away the morning.... how about I give him a rude awakening???

Titanya · 05-08-2004, 08:57 AM

I'm still debating... should I pour hot wax... boiling oil... or toilette water on him while he sleeps

Rocco32 · 05-08-2004, 08:58 AM

I say peanut butter in the hair!

Titanya · 05-08-2004, 09:21 AM

hmmm good idea.... dammit i think i'm out of peanut butter.... ive got mayonaise... hows that?

Rocco32 · 05-08-2004, 09:23 AM

Mayo works. So does honey!!

Titanya · 05-08-2004, 09:29 AM

oooohhhh I got it! pancake syrup!!

Rocco32 · 05-08-2004, 09:42 AM

Awesome! Do it and tell him it's for the "twinkle" joke

myCATpowerlifts · 05-08-2004, 10:51 AM

I love it

Tit you should go in there nakid with syrup on YOU instead
and say
Well i was gonna let you have some of this....
but then i read your little story
and i decided that i wouldnt....

greekblondechic · 05-08-2004, 12:28 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I love it!

Crono1000 · 05-08-2004, 12:39 PM

I honestly did wake up with pancake syrup in my hair. I woke up before she got too carried away with it, but i'm still gonna have to wash it out.

thx a lot

Rocco32 · 05-08-2004, 12:46 PM

Hey, no prob buddy!

ALBOB · 05-10-2004, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Crono1000
I honestly did wake up with pancake syrup in my hair.

Pancake syrup? Yeah, right.

Suddenly I'm reminded of a particular scene in Something About Mary.

irontime · 05-10-2004, 12:00 PM

Well the story was ALMOST believable until you got to this part

Quote:

Crono, however, claimed that he was booked sleeping with so many beautiful women for the next month so he suggested that Var compete with Titanya, Crono’s bottom bitch and obsessed stalker, since his penis was too large for the Official Strip Monopoly rules anyway.

But still a nice job buddy, enjoy the syrup.

Crono1000 · 05-10-2004, 12:08 PM

well it's hard to match the believability of you in a skirt from the first one

irontime · 05-10-2004, 12:16 PM

I was drunk

Var · 05-10-2004, 12:31 PM

Mmmmm...fishy vortex.

PreMier · 05-10-2004, 06:48 PM

A third nipple that I can see out of

Does it see x-ray stYle?

05-08-2004, 02:51 AM	#1
Crono1000 Peelosopher Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,043 Photos: 11	The Wizard of IM: An IM Story, Part 4 OK I am definitly taking a break after this one. I think I'll wrap it up in Chapt. 6 I promise they'll get shorter Chapter 4: The Conspiracy* The plan went smoothly. Titanya now had the enchanted thong of naturaltan. With the adventurers lost in her void that was the gaping vortex, nobody could stand in her way. Walking stiffly, Titanya followed the yellow brick road towards the dangerous and contagious General Health and Awareness Forum. Titanya was headed to the dumpster she called her home. She was a clever character with enough snappy wit to knock even ol’ uncle albob off his feet. To say she was full of spunk would be a double statement; she was usually full of lots of guys’ spunk. An ex prostitute of a street pimp clown named maniclion, “Tit” eventually got tired of the usual customers- munchkins, flying monkeys, and PreMier, the farsighted drag queen known for his one eye and three nipples. Some even say he could see out of the third one. While serving PreMier’s fetish for barbwire down his urethra, Tit decided that the ho life was not for her, and took the opportunity to become a pimp herself. With the enchanted thong now in her possession, she could wish for all the ho’s on this side of the Sports board, as well as a cure for that annoying itch she’s gathered since her sexual session with maniclion. Tit was not alone in her expedition. Nearing the welcome mat of the trash bin, greekblondchic approached from the doorstep, scraping the cheese off a used mouse trap for food. Indeed, greekblondchic was tit’s first and best selling ho, being her only ho. Fond of buffalo testicles, there was something suspicious about greekblondchic. She seemed to always be at the right place at the right time, applying for the prestigious career option of Tit’s ho shortly after Tit revealed her plans to capture the enchanted thong. Little is known about greekblondchic’s past. She grew up poor and was raised by wolves after her parents were killed in the battle of Troy. Her new foster parents were shortly killed by hunters hiding in a giant crafted wooden wolf that crept from nowhere into their cave. She spent the remainder of her childhood raised by a pack of umbrellas, which she unwittingly killed during an acid rain shower. At about this time she met Titanya, who put her under her wing, although they had both been cautious of each other ever since. “Do you have it?” greekblondchic asked. “I do!” Titanya cheered, “The time has come. Once I wear the thong I may have my single most desire come true. This is my chance to wish all the newbies of the boards to stop asking the same damn questions about creatine! Or to revert david’s post count back to 0! Or make Prince stop sending those damn monthly IronMag newsletters making me think someone actually pm‘ed me!” Both were so excited they never even noticed myCATpowerlifts approaching from across the street. Feces on his face and kitty litter between his toes, CAT was not the same as seen back in the normal lifestyle found in Canada. CAT now stood with giant cat paws, a mane, and a long lion’s tail. CAT was not sure how he wound up here, all he remembered was a storm and lightening coming in from the computer he was searching porn on. However, time had passed since his awakening, and he had quite some time to grow accustomed to his new form and home. He had, in fact, already met several of the residents and caught up on recent news in the world, such as the munchkin hanging festival being held this fall. Naive CAT smugly stomped towards the two women, “Anybody here, ya know, lookin’ for a date?” Tit was too busy to even notice the potential customer (although she was known for being quite a “consumer” herself). CAT followed her gaze to see the shiny red thong in sheer excitement, “Yoink!” CAT, naturally, was fascinated by the shiny colors, grabbed the undergarment, and without hesitation put it on. He looked surprisingly well in it. In awe, CAT didn’t see the other two women in terror. Even their hushing and outstretched hands didn’t stop the inevitable. Cat checked out his curves and rear and said, “Wow, I wish I had a bra to match.” Magically, CAT was now wearing a beautiful matching, red sparkling bra. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the girls screamed, "IDIOT!" CAT had wasted the wish. Every reasonable dream of any other IM inhabitant was now irrelevant, that bastard son of a bitch good for nothing CAT had wasted the invaluable wish for a bra. A single, stupid, useless, bra. At least he’s pretty in it. *********************************************** Elsewhere, IT, loyal companion and pet gr81, pudgy Eggs, and Crash Test Dummy look-a-like Albob cuddled in all too familiar positions as the two glowing red eyes approached in the darkness of the otherwise empty void. “Looking for a way out?” the voice asked, “Greetings. The name’s Var!” In attempt to comfort the unnerved hostages, Var introduced himself and offered them a comfortable place next to a fire to rest. He explained that he was once the IM Strip Monopoly Champion. Angry at his failure to achieve the only higher ranking title in all of IM, King Jackass, he settled for the next best thing. He challenged the Queen Jackass, Crono*, to a Strip Monopoly tournament, winner takes both titles. Crono, however, claimed that he was booked sleeping with so many beautiful women for the next month so he suggested that Var compete with Titanya, Crono’s bottom bitch and obsessed stalker, since his penis was too large for the Official Strip Monopoly rules anyway. Playing strip anything with the gaping vortex brought only bad luck to poor Var. Three Community Chests and a few Free Parking’s later, and Var was sucked right in. He has since been feeding off of rodents and whatever else food gets sucked into the giant chasm ever since that fateful day, although getting the fishy taste out has always been a chore. “So, you want out?” Var asked again, “Then follow me, we’ll get out together.” Last edited by Crono1000 : 05-08-2004 at 02:23 PM.*

05-08-2004, 08:10 AM	#2
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,329 Photos: 18	Very interesting, but WHERE THE HELL IS ROCK??? I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

05-08-2004, 08:58 AM	#6
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,329 Photos: 18	I say peanut butter in the hair! I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

05-08-2004, 09:23 AM	#8
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,329 Photos: 18	Mayo works. So does honey!! I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

05-08-2004, 09:42 AM	#10
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,329 Photos: 18	Awesome! Do it and tell him it's for the "twinkle" joke I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

05-08-2004, 08:49 AM	#3
Titanya I'm Pritty! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 1,325	ahem.... in the great words of IT: DIE!!!!!!!

05-08-2004, 08:55 AM	#4
Titanya I'm Pritty! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 1,325	Wait.... I've got a better idea..... hehehehe..... currently the time is 9:53 AM.... I'm awake and just lounging about the apartment.... but our dearly beloved Crono is happily sleeping and snoring and dreaming away the morning.... how about I give him a rude awakening???

05-08-2004, 08:57 AM	#5
Titanya I'm Pritty! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 1,325	I'm still debating... should I pour hot wax... boiling oil... or toilette water on him while he sleeps

05-08-2004, 09:21 AM	#7
Titanya I'm Pritty! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 1,325	hmmm good idea.... dammit i think i'm out of peanut butter.... ive got mayonaise... hows that?

05-08-2004, 09:29 AM	#9
Titanya I'm Pritty! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 1,325	oooohhhh I got it! pancake syrup!!

05-08-2004, 10:51 AM	#11
myCATpowerlifts Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: The lone star state Posts: 6,261 Photos: 2	I love it Tit you should go in there nakid with syrup on YOU instead and say Well i was gonna let you have some of this.... but then i read your little story and i decided that i wouldnt....

05-08-2004, 12:28 PM	#12
greekblondechic I'm special :) Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 7,791	HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I love it! I can do it I WILL be a size 5.

05-08-2004, 12:39 PM	#13
Crono1000 Peelosopher Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,043 Photos: 11	I honestly did wake up with pancake syrup in my hair. I woke up before she got too carried away with it, but i'm still gonna have to wash it out. thx a lot

05-08-2004, 12:46 PM	#14
Rocco32 UNLEASH THE BEAST Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 22,329 Photos: 18	Hey, no prob buddy! I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

05-10-2004, 12:08 PM	#17
Crono1000 Peelosopher Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,043 Photos: 11	well it's hard to match the believability of you in a skirt from the first one

05-10-2004, 12:31 PM	#19
Var Filthy Animal Join Date: May 2002 Location: Finally back in New England!! Posts: 5,438	Mmmmm...fishy vortex. But when you disarm them, you at once offend them by showing that you distrust them, either for cowardice or for want of loyalty, and either of these opinions breeds hatred against you. -N. Machiavelli

05-10-2004, 06:48 PM	#20
PreMier happy sumo Elite Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 21,962 Photos: 2	A third nipple that I can see out of Does it see x-ray stYle? P-side Inc. "the post-workout high is more profound than any drug-induced rush imaginable." -Dante B.

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05-10-2004, 12:16 PM	#18
irontime The Original Jackass Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: If not here, then on some porn site. Posts: 5,099 Photos: 1	I was drunk If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself. - Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)