Mom driving me insane!

greekblondechic · 05-11-2004, 05:09 PM

Ok guys.. today was my last day of school, and I came to the sad realization that I will now have to spend MORE time with my family, and I can no longer use the "I have to do my homework" excuse.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much and they love me as well.

However, my mom nags me NONSTOP. Nags, whines, bitches, complains, micro-manages, nitpicks, etc. It's not that I mind helping her with house chores, but I absolutely can't stand the way she talks to me (always negative) and always criticizing. It brings me down both in my mood and even in my self-esteem, which many of you are aware is on the low side. I always feel like I am "not good enough."

If I try to argue OR talk to her about it, I get one of the standard three responses:

I'm your mom, I'm supposed to criticize you.

I do everything for you and this is the thanks I get! Nobody appreciates me!

I'm not criticizing you I'm just trying to make you better.

Basically, trying to talk to her about it hasn't worked. I've resorted to attempting to bite my tongue when I get mad, cuz the fights get us nowhere. But holding it all in isn't really a healthy alternative, nor really feasible for somebody as expressive as me.

I can't stand her nitpicking anymore. UGH UGH UGH. She asks me to make dinner and picks on every little thing from telling me how to do everything (which I already know) or even down to which fork I should use to put the meat on the grill. I even considered gouging my eyes out w. the F*cking fork.

How the hell do I deal with this?????

Moving out is not an option, please keep replies serious, and do not insult my family either.

I guess it's bad when you have to ask an online forum how to deal with your family members

**Dale Mabry** · 05-11-2004, 05:13 PM

Ignore her...

myCATpowerlifts · 05-11-2004, 05:19 PM

Wow thats a toughie...
Have you ever sat down with her and told her all of this?
tell her everything how you really feel about it?

ALBOB · 05-11-2004, 05:34 PM

Kill her with kindness. I'm serious, the worse her nagging gets the more you have to act in the reverse. You'd think this will only encourage her to nag you more, but it will actually make her wonder what the hell you're up to. She'll worry to the point she won't want to have anything to do with you.

maniclion · 05-11-2004, 05:38 PM

Become Obsessive-Compulsive.

**Mudge** · 05-11-2004, 05:41 PM

Oh man I can't stand people who bitch.

OceanDude · 05-11-2004, 05:50 PM

GbC this is a simple problem.
Parents for some universally unknown reason which you will never know (until you become one yourself) are unable to comprehend that their children are growing up. They have a blind spot to it and are trapped in a parent-child psychology relationship. This persists for most right up to when they die. Don’t blame your parents. They simply do not see you as an adult and in their minds you are still under their care (and always will be). Very very few parents are able to step back and say “oh my – when did our child suddenly get all grown up and become an adult”. So, you will have to very gently break this to them because right now their entire identity is wrapped up in that old relationship and they will have a very very hard time trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their life if they let it go.

So here is what you do. Sit down and draft a little speech and practice it. Try to be very objective, mature and balanced. Now train like your whole future depends on it – since it really does. Talk aloud to yourself and speak as if you were speaking to your parents. Listen to how you sound, adjust your cadence and delivery and tone. Develop some talking points that basically always say the same thing “mom & dad, I love you and always will. I am at a hard point in my life where I must learn to be an adult and to make my own decisions and to take responsibility for my own actions. Please help me through this time in my life and be sensitive to me desire to grow into the best person I can be. I want you to take note that I am now an adult and I want to speak and interact with you as another adult and no longer as a child… etc.”

If you do not convert the parent-child relationship to an adult-adult relationship it will be impossible to be under the same roof. I myself when I was having the same problem after college opted instead to move out early on my own since it was impossible to change the relationship. They just could not get it. It was hard financially to do this but I could not run the risk of getting in daily fights over minor things and damaging the relationship just to save a few bucks by staying at home longer.

Good Luck,
-OD

**Mudge** · 05-11-2004, 06:02 PM

I have a friend who is greek and she says her mom also is very naggy and wants her daughter to follow in her footsteps blah blah blah.

BUSTINOUT · 05-11-2004, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by greekblondechic

I'm your mom, I'm supposed to criticize you.

I'm not criticizing you I'm just trying to make you better.

No offense, but your mom needs to learn a few things about being a mother.

BUSTINOUT · 05-11-2004, 07:04 PM

On a side note...

Good luck finding someone to marry once he sees that crap going on. RUN FORREST RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOVE OUT ASAP!!!!!

greekblondechic · 05-11-2004, 08:43 PM

Thanks everyone..

So you're saying nobody's going to want to marry me?

myCATpowerlifts · 05-11-2004, 08:44 PM

Thats not what he meant

naturaltan · 05-12-2004, 07:53 AM

this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry's parents came back to visit for a while. He went on about having a 1200 mile buffer zone

and I began thinking, that's just about perfect ... George then tried to get his parents to move away to Florida where Jerry's parents were. They both laughed about it and said they would visit every chance they got ............. every 5 years

Pitboss · 05-12-2004, 07:58 AM

Damn your mom sounds like my ex girlfriend. She yelled at me for mixing eggs in the wrong kind of bowl once..

Not much to offer here other than just be yourself, do the best that you can. If you know you are doing the best that you can then that's all you can do. She needs to learn to appreciate you for you.

Tolerate what you can, ignore most of what you can and start finding the means to move out.

Spitfire · 05-12-2004, 08:10 AM

Bro, you used a non poultry bowl for a poultry product? What were you thinking.

Exactly, its cause you werent thinking

Pitboss · 05-12-2004, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Spitfire
Bro, you used a non poultry bowl for a poultry product? What were you thinking.

Exactly, its cause you werent thinking

That and it was all about me.. it's always about me

naturaltan · 05-12-2004, 11:30 AM

... you're not alone PB ...

Spitfire · 05-12-2004, 02:48 PM

and J

cappo5150 · 05-12-2004, 03:47 PM

Sounds like its time to move out.

gr81 · 05-12-2004, 08:10 PM

why is moving out not an option Greeky? sounds like its time get move on with your life, that is really the only way thinsg will change with the parents honestly. You aren't just going to change your mom now, its too late for that, she is how she is. Believe me I can relate all too well, my father is of jewish descent and they are the same way, always on top of you smothering and nagging and the whole nine, I totally know what you mean. I have tries to talk to him millions of times, they aren't gonna change. Time to move on, sorry to tell ya

maniclion · 05-12-2004, 08:21 PM

Yeah, move to the middle of the Pacific Ocean like I did, now thats a buffer zone.

KataMaStEr · 05-12-2004, 08:32 PM

Damn are all Greek people like this, I had a g/f who is Greek a long time ago (well her parent are, she was born here), her dad argued with her so much for hanging out with me. He wanted her to find a Greek guy and nothing else, talking like if their race is some damn superior to everyone else, go figure… Her mom was cool though

austinite · 05-12-2004, 09:44 PM

Quote:

[i][b]
Moving out is not an option, please keep replies serious

You are the one who needs to get serious. Get a job and live on your own, or stop complaining.

greekblondechic · 05-12-2004, 10:13 PM

Going to pretend that last comment just isn't there..

Akateros · 05-13-2004, 05:48 AM

It's not a Greek thing, it's a control thing. My mother's the exact same way -- with all of us (there are four of us) and dammit, we're all over thirty now! She treats my dad like that too, poor guy's like a remote shadow now, because she won't budge from anything once she has her mind made up.

Don't get me wrong. She's a good person, she loves us all and would die for us, and she only wants the best for us, except that she cannot believe that any way but hers is the best -- or even valid.

I think all of us found distance was the only way to deal with it. I moved out at 18 to go to school, and deliberately picked a school hundreds of klicks away -- simply because I thought that chances were getting better and better that we would have some kind of devastating and possibly bloody blowout.

If you can't, then do your best to let it wash over you, compromise where you can, and where you can't, DO NOT ARGUE. In my experience, this kind of personality gets a real buzz off a good argument. Don't fight with her above ground, just do your own way the best you can, do it well, and prove that other ways will work.

Above all, don't internalize her voice. Don't let that follow you round the rest of your life bitching and tearing you down from the back ends of your brain. My sibs and I can all testify to the fact that it takes years of insecurity and therapy to get over that shit.

maniclion · 05-13-2004, 01:59 PM

Count your blessings, my mother left us when I was 5, then my father married a wonderful woman when I was 10 who loved me like her own son, but she died of cancer 3 years later then I wound up with an evil wicked step-bitch who drank too much cheated on my father, stole stuff from me to buy drugs and was overall a real BITCH.

OceanDude · 05-13-2004, 02:23 PM

^^ bummer maniclion...

Stacey · 05-13-2004, 02:42 PM

Greeky I'm sorry about your mom. I think she sounds a lot like my mom- It's not a greek thing at all.. It's a Mom thing! My mom and my sister (who is a senior in college) are going through this same thing. my sis HATES coming home. I see what my mom does to her--and I know its because she loves her.. but the moms can't see what they are doing.

Your mom means well I'm sure. Hopefully you will find a job within the next few months. Don't worry sweetie, it will all workout. Maybe find a few hobbies where you don't have to be home too much?!

Also- I think Albob had good advice--Kill her with kindness--it Always works like a charm

05-11-2004, 05:09 PM	#1
greekblondechic I'm special :) Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 7,792	Mom driving me insane! BODYBUILDING SUPPLEMENTS High Quality Supplements For Bodybuilders and Athletes. www.ironmaglabs.com Ok guys.. today was my last day of school, and I came to the sad realization that I will now have to spend MORE time with my family, and I can no longer use the "I have to do my homework" excuse. Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much and they love me as well. However, my mom nags me NONSTOP. Nags, whines, bitches, complains, micro-manages, nitpicks, etc. It's not that I mind helping her with house chores, but I absolutely can't stand the way she talks to me (always negative) and always criticizing. It brings me down both in my mood and even in my self-esteem, which many of you are aware is on the low side. I always feel like I am "not good enough." If I try to argue OR talk to her about it, I get one of the standard three responses: I'm your mom, I'm supposed to criticize you. I do everything for you and this is the thanks I get! Nobody appreciates me! I'm not criticizing you I'm just trying to make you better. Basically, trying to talk to her about it hasn't worked. I've resorted to attempting to bite my tongue when I get mad, cuz the fights get us nowhere. But holding it all in isn't really a healthy alternative, nor really feasible for somebody as expressive as me. I can't stand her nitpicking anymore. UGH UGH UGH. She asks me to make dinner and picks on every little thing from telling me how to do everything (which I already know) or even down to which fork I should use to put the meat on the grill. I even considered gouging my eyes out w. the F*cking fork. How the hell do I deal with this????? Moving out is not an option, please keep replies serious, and do not insult my family either. I guess it's bad when you have to ask an online forum how to deal with your family members
	I can do it I WILL be a size 5.

05-11-2004, 05:13 PM	#2
Dale Mabry Moderator Moderator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Elsewhere Posts: 13,748 Photos: 10	Ignore her...
	If sense were common, everyone would have it. 4/2007-Current 75th Ranked most popular image 1 spot behind Prince's bulge...

05-11-2004, 05:34 PM	#4
ALBOB IDIOT SAVANT Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: An alternate reality. Posts: 10,089	Kill her with kindness. I'm serious, the worse her nagging gets the more you have to act in the reverse. You'd think this will only encourage her to nag you more, but it will actually make her wonder what the hell you're up to. She'll worry to the point she won't want to have anything to do with you.
	Rules? You mean we have RULES for that???

05-11-2004, 05:41 PM	#6
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,956 Photos: 1	Oh man I can't stand people who bitch.
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

05-11-2004, 05:50 PM	#7
OceanDude Well Read Elite Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Cape Canaveral, FL Posts: 1,853	GbC this is a simple problem. Parents for some universally unknown reason which you will never know (until you become one yourself) are unable to comprehend that their children are growing up. They have a blind spot to it and are trapped in a parent-child psychology relationship. This persists for most right up to when they die. Don’t blame your parents. They simply do not see you as an adult and in their minds you are still under their care (and always will be). Very very few parents are able to step back and say “oh my – when did our child suddenly get all grown up and become an adult”. So, you will have to very gently break this to them because right now their entire identity is wrapped up in that old relationship and they will have a very very hard time trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their life if they let it go. So here is what you do. Sit down and draft a little speech and practice it. Try to be very objective, mature and balanced. Now train like your whole future depends on it – since it really does. Talk aloud to yourself and speak as if you were speaking to your parents. Listen to how you sound, adjust your cadence and delivery and tone. Develop some talking points that basically always say the same thing “mom & dad, I love you and always will. I am at a hard point in my life where I must learn to be an adult and to make my own decisions and to take responsibility for my own actions. Please help me through this time in my life and be sensitive to me desire to grow into the best person I can be. I want you to take note that I am now an adult and I want to speak and interact with you as another adult and no longer as a child… etc.” If you do not convert the parent-child relationship to an adult-adult relationship it will be impossible to be under the same roof. I myself when I was having the same problem after college opted instead to move out early on my own since it was impossible to change the relationship. They just could not get it. It was hard financially to do this but I could not run the risk of getting in daily fights over minor things and damaging the relationship just to save a few bucks by staying at home longer. Good Luck, -OD
	"Doc, If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself..." Est unusquisque faber ipsae suae fortunae. We Americans scoff at the likes of African witch doctors yet spend 100's of millions of dollars on fake reducing systems. The only regular exercise he gets is stretching the truth. His intellect is not replenished, he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts...

05-11-2004, 05:19 PM	#3
myCATpowerlifts Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: The lone star state Posts: 6,262 Photos: 2	Wow thats a toughie... Have you ever sat down with her and told her all of this? tell her everything how you really feel about it?

05-11-2004, 05:38 PM	#5
maniclion Catalyst Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hawaii, selling munitions for the war on EcoTerror Posts: 17,364 Photos: 10	Become Obsessive-Compulsive.

05-11-2004, 06:02 PM	#8
Mudge Pizza the Hut Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 22,956 Photos: 1	I have a friend who is greek and she says her mom also is very naggy and wants her daughter to follow in her footsteps blah blah blah.
	Kinesiology Vote @ Top 25 Deads Comp Bench Motivation Bench form MaxCalc Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu I don't know any sources so don't ask - thanks

05-11-2004, 07:04 PM	#10
BUSTINOUT Registered User Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 2,408	On a side note... Good luck finding someone to marry once he sees that crap going on. RUN FORREST RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOVE OUT ASAP!!!!!

05-11-2004, 08:43 PM	#11
greekblondechic I'm special :) Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 7,792	Thanks everyone.. So you're saying nobody's going to want to marry me?
	I can do it I WILL be a size 5.

05-11-2004, 08:44 PM	#12
myCATpowerlifts Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: The lone star state Posts: 6,262 Photos: 2	Thats not what he meant

05-12-2004, 07:53 AM	#13
naturaltan Going nowhere fast! Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 9,902 Photos: 7	this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry's parents came back to visit for a while. He went on about having a 1200 mile buffer zone and I began thinking, that's just about perfect ... George then tried to get his parents to move away to Florida where Jerry's parents were. They both laughed about it and said they would visit every chance they got ............. every 5 years
	just kick'in it in the ole Charger

05-12-2004, 07:58 AM	#14
Pitboss User title goes here Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: In my own world Posts: 3,114 Photos: 6	Damn your mom sounds like my ex girlfriend. She yelled at me for mixing eggs in the wrong kind of bowl once.. Not much to offer here other than just be yourself, do the best that you can. If you know you are doing the best that you can then that's all you can do. She needs to learn to appreciate you for you. Tolerate what you can, ignore most of what you can and start finding the means to move out.
	167 170 175 180 185 190 195 196 197 198 199 200 \|- -\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|---\|---\|---\|---\| **** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^Progress^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 2/22- ?? my gym membership expired!! 2/11- 170lbs 2/4 - 167lbs

05-12-2004, 08:10 AM	#15
Spitfire Im hungry Elite Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: South Florida Posts: 2,779 Photos: 2	Bro, you used a non poultry bowl for a poultry product? What were you thinking. Exactly, its cause you werent thinking
	Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. Abraham Lincoln I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson RIP

05-12-2004, 11:30 AM	#17
naturaltan Going nowhere fast! Elite Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 9,902 Photos: 7	... you're not alone PB ...
	just kick'in it in the ole Charger

05-12-2004, 02:48 PM	#18
Spitfire Im hungry Elite Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: South Florida Posts: 2,779 Photos: 2	and J
	Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. Abraham Lincoln I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson RIP

05-12-2004, 03:47 PM	#19
cappo5150 Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Venice, CA Posts: 2,318 Photos: 1	Sounds like its time to move out.

05-12-2004, 08:10 PM	#20
gr81 You Lack Intensity!!!! Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Just below our civil disguise Posts: 6,378 Photos: 10	why is moving out not an option Greeky? sounds like its time get move on with your life, that is really the only way thinsg will change with the parents honestly. You aren't just going to change your mom now, its too late for that, she is how she is. Believe me I can relate all too well, my father is of jewish descent and they are the same way, always on top of you smothering and nagging and the whole nine, I totally know what you mean. I have tries to talk to him millions of times, they aren't gonna change. Time to move on, sorry to tell ya
	Testosterone Site/Elite Fitness-Dave Tate/West Side Barbell/Berardi Nutrition & Sports Performance/Steroid Laws- Rick Collins/John Defendis Intensity or Insanity articles/Save the Supersonics

05-12-2004, 08:21 PM	#21
maniclion Catalyst Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hawaii, selling munitions for the war on EcoTerror Posts: 17,364 Photos: 10	Yeah, move to the middle of the Pacific Ocean like I did, now thats a buffer zone.

05-12-2004, 08:32 PM	#22
KataMaStEr -==♠==- Elite Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Sunshine State Posts: 1,959 Photos: 7	Damn are all Greek people like this, I had a g/f who is Greek a long time ago (well her parent are, she was born here), her dad argued with her so much for hanging out with me. He wanted her to find a Greek guy and nothing else, talking like if their race is some damn superior to everyone else, go figure… Her mom was cool though

05-12-2004, 10:13 PM	#24
greekblondechic I'm special :) Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 7,792	Going to pretend that last comment just isn't there..
	I can do it I WILL be a size 5.

05-13-2004, 05:48 AM	#25
Akateros I read it someplace. Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Ontario Posts: 481	It's not a Greek thing, it's a control thing. My mother's the exact same way -- with all of us (there are four of us) and dammit, we're all over thirty now! She treats my dad like that too, poor guy's like a remote shadow now, because she won't budge from anything once she has her mind made up. Don't get me wrong. She's a good person, she loves us all and would die for us, and she only wants the best for us, except that she cannot believe that any way but hers is the best -- or even valid. I think all of us found distance was the only way to deal with it. I moved out at 18 to go to school, and deliberately picked a school hundreds of klicks away -- simply because I thought that chances were getting better and better that we would have some kind of devastating and possibly bloody blowout. If you can't, then do your best to let it wash over you, compromise where you can, and where you can't, DO NOT ARGUE. In my experience, this kind of personality gets a real buzz off a good argument. Don't fight with her above ground, just do your own way the best you can, do it well, and prove that other ways will work. Above all, don't internalize her voice. Don't let that follow you round the rest of your life bitching and tearing you down from the back ends of your brain. My sibs and I can all testify to the fact that it takes years of insecurity and therapy to get over that shit.

05-13-2004, 01:59 PM	#26
maniclion Catalyst Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hawaii, selling munitions for the war on EcoTerror Posts: 17,364 Photos: 10	Count your blessings, my mother left us when I was 5, then my father married a wonderful woman when I was 10 who loved me like her own son, but she died of cancer 3 years later then I wound up with an evil wicked step-bitch who drank too much cheated on my father, stole stuff from me to buy drugs and was overall a real BITCH.

05-13-2004, 02:23 PM	#27
OceanDude Well Read Elite Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Cape Canaveral, FL Posts: 1,853	^^ bummer maniclion...
	"Doc, If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself..." Est unusquisque faber ipsae suae fortunae. We Americans scoff at the likes of African witch doctors yet spend 100's of millions of dollars on fake reducing systems. The only regular exercise he gets is stretching the truth. His intellect is not replenished, he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts...