Stupid Product Labels

**Prince** · 05-25-2004, 10:57 AM

In Honor of Stupid People, In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here is some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...And you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On NightOwl Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

**ALBOB** · 05-25-2004, 11:19 AM

Originally posted by Robert DiMaggio On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

So much for that do-it-yourself vasectomy kit.

**Jo-Anna** · 05-25-2004, 12:25 PM

Too funny - It's hard to imagine you saw these somewhere!
Are you sure they all exist or did you make some of these up for kicks?

**maniclion** · 05-25-2004, 01:43 PM

It's becoming so that everything will come with a mile long sheet covering all possible bases. Knives will be engraved with Warning: This May Be Sharp, paper will have pre-printed Caution: Do not set on fire or run edge across finger, all foods will have instructions: First chew, then swallow.

When your born you'll have to sign an agreement that you understand the importance of inhaling and exhaling.

**Prince** · 05-25-2004, 02:00 PM

Originally posted by Jo-Anna
Too funny - It's hard to imagine you saw these somewhere!
Are you sure they all exist or did you make some of these up for kicks?

I got them in an email.

**gr81** · 05-25-2004, 03:51 PM

I got a great label spoof for ya. On a bottle of Maxi-gain (I think it was) which are vetrinary steroids for those who don't know, on one side it lists doses for certain animals and has pictures of cows all over the bottle, then in small print it says "not intended for animal use, only for use in humans". thought that was kindof hilarious

**Little Wing** · 05-25-2004, 06:23 PM

My brother is a construction worker and on a cloth measuring tape he opened at my mothers it said to always wear safety goggles when using.

**PreMier** · 05-25-2004, 06:38 PM

I was at a BBQ the other day. On the package of hamburger it said "Cook throughly " lol

**Stickboy** · 05-25-2004, 06:58 PM

We need to get rid of these warnings....on everything.

It's the only way "natural selection" can run it's course. We are dumbing down the population by putting such warnings on stuff.

I say, let natural selection take it's course. If you are dumb enough to stop a chain saw with your body parts then you don't need to breed. Simple, eh?

**Little Wing** · 05-25-2004, 07:02 PM

**KataMaStEr** · 05-25-2004, 07:09 PM

Originally posted by Stickboy
We need to get rid of these warnings....on everything.

It's the only way "natural selection" can run it's course. We are dumbing down the population by putting such warnings on stuff.

I say, let natural selection take it's course. If you are dumb enough to stop a chain saw with your body parts then you don't need to breed. Simple, eh?

I'm with you on that one

**V Player** · 05-25-2004, 11:36 PM

Its stuff like this that produces people that watch the TV show Friends.

**gr81** · 05-26-2004, 02:28 AM

^^ and reality shows! lol.

thats some funny shit about natural selection thou stickboy.

**Big Smoothy** · 05-26-2004, 10:32 AM

I think some of these labels for Darwin award candidates result from the "sue-craziness" going on.

I remember the ladder company that had 11 warning stickers on how and what NOT to do with the ladder to keep it from falling, and the've been sued a bizzillion times.

**V Player** · 05-26-2004, 12:07 PM

Originally posted by Mr_Snafu
I think some of these labels for Darwin award candidates result from the "sue-craziness" going on.

OMG......finaly I can be civil with you and agree on something. I really hate not being able to do that with people. And that "Darwin Award candidate" thing was too funny, LMAO! Salute.

**Michael D** · 05-27-2004, 10:32 AM

I can't believe all of them but they were funny.

I think it is funny that some people have the capacity to realize how stupid people can be. I couldn't think of that stuff.

**kvyd** · 05-29-2004, 02:39 PM

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."

I acctually bought a package of nuts from a vending machine and on the label its says " produced in a facility that packages nuts"

**mousie** · 05-29-2004, 04:11 PM

Ya know...companies probably put those warnings on packages because:

1) to cover their asses because there are real idiots out there

and/or

2) someone has done it - and sued them because there wasn't a warning

**Mudge** · 05-29-2004, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by Robert DiMaggio

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Well there was the one guy who stuck a drill up his nose to get rid of an itch, and sued for 27 million I think it was. Yeah 5,000 RPM really belongs up your nose

**Chain Link** · 05-29-2004, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by Mudge

Well there was the one guy who stuck a drill up his nose to get rid of an itch, and sued for 27 million I think it was. Yeah 5,000 RPM really belongs up your nose

So I take it he didnt get rid of the itch?

People like that make wish companies could follow up cases like that when they win, and charge the person with criminal something something, and put the bastard in jail for 20 years, maybe disbar the lawyer too. Maybe its just me, but when I do something stupid and get hurt, I try to play it off and act like nothing happened. I cant see myself getting mad at someone because I misused their product. If he had been installing a screw through his brain on the other hand.. Well, the world would be a better place.

**Mudge** · 05-30-2004, 02:35 AM

I hope he didn't win but I'm not sure, I saw a photo of the aftermath though and it wasn't pretty.

If it tears through wood, it will probably tear through flesh

Some people.

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