Crono1000

So tit and I are babysitting her mental mother and spanish speaking grandmother. Her mother, demanding as she is, HAD to go to Winston-fucking-Salem, a tourist attraction 3 hours away where people dress up like colonial times and burn witches.

I enjoy driving so it wasn't that bad, but her mother talks so damn much and with so damn little to say. Me being the driver, I had to hear her constant babble on "Are we loooooooost?" "How much longer until we're there?" "Spenceeeeeeeeeer you're taking us the long way." "This is not the way to get there Spenceeeeeeer"

I was just wishing that she'd shut the fuck up and let me drive...

...mothers.

we left pretty late in the day so we get there an hour 1/2 before it closes and it was too late to buy tickets to do anything. Still, we walked around the places that didn't require a ticket for admission: the gift shops and the tavern. Surprisingly, even under these circumstances we still had a pretty OK time.

Driving back, about a quarter of the trip it strikes me I have to pee.

I decide, no I'll wait until halfway there, when we see the exit to the amusement park I used to work in, Carowinds, cuz I'm familiar with the place and it has nice bathrooms and we're only halfway there then and we need gas anyway.

At about this time I'm at exit 7. I'm at this point sweating pee. It's counting down to 1 and once it gets to 1 I'm only one mile from the exit. So I'm going yea, I can wait 7 or 8 more minutes.

The hard part was how the damn exit 6 felt as if was getting farther and farther away. I REALLY had to go!

I pull up to a gas pump and, the car being a rental, parked on the wrong side of the gas tank. I started to get back in the car but took a double take and gave the keys to tit and said "You take care of it, I have to pee!"

I go in, and that split second of a double take I took allowed a guy with two sons to get in front of me, all three having to pee. I don't care, I'll pee in the sink if I have to. I'll use the damn kids as a toilet for all I care.

But I didn't. There were two bathroom doors, one male and the other obviously female. There's a guy sitting behind the woman's door and peeking in every now and then to check on his two young girls (his daughters ya pervert, it's not like it was albob)

I try to go in with the other dad with the two sons, but I realize that it's a one person bathroom. It has a sink, a urinal, and the worlds shortest and longest toilet in the world (with no stall walls) all along the same wall. To pee in the toilet one would be standing in the middle of the room, and pee would be free falling until only about 1/2 to a whole foot off the ground. The urinal was right along the wall like any urinal, where one would be standing about a foot closer to the wall than if at the toilet itself

I can wait a few more minutes.

Shortly afterwards, this tank top wearing black dude comes up behind me in line and asks "Long line?"
From the appearance of an onlooker it would seem that way. Right in front of me was the guy checking up on his two girls. One would logically assume that he was waiting at the men's door but in fact the black guy was only second in line.

I said "Yeah, it's only for one person at a time."

Right after that, the guy comes out with his two boys and, trying to be graceful, pace myself to the bathroom. When in fact, I'm choking on pee.

I go in, run towards the toilet, and turn around for a split second to lock the door, but figure, the black dude's there and if anyone tried to get in he'd cut them off.

Again, a double take was my error.

I went straight to the toilet and not the urinal, needing as much room to fire as I could take, having already begun the "countdown" long before my zipper was down.

Finally, sweet glorious freedom. The preliminary tinkle on my pants was nothing to the relief I was having. Thank God I made it.

Then the black guy comes mosing on in.

WHAT?

He was barely acting like he had to pee. It's like he just wanted to show his wang off. I mean, c'mon, I love the oppurtunity to pull my wang out in public any chance I get too, but this is a black dude. I don't go parading to 5 year old boys how much bigger mine is, he shouldn't be wrapping his elephant dong around trees in front of some lil' white boy either.

I was honestly not that uncomfortable about it. It's just another dude it's no big deal. I've peed next to other guys in urinals before.

But this was slightly different. Urinals have some kind of wall and there's an unspoken agreement that the eyes stay on the road, and you're right next to the guy so if your eyes swerve a bit you're not gonna get too far without hunching over their shoulder.
This time I'm a few feet behind the guy and to the right, completely exposed to him. Wang out and all, I'm just flopping my dick in front of this stranger.

and I'm not afraid to admit I wasn't in my, best, condition at time. In all out fear of pissing myself, it kinda, went into shelter. It was hiding, playing some cruel game, not wanting to be blamed if I pissed myself.

The black guy is now moaning in relief. "Oh yeah, that's better... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" He now checks over his shoulder to see me there, "inching" my way to urinary bliss.

But although I was peeing when he first came in, I was still peeing when he left out.

And now, as he swings the door open as far as it can go, there's the dad again- with wide eyed 5 year old girl at his side.

dammit

That dad is gonna have a long talk with lil' Susie on that loooong ride home.

I quickly shift my glance away from the little girl trying to attract as little attention as possible. Sure I was holding myself while staring at a little girl, but I was only peeing.

I finish my business and as I'm leaving the dad gives me kind of a stern look. I then shift my glance away from the dad, over the little girl's head, and locked onto the next person in the line for the women's bathroom, Titanya's mother!

Admittedly, I don't know how long she was there. Did she witness what happened when the black dude swung the door open? Was I showing the goods to my own future mother in law- "this is where you're grandchildren are coming from WOOPEE!"

I can't say for sure. But I do know one thing, the car ride on the way home was a whole lot quieter in it's awkwardness. Then I realized, the magical negro had granted my wish.

Little Wing

Do you write for a living? You should this is great stuff.

"MUSCLE IS TRULY GUARANTEED IF YOU WILL HONESTLY work out to BE YOUR VERY BEST -

GO FOR IT!!! BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!!!!

Take Care, John H."

mousie

I think that I'm now dumber after reading this story.

<8(__)~~~~

Crono1000

thank you rockgazer. No I don't write for a living. In fact I've only just recently started reading books at all besides for school purposes. That reading has made me have lots of fun writing as well. Story telling seems to run in my blood though, my mother has always had great plots screaming to be in a novel but she's never written them. Plus, I'm from South Carolina, and having that long of a bloodline of Big Fish stories and making up "the one that got away" gives us hicks a fair ability at making shit up.

This is a true story though, happened last night.

I remember when I got out of the gas station the car hadn't been moved from the gas pump and still on the wrong side. Tit was just sitting there waiting for me, gave me this look, and said "I'm not gonna do it, you're the driver."

So I moved the car and again parked it on the wrong side of another gas pump.

got it right on the third try though

david

I have been on hiatus and I came back to this post! Nice, Cronno!!!

Crono1000

glad I could help, everyone seems to be showing back up after a long while, and I'm about to go on a (involuntary) vacation dammit. Am I the only one with no time during the summer?

great to see you back david, for now you're gonna have to be my connection with Florida until school starts again. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I can't wait for school again.

Little Wing

There is a book called Writers Market it's expensive but librarys carry them too I'm telling you this stuff you could sell Readers Digest uses a lot of short stuff like this and they pay big bucks and maybe you could use the $$$ to escape the Moms.

"MUSCLE IS TRULY GUARANTEED IF YOU WILL HONESTLY work out to BE YOUR VERY BEST -

GO FOR IT!!! BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!!!!

Take Care, John H."

maniclion

Listen Lil' Susie about the guy taking a leak
not all men are that small he's just a freak
do understand that sometimes it will shrink
but that guy had shrunk past the brink
of it being the size of a Vienna sausage link
and Susie make sure its pink
and not lime-green like that fink

"We are like tenant farmers chopping down the fence around our house for fuel when we should be using Natures inexhaustible sources of energy — sun, wind and tide. ... I'd put my money on the sun and solar energy. What a source of power! I hope we don't have to wait until oil and coal run out before we tackle that."
Thomas Edison: In conversation with Henry Ford and Harvey Firestone

Crono1000

Mudge

You guys need to see Victorian Guy's posts.

Kinesiology Comp Bench
MaxCalc Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

maniclion

Who is Victorian Guy?

"We are like tenant farmers chopping down the fence around our house for fuel when we should be using Natures inexhaustible sources of energy — sun, wind and tide. ... I'd put my money on the sun and solar energy. What a source of power! I hope we don't have to wait until oil and coal run out before we tackle that."
Thomas Edison: In conversation with Henry Ford and Harvey Firestone

david

I don't live in Central Florida....... but Freeman does!

Based on what you've said so far, I couldn't blame you for wanting school to start again!

myCATpowerlifts

thats some good shit crono

Mudge

I only know one of the boards he posts on, his work is or was archived at one site.

Kinesiology Comp Bench
MaxCalc Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

irontime

Ahhh Crono, you never cease to amaze me

If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
- Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)