KillerAbz

Dear Friends...






I know this is off topic but seeing as this is the most active forum now I thought more people might stop in to see it. I just wanted to say that my Marley (a yellow lab dog, my puppy, my entire world) may be truly slipping away right now. I write for anyone who has a dog who is loved so much and a part of the family, or one you had to put to sleep... I have no idea what happened with my little guy over here, but I came home to him lying in the grass like I've never seen before... I know some of you have gone through it, so I just wanted to say if you could just pray for my little guy that things will be alright. He is 12 years old but the energy of a pup, and has been so beautifully healthy until now (knock wood) so this has come out of no where. Of course I know, any pain, I know the right thing to do I want my Marley to be free of pain, I'll gladly take it on 40x over, but as long as he is alright I will be ok... just please think good thoughts for my little guy. He is downstairs now and I am taking him in early am tomorrow morning, so I have to get to bed early...




Just say a little prayer that he'll be alright. I'll try to stop in an update, but of course if not it will be in my diary... I am calm which is strange and strong despite the situation I am in now, so I know I just have to remain calm... I have to be strong for my little guy... I am upstairs now because writing is the escape for me now, so I can wait a bit and just write a little and it will help me get ready to settle in to sleep before I take him in the morning... distract me you know...

Just please keep my Marley in your hearts and prayers if you can... It would mean the world...

This boy is all I've got and has been with me through all the bad when no one else hung around. Totally alone but as long as I had my little guy there, all was alright and worth hanging in for, and now this... :/

I am certain many of you can relate. These little guys are our earth, our universe, they are there when we get our heart broken and have no one's shoulder to cry on, and they are there at night sleeping on your floor in a little blanket (well, I did for Marley...) - these are our babies for those who are alone.

Give your pawed babies a special kiss tonight or today wherever you are and ask them if they could send a special healing prayer to my Marley if you could ok, maybe it will work if enough do...

Thanks Guys... trying to be strong. I just pray my left works since it's been failing on me as of late, I need to lift Marley up and into the car, it's tough, but, I'll do it, no worries... I'll hop and get him there if I have to.

XO
Jamie Leigh... and Marley who is (I pray) asleep downstairs now, I will go check... then it's off to early am Hopewell, New Jersey vet... I should take the sp's now...

Jamie Leigh

http://www.jamieleigh.net

Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

"Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

Little Wing

oh I hope everything is okay. and please do let us know I will certainly keep you both in my heart and prayers. I have always had animals and there have been fearful times such as this that turned out fine. I hope that will be true here. much love , Marcia.

Little Wing

Any news? I belong to another forum n a girls cat seemed close to death and made an unexplained turn around... love and prayers, Marcia

Larva

oh babe, i hope everything is well with marley, i have been their before and its hard. so much love goes out to you, and marley

KillerAbz

5.30.04


Tick, tock, tick, tock...

Update 4:45 pm est:

Just a bit of another update...

I just went outside, filled up some water with ice cubes like Marley likes and brought it out there, just sat down on the sidewalk and let him drink, he was extraordinarily thirsty and just kept drinking and drinking and drinking, I was so happy to see him doing that, it's the littlest simple thing but compared to yesterday, wow, I can't tell you how that made me feel to see him drink... it was incredible. I took some pieces of wheat bread and just crumpled them up a bit and fed them to him straight from my palm, that way it's easier on his neck and he doesn't need to bend down at all, and he ate them all, again, I was so so happy. The pills which are quite large that the vet gave me this morning are supposed to last the next few days or so, a half two dimes a day, I smooshed into the bread and he ate it, I made extra sure... then he walked down the back a bit, it's a beautiful sunny day here in New Jersey now, around 4:19 pm and he went to the bathroom (number one, no more details I promise....) and then I helped him walk back. His legs just aren't working so I just walked with him the entire way and back, but from yesterday to today you know, incredible improvement, so perhaps the little pill and the shot the doctor gave him early this morning is to thank and of course that is only temporary, but rest assured Tuesday I will do what I have to and call that place out there in PA and get any information I need.... I just keep praying and praying, writing here, just trying to be silly a bit, he's down resting in the playroom I put some music on for him, a radio station on the television, it is peaceful so I know he'll love that and fall asleep, that's the point, then that goes off and the news comes on so I will head down and check on him in an hour or so from now... I just leave him and pray he is resting... inside I hope it's a bit quieter than yesterday, rest for him is best I know, not like his big sister, I am a horrible example when it comes to sleep and proper care I know... but, he comes first.

You know, all you out there with your babies whether they be a tropical parrot, a deer, a horse, a monkey (yes I have friends who have monkeys, they are adorable and so caring and loving, little fish, big fish, lizards with rough bumpy scales, dogs, an animal to adopted or saved from a shelter... whatever it is... they are our family, so my heart is with you all... these guys bring us something no human being can...) All us animal lovers out there, a few of these below are Mar Mar when he had the OTHER tumor removed, and to some miracle from above beat cancer, totally gone... an alien just like his big sister... ;-) But you can see where the surgery was... if this one this time around goes fourth which I will be strong and pray, it's on the inside this time and the size of a softball... I must tell you all, I looked at the x-tray and was just silent, totally silent, you could hear a pin drop... there was the sound of a few of the other puppies brought in who weren't doing so well barking in the backround and I heard that rusty cage sound with their paws hitting it you know? Brought back some memories of (I do all I can for animals around the world, shelters, I promote it through my website, ANYTHING AT ALL, find them all good homes, abused...etc.) and I remember being at those horrible kill shelters and seeing those eyes looking back at me as I walked the isles... the cages were so so small, they could barely stand, and man, that's all it took. I am dedicating my life to doing ALL I CAN for those guys, for these guys for MARLEY... until my last breath, you all have my word on this. I'll never stop doing all I can. Never.



Again, thank you for your love friends, truly appreciate that and continued thoughts... all of your animals if you have any are so lucky to have you as family and confidants... I mean that. That's all they need. I'll be back again with another update real soon.

9:24 am est: Just got back in. Well good and bad news friends... they found a tumor (another one) quite large in his belly, so I will call fthing Tuesday make the appointment for an ultrasound like they do to pregnant women when they have babies and drive him out to Pennsylvania so they can check it. It's the Veterinary Specialty & Emergency Center 1900 W.Old Lincoln Highway in Langhorne, PA. I have no idea where this is nor how to get there, but of course, I'll figure it out, no problems. If it's just fluid they can operate and take it out and he'll be alright, he'll stay overnight in the hospital I believe or it may take a few days I am not certain. He may be getting older but he won't be in pain which is wonderful... if not, well then I will deal with it then...


But my suspicion turned out to be accurate. Not to pat myself on the back, but to this day I have never once been wrong. I felt this way when Lady Diana was killed. They said after the accident that she had hurt her leg and injured a side of her head badly but in my heart I knew she had died and left this planet already. In a way I was glad, it had gotten to be suffocation much like I am experiencing right now on a much smaller scale of course. But, suffering is suffering, pain is pain, there is no need to compare nor contrast, everyone is different. I feel things like that however and sense them. Call it an artists esp, you know it if you have it. It's a haunted organ not of human means but some other means that is alive in your heart and soul from the moment you acknowledge it. It's a conscience from somewhere else, above, I have no idea, but it's there and it will make itself known to you somehow somewhere. Much like artists when they create, their creations come from some other place beyond and the artist is simply the funnel that finally leaks it out, but you have no control over it. I never do. If you feel it nudging you on your shoulder and telling you to move or respond, you do and just see wherever it leads and pray it comes out in a form of truth, innovation, humility, and meaning. I'm getting so off focus here...

With Marley this morning now and how he is. I don't want to say much because it's pointless at this point, but I found out just in the nick of time to see what had happened and make my theory proven in fact to be complete truth just as I had initially suspected. I get a piercing gut feeling in the pit of my stomach when something isn't right, I have moments where I see things in the future before they happen as well as things that have already happened that I wasn't present for. Almost as if certain moments throughout history and time are embedded in you and you are able to literally transport yourself back in time or ahead to get certain notions or feelings. It's not delusional, it's truth. Others hearing it of course when they hear this talk will want to run straight away and take me off with the men in the white coats, but that is human nature. Many simply don't understand, it's as simple as that.


I've always felt that those people in this society whom are considered "crazy" or "freaks" are the most humble, honest, compassionate people left. They are my hope and they are ones with which I have found a kinship with. The vulnerable, the abandoned, the sick, the dying, the orphaned, the outkast, the animals, the silenced, they know who they are. But those names have never been far from my own capacity that's for certain. Again, something that never bothers me in the least, I welcome it. Call it insanity, eccentricity, voo doo, whatever you want to characterize me or as or name me, I have it and it's both a blessing and a curse, but I'm telling you - I felt this one strong. Marley was doing just fine the last few weeks and the moment I am away for a few hours it happened. I suspected the lady who lives here gave him some human medication because they had done it in the past when I wasn't here behind my back, and warned them not to do it again, but alas, can you imagine, they did... they did it again. They are very intent on having Marley be put to sleep because their own health phobias and fears interject constantly and when they give up they feel Marley should as well. It's such a frightening enviornment if you were here, so of course I can't be with Marley every moment of the day, especially now, but just imagine I go for a few hours and it happens yet again. But that's the past, they found that medicine in the stomach and flushed it out. The concentration now is on that tumor in the tummy which I'll see what happens, but until then he should be feeling alright for now.

So today, pretty good. I drove him there all by myself out to Hopewell, lifted him up (thank god I am a strong girl, these muscles do come in handy for something, see Madonna aint the only woman who can make those muscular arms look appealing, they serve a purpose!) he got an x-ray on his belly, they gave him a shot to ease the pain and help him rest rest a bit. We were the only two people in there. I didn't bother to sleep at all, the sleeping pills came and passed and I remained awake. Then I GOT HIM TO EAT WHICH WAS WONDERFUL, the doctor couldn't even do that, they gave me some pills for a few days until he feels alright but of course that is just temporary. He is down now resting and sleeping, so Tuesday before I go to my destination I will call and set that up and pray he holds on until then... But thinking like Peter in HOOK and like Michael told me on the telephone... THINK GOOD THOUGHTS JL, GOOD GOOD THOUGHTS. Your heart may be in pain and your spirit suffering and you may have a leg that just aint workin right now, but you gotta be strong for him. You have to hang in there. Come to think of it, as I write this the leg was starting to truly hurt me again like nothing you can imagine. It's nothing. Once I find out what happens with Marley I will deal with me and most likely get that shot straight into my muscle and pray that heals it.

To Mr. Tony Blanchet of Splash News, next time be more discreet, hiding in a bush isn't something that will do much good for your poison ivy, especially at this time of the year in New Jersey.

I was ordered to put Dangerous in because it's healed other things in the past and I know Marley adores that record, and I am back and will try to focus and write and get some work done, and of course I know when an artist discovers that their music is quieting even a little bit of pain it's the inspiration to keep going despite how crushed you are, thus my position here and my humanitarian dreams. So, hanging on folks. Perhaps this seems odd, but I feel a surge of strength right now all of a sudden, like the old JL (pardon the third person, but I am sure you understand the intent in that...) is still inside somewhere deep waving a little flame telling me it's still in there and not to give up. Will it resurface and prove everyone who doubted and judged wrong? Only time will tell, until then, sit tight world. I might start raising myself and truly starting my birth a few years from now, and that just might be the way it will be, so we'll see what happens.

Back to work, work, and more work, nothing to celebrate now, but praying and hoping is the least I can do. I'll die another day and delay my pleasures for when my life is truly destined to begin, it's clearly not now and that's just fine.



Jamie Leigh Posted Within The Woods Of New Jersey ; LETTERS FROM YOU / EDITORIALS ; Join The JL Mailing List For Exclusives ; AOL IM at handle: xAnAmericanGrrlx ; The Official Jamie Leigh Fanclub ; [ CAFE SHOP AND STORE. Please support and help spread the word and messages behind them. ] ; Wishlist



5.29.04 | Marley may now be truly slipping...

Dear Friends,

I am not important. I can sustain any elements of pain, I'll be stronger than you can imagine. Even if I have to wait 50 years to even experience some element of happiness, it won't even matter, I come second.

Marley is slowly slipping away. Today he was lying on the grass, all legs spread out just laying there. I got back late, I drove in the car the moment I heard and despite being in the state I am in, refused to turn into some weak lamb. I may be in greater pain and have lost the only things I've ever known dear to me, and this one may be the last, but I refuse to play the part of the lamb, not now, no way. Consider the unbreakable JL back and in full force, for Marley I'll do anything, and the same goes for anyone out there that I love who is in pain. Nothing stops me.

So, again, Marley may be slipping away. It's ironic that the week I was here with him alone in this place he was doing phenomenal, and then when the two people who've already caused enough abuse on their own return he suddenly collapses. Can we say a sign from above? If Marley is in pain, we'll see what happens. All I know is that I am at such a breaking point emotionally now, and being alone as I have always been ever since I was a bitty kid, now is not the time to be that weak little lady - I am needed, and as long as I am needed, I will fight. I may not fight for myself, but when it comes to him, he's all I've got at this point, so I have to be strong, but I'll tell you, inside I am all black.

So tomorrow morning (nothing else matters) I will leave early am which is simple since I don't sleep anymore anyhow in this place, and I will take him to the vets. We'll see what happens. I refuse to believe anything until I know facts and the people here don't care for anyone but themselves, so thank god I am in charge. I will see what happens. All I can say is please god let Marley be alright, don't take the only thing that is keeping me hanging on over here in this place away from me - at least not yet. But, I will be strong, I will suck it all in, and I will do whatever it takes. I sat with him on the grass, he wasn't looking at me in my eyes, that's how I sense something is truly bad, but how, how can it happen in a day like that when the "other" people at this place arrive back and I leave his side for one moment? One moment so I can go away to cry a bit and this happens. If he is in great pain I know what to do, but I know my Marley, he's like his big sis - he's Jamie Leigh Jr... so we'll see, us aliens just don't give in like that, no way. But, you can rest assured I will be there bright and early tomorrow, and stay there, sit there, all alone as usual in my isolation and wait until I see what they say. This is my little brother, the only thing I've ever had and this. It's been pouring for a while, but now is not the time, I can do that when I know all I care for are alright, even if that means I have to come last and wait a few hundred years or so or even not start until another life.

So, Marley is downstairs sleeping. I am up here. I will take my sleeping pills and just pray my left leg works tomorrow and doesn't suddenly give out as it's been doing this past month. I need to stand and will carry him, thank god I am a muscular girl.

I came back and he was just on the other side of the deck just laying there... totally silent with his head down... he never sleeps down there on the grass like that... never. It was just creepy, sad, scary, but I was calm, what's left you know? It's me myself and I in this enviornment right now, everyone else has fled and are long gone, so... just talk to myself, no problem, so be it. It's time like these where I just wish I had one person who understood me and what this all means be here you know, just in some form, I think that would make it a bit easier, just one. None of those silly stories that people believe and write, the lies that people create out of confusion or misunderstanding, none of those crazy ideas from people who have never sat in front of me and spoke to my eyes one on one, but someone who has seen me and knows my heart and has literally felt it. It's incredible what people will believe never going directly to the source. It's the world we live in. People assume and judge and they've never met nor spoken with you one on one, but it's fine, I accept that it comes along with the territory. So, I will be strong, I will limp into that place, I will crawl if I have to, I'll do it, period. It's the Hopewell Vet I believe out here in New Jersey, yes, I will there tomorrow morning dawn, and back whenever. I will gladly put aside my humanitarian dreams and seemingly hopeless conquests until a later date. This is what matters, without this little guy I am done, I'm done. I must now officially transform into robot Jamie Leigh for the next few days to see what happens, it's auto-pilot, I've never had the proper chance to be silly because of things like this ever since I was bitty again, and the abuse, and always having to stand up alone, so I will gladly take the reigns and expect absolutely nothing of anyone else, and that is the best thing to do. I know my Marley Boi would be proud of me... I gotta be strong for him, I can't be the lady in pain now.



Jamie Leigh Posted Within The Woods Of New Jersey ; LETTERS FROM YOU / EDITORIALS ; Join The JL Mailing List For Exclusives ; AOL IM at handle: xAnAmericanGrrlx ; The Official Jamie Leigh Fanclub ; [ CAFE SHOP AND STORE. Please support and help spread the word and messages behind them. ] ; Wishlist

Jamie Leigh

http://www.jamieleigh.net

Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

"Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg

greekblondechic

Awwwwww *big hugs and a prayer for you and marley hon*

I can do it

I WILL be a size 5.

Dale Mabry

2 stories...

My dog that my family got when I was in high school just died, she was 14, just old age. It was for the best.

2nd Story, one of my friends' dog was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, exact same symptoms. they told her that it got into the lymph system and she would die within 6 months. 2 years and 3 operations later, she is still alive and the happiest little dog, even though she is 13. She still has cancer and once she is in pain, my friend will put her down. You cannot tell the future, so don't try, Marley could be around for much longer than you think.

If sense were common, everyone would have it.

4/2007-Current 75th Ranked most popular image 1 spot behind Prince's bulge...

KillerAbz

Thank you for the continued thoughts and "stories" everyone...

...

Rung up the Dr. again last night, seemed incredibly hopeful so, he is staying there as long as need be and I will just call to check up and keep praying, nothing more to do. Just relax, calm down, think good good thoughts, and send as much love their ways. I put my trust in the doctor and I know at least one "evil mass" was taken out in the operation, the spleen, so that is a wonderful thing to know because like I said earlier, had I waited even minutes later, my Marley boi wouldn't be here... so that is OUT OF HIS little yellow body, so that's at least one great relief...

...but, the other teeny things and waiting now in patience is what's truly critical. I'll check in again later on, I myself need some much needed rest, I am sure I won't get it though, I'll dance around and play some music... lol...

Jamie Leigh

http://www.jamieleigh.net

Write me at jamieleighdotnet@hotmail.com

"Nothing gives me more pleasure now than being able to love and help those in our society who are vulnerable. If I can contribute a little something, then I am more than content."

http://www.jamieleigh.net/new2.jpg