Thread: ERNIE TAYLOR's mental BREAKDOWN!

The following is a true story.

I had inside information that Ernie Taylor was looking to shoot a bodybuilding video. I acted quickly, having always wanted to direct a pro's video and make them world-famous! I contacted Ernie, and told him that I was a well-established amateur film-maker, and was also currently working with Lou Ferrigno on a documentary on his life. I lied, but so what?

Ernie agreed to meet with me at a grungy gym in London where he trains from time to time. We shook hands, I pointed to the rented video equipment, and went over my ideas for his video, which I wanted to title 'Ernie Taylor: TAKING CHARGE!'. He liked the ideas I presented, about making a truly HARD-CORE video.
Nobby, my chauffeur and training partner, was on hand.

We went through some exercises, but the intensity just wasnt there. "Look, Ernie, see that man by the water cooler? He is a paid actor, hired by me for the video. Go over and shove him out the way, and show everyone how Ernie TAKES CHARGE!!" I yelled. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't go shoving blokes about..." Ernie protested. I grabbed him by the shoulders, and, in a low but steadily rising voice won him over- "Listen, Ernie, people don't want to see Ernie Taylor the gentlemen...now stop being a little girl and show em how being huge means being IN BLOODY FUCKING CHARGE!!!"
Ernie walked over with his water bottle and shoved the man out the way. The middle-aged fellow he pushed went sprawling to the floor, and, scrambling to his feet, began begging Ernie not to hurt him, then turned and fled from the gym. "He didn't look like he was acting to me!" Ernie protested. "Listen, Ernie, that fellow is currently doing 'Hamlet' at the Globe Theatre...playing..er..the role of, ahm, Yorick...he is just staying in character, even off stage, as REAL actors do" I lied. Ernie bought it!

Next it was time for some heavy-duty work.
This time, brothers, Nobby would be Ernie's partner.
With Nobby working out with and spotting him, Ernie went through some bar-bending, screaming, 7 plates a side sets of squats. Then it was on to barbell curls. Nobby loaded up an E-Z bar with 3 45s on each side, handed it to Ernie, and began screaming, five times louder than Dorian's partner in the 'Blood and Guts' video-"ROOOIIIGHT THEN! LOADED MAGAZINES....TAKE FOOKIN CHAAAHHGE...SQUUUEEEZZZEE!" With that, he smacked Ernie in the head to get him psyched up. Ernie completed 8 reps, screaming in agony, and when he tried to give up, Nobby punched him in the face, giving him that extra boost of intensity to complete 4 more reps before dropping the bar and collapsing to the gym floor, groaning. Nobby seized the bar, and curled it 30 times before tossing it aside in disgust, snarling "That was fookin nuffin!" in his heavy, cockney accent.

Just then, a teenager came over and interrupted us to get Ernie's autograph. I spun round, picked up the little twerp, and threw him across the gym. He hit the mirror on the wall, smashing it, and fell to into a bloody, broken heap on the floor. "Next time someone interrupts I'll fucking KILL THEM!!" I roared. Just then Ernie's cellphone rang and he answered it "Hi, Mom...yes I'm finishing up...see you soon..." he managed to say, before I kicked the cellphone out of his hand. "LET'S TRAIN!" I screamed. "Hey, look mate, that was my bloody mother...and what the hell did you throw that kid for?" Ernie was getting angry. "Fine, Ernie, my apologies" I offered, fearing he was about to walk out on the video shoot.

Nobby was spotting Ernie on a set of wrist curls with 315 pounds, when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a woman's voice. "Excuse me, could you tell Ernie.." was all the woman got out before I EXPLODED in rage, spun around, and clotheslined her so hard she went flying out of her shoes and landed on the floor with a bone-crushing smack. Then I ran over, screaming, and kicked her in the ribs, lifting her off the floor with the force of my boot. I noticed then she was an elderly black woman. Oh well...she shouldnt be sticking her nose into other people's video shoots!
I turned to see Ernie, standing in front of me, his eyes open wide, his voice shaking. "Th--th--that was my MOTHER!" he screamed, then he started trembling, and finally his mind snapped. He seized an E-Z curl bar, and came at me like a maniac! I turned and ran, ducking his swings, any one of which would have been fatal had they connected with my skull...I would have handled him, brothers, but I don't like to harm the mentally deranged, nor did I want my Marlboro-man good looks compromised by a blow from a curlbar.

Ernie chased me around the gym, swinging the bar. I used a personal trainer and various gym members as human shields, but he smashed them aside in his crazed mission to destroy your humble narrator! Finally, his rampage was ended when Nobby managed to hit him over the head with his motorbike chain, knocking him out! Nobby and I quickly packed up the video equipment, loaded it into the trunk of the Rolls Royce parked out front, and drove off from the scene of disaster, laughing, as a police tactical unit and several police cars arrived at the gym!

As for Ernie Taylor- the man needs help. He needs meds, I think, to curb his sociopathic tendencies!

-Victorian Guy

I do not believe a word of that.