Thread: Sick Jokes

ha ha, thats funny stuff.. incredibly disturbing but funny..lol

thought this was good

awww, look what you did to my leather seats honey!! your gonna havbe to lick that up.. ha ha

Originally Posted by supertech

LMFAO!! Sooo the best ever..

Okay, this is kinda cheezy.

G.W. Bush and Dick Channey go to a diner for dinner. The waitress comes over to take their order. G.W. asks, "I would like to have a quickie." The waitress slaps G.W. in the face and runs away. And Dick says, "I believe the word you were looking for is quiche."

ha ha

A man walks into a pet store and sees a parrot with no feet. But he is still sitting on a pirch. The man asks himself outloud, "How does he do that?" And the parrot tells him opening his wings, "I have to keep my self had down below so I don't fall."

"WOW! You talk!", the man says surprised.

"Yeah, yeah. Tell the owner that you will give him $50 to take me home."

At the house, the man comes home from work and the parrot signals him over.

"Hey, I saw your wife have an afair with the mail man."

The man looked worried, "What happened?"

"She was wearing a sheer neglage. I saw it all! He heled her close licked her all over from her brests to her pussy!"

The man was about ready to cry, "Oh no! What happened next?"

"I don't know. I got a hard on and fell off my perch!"

Originally Posted by supertech

That reminds me! Time for some more Wacko Jacko stuff.

Q: Have you heard about the sale at Wallmart?

A: Boy's underwear. Half off.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson love 26 year olds?

A: Theres 20 of them.

Here's one I heard last week, more of a fake funny story, but still funny.
So my buddy John turned 21 last weekend, and I thought we'd take him up to the bar and get him totally sloshed. We go up to the counter and before I get a chance to order, John orders himself 21 shots of tequila for his 21st birthday. We're like dud are you stupid or do you have a death wish, but he continues to drink shot after shot. The night progresses and I lose sight of John, I look back at the bar for him, and he's gone. We check everywhere for him and finally go out to the parking lot, and his car's gone too. We go to his house and see his car parked on the front lawn. I walk in and I find him sitting on his sink and shaking his head at the floor. I said are you allright dude, he's like I blew chunks in the corner about 10 minutes ago. Im like well you'll have that after 21 shots of tequilla. He then looks me straight in the eye and says, Sean man you don't understand, Chunks is my dog.

Here's another cornier one real quick.
A young man and an old man walk into a bar.
The young man sits next to the old man
the old man turns to the young man and says
"I just screwed your mother last night boy"
The young man says, "Dad you're drunk, let's go home".

Here's one I heard in the Marines, only to find out everyone in Michigan already knew it except me:
A marine is going away for a 6 month float, he is worried that his wife won't be faithful to him while he is away. He asks one of his buddies what to do, and his buddy tells him to get her a dildo. He goes to the sex store and asks about what the best dildos are, and the clerk tells him that they have one in stock called voodoo dick and all you have to do to use it is say voodoo dick and give it a comand on what to do and it will do whatever you tell it. So he gives it to his wife and she tries it out, and she says, voodoo dick do my pussy, and it flies out and goes to work. Well he leaves, and she decides to give it a whirl again, and says voodoo dick my pussy, and it does it's job, but now she can't get it to stop. She decides she needs to drive to the hospital to get it out, and on her way she was speeding and got pulled over by a cop. The cop says "what's the problem maam." She's says officer it's voodoo dick it won't stop, The officer then replies "Voodoo dick my ass."